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On That Morning



What can I say anymore. Another year, another train wreck of emotions that I typically can control. To be quite honest with you, I am tired of feeling this way year after year, after year. It's draining me. It's draining my energy and my time. This year has been different and I do not exactly know why. The emotions started early, perhaps around the time her birthday was. I have been a wreck. I am scared to live, scared to travel and scared to lose. Maybe it's stress and the newfound isolation that comes with no longer working and having that constant distraction of answering to a boss. 

This evening when I got home from errands, I sat with my son for some time to play with him. I did not feel like working on this. It felt like a chore. I wanted to go to sleep and get this entire week and month over with so I can enter a happy time in my year. I almost went through with it. Told myself "I'll work on it later in the week". The thought of last year's unfinished piece crossed my mind. That was when my husband spoke up. "Will you regret not working on it?", He said. I sometimes forget how much he knows me. He was 100% right. I would regret it. I'd feel as if I would let her down and let you guys down. I did not make such a big spectacle as I did in previous years. I did not put on music that would make me sad. It was productive and satisfying. 

As you can see, this whole paragraph is so back and forth. That's pretty much how my emotions are running lately. My piece this year took on a different scheme. I wanted representation of darkness and uncertainty. It's kind of how I feel the way the world is working right now. So much hate, so much uncertainty. Yet within all that horribleness...there is a gentle light that tries to brighten our lives..and though that light can get tangled up with the darkness, it tries its best to stay true. Sounds corny when I read it again, but I'm too tired to care. 

As always, thank you all for sharing this journey with me. Whether you're just finding me or if you've been at this with me for the last something something years. It means a lot to know people come here once a year JUST to see this. I did not want to let you down.

As always, please take a moment of your day today to remember 9/11. To some, to many...this isnt just something in our history book. We live this everyday. Donate blood, clean a bitch, buy someone a coffee. Do something good in such a hateful world and be that light. Gosh. I went there again. Sorry.


To see my previous years for my 9/11 pieces:

2017 - Someone's Watching Over Me
2016 - I Know You're There
2015 - I Can't Live Within You
2014 - Love Without Your Heartbeat
2013 - Live Without Your Sunlight
2012 - Deliver Me
2011 - Mendless Heart
2010 - Only Time
2009 - Streets of Heaven
2008 - If you came back from heaven
2007 - Who can say?
2006 - Watermarked in my mind

My sister:………

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ElementalEmily's avatar

This is so beautiful and sad and hopeful and healing all at the same time. Even more deeply so after reading the description. I'm so glad you finished this piece. Your dedication is inspirational.