Title inspired from the Moody Blues passage.
Hey guys, I want to take a moment and be serious here, and talk a bit about some serious things.
****Trigger warning**** There will be talks of anxiety, depression, and suicide. Viewer discretion is advised.
So...I want to get some things off my chest. And it's going to be hard, extremely hard. But being able to healthily vent, and try to turn negatives into positives (which I will at the end of this post), to me, is a good thing.
I...had a small relapse today after work with my anxiety and depression. Before anyone asks, no, I didn't self-harm, and no, I did not attempt. I...actually just cried in the truck on the way home after work.....that's all I've done lately whenever I have a relapse. I cry either in the truck on the way home, in the shower, or in bed with the door closed. I haven't attempted since last year, nor have I self-harmed, of which I'm proud to say.
But that doesn't stop the proverbial demons from trying. Lord...it truly doesn't...And some people don't understand. Some people think it's either "resting bitch face," or you're annoyed, or impatient. And it's not. Sometimes...anxiety and depression make it really hard to speak out, to try and reach out to those whom you want to hear you, because you are afraid...your fear grips you tight. And I know it hurts, because I myself fall under that category. Some people might not understand fully about certain mental issues some people may have. I myself don't always claim to know what someone may or may not be dealing with. And tonight...I wanted to self harm...I really did...but I didn't...I didn't and I'm proud to say that I didn't.
But I want you all to know that you are not alone. You're never alone in your fight. I want to help end the stigma about talking about anxiety and depression, or whatever else anyone may be dealing with.
I want to open up more with you all, I want to reach out to you all. However, I will not push anyone to speak out if they do not want to. Some people are not comfortable talking about whatever they may be dealing with, and that's okay too. No one should have to feel like they have to talk. When the time is right, then the time is right. And my inbox is always open, even if I'm at work. Heck, if I'm working, shoot me a message anyways. I promise to try and reach any messages that may come through. I will do the best I can.
Remember, we are not alone in our fight. And we will always keep fighting, because we know that there are those who love us, those who do care, and those whom we treat as family.
I am not perfect by any means. I'm highly socially awkward, I don't have the best social skills when dealing with people. And I know apologizing may or may not help certain situations regarding my past and things I've done to hurt other people without meaning to, and nothing can every truly fix that. But I am learning, little by little, one day at a time, moving forward little by little. We may have our off days, but we keep fighting, because we know the next day will be better, we will do better than the previous day, and because there are others who need us like we need them.
We are not alone. We will always keep fighting. If not for us, then for those who need us.
If you guys have kept reading this long, great! I truly appreciate you guys letting me get this out there. Thank you guys so much for just being here, and being some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. <3