Remembering Mind's Change

Remembering Mind’s Change
24-1-15

It’s been three years and 21 colourful days since I last sliced myself on purpose. Yes, an anniversary not so many talk about, but an anniversary nevertheless. I chose to finally listen to what all said: I didn’t need it, I could cope without it, it was getting worse and I would surely die should it happen again. I had wanted to die, that was what the final slice was about, death, but instead of that day being an anniversary my family would fear it is now a day I can rejoice.

Having moved along my path and gotten the help I needed I can now see that, even though each year gets harder to resist instead of easier, I can resist. I can choose to pack away the knives with the other cutlery and not let them linger across my palm. I can choose to then walk from the kitchen to another room and start another activity. I can choose – I have changed.

So it is with trembling, with fear and joy, that I come to commemorate January 3 each year. The turning point on a very rocky road to a very dark place.

Long may I live and long may January 3rd be a reminder of the power of my mind and the power of change.