The Story of St. Patrick (My Version)
A long long time ago, before MTV, internet and even before Snoop Dogg, there was a young man living in Wales called Patrick. Patrick was the son of a Roman civil servant, so he was basically the rich Roman living in the freezing British countryside.
One day, Patrick was most likely chilling on the beach, when Niall of the Nine Hostages landed on the beach, and kidnapped Patrick. (As you do...)
Patrick was sold as a slave in Ireland. He was stuck up a mountain looking after sheep. He was left up on the pastures, eating bad food and having to learn Irish. Today, we call it the gaeltacht.
On the mountain, Patrick found God. He prayed 100 times a day and 100 times a night, that God would fix it so he could feck off from the awful weather.
One day, Patrick got the chance to escaped. He walked 200 miles and walked across the island to Wicklow (Show-off...) Where he boarded a ship of Wolfhounds and sailed to England in the cargo-hold.
Then one night, he got a call in a vision from the Irish.