By Stephenie Meyer
So I bought a giant stuffed sheep the other day. It's pink—because the asshole kid in front of me took the purple one—and fluffy. It's going to sit with me today and every time I read something that upsets my inner writing Nazi, I shall hug it.
I opened the Twilight book and set the sheep directly in my lap. I shall name it…Sheepie.
Moving back a step for the briefest recap in history [well, in the history of this chapter review series:
Bella moves to forks.
Bella whines about her life.
Bella meets Edward.
Bella becomes bedazzled.
Bella and Eddy-pie fight.
Bella lies about shit to get out of being popular.
Edward decides to ask Bella on a road trip.
Okay, it probably could have been shorter. More like:
Oh silly me.
And here I sit at chapter five…and I don't even know he's a vampire yet! I mean…wait a minute… Chapter five was