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There is nothing.
To come from giving in.
I might feel better,
Feel less pain,
It'll still be there though.
Don't push me.
Don't make me pull back,
Intake something I don't need.
You weigh heavily on me.
Like the weight of a stab wound.
Like the weight of out pouring blood.
You consume me without existing.
Drinking me up and spitting me out.
Biting at my neck.
Just a demon with a pretty face.
Reaching into my chest and squeezing my soul.
Was it love.
Or was it just a distraction.
A little lie.
You broke your toy.
Doesn't move the same anymore.
Doesn't beep or boop like it used to.
Just lays motionless at the bottom of your toy box.
Your fingerprints still linger around my throat though.
You left marks on me that I can't hide.
I wish you would of killed me like you did yourself.
So we both could forget about me.
Enjoy the freedom.
Enjoy being away from me.
You buried me deep.
But my heart still beats.
Late at night.
If you listen quietly.
Ella can hear me.
Underneath all her other forgotten toys.
The ink flows...
Take my feather
Dip it in your red-colored ink
Let it fuel your voice
And write everything
That has been silently residing in your heart
Let the feather wave freely
With the strong breeze of your emotions
But beware of the sharpness
It may tear some pages apart
So be careful to write only on the strong
And let the ink stain there forever
Forever between the lines
Forever in their hearts
The Doom, The Death, and The Shadow
The Doom, the Death, and the Shadow
All swarm to envelop their host
All grope for reins of life
For themselves and otherwise.
The Doom is brash and loud
Demanding of your respect
Calling forth your souls and bodies
And get what it came to get
The Death is quieter, comforting
A soft whisper upon your mind
Entangling and warm, yet cold
Though the slight mistake of want
It shall all be left behind
And yet the Shadow encompasses
Takes note of how you feel
It hears it and sees
Some things that may not be real
And though they aren't real
The Shadow feels them meant to be
Gazing amongst the stars
Moving amongst the stars
Mourning the lost sister
And the tragedy that took her
Oh poor little sister…
For it's Esper
That it had to leave
But how fortunate,
The Eclipse took it's place
But still, it is not enough
It is never enough-
iT ShOUld hAVe BeEN-
It falls silent.
In the mourning of it's brothers.
the grieving process does not apply
There’s a tug
But the rage that should be there just feels hollow
Fury burns to the tips of my fingers
But the rage remains cold
There’s a tug at the center of my soul
A pull at the gaping hole within my ribs
The feeling pulls at nothing
It is sad
My body remains at an impasse
It doesn’t know what it wants
I don’t know what I want
I want to rage
But it does not come
I want to grieve
But that does not come either
- 16 APR '19
Ich würde Mate
In jedem Leben
Aber ich liebe Mate,
Mit einem Herzen
I am alone
Staring at this stranger in front of me
Yet I cannot touch this person
Who is this person?
When I move
They move too
When I stare at them
They stare back at me
When I move a limb
They move a limb too
I feel drawn to them
Like a moth to the flame
I realise this is a reflection
Of my outside self
While mirrors allow you to see yourself
How you look on the outside
Mirrors will never show what's inside
like the needle in a compass
i shatter like glass,
like the moon
awake at half past
like winter snapped
each of my bones
like the trees laughed
when i begged them
i pressed my fingers
into the top of
& when you turned
you smiled at me.
i knew then
what it was like
to be found.
but to be found,
you've gotta get lost,
& i was tossed
into the world
with the ferocity
of an animal,
till i could see
what i was climbing to.
& god, the sky was
i didn't know
that colour existed
until i got there,
until i pushed past
& fell into
Self-control Is The Monster Inside
I want to cry
I want to run
I want to scream
I want to kill
I need to cry
I need to run
I need to scream
I need to kill
Self-control is the monster inside
I only want to let it out
But I will never be able to
Because Self-control is the monster inside.
Open your Eye and the stars align.
See through the currents of the sands of time.
Walk upon the surface of the lands enshrined.
Feel the very presence of the grand design.
Your hands combined, reach across the ages.
Calling to Mind when we sat among the sages.
Your reflection in the pool of a thousand faces.
A lineage of soul that like time is ageless.
Time is a river that flows in motion.
Eternity is something of a different notion.
The river meets its head with its tail, then woven, becomes a sphere unto a golden ocean.
Then it opens, into omniscience, the state of mind.
Where the answer to all questions is right there to find.
Do not be overwhelmed by the Destiny you've been assigned.
For you may be bound to awaken all of humankind.
Each of us is One, so what is there left to talk about?
You're talking to yourself, so maybe you should take a walkabout.
Humpty on the wall had a fall and he blocked it out.
So now you're in a dream but it's okay we're gonna talk it out.
You took a big
Him: "Come on, jump on the train with me."
Her: "Where will we go?"
Him: "Far away from here, we wont look back and we will be happy."
Her: "What about our families?"
Him: "Well start a new one."
*she smiles at him*
J’ai retrouvé la nonchalance
Possédée dans l’adolescence,
Respiré un peu le bonheur
Cueilli dans les simples faits de l’heure.
J’ai retrouvé le rythme lent de la vie
Où rien n’est précipité en folie,
L’insouciance des jours d’antan
Sans cesser d’être prévoyante pour autant.
J’ai retrouvé le joie enfantine
En regardant l’abeille qui butine,
Conservé le sérieux de l’adulte
Face à la survie de l’homme qui lutte.
Je voudrais répandre le bonheur
Aussi facilement qu’on cueille une fleur…
Mais il faudra d’abord ouvrir les yeux
De tous les gens soi-disant sérieux,
Leur redonner l’espoir d’une vie meilleure,
Leur faire ressentir une respectueuse peur
Face à leur destinée humaine :
Démontrer qu’elle ne doit pas être vaine.
What days are wasted laying still,
What skin I grit between my teeth,
To spit out yesterday's tea leaf; is only one offense I've dared to commit,
For I am treading the soil of old Kings, and drinking the water of war
Nothing will come from yesterday that hasn't come before,
Half of dreams can bite your time,
The other half that's left is mine,
How is it that you so brutally killed the last of spring's afternoons?
Murder by the first degree is the finest offense,
But is it judge and jury, Really murder such a crime- to kill the day with kindness as bitter years turn by,
A snail's pace
A badger's race,
And finally I'll met the face
Of my beloved death,
Spitting tea leafes to the harsh breeze,
And killing time with mercy,
For what haunts tommorow brings,
As the hum of hummingbird wings
Lights that dreadful furnace,
Your heart beat for only a while.
You'll live on for each one of mine.
It all hurts,
the second break,
the realignment of shattered hopes.
I feel it now.
How he felt.
Empathy comes back.
But this is the price of cleansing,
Let the water rush over me.
The fear of not sleeping next to you paralyzed my blood,
enflamed my nervous system.
from west to east,
the wind exposes the hole,
filled by only one
always saltwater and rocks inside my mind.
Monsters are born. Demons are made.
It is in darkness that light shines brightest. For what flicker of a candle could ever hope to outshine the novelty of the sun? And what moon could ever light the sky on a cloudless day?
Right in the arms of death can we see the life we could have lived. Wasting the days away blaming and being blamed in return. Wasting the days away angry, irrational and unforgiving. Wasting the days away making enemies out of friends.
Right in the arms of death can we see a man for who he truly is. Whether he shines. Or transforms into a vile creature of his own making.
- 24 MAR '19
Crush Down On Me
Do you ever think that the world is just an elaborate lie. Existing purely to make you hurt more. To magnify all the horrors and demons in your life. Every experience laid out to cause more pain. To break and shatter you. You're not supposed to survive. We're only scared of dying so we keep going. We trick ourselves into believing we can make it. We can reach that goal. We can be happy.
We'll never be happy though.
We won't make it to the goal.
We'll just survive.
Because were too stupid to die.
Living hurts more than dying.
And I want to feel all the pain I can.
Out Of Reach
The shadow drifts beneath me.
Down the sidewalk with the setting sun.
A passing bird or a speeding car.
Just another memory lost to the day.
Clouds like blankets at 2pm.
Stuck in bed because I can't move.
I can't think.
Its over. Its gone.
Why does the memory stick in my brain.
Not the wind. Not the rain.
Nothing can rid me of this pain.
I'm just a man.
With a regret.
Locked away in the past.
And I can't get to it.
Everyday it grows further out of my reach.
More and more.