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LolExtended's avatar

Re-Revision |Ch1 Pg48

Re-Revision Chapter 1: Revision, Page 48

Caught in the clutches. (This guy reminds me of a bald eagle?)
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© 2021 LolExtended
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Tissa-The-Artista's avatar

Violet(I think that was her name) is me right now ^^;

From the moment the hipbone mallet was launched at them until now I couldn't really understand what was happening. Not just because of the close ups but also because some effects used to indicate motion and impact(I think) are kind of hard to understand.

Things I think that could have helped here:

Page 46: that boomerando suddenly makes a entrance but its not clear what happened to the flying mallet.

Page 47: The panels shape and placement is strange and hard to follow. I understood they were supposed to guide the reader's vision to a increased ammount of revelations(violet looks up, the boomerang becomes a smaller device and the hood figure finnally appears)

But I think this revelation sequence would look better with regular square or retangle shaped panels. Specially because I sense the amount of action present has decreased(aka the scene got calmer)

The jumping scene is more clear but since the panels that follow are front view, I think it would flow better if it was front view too(personal opinion)

page 48: that middle panel from the second row is confusing, was that effect supposed to represent a impact? a explosion? then we are suddenly back at the skeleton and its also not clear what is doing.(if it was hit by the boomerang maybe you should have shown it falling or being thrown back(this is merelly a suggestion btw))

These change suggestions don't need to be applied right away, or applied at all if you don't think they are helpful

Apologies in case my critics are being too harsh. I still think this is a interesting and cool comic so far!

LolExtended's avatar

Yo, it's true the mallet just disappeared. I could attempt to give it justification, but it would've been better, had I shown it!

As for the panel crowding, on the time of me making this chapter, I must've been in a rush. Hopefully, the next chapters will be less condensed. ^^;

I'll be sure to work on the flow of events in the upcoming chapters. Thank you for your feedback! I don't mind a bit of criticism every now and then, because it shows that people care about my work! :D