Through the Cracks
I promised myself I wouldn't do this,
That I'd bar the door
to keep them out
and lower the blinds in my mind.
I promised to refuse to play their games,
Throw the board,
Scatter the pieces
and pretend that it was oh so easy to do.
I promised to never listen to them,
With fingers in my ears,
Vocal chords vibrating
and shrill curses drowning them out.
But they're crowding round me now,
I can hear their mocking snickers
breathily tickling my inner ear.
I peaked out for just a second,
A single second was all, I swear!
I couldn't help it, I just couldn't!
I read and I saw and soon there
were cracks in my resolve, cracks
that they'd waited for so patiently,
so quietly; waiting for me to fail.
Before I knew it, before I could tell,
They gathered together to stare at me.
A maliciously vague and unformed presence,
With sneers curling imaginary lips that
whisper so scathingly of all that I'd like to be.
And so I squirm in inadequacy,
Hoping that one day they'll leave,
Or let me go back to how it