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Deviant for 8 Years
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From Victor to Yuri
Dear Yuri,
You’re right. I do want to go back to ice-skating. I was uninspired before, but you and Yurio have surprised me. When I saw Yurio break my world record in the short program, I did feel like I want to defend it. I felt that I am proud to have choreographed his program, but I am not done yet. Victor Nikiforov isn’t dead. I am still a competitive figure skater, and that part of me is still there.
But when you told me you’re retiring, I got mad. How can you tell me to go back to the ice and say you’re retiring! If you retire, it would be as if all the time I invested in you, all the emotions I’ve put into you over the past eight month didn’t matter anymore. Even if you were to get the gold medal, that’s not enough. I want to see you shine brighter and brighter.
Maybe you thought I was disappointed in you because you couldn’t land the quadruple flip cleanly in the short program, but that’s not true. I was only disappointed bec
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 2 0
Piggy Bank
In first grade, my teacher told me the best way to get rich was to write down all the words I’ve never seen before on pieces of scratch paper and put them into a piggy bank
Since then, I’ve been a collector of words—
Chinese characters on the dusty Beijing street signs
English letters highlighted in children’s books on the thick, soft carpet of the ESL classroom
French conjugations scribbled on an assignment completed five minutes before the start of 5th period
Japanese words discovered in the Digimon character songs and sung offkey in karaoke rooms
And the occasional “schadenfreude” and “hasta la vista, baby”
By junior year of high school, my little piggy was getting fat
And I thought I had enough words to make me a billionaire
But the day I met you, I knew that finally,
Here was a word I’ve never seen before—silence
Silence was your language
It was your word for pain and word for kindness
It was y
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 1 6
The polish is gold
On my first trophy
From a 7-year-old chess tournament
It sits on a shelf, a queen
Glaring down the right side of your bed
The second one, silver,
An ice-skating competition
Freely-falling on thin ice
I twirled with you within me
A senseless, beautiful dance
You grew mad at the third
And threw my face against the copper ground
I had conquered her
Yet you conquered me
“P=F/A”, you said,
As you pounded my knuckles against the door
The verdict: this cage is not mine,
Because I am a fish, and not a bird,
So I asked for some water and drank
All eight gallons of it at once
If you wanted a trophy
You didn’t need to go to all this trouble
All you needed was:
A rope
A picture frame
And somewhere to hang my head on
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 2 0
Something About Spring
i. In which I don't sleep (I watch)
Beneath thick eyebrows
Midnight eyes smile; flutter shut
Dandelion wings
ii. In which I'm not cliche (just happy)
I kissed you.
No stars. No words.
Just warm. (Like a blanket.)
iii. In which a word is redefined (which word?)
At sunrise, he told me,
"Anger is a form of love"
As tears burnt my cheeks.
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 1 2
To a Fish, I'm not drowning
Deep breath, and
Into your blue jacket
I swim, like an underwater cave explorer
Your breath on my back
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 1 0
To the Sunset, Whom I Always Seem to Miss
What is it about you that is so elusive?
Because heaven knows that you burn it up every day
A cool, red bloodbath above the horizon
And like mercy
(or like god, whom I do not know if I believe in (but I believe))
You give away to the night, let darkness take the reins for a while
And drive away to tomorrow's conquests and defeats
The sunflowers are your loyal followers, and I cannot help but gaze
Upon the radiance reflected in the startling burst of yellow buds
As if overwhelmed with happiness from a distant memory
You're always there in the photosynthesis of the leaves
The soft green buds of spring who are courageous against you
Facing you, loving your warmth and hating your heat
...They wait, patiently, for your death march
Your beautiful gleam of final glory
Shattering through trees like a thousand wildfires
And then, the last gleam of light fading behind the mountains
That gives poets:
Songs and promises
Promises for another day,
For a tomorrow that is forever coming like a r
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 1 0
Love Watching Madness
That summer day when I left you,
I forgot to say that
You have given me the greatest treasure
One that made drowning--the images floating
in my lungs, gargling saltwater,
silence filling the deep blue--worth it
The electricity between our fingers, remember?
Electrons moved, but came--finally--to rest,
Untouched, and,
Perchance, what makes the flowers bloom
Is not the bees' dance but the sun's kisses
And the water, watching softly
The thirsty blossoms
Time is patient, and so are you.
It is spring again.
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 2 0
Your footsteps come with the spring
The melting brooks over pavement,
The dancing leaves
My heart listens, softly;
it does not linger.
Perhaps, the wind whispers, after you,
"Thank you for passing."
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 1 5
A Song for the Wintry Night
Will you meet me by the moonlight
In the embrace of midnight
And everything I ever knew
Is lost to you?
Will you meet me by the lamppost
Where brilliant the snow glows
And sing me a lullaby
So I know I'm home?
Will you meet me in the darkness
And sing me a song
And hold me against the cold?
Will you twirl me in the sky
And spin me in the stars
So I know I love you so?
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 0 1
His mother told him she loves him
With a love as unconditional as the weather
That if he can rise above these inner wind demons shouting for freedom
And just accept that humans need money just as bacteria need the stinky Luria Broth in the bio lab he’s failing
Then would she polish him off—like her best trophy—and send him to drown in the flood of admiring relatives
His father told him that he gave him kindness
Like a kind Samaritan would a traveler
That if he just keep on trying
And just realize that abyss that he has fallen in is just a little gap in the earth
Then the ropes, magnanimously placed by countless tutors, counselors, police, will reveal themselves and pull him into higher places
They hold his hand with "ifs" and "thens"
And like she said “you are smart boy”
And like he said “we did everything for you”
And “there are people who are far, far worse off than you”
They hold his heart
With a love
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 2 3
I wish these seasons eternal
I wish these seasons eternal
That there will never come a day when this place becomes a beachfront property and only rain falls like memories of snowflakes
That the Californian sun will never burn the skin on your nose here
That saltwater never kisses the sacred rose garden with his lips dry and rough as the desert
That the leaves fall and bless the streets with their lifeblood every autumn and the snow embraces the earth every December to put the squirrels to sleep
The Californian sun has no place here
Don't long for it; don't dream of it
Believe me, I've fallen in love enough times with that perennial blue sky to know that it needs to stay there to reflect its lover--the ocean
Because the saltwater is angry here; it rages against the dark green woods and falls these trees with its longing for freedom
Do not invite her here--the sea
Do not welcome her with arms of warm industrial smoke
Or lure her gaze with coal fires
Do not flirt with her, offering her your everything in a stream of
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 1 4
What the adults never told the three-year-olds...
Why you must always tell the truth:
Only after you lose someone
Do you realize that
Life is too
To lie
(...and by then, it's too late.)
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 0 6
Your smiles are faithful like the inconstant moon
--and precious like sun's kisses through thunderclouds
That time you sat in the second seat by the window, letting your eyes
catch their breaths from too much staring at the ceiling counting sheep
as the teacher lectured on about the heart
four chambers--just enough to hold: a smile, a tear, a dream, a fear--
I drew a rainbow worm on your lab report and you tried to glare at me intimidatingly
but I led my heart back to the powerpoint projection
and through the corner of my eyes, caught you laughing
Or that day when the humidity cloaked us, walking to pick up a children's book that I didn't need
and the words were there but I couldn't say them, dangling on my dried lips
smiling, you told me that the worst thing about California is the weather and that's why you can't leave it--
I peeked from behind the library shelves that morning asking myself why
I forgot how to breath
Or the time you told me to jump off the plane with you like crazy p
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 2 3
In which the dream is not about you...
I dreamed of a boy who speaks like you do.
Oh, his voice rings in my ears like yours do.
In his eyes there shines that same gentle light...
But, oh, he's not you.
No, he's not you.
I dreamed of a boy who loves me dearly
But his lips had the same scars as yours do.
In his gaze I felt the same kind embrace.
But, oh, he's not you.
No, he's not you.
I kiss him softly on the cheek
and hold his hands and watch his feet.
I think: "What a coincidence
that he had your name in my dreams!"
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 0 9
Spring Cleaning
I glance around my room:
It's covered in a thin layer of dust
Soft and gray, like old snow,
Or like wet newspapers
carrying the words of yesterdays.
I start cleaning:
Gathering all the dust into balls
The cracks on the pure white wall
Become shockingly clear
Filled with raincloud lies.
I take out the trash:
The sun is dazzling
Too depressingly warm
For all these layers defending
Against no thunderstorm.
Some allergies even cleaning won't alleviate:
I touch a dry patch
Of paint, coming off the wall,
Of pain, leaking from
the cold metal pipes.
I sneeze. God bless me.
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 0 11
As if to make a point...
The spaces between steps narrowed until I could no longer stand. Crawling, I squeezed into the remaining space, listening to the muffled conversations upstairs.
The stairs have already squeezed me to a point. I wondered where the candlelight was coming from.
The last owner of the house had to go far away, she said, so she gave it to me. “Edit my house,” she wrote me in a letter, and sent me the address.
But the guys from the football team wanted some space, and offered to remodel it. So off we went on this pointless journey.
Crossing the street toward the entrance to the courtyard, I saw a shadow of the broken boy. He turned his back, but his fingers shook and pointed in my direction, as if accusing my innocence.
The hallway had no photos. The football guys were still crossing the street, perhaps getting hit by cars, I don’t know.
I was alone with the words on the top of the ceiling, printed in 12-point Times New Roman. “Editing starts here.
:iconlittlecloudflower:littlecloudflower 2 15


...and I'm doing the 30/30 challenge, which means I'll be writing a poem every day of the month!

Hopefully I can follow through!

Journal History


Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I am a girl who likes to write poetry, read fanfiction, and look at pretty artworks. I tend to "fave-and-run" a lot, but I do try to give thoughtful comments when I have something constructive to say. My journals are full of eccentric bits of self-reflection and general ponderings on the world, and quite a lot of complaints.

If you see littlecloudflower anywhere else, that's me! I use that username for basically everything.

A proud member of the Digimon icon clan made by ashflura! I am Hikari Yagami, nice to meet you! :iconsayhiplz:

Digimon Adventure

Digimon Adventure 02

Digimon Tamers

Digimon Frontier

RP account: :iconrika-mii:


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xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014   Writer
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the collects :D
polarpoisson Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013
Happy-Holidays by kmygraphicBlue Thank You by kmygraphic
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
thank you for the favorite :heart:
Kajm Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch. I hope the articles I wrote will be helpful to you.
tirasunil Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fav! :)
PoetsHand Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013
Happy birthday
littlecloudflower Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! :D
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks so much for adding my piece to your collection! :hug:
nosedivve Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013   Writer
I really like your username! It's very interesting. :)
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