Narrator 1: Insane Main Character
Narrator 2: Sane Main Character
Margôt: Sane Supporting Character At Breaking Point
Cédric: Sane Supporting Character Who’s A Little Left Out
Director: Director Who Fails at Saving the Play
NOTES: Narrator 1 and 2 should be of the same gender; boy and boy/girl and girl. Director may be played by same actor/actress as Narrator 1 and 2, Margôt, and Cédric.
(Stage – Day. Fake grass covering floor, cardboard cut-out trees/general vegetation. Narrator 1 is already in the center when the curtains open.)
Narrator 1 (speaks drowsily): Once upon… a time… (stumbles and passes out onto ground; loud thump)
(Narrator 2 comes out from backstage on stage right, poking head out hesitantly before stepping out)
Narrator 2: H-hey, uh… Are you okay? Cat got your tongue?
(Narrator 2 crouches, pokes Narrator 1 in the stomach. They groan, then suddenly open their eyes wide open, flitting around, alert)
Narrator 1 (whispers): Are they here?
Narrator 2: What? No. Who’s “they?”
Narrator 1 (even quieter): The demons.
(Narrator 2 stands and helps Narrator 1 up)
Narrator 2: Okay, sure. (whispers) Act like nothing happened. We have a play to do!
(Narrator 2 leaves stage right, and Narrator 1 stands still, staring blankly at the audience)
Narrator 1 (snaps back to reality): Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Margôt, who was the princess of a kingdom not far, far away, and wanted to marry her father, y’know, like most children.
(Margôt skips onto stage from the left. She stops, hand over forehead as if searching for something. Narrator 1 sees her, and they start to shriek in terror)
Narrator 1 (high-pitched, screaming): AAAAAH! AAAAAH! It’s him! Help me! Get it away from me! (stumbles, and starts crawling backwards from Margôt)
Margôt: Is this part of the script? (laughs nervously)
(Narrator 2 bursts onto stage from the right)
Narrator 2: Dude! Calm down! The audience is gonna leave!
Narrator 1 (high-pitched, screaming): Nooooo!!!
(Narrator 2 grabs Narrator 1, holding them back from the arms as they try to fight back, but eventually wrestles them to the ground, Narrator 2 now sitting on their stomach to pin them down)
Narrator 2: They aren’t real! Come back to me! (slaps; loud smack)
Narrator 1 (blinks in surprise a few times, time in between each blink. Whispers): I forgot to get off stage… (gets off the floor and exits stage left)
Narrator 2 (whispers, exasperated): (sighs, with hand over forehead while shaking head for duration of line) My god, every single freaking time. I tell [him/her], and I tell [him/her], but [he/she] never listens! I swear, if this… (goes on until off stage, or cuts off early)
(Margôt is stood still, shocked, but continues)
Margôt (stutters first sentence): (still looking around) O-oh dear, oh d-dear! Where is my home? My kingdom full of slaves from Egypt? It seems I cannot find it!
(Young boy comes on from stage right with bouquet of flowers in hand with big, red “H-E-B” sticker)
Cédric: M’lady! My love! I have finally found you! (holds out bouquet dramatically, right under Margôt’s nose) We must elope immediately!
Margôt: (recoils) Ew! You’re my age and not even related! Disgusting!
Cédric: But I love you! I picked these flowers straight out of the plastic bucket at H-E-B, with my bare hands! (grabs her shoulders in a way to persuade) Please, we must!
Margôt: (tries to push Cédric off) N-
(Narrator 1 interrupts, sprinting onto stage from the right, tackling Cédric to the ground)
(Margôt has stunned expression on her face)
Narrator 1 (screaming): Get off of her! Go away! I’ll kill you for everything you’ve done to me! (claws Cédric wildly)
(Narrator 2 comes back on stage from right)
Narrator 2 (yelling): Stop it! (tears Narrator 1 off Cédric, arms holding theirs)
Narrator 1: (keeps kicking and fighting, but slowly stops; pants) Awwwww, you’re hugging me? How sweet! (hugs Narrator 2 awkwardly)
Narrator 2: Sure…
(Margôt throws princess crown on floor)
Margôt: Okay, I’m done! I have had enough of this… this madness! (points to Narrator 1, looking at Narrator 2) Why did you EVER think it was a good idea to bring [him/her]?! Half the audience has left! My own parents left!
Narrator 2: (still holding Narrator 1) [He/She] told me [he/she] got a thera-
Margôt (interrupts): If [he/she]’s THIS mentally ill (points again), how could you think a therapist could fix it?!
Cédric: Yeah, I almost died!
Narrator 1 (whispers): (looks up at Narrator 2) Is this improv? What happened?
Narrator 2 (whispers back): Don’t worry about it.
Narrator 2 (to Margôt): Look, I’m sorry, but [he/she] didn’t mean any harm. If you just got to know [him/her], you’d understa-
Margôt (interrupting): I don’t want to associate myself with any lunatics!
(Narrator 1 widens eyes suddenly, and starts trying to escape Narrator 2’s hold)
Narrator 1 (shrieking): No! No!! It’s a monster! (louder) Monster! Help! Let me go!!!
Narrator 2: Okay, (louder) okay! Calm down! We’re leaving. (drags backstage to the right, Narrator 1 still kicking and screaming)
Margôt: Come on, Cédric. We’re leaving, too. Director [director name] can take care of the audience.
(saunters off stage left, dragging Cédric by the wrist)
Cédric: Uh, o-okay. Whatever you say…
Director [director name]: (visible sweat; muffled screams throughout the whole end of play) T-thank you very much e-everyone for coming to our play! (wipes forehead with arm) It truly has been an honor. I hope this, uh, make-b-believe spectacle sticks with you well. Have a g-good day! (whispers to self) That wasn’t make-believe…