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About Literature / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Alia BethFemale/United States Group :iconthesimulacrum: TheSimulacrum
Keep your verse terse
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Deviant for 6 Months
6 Month Core Membership
Statistics 47 Deviations 312 Comments 1,423 Pageviews

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Shotgun Wedding
We created this mistake out of teenage fervor,
         childish peer pressure and mild attraction;
         placing the future on a chopping block
         and trading tomorrow for today
but this is our chance to make it right,
         an obligation to the next generation
                        So, put on your game face,
                        pretend that it’s poker,
                        and tell me it’s love
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 11 3
We were fluid in our quarrels
         shifting currents building into tidal waves
         parallel and perpendicular and every angle in between
breaking on each rock that jumped in our way
until we had no choice but to catch fire and sink
         I loved you like saltwater,
              floating through the ecstasy
         You loved me like rainwater,
              meant to extinguish the flames
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 55 6
I am staring down the stretch of a white picket fence,
         straddling the edge between heaven and hell,
         trying to compare the individual shades of green.
but the only difference is the concentration of blue and yellow,
         the distinction of when I want to suffer:
         in life or in death.
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 25 5
Bartender, please be my catholic priest
and forgive me for I have sinned
         I had a shark problem
                   born before the marital storm
                   lurking in the depths, waiting to become a tragedy
         but marriage is about compromise, not leniency;
                   it requires a little give and take
                   and I took a lot, too much
         I sacrificed her flesh to my demons,
                   spreading blood through the creases of my palms
                   to feed the monsters just beneath the surface
I killed my bride for good luck
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 23 7
I have existed forever
         microscopic particles shifting
         from one configuration
                             to another
and I am not afraid of dying
         organic molecules decaying
         from mass to energy
                             then back again
I am never created nor destroyed
just always forgetting what I was before
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 26 6
I loved you--
                   at least, as much as a desert can love the rain:
         begging for relief from the torrid sun
         and knowing the flood would still hurt the same
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 20 5
I wonder if he loves me
when he holds me tight
and chases the rabbit from my heart
                [its fur is soft, purple and midnight
                and my flesh bursts above its pressure]
But I know he loves me
when he kisses my lips
and places the barrel against my heart
                [its target is cold, hollow and broken
                and my flesh relaxes beneath its force]
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 16 6
They are lycaens --
           delicate butterflies that float
           the fragile line between light and dark,
                                              life and death
           nocturnal worshippers of the goddess Nyx;
                       trading in sacrifices
                       while dancing around the starfires
Their only rule:
                       never betray your own blood.
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 12 3
We coexist in hallucinations
unaware that experience is biased
and reality is a fickle thing
                   intangible thoughts and subjective memories
                   all broken into shared fragments
                   with a different perspective along each edge

         But death only cares that we existed at all
         not that our existence was ever real
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 15 7
I am haunted--
         these specters chase impulses across my sleeping synapses,
         carrying things far worse than any nightmare;
         memories of transgressions better left buried in the backyard,
         six feet below the dog bones and roses that you worshipped
I am hunted--
         I gasp to fill my lungs with more borrowed time
         but am left swallowing my tongue and choking on your name;
         decades of guilt have stripped my mind of its sanity,
         leaving it too worn to form the words of a confession
You deserved better than to be just another missing runaway.
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 16 3
Hubble's Law
I carry my mistakes like moons
in orbit around my soul --
           dusty specks that find their way into every orifice
           and cover the light in filth
But you are the universe
laying claim to the emptiness --
           expanding yourself to create room for the dirt to shed
           until we’re free from space and time
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 21 5
One plus one equals two --
         except when it doesn’t.
Like when one mistake happens with one person
but breaks three hearts while creating a fourth
and spirals into a lifetime of reminders
         it is exponential and expands accordingly
         until the entire world feels the damage
                   maybe not today, but someday
         and it still doesn’t equal two
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 20 6
My heart was once the Santa Maria
         ready to conquer the waves
         and explore the unknown
         until it crashed in rocky waters
But you salvaged the scraps
         shaping beauty from the wreckage
         and carving a love letter into the bones
         until it stood steady enough to hold its own
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 13 7
She's holding her heart like the eye of the storm: 

                     calm and patient, 
                                               between two beats 
         waiting for the second wave 
         to break the flood gates 
         and drown her in the wake 
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 18 5
You insist that I keep my presence quiet -- 
         so I am the flutter in your belly 
         braiding your stomach into knots 
         and burning ulcers into the lining 

                                           and I have discovered that, 
                                           if I bleed a little faster, 
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 19 10
My flesh is shrinking-- 
         holding on to the words
         that rest at the back of my throat 
         just to keep your taste on my tongue 

                           the ache in my chest 
                           is destroying every particle, 
                           bleeding me thin and worn

My body is folding-- 
:iconlycaenyx:Lycaenyx 13 1

Random Favourites

Inktober2018 - #5 Alice: Madness Returns by MaddGirlz3761 Inktober2018 - #5 Alice: Madness Returns :iconmaddgirlz3761:MaddGirlz3761 24 12
what does it take to kill a part of me?
if i burnt my identity into my skin,
would you still love me?
there's a fine line between shivering
         [and shattering]
from the flittering fingers of the wind or
the dark depths of my mind telling me the truth.
[will you tell me the truth?]
i'm becoming constricted inside
this cage,
         this weight,
                          this -
i'm trapped inside of myself.
the key slipped between the gaps of one thought
and the next - dissolving into darkness.
        [i'm reaching for it
           but i'm afraid i'll dissolve along with it.]
i'm stuck halfway between
wanting to be perfect and wishing i could just
release my heart in the way it is comfortable with.
         [i'm caught halfway between you and me.]
i'm trying to lie to myself,
but the iridescent images keep surfacing out of the dark
:icona-nothing-girl:a-nothing-girl 17 6
an existantial crisis in the 21st century
how are you?
oh, I'm fine
     (or -
   no, that's
          not quite right,
                  my friends
               feel worse than I do)
you feel empty?
well, I know this
black hole, y'know?
her void is contagious
and inescapable
(really, the fact you're even
complaining is kinda, uh,

when you're something so solid,
a sack of skin filled with blood
and bones that can be hugged)
you feel worthless?
haven't you heard,
that's no reason
to be sad anymore!
we're all collections
of outdated currencies
(and there's nothing special
about your brand of sadness
:iconmiserabel:miserabel 4 7
i keep digging this hole
and it keeps filling back up,
sand and water churning
in the darkness.
i choke on the sand
as it engulfs me
a sarcophagus lost
in a grainy sea,
and the more i struggle,
the more i sink.
the fight has eroded me
into a stranger.
i am half inclined
to slip beneath the fault lines
and lay down with the fossils
for good.  
:iconwizardhowl10001:WizardHowl10001 9 3
to the sea, dandelion. to the sea.
take me to the sea,
peel back the gelatinous night
& scrape dandelion seeds from my tongue;
gardens will not grow within me.
remove the risk,
trim chance so thin that anorexia sounds out,
pretty & darling in the light,
a compliment for the dying.
bury what will never be in the heart of a dune,
say words if you must but know that i,
i will not.
this choice has long been buried,
its resting place blatantly ignored.
:iconazuline-furcula:azuline-furcula 9 4
Full of Wonder
Butterfly, chase the wind
let the name of your lover caress your lips
may the storm follow you
   Upon hands, wild and free,
   dance and dive into his waiting embrace;
      You are winds of change
You are sparrows
thriving on the fall and rise
eyes ever forward
   Where once were two
   now a puzzle joins complete;
      A journey awaiting
A path divided
a feather falling to the ground
a child's eyes, full of wonder.
:iconlady-yume:Lady-Yume 10 5
Threnody 24:7
i try to breathe as little as possible
in order to leave less of a
carbon dioxide footprint on
the heights of heaven
to walk the halls of the cloud world
feels profane enough to suck
all the words from
my mouth; so shut
away my weakly words
whispered to the clouds
in hopes that god might hear
i'm trying to believe in magic made
in the speaking of dreams
and things the mind
so loves to keep
holding on to
the sorrow
i feel
but now i'm drowning in enough oxygen
to fuel the sun for millennia
to come in a future
without fear
fear that i might be living in times
deemed damnable by angry sky gods
of ancient times when people
lied more and told
themselves they were fearful
but proud to be so, all within
the same apocryphal breath breathed out
so you might have eternal life, and never make another sound
:iconmelanophren:Melanophren 6 2
i really kinda hate you
back when the grass was green
and my dreams weren't melting
i missed you
before our time together tethered
me to the world and the weather
could be weathered with you
now i'm silent as a shore
no longer on the border of the roar
of your voice in my lungs
once, i used to love when we were
young and in love like lilies in a pond
of liquid melty-heart stuff
stuff you no longer hold in regards to me
:iconmelanophren:Melanophren 5 4
identity crisis
i have come to consist mostly of
a cold empty appartment
on Tuesday mornings,
tangled up ear buds at
a bus stop,
and indecisive thoughts
i share with no one.
i flip between dating apps
hoping to swipe on
an honest smile
and an open heart.
but i have learned the currency
of the world is not paper,
but flesh,
and true love
the label we give it.
my morals are nothing more
than instagram captions
and tinder bios.
and even though i bleed
positivity, i am hollow
and full of death.
:iconwizardhowl10001:WizardHowl10001 13 5
lies my mama told me
"the heart can't break more than once."
but it can, mama. sometimes
it feels like splinters poking
from between my ribs
wood chips digging into my stomach
over, and over, and over
just the other day i saw a man
who looked like daddy
spin his daughter around
and i felt it break in my throat
three weeks ago i watched my girl
kiss a boy's rough mouth
and i felt it break in my toes
the heart breaks more than once, mama
i feel it all the time, i feel it all the time.
sometimes i think it's always breaking, mama.
sometimes i think it's always breaking.
"monsters aren't real."
i'm sorry, mama, i know
you didn't want them to be, for me,
i know you wanted them to be furry
and big and full of sharp teeth,
pressed into pages of storybooks.
but they're real, mama,
just the other day i saw a mama
raise a hand to her child in the middle of the grocery store,
a monster tucked into the corner of her mouth
monsters are in the watchful eye of a hungry man
slipping rohypnol into your drink,
the press o
:iconbrokenfragilethings:brokenfragilethings 70 35
Falling Rain
Some nights, I’m like the
   falling rain,
Whenever grey thoughts
   cloud my mind
and my heart wells over,
I unburden in the tears I cry.
:iconlady-yume:Lady-Yume 48 16
bird of september.
september comes and you see the end of her before she even begins,
but when has that ever stopped you from wanting? september will break
your heart - not wide open, just a little bit, just enough to hurt like hell
and let the cold rains in. enough for songbirds to crawl into your skeleton,
hiding in the space between ribcage and lung, building nests of dusty
cardboard and torn violets. september confesses by moonlight, tells you
about the boys and the girl who left her behind. "i'll always be here for you."
you promise through rosy lips stained with hope. "i love you - like a friend."
darling, you lie so beautifully these days. when she smiles and turns to go
you feel your blossom mouth fade, wilting away like the crimson of autumn.
it's a knife-sharp pain, a breathless pain, an all-at-once pain. you breathe in
and tell yourself this; you must never show it, never, she will never know
how much she hurt you.
    (darling, be kind to your feathered nightingale heart.
:iconcallistory:callistory 25 12
she walked with purpose
and in a way,
   you left us your own anthology;
             and in our ways,
          we will read and remember your words -
  we light a fire for a woman so fierce
     your crown of strength now laid down
   and when we cast for words
           to keep your heart ; your legacy ; close
        we dare to make them magical,
    as you were -
         your presence in all we do,
      your light in the night skies
                   your smile in the rising sun
             your heart in the setting moon:
          and until we see you again,
                    we will be with you.
:iconserendiipitii:Serendiipitii 12 13
i ask a homeless man for change
and he says it will not come
he says show me your palms boy,
    drops an empty handful of dirt
             into my outstretched branches
    says this was here long before us both
         and will be long after,
    as his roots bury themselves deeper into the sidewalk,
      face contorts to find the last hopeful rays of sun
         before the blue shadow of dusk descends
      like an axe or shovel or heavy wail of song.
and the dirt wasn’t actually earth, i think,
    but the vacuum of space it occupies,
         a potted plant as surrogate for love lost, wilted
      yet still expecting to bear flesh;
and somewhere, sam cooke is still singing about a river,
     a pair of anxious hands pluck a living thing from the ground
:iconsuccesswithhonor:successwithhonor 20 14
autumn mo(u)rnings
i hope i die on a cloudy day,
because i want the sun to mourn me.
& when the birds fly south for the winter,
i want them to tuck my name under their feathers
like a prayer
and carry it somewhere i'll never go.
i watch the leaves turn fiery,
& decay in mass graves on the ground.
my throat catches, stopping me
from making another sound.
when the snow starts to fall,
& evergreens are the only life around—
i won't be there to see it.
:iconinthespacebetween:inthespacebetween 26 6


Lycaenyx's Profile Picture
Alia Beth
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States

I am suffocating on the butterfly as it unfolds into every crevice of my heartbeat. He is the panic that drives me mad until my fingertips caress the ink of another written piece and leaves me gasping for another taste. I have starved him for years and he has returned with a vengeance. Now I am paying for the neglect and breaking under the pressure.


I am a lost soul looking for her niche while struggling with reality. Healthcare is my calling, ophthalmology is my skill set. I'm not sure where life is taking me, but I hope it's beautiful on the other side.

Butterfly, It's Time to Move On

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 31, 2018, 1:40 PM
This year has been an interesting one.

:bulletblack: We moved out of our apartment and into a house which has given me a wary hope for our future prospects.

:bulletwhite: I went on my first vacation out of the country.

:bulletblack: My paternal genetic donor is still as shameless as ever but will hopefully be moving 900+ miles away in the coming months.

:bulletwhite: I started writing again for the first time in years and rejoined the dA community.  I'm certainly a bit rusty but I managed to get my first ever DD along the way.

:bulletblack: Thanks to my supportive better half, I've been able to explore an interest in bowling and I'm getting better at it.

:bulletwhite: My current supervisor handpicked me to transfer into his department which has led to the opportunity to participate in research oriented projects, to learn so many new things, and to escape the stress of my previous department.  I even had the chance to sit in the operating room while my boyfriend had SMILE refractive surgery.

:bulletblack: I walked out on my part-time job which hit hard financially but the relief from leaving such a toxic employer was well worth it.

Now, it's time to move forward and see what the new year has in store.  I'm hoping to either finish studying for my COA exam or find a position back at the local university in one of the research departments with the aim to make enough to pay down some debt and get my student loans under control.

I hope that I will keep writing and finding the energy to put into my other creative projects.

I also hope that everyone in the dA community has a wonderful new year and the strength to overcome any hurdles that may present themselves along the way.


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PolarAnemone Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for adding me to your watchlist!
I hope not to disappoint. :giggle:
Tiger--eyes Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the :+fav: on Unwinding :rose:
redhawk1986 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2019  Professional Writer
Thnx for the llama
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2019  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the :+fav: on side effects include nausea.
Tiger--eyes Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2019  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the :+fav: on “cold and clear” :rose:
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