1- most of them are sweet, even if they look scruffy (don't judge a book by it's cover)
2- you might serve as instrument at times, especially if you're with a drummer (tapping on the shoulders with drumsticks can and will hurt after a while)
3- musicians are... a little like us, they like to look good, and they really care about their hair (either if they like it long and messy or shorter and styled)
4- they are most likely to be good in bed, and usually don't just "fuck" and get it over with, they have fun with it (and know how to love if you're that lucky someone)
5- they're usually a little more emotional than other guys, so expect hi-highs, and low-lows
6- MUSIC COMES FIRST (this should be the first point) and don't try to change that.
7- expect the unexpected, so don't wait around for simplicity or stability
8- don't be a bitch towards the band members, you don't want them to jam and make fun of "Brian's nagging GF"
9- which brings me to: but also don't become best buddies with them, it's cool that you're cool and look great, but your BF doesnt want to hear from his band how they'd "take you"...
10- BE PATIENT. Like, for everything. They're rarely on time (ironic hah) and like to, just do what they want
11- he's gonna forget something, they're mostly living spontaneously, so if they're doing something fun like hanging out, bbq, smoking weed, drinking beer or playing video games or poker after a jam, let it be
12- brings me to: you GOTTA have hobbies, if you don't it's gonna be a looooonnggg and booooring night(S)
13- don't ever assume.... This goes for ALL relationships. don't play detective and spy and analyse everything. Just do your own thing and be as straight forward as possible. Girls, we have a tendency to send subliminal messages and try to read off theirs.. Thing is guys don't have that, so what you're reading between the lines is actually your own imagination.
14- girls are everywhere, and they're fiercer than ever, trust him. I say trust him, because in my experience, they were some of the faithful guys out there. And usually smart enough to differentiate trash from Gold,
15- which leads up to: they're as picky about their girl as they are about their instrument and most of the time strongly believe THEIRS is the best.
16- so, they don't want to share their girl, and they won't choose a groupie over her.
17- give him what he needs, and you can rest easy, I believe that is applied in any relationship, and for both genders
18- don't give chances... Sorry, if they do it once, they'll do it again... So you're not right for each other.. If you were, you wouldn't. As simple as that.
19- don't take anything personally, like not going on tour with them, not going to all their practices, not going to every party or bar or whatever... It's probably not his choice..
20- Remember he is NOT the ONLY one in the band. Unless he's the singer or bass player, probably doesn't make that many of the band's decisions (I say bass player because they are often the brains in the band)
21- when you go to his shows, HAVE FUN, enjoy yourself and the music
22- leave THEM the center of attention, don't start yelling like crazy, shouting his name like a maniac or dress up like you're a living and very loud merch table
23- personalized band t-shirts are Always a win
24- you want a family and get married? uh, they want, but, not now... So chill out and let them have their freedom, when/if they're ready, they'll let you know. I say again: Patience
25- you don't have to sell your bf's band to EVERYONE, your aunt, or boss, or colleague might not like that song you like so much about the churches being burned, if they even understand the lyrics between the break downs and machine gun double pedals (they probably don't even know what those things are)
26- don't try to take control over anything, it sucks, but unless you can prove that you're qualified to do so, your opinion will many times be ignored
28- you want the band to love you? bring ALL your friends to the shows, make it an occasion to hang out and jump around. It's always fun to have a theater Filled with people. Plus there are more chances for others to be curious as well.
27- don't pick a fight before a show or a tour, pleeease, unless you want to break up or you want him to get really waisted and do something stupid (or whatever). Doesn't mean it's gonna happen, but.....
28- you gotta be able to adapt. If you are that girl who is friends with the band, hang out many times at their jams, are invited to the after parties and bars, and even go with them on tour... You gotta be prepared for anything. If the van breaks down in the middle of a country road and are stuck there for a day or two (or more), heat, not enough food, no toilets, no showers, no electricity... I repeat, anything can happen
29- Be useful. Help them out with carrying stuff. Start with simple things that are light and can't be easily broken (amps, stands, cables, drum chair and cymbals, merch, spot lights..) take videos and photos (just so they can have a preview of their perfomance, and if you're good at it, keep the fans posted)
30- you can also take care of the merch table if you've seen their show a hundred times already, I mean, once you know every song/album people are talking about
31- be smart and funny, we want that from our men? Well then be it. Be easy going and NOT demanding. They will say and do awkward or obnoxious things.. What else did you expect?
32- be quiet, sometimes, it's fun to just have some PEACE. Quiet time is primordial when you spend weeks and weeks on a bus, lacking sleep and ringing ears
33- don't flirt with other guys, I know, sometimes it's hard because you're just being nice/sweet. But... Why? Make your guy jealous and you're in for a rough couple of days (like I said.. they're emotional.. that also means they stay pissed longer)
BONUS TIP -
Like many other points mentioned previously, this one goes for all relations, make him feel gooood, make him feel sexy, make him feel worthy. Don't go making him feel guilty because he didn't come for supper or he forgot your nephew's birthday. It will show in his performance on stage, and his performance on stage will reflect in your interactions for the next days.. Of course it sucks 'cause you cooked a special meal and waited for hours, and that he forgot your favorite lil' guy's bd. But sounding and feeling crappy in front of a crowd with lights in your face can do the same effect. Or worse.
For now I think that's enough..
Might seem complicated, cause actually, that's who they are. Complicated. I could say All Artists are, but musicians are a different species. They have a big heart, that sometimes is already filled of darkness. If that's the case, accept it, and enjoy that little space he made for you because your love can heal a big deal. Girls, don't break hearts... Don't go from one musician to another, it hurts them, and you also make yourself into a band whore... Nobody respects that (I mean, you do what you want.. but who wants to be treated like a fuck hole?) and news spreads fast between bands. You never know who will hear what.
Coming from a girl who spent her life around musicians (family/friends/boyfriends/herself)
Originally written November 17, 2014
Something so powerful, yet feels so distant.
More than three years have passed since my last taste of the crave. An attraction so real and strong during the moment. But fades if not well nourished, if not believed in.
I’ve believed in it once. My first love.
But this isn’t about loss, it’s about finding something in the emptiness.
Although it was hard at first, giving up affection, sex, someone to sleep next to… not the easiest and most enjoyable things to let go of.
But I did it.
Because I have a vision, a dream. Ever since I can remember…
True. Pure. Unquestionable. Unconditional. Love.
And to be honest, I will wait as long as it takes until I find what I’m looking for.
The perfect man? The love of my life?
Not really, but it’s going to feel that way.
I’ve known the blindness that comes with stronger feelings.
A mistake I will not repeat. It can’t be one or the other. It has to be a balance of both.
I am not searching for the perfect mate. But for the perfect partner and lover for me.
Not perfect in the sense of flawless.
Unconditional is as close as it gets to the word perfection.
Things I’ve learned:
- It’s all in your hands. (In your control)
- You must love yourself
- Don’t judge too quickly
- Don’t give in too quickly
- You can’t change somebody (Accept them as they are)
- You must feel confortable and trust 110%
- You must desire physical union and honest, constructive communication
- Truly care about the other’s opinions and feelings
- Never leave misunderstandings or conflicts unresolved
- Remain calm
- Trust your instincts
- “Alone time” to express yourselves openly to, and with yourselves. (creative hobby)
- Passion is critical
This was a personal note of mine about a year ago. Still believe in it, still single. But I use this time well. I'm creating my biggest project ever. And is is totally worth it.
Anyone else feel this way about love? about being single?
Enjoy yourselves everyone, life is fabulous!