E
literature

Eclaircie

littlecloudflower's avatar
By littlecloudflower   |   Watch
2 3 207 (1 Today)
Published: September 24, 2013
Your smiles are faithful like the inconstant moon
--and precious like sun's kisses through thunderclouds

That time you sat in the second seat by the window, letting your eyes
catch their breaths from too much staring at the ceiling counting sheep
as the teacher lectured on about the heart
four chambers--just enough to hold: a smile, a tear, a dream, a fear--
I drew a rainbow worm on your lab report and you tried to glare at me intimidatingly
but I led my heart back to the powerpoint projection
and through the corner of my eyes, caught you laughing

Or that day when the humidity cloaked us, walking to pick up a children's book that I didn't need
and the words were there but I couldn't say them, dangling on my dried lips
smiling, you told me that the worst thing about California is the weather and that's why you can't leave it--
I peeked from behind the library shelves that morning asking myself why
I forgot how to breath

Or the time you told me to jump off the plane with you like crazy people
once we're eighty and leave the world in a flash of sheer ecstasy
I waved with all my strength at your retreating figure
that disappeared all of a sudden in the midday sun--
though the warmth from the one, single, awkward hug lingered
all the way to the other side of the ocean and then some.

So I know:

You're not just the storm
on which your heart rides
or the rain that pours
from overcast skies

Nor are you only the soft, resigned sigh
after snuffing out the last candlelight
to the crushing embrace
of the endless night

You're more than the blood in your pulsing eyes
after nightmares in which you tear them out
so you won't have to see
how hard you fell

Because I know you're more than that,
I miss your smiles.
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© 2013 - 2019 littlecloudflower
Waiting for the moment when the sun comes out from behind the clouds.
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groupthink and gardens
we've grown so used to stepping on flower buds before they can bloom because they're a different color than everyone else's and different doesn't fall into the category of "good" or "acceptable." different doesn't fit here, so we try and try again to soak stems in food colored water and thick-coat paint on petals hoping that maybe our defects will sprout some sense and learn to conform and match the rest. we took seeds from other gardens and planted them in our own until our yards looked the exact same as theirs and then our flowers weren't a different color than everyone else's anymore and that scared me. i wanted deviation; i had no desire
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Her skeleton pushed outwards while her skin caved in. My fingers crawled up her spine. They dipped into the hollow above her collarbone and memorized the sheer slope of each protruding rib. I watched her die. -                I gasped for breath in an effort to satisfy my ribcage, but the heavy air snapped my bones.                                           {I was trying to breathe you in} - Each breath seemed to puncture a hole in your lungs.
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Nightmare: The Only Cure My insides burn- Like swallowing acid Reality slows down- Smiling is therapeutic - Health is a virtue / Strength is torture Alive again tomorrow / Enduring the horror It's excruciating To keep on breathing Every reflection Mirrors are left sickened Grinning back at myself You must be enjoying this hell Perfect possession / Muffled suffocation Heart is racing / Sight is darkening In these hallucinations My skin is melting Oh how I wish I was dreaming Of when I finally start recovering It's only hopeful thinking A cure for me is a delusion Quarantined tears / Reality's nightmare I am beyond repair / All were
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Comments (3)
Estuari's avatar
My favorite stanza in this poem is

"You're more than the blood in your pulsing eyes
after nightmares in which you tear them out
so you won't have to see
how hard you fell".

Your writing makes me reminisce about our days at Paly and makes me think back, even farther, to all the crushes I've ever had. I love your use of metaphors.
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littlecloudflower's avatar
That's one of the images I started out with. :) I think those are the most inspired images, usually. Thank you so much!
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Estuari's avatar
As always, you are very welcome :D
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