“So, you wanted to talk with me, Pidge?” Lance asked walking into what is her current room in the Garrison premises.
“I wanted to talk ‘to’ you.” She said not looking up in her foetal position, tucking her knees up to her chest wrapping them up importantly by her arms.
“Sort of,” She sighed looking out the window as she felt Lance sit down beside her. His long body leaned into the side of her smaller one allowing her to hide her face from him, and all the pain it was carrying.
“A request.” She sighed turning her face in his direction but her eyes never left the floor. She could heel his eyes watching her every move, she wanted to tell him how she wanted to hold him, how she wanted to kiss him, how she- knew none of it would ever happen.
“Sure, what’s up?” He spoke in a soft tone breaking her from her gaze on the floor to his oceanic eyes. How she wanted to lean in, that’s all it would take, a movement of approximately 10cm maybe 15cm at a push. Suddenly remembered why he was even here in the first place.
“Promise me this will stay between us?” She asked ever so nervously with a small blush forming. Her honey coloured eyes trembled under his gaze, she had fought the Galra, Zarkon, Lotor and all their allies; and yet, she had never felt so intimidated in her life. Her eyes pleaded for her life under his prefect stare.
“Pinkie promise.” He smiled at her holing up his graceful little finger causing her to automatically link it with her own as she made a soft chuckle at the gesture. She knew this was his attempt to get her to relax, and her frame did a little weighing a tiny smidge into his side. She took a second to glimpse at that beautiful smile and how it could make her melt almost like she was possessed by a demon.
“Okay.” She sighed suddenly becoming tense and her smile disappearing as the ground offered her eyes the safety she was craving so badly. She could feel her face flush a bit more. She took in a deep breath, held it for a moment, then exhaled along with any relaxation she had as her body stiffened as she looked towards the window not being able to watch his reaction- she was expecting the utter worse.
“When you confess to Allura, can you make sure I am not there?” She spoke the words just above a whisper, pain flooding in, her eyes starting to water causing her to blink.
“I love Allura like a sister, I understand why you love her too, she is perfect in every way, beautiful enough to be a supermodel, intelligent, strong, heck she’s even a Quiznaking princess!” Pidge spoke softly along with the Altean cussing sounding so causal as her started to release again, leaning back into her best friend, who just watch her and listened attentively.
“I just hate how I feel, I hate that I feel so jealous, I hate how much it hurts, and she’s my friend, you know, so I should be happy, for her. For you.” She speaks clearly fighting back tears but not being able to face her friend.
“Why are you jealous of her? You are awesome too.” Lance tried to reassure his friend, placing a hand on her back, which she attempted to shrug off but he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Because she will reciprocate your feelings. And, I’m so sorry- for every time I hurt you…” She whispered between tears, trying her hardest to fight them, trying so hard for him not to see, not to see the pain.
“Wait! –You are also in love with Allura?” Lance nearly exclaimed louder than he intended to. This caused Pidge to look at him teary eyed and glared through his soul. His shocked looked suddenly turned into concern seeing Pidge’s face all red and tear stained.
“Are you really that stupid, Lance?” She spat at him as she saw him look down almost ashamed. Immediately realised what she said and cringed at herself then looked away.
“I’m sorry Lance I was a too harsh. You're not stupid. I just- I hate these feelings- I hate this jealousy- I never fall in love- Ever! -And the one time I do… and the pain – it hurts so much.” She rambled between crying. Almost when she forgot he was there, allowing her self to let go, to get this pain out of her chest. Two strong arms wrapped around her, securing her, making her feel safer. She leant into him allowing him to hold her tighter.
“You tell me who this idiot is and I’ll hurt them for-”
“It’s you, Idiota.” The silence that followed was suicidal. All the pain amplified, being in the arms of the killer, opening up to the person who hurts you the most. She sighed as his grip on her had gone soft.
“It’s always been you; I think it goes back to just before we left the Garrison, then when we went to that space mall with Coran, I saw a person with a beautiful heart- a selfless, honest, fun-loving and caring person. And the crush… hurt more than I though was possible.”
There was no hiding the tears now, she turned around to see lance with a similar expression, pain, tears, shock and a smile?
“Besides…” she said moving away from him to regain her ‘personal space’, which she was sure Lance didn’t understand the meaning of. But he sat there as a tear strolled down his face. “…If this thing with Allura doesn’t work out. I’m always here. I will wait.” She said watching his face for any other emotion, almost as if he was frozen in time. She looked away and stood up.
“Ca-can I be selfish, and ask you not to change the way you are around me? I don’t want the rest of the team to work it out- but I think Hunk might suspect…” She asked turning to face him, after receiving a nod from a ‘too quiet’ Lance who is clearly processing what she’s just said. Smiling to him before hastily walking out of the room feeling better and worse at the same time. Though on her way to wash her face, she came to a conclusion in realising ‘emotions are difficult’.