I've had a few people kind of poking around asking if I'm okay, so I thought I'd lay all my thoughts out flat instead of keeping everything in and dodging all the time. As most of my good friends know, I've been struggling to really get back into OCTs and posting in general since BFOI, considering since then I've graduated, gotten married, got a house, and started my career job. (2017/8 have been huge for me.) I love my job, but it involves a lot of hefty design work and going to post-work hour meetings for project pitches and the like, so a lot of times I come home completely creatively and socially drained. (Want to be attacked relentlessly? Go to a planning commission meeting and propose a development near someone's house or property. They mean well, but the NIMBY-ism is strong.) I spend a lot of my time at work on the computer doing engineering design work and writing reports, so I find it really difficult to sit back down at a computer again when I'm home. I still draw and sketch quite a bit, but it's mostly traditional personal stuff that I don't end up posting.
I'm still trying to find out what this nearly year and a half long "OCT block" means for me, but I've been hoping that Lato would help me get back into the swing of things. To be honest though, I haven't been feeling it all that much although all the people there are lovely and inviting. <3
The source of these feelings towards OCTs are really unclear to me. Is it subconsciously because I didn't finish out the finale in BFOI? I've thought about trying to polish it off for my own sake, but I really have no desire to. Is it because I've been administrating and seeing the garbo parts of these competitions? I'm not sure, and honestly my involvement is starting to come to an end. Is it because I'm getting more and more annoyed with the DeviantArt platform? Could be, because honestly this site does a crappy job at promoting artists catered to users' tastes. Overthinking is my specialty really. All this might just boil down to that I have a different life now, so I find enjoyment out of other things. For a while I was thinking maybe I was depressed, but I realized I wasn't doing other hobbies or activities because I felt forced to avoid digital art, but because I was genuinely enjoying myself more doing those other things. I only felt guilty because I was enjoying them instead of working on my entries.
Idk, I thought it would be good to get these thoughts out there as a bit of a vent. I've found it difficult to bring up in one-on-one convos without sounding full of myself, which is not my point obviously. |'D
What do you guys think? I know a lot of you have been on this website for about as long as me. Some have even gotten married, gotten careers, or moved around the same time I have; some have made even more drastic moves than me. You don't need to post your comment here if you're not comfortable; you could note me or Discord DM too. However, I've found that I'm not completely alone in this strange sentiment and maybe a public discussion would help us all out.
Watching: Hunter x Hunter