Pretty Blue Pills

lostmyslef's avatar
By lostmyslef
110 Favourites
Pretty blue pills,
shiny in my palm,
the ticket to my peace,
to my eternal calm.

They're so perfectly round,
and soon they'll be in me.
The closest to perfect
that I'll ever be.

They go down so smooth.
Five, ten, fifteen and twenty.
Soon I'll be gone.
Twenty-five and Thirty.

That should be enough,
but I'll play it safe.
Thirty-five and forty.
Now I have no more to take.

The bottle is empty,
as empty as I feel.
None of this is happening,
too good to be real.

But soon I start to drift
into a dark unknown fog.
Somewhere quite distantly.
I hear a muffled sob.

But I blow it off as fake.
Nobody could possibly care.
I doubt anyone's noticed
that I'm no longer there.

But then I hear my name,
just a distant call.
I feel myself lift higher.
No! I want to fall!

I ignore the voice in earnest,
but it's calling me up, up, up.
Please let me be.
That life was too tough.

I like this fog,
this numbing haze,
free from the ridicule,
from the judging gaze.

But inevitably I come up,
eyes open so slight.
There are people all around
and a harsh fluorescent light.

Damn, it didn't work.
How many times must I try?
I struggle against the doctors,
please let me die.

I'll be locked up here awhile,
among these padded walls,
but soon they'll let me go,
and I'll answer death's calls.

I guess pills aren't my thing.
I'll try something new.
Maybe a gun,
yes, those survivors are few.

Good-bye world.
This will be my last try.
There's no chance for survival,
finally time to die.
Alright, this one's really long and not so good, but I needed to just let my feelings out on this, so leave me alone about it pretty please. No mean comments. Critiques are always nice, but I really can't afford any put downs right now.
© 2013 - 2020 lostmyslef
anonymous's avatar
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RaphAndRoll's avatar
RaphAndRollHobbyist Writer
I loved this one and I hope that you feel better. People with such talent don't deserve to feel this way.
amewaalk's avatar
amewaalkHobbyist Digital Artist
this is really great.  i thank God everyday for people like you who can put what others just don't dare to say down in such beautiful words.  
thank you <3
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
No problem, thank you for such a beautiful comment
imagoinfinitum's avatar
imagoinfinitumHobbyist Writer
...are you referring to Xanax?
RoseScarlet's avatar
RoseScarletStudent Writer
I love the emotion in this poem. It is really good. Please don't think that no one cares, even if they are random strangers on the internet SOMEBODY cares and wants you to be alright. Including me. Okay? And don't regard those negative comments as put downs, they just want to help you but don't know a good way to do it. :) :huggle:
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
thanks =)
RoseScarlet's avatar
RoseScarletStudent Writer
You're welcome :)
TheRedBrickWall's avatar
I am speechless. This so so emotional, but the words flowed nicely.
I don't know you, but I hope everything turns out alright.
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
thank you
SabrinaTheSS's avatar
My boyfriend shot himself in the head. We were together for about a year when his best friend died, and he couldn't handle the grief. It hurts still, and he did this in November. Please just hang in there, alright? You're worth it. This is a very well written poem, so keep it up. Keep writing to let off your emotions in a positive way. I do the same thing. *hugs* Stay strong.
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
I'm so sorry for your loss, and thank you for the hugs *hugs back*
SabrinaTheSS's avatar
think nothing of it *little smile* every good person has been through something to make them understand and be better for the world. no one is perfect, and it is nothing to strive for
kara4398's avatar
kara4398Hobbyist General Artist
:( I don't want to put you down.. I just want to bring you up. I have a friend who could relate to this. She hides her pain very well and so it always comes as a dreadful surprise when I'll hear news that she attempted suicide again. This just makes me want to crawl through the screen and give you a humungo hug. I feel your pain and I know what it's like but I'm sure there are tons of people out there who really do care for you. God loves you and he does have a plan for you. I realize you probably don't believe a word I'm saying but that's ok. Life gets better with time. I promise. <3
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
thank you, though very hard to believe, words of encouragement are always nice
Kailani-e's avatar
Kailani-eStudent Traditional Artist
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
thanks =)
Kailani-e's avatar
Kailani-eStudent Traditional Artist
You're welcome
xXvZEUSvXx's avatar
xXvZEUSvXxHobbyist General Artist
This was...
This was....
I'm sorry but words can't describe. I wasn't sure to giggle or cry. This was emotional.
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
xXvZEUSvXx's avatar
xXvZEUSvXxHobbyist General Artist
That was really good though.
Can u read one of my poems and tell me what you think? I'd really appreciate it!
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
thank you, and I like your stuff, very creative and with a lot of emotion. I feel like you're talking to me when I read it. The only think I would say is check your grammar a bit, k? other than that, awesome, keep writing and drawing =)
xXvZEUSvXx's avatar
xXvZEUSvXxHobbyist General Artist
Lol I know. I have spell check on so I don't bother reading it when I'm done but its too late after I post and when I re-read it I feel HORRIBLE! Lol I don't sit for hours or minutes at a time to come up with a poem, I just let it flow out. That's why I have so many errors. I'll take this in mind next Time I write and read it lol. Thnx
lostmyslef's avatar
lostmyslefHobbyist Writer
no problem!
xMoonlightAngelx's avatar
xMoonlightAngelxHobbyist Writer
No comments, just this :huggle:
anonymous's avatar
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