Luced0

Well like AC/DC or Aerosmith I'm back. I finaly got my new laptop Tsukiyomi set up and configured with a good copy of PS CS6 and alot of Ideas.  Alots Changed in my Life. in a way I kinda Feel like The Docter becuase in someways i'm a completly new pearson but at the same time its still me. I'm living in a new home and i have alot of new friends new intrests. I found a new girl and now shes my new wife wich is awsome becouse she absalutley amazing. Totaly geeky while being super fun into game of all kinds wether its an RP or video or even a board game she sweet kind careing and inspiring but also edgy and altyernitive and super unique. sometimes its like were the same pearson. I'm going to be working on my writing and art and trying to realy see were I want to take things now. Its nice to feel like I have a tomarrow again. becuase between health problems and my wife Heathers Death and loseing alot of friends or i guess people who I thought were friends Ive discovered a whole new world in this new life to explore and I'm realy looking forward to it.

Right now I am at a loss. I dont know what to do anymore or how I'm going to survive or be able to function. I'm disabled and am trying to get disabilty. but my just passed away and she was the sole income of the house and helpedme get around. I am so Depressed and confused. I dont know how to have a tomarrow without her. I cant stop seeing her as my future wich cant happen but I cant make it change. I am so scared ill lose my home and cats and than die living on the street. I dont know what to do.

So it's bin a long time since I posted here. It's bin a battle with depression, Pain, surgery's, fights, Losses, struggle and strife. But Thats not to sa that there was only tragedy, just enough to keep me ofline or to busy to post.  So the last update was after my first surgery I beleave while i was still recovering. Well i wasnt able to recover realy becouse the first surgery was one of the cuases of a much more permanant but thankfully now well handeled problem. I have learned I have nerve damage, permanantly and it's a moderate to severe case. INow i had 2 more surgerys and am happly starting to get my life back. it's only the begining of a very hard journey to get as close to  100% as possible, I want to say get back to were I was but one must move forward and while my health caused alot of weight gain, brain damage, Isolation, and loss of very good jobs that I loved, and I wish i could be like i was before. I have grown up alot and learned alot during this whole thing. and I beleave that while i fight to get healthy I happly leave the past in it's rightfull place.

now for whats going on I have just finished setting up my desktop. it's a little old (3 years ish) i still have alot of work to do on it so it may be ofline from time to time. and since my laptop is currently without a power cord and I use my laptop for all my art and roleplaying stuff and more frequant appearances online, I will be makeing do with what I have.

also if your a fan of my and pheatons stingray project  i will be working on setting up a group page for others to colabarate or just as a futer fedaration ship and tech group.  but that will take a bit. also I am working on a rp forum that will use a system simaler to the marvel Roleplaying system it will likely be naruto based but there are a few other thoughts.

it's nice to be back. and in the words of Niel patrik harris " Dadys Home" (from how i met your mother)  

p.s.
i couldent evan type that with a straight face.

so this month I will be having surgery on my spin and the will  be permanantly removing a chunk of one of my vertibray. the surgery is starting on the 21st will take 3 hours and I could spen up to over a week in the hospitol revocering.  but the goodnews is I may not be sick after word i have bin warned that evan if succseful in curing my curent inllnes i could be trading one pain for another as back surgery can couse chronic and servere pain. theres also the chnce i could end up loosing us of my leggs loss of sexual function and loss o bladder control and numorous other risk including my body become septic and varios other compliction sich as leeking spinal fluid and internal bleeding.

so i am pretty scared and hopefull and a whole mix of emotions but my nerves ae strain to edge

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1. I Have bin married for almost 3 years
2. I am dislexic
3. My dream Carear would be anything were I could tell storys
4. Since I was 4 I have wished I could go into space
5. I fell in love with a man once
6. I have a Son who I've never met (and wish I could)
7. I wish I could draw
8. I Have done Drugs
9. I Am afraid of, and hate sleeping
10. I am obbsessed with Immortality


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