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on friday night
we received the
first snow fall of
the season...

all day the metallic
cold air hung with
the taste and smell
of snow
and then the first
flakes kissed the
earth...

i never seem to
keep up with
updates...

summer was
good to us...
lots of live music,
camping in our
cute little trailer,
road trips...
a lovely visit from
our german boyfriends,
a beautiful kayak trip
to a remote sound in BC.

saw the Cirque Du Soleil
for the first time.
outstanding!

went to our favourite
music festival in
portland, pickathon...
splashed in the ocean,
stayed up late
looking at stars.
drank beer,
read books,
went to
the vancouver
international
film
festival.

smoked bacon and
learned how to make
sausages with
really good friends.

saw the picasso
exhibit in seattle
and wintersleep
@ the tractor.

was witness to
the adams river
salmon run,
the largest salmon
run since 1913...
WOW,
all those
red
salmon
with
just
one
goal

kind of blows your mind
  • Listening to: sleepy sun... new age
  • Reading: the year of living biblically
  • Watching: the day go by
  • Drinking: granville island lager
it's 10:55, if i go to sleep now i can catch 5 hours sleep tonight.

this week was long and i honestly thought friday might never arrive
we are on the 5:15 (AM) ferry tomorrow then drive about 600 km
to zeballos and then a long nasty logging road to fair harbour to
launch our kayak on a 7 day expedition of Kyuquot Sound.
so many pretty little islands to mess around on.
i am just a bit too excited at the moment which means if i don't calm
down soon i will give myself a massive headache from nerves.
hmm... so i should smoke something to relax my nerves and make
me sleepy, brush my teeth and try to count sheep or whatever it is
people do to fall asleep.

have i forgotten anything?
my camera battery is charging ... so is the mobile phone

i'll try and post some pictures when i get back


f
  • Listening to: the water in the pond sound
  • Reading: flower confidential
  • Drinking: granville island lager
well, i knew i was nearing 10,000 page views for
some time but i guess i haven't been paying
attention to numbers of late so imagine my
surprise to look up and see 10,000+5 page views!
seems like such an awful big number of people to
have taken a few moments of their time over the last
few years to visit my gallery.

i am so thankful for my DA friends. the ones who
find the time to visit, favourite or leave critiques and
messages of encouragement. means so much to me :]
i think i get the greatest pleasure from the numerous
wacky and detail filled interpretations of my abstracts!

there is so much fantastic talent on DA that it amazes me
that you folks would visit linebendergirl at all!

thanks so much for caring... you guys are the best!!!

peace love and happiness :heart:
  • Listening to: jollie holland
  • Reading: the georgia straight
  • Watching: red & gold finches fly about the garden
  • Eating: artisan bread with handmade butter
  • Drinking: red wine
it's been so long since i wrote in this journal.
i have been unable to draw or write... a sort
of slump and i have been feeling low which
doesn't help in either department so i will
make this short.

saw the antlers perform on tuesday night, a
really spectacular show. you can really see or
hear the U2 influence only 3 guys creating all
this amazing sound and oh so sad too.
check them out.
www.last.fm/music/The+Antlers/…

lately my creative out put has been baking
rustic loaves of bread. i get such satisfaction
from the hollow sound the loaves make and
i am in awe of this miracle, water+flour+salt+
yeast and voila... you have gorgeous bread to
eat and share.

hope your spring has been going well.

happy mothers day to all you lovely moms :]

peace
  • Listening to: the antlers... hospice
  • Watching: criminal minds and aperture
  • Eating: left overs
tiny flakes of snow are falling from the sky
the first snow fall of the season.
i prefer it to stay in the mountains mostly but
it is so magical and wonderful when snow falls.
it is just starting to stick to the roof tops.
the chickadee's and winter wrens are fluttering
throughout the garden vines eating the seeds
we left out and resting on the bare kiwi branches.
the best part about snow is the soft quiet it
creates. it seems some how to muffle everyday sounds

the perfect calm and oh so quiet snow...


in case i don't write again this year my wish
for all my friends is to have a joyful winter
holiday season and peace, love, happiness
and good health in the new year to come.

fc
  • Listening to: the quiet snow and castlemusic
  • Watching: tiny snow flakes
  • Drinking: water
a few days ago was remembrance day, november 11,
at eleven minutes past eleven we bow our head in
silence and remember all the fallen soldiers of all
the past world wars as well as those current wars.
so much sacrifice so that we can live free.
but really i think it is just good to remember things
and reflect on your own life as well.

in this life we are meant to endure countless losses
it seems this is what it is to be human and perhaps
in some strange way, what we lose connects us
to one another, no matter what country we live in
or language we speak or religion we practice and
even if we have no religion everyone of us knows
what it is to have lost something in our lives. so it is
good to remember, it can bring a smile to your face
but it can make you weep.

i am listening to horse feathers and the singer has
this soft voice and when ever i hear them i seem to
be fighting back tears. that and i have been feeling
a little melancholic as i reflect  and remember people
i have  lost and events that have come to pass in my
life. i am watching my parents grow older and it
saddens me for some reason.
must be one of the stranger emotions for a parent, to
be witness to and to continually lose that little child
you once new. maybe you were smart enough to have
recorded their  voice and hopefully took countless
photographs of your child that make you smile but
also you know you will never have that three year old,
four year old, five year old again. they grow up and
become the new them and that is good but in some
small way you morn the loss of that little boy that you
loved so much and that thought you were the most
amazing creature on earth, however fleeting this
devotion was.
i can't recall where i was going with all
of this but no matter... it was about time i updated this
journal.

the winter wrens are back, the sun is shining and the
maple tree has her last golden leaves hanging on
until the next storm takes them away...
  • Listening to: horse feathers
  • Reading: saveur
  • Drinking: i need some coffee!
I am my mother's only one
It's enough

I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know

Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon

I am my mother on the wall, with us all
I move in water, shore to shore;
Nothing's more

Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns --
Reddish ruse

Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon


this was written and performed by justin vernon
in the winter of 96, in a his fathers cabin in wisconsin.

bon iver will be performing at the sasquatch festival next weekend
and we have tickets!

thanks for visiting and for your lovely words of encouragement.
means so much to me :heart:

hope you are keeping well :o)

f
  • Listening to: love long gone, De Yarmond Edison
  • Reading: maynard, confessions of a bacon curer.
  • Drinking: coffee... it's morning!
One thing I'll say for the less traveled way
Doesn't have subtlety
Has twice the gravity

Get in and go and your one with the now
Turns inconsistently
Arcs in a symphony

Make your mind sharp and aware of the holes
Fall through them steadily
Slip through them readily

Watch and watch spiraling out of control
It's beyond all that anyway
Time is dead anyway

Passenger song on the dark radio
Wheels in your other head
And holes in your other mind

Lights on the screen and then shut by the door
Voice their inner frames
The eyes have jar all the same

Follow the path until it falls away
Hurry it's dangerous
Some say it's glamorous
Charge through the past and the future of now
Come to it sparingly
With what you are carrying

Notes on the pages and notes in the bars
And chasing without it scars
It might make you see the stars
Show me and told me then show me to bed
Collapsing anyway
The edge is starting to fray

Oh right, you are right, you are right, you are right
Left from the interstate
Cause you can hardly wait
One thing I'll say for the less traveled way Doesn't have subtlety
Has twice the gravity

if you don't know of the great lake swimmer, you can sample
this song at this address.
www.last.fm/music/Great+Lake+S…
  • Listening to: passenger song/ the great lake swimmers
  • Reading: water for elephants
  • Watching: the rain
if my life were
an open book
it would be
easy to decipher
but mostly who
would choose
to read it?

at least i find
myself of late,
a little less living
in my head...

struggling to keep up
with the day to day,
the mundane.
the stuff
i usually shut out.

it seems better this way
a little less distracting
until the next thought
takes me away
somewhere.

close the book.
pick up the pen
the candle flickered,
close your eyes
close your eyes,
it's no use
i can't sleep...
  • Listening to: sun kil moon, truckers atlas
  • Reading: the nick cave interview in mojo magazine
  • Watching: writing and drawing

good-bye california...

Fri Jan 9, 2009, 10:59 AM
last day in joshua tree...;(


got up before the sun rose to get some photos in the park.
the windiest day so far but still very sunny.
saw two coyotes walk down the wash we had hiked on the day before at lost horse mine. they are so beautiful to see and blend into the desert so well. drove to barker dam to see if any animals might be drinking but no such luck. when we walked back out we saw 4 young jack rabbits standing very still.
california has been so lovely and warm. we enjoyed every moment from the venus and cresent moon nights and the most amazing star filled sky, the bluest of blue skies and soft, warm desert sun, a road trip to arizona and the london bridge, a hike or walk in joshua tree every day and great music and really good barbecue at pappy and harriet's, in pioneer town. the people really make it though, so friendly and ready to tell you about the best kept secrets. i am going to enjoy my last day. tomorrow we will drive to palm springs airport and make our way back to vancouver, canada.
i'll check back and catch up on correspondence once i am settled back in.

wishing all of you a very happy new year :)



  • Listening to: lisa laundry do stand up on comedy central
  • Watching: watching the wind blow the mesquite trees
  • Drinking: espresso

it's almost here...

Mon Dec 22, 2008, 9:32 PM
can't you just feel it!

i am so excited and ready for christmas...
2 more days of work, then i get to spend the eve of the 24th
with my best friends, marcus and gabriel.
the winter trees are dressed in snow... the earth is white &
perfect and the sky is clear and kissed with stars .

it is so beautiful... i can barely stand it!

i am hoping i will get the chance to make a christmas card
and post it but in event i get side tracked, i also wanted to share a
poem with you that i found in one of my old note book. i copied it
out over 20 years ago and just happened upon it tonight.

to all my friends out there and if you are visiting for the first time, i wish you and your families a happy christmas or hanukah or winter break, however you chose to celebrate and even if you don't... wishing you peace, love, happiness and health. play safe-have fun :heart:

oddments, as when
you see through skin,
when flowers appear
to be eaves dropping,
or music somewhere
declares your mood;
when sleep fulfills
a feel of dying,
or makes ghosts
of clothes on a chair.

inklings, as when
some room rhymes
with a lost time,
or a book reads
like a well know dream;
when a smell recalls
portraits, funerals,
when a wish happens,
or a miracle sees
through distances.

omens, as when
a shadow from nowhere
falls on a wall,
when a bird seems
to mimic your name,
when a cat eyes you
as though it knew,
and heavy with augury,
a crow caws
cras cras from a tree.

moments, as when
the air's awareness
makes guess true,
when a touch
speaks past speech,
or when, in poise,
two sympathies
lighten each other,
and love occurs
like song, like weather.


written by
alastair reid

  • Listening to: the national, apartment story
  • Watching: candles burning
  • Drinking: mineral water

twelve more nights...

Sun Dec 14, 2008, 10:57 AM
  • Listening to: yer possessed, gordon downie coke machine glow
  • Watching: the snow through the window
  • Eating: eggs bennie
  • Drinking: coffee... it's morning!
... and we are off to joshua tree national park in california!
seven more long days of work left this year and that's it till
the 12th of january 09.
we will be staying in a ranch in 29 palms. i have stayed here before and it is a cozy place, a gorgeous stone fire place in the living room and another one outside. we like to hike and explore in the park and surrounding areas by day. at night we have mesquite wood fires under the desert stars in the yard, drink beer and sing old cowboy songs... totally goofy but extremely relaxing. we also love to frequent a place called pappy and harriet's in pioneer town for great tunes and barbecue.


woke up to the first snow fall of the season, 4 inches... very pretty but a little cold. it never lasts long though, should be melted in a few days.

hope you are all keeping well ;)



i need to change this thing...

Thu Dec 4, 2008, 8:49 AM
months go by and yet i can't seem to find time to update this journal.

have been working on some larger abstracts with ink and nibs and i
am pleased with my progress. at first i did not like the lack of predictability i was getting... went back to my trusty old pens and just recently picked up the nib pens and ink and surprise, my hand control had improved and my lines and shapes were more fluid!

will try to scan and upload some new stuff soon but you know
how it goes... i am easily distracted ;)



  • Listening to: elliot brood
  • Reading: choke by chuck palahniuk
  • Watching: the periwinkle sky and wispy clouds
  • Drinking: coffee... it's morning!

summers almost gone...

Wed Sep 10, 2008, 8:01 AM
you can feel the subtle change already, a slight crisp in the morning and evening air.
the sun goes down earlier and you need a light sweater.
i heard geese honking in the distance warning their pals to fly south for winter so the time is near for a new season to emerge and summer is almost gone...

i can't complain though, i have had a great summer. i especially loved the music festival outside of Portland, the people we met and the road trip back. was fortunate to see Radiohead for the first time in an outside venue and the summer rain drenched us all... so magical. the kayak trip we took with our friends was spectacular in every way. we were witness to so many diverse paddling conditions on the ocean and had great success exploring the islands. found the remains of an ancient native american fish trap and marveled at all the diverse sea weed and creatures. i know i could say much more but i need some coffee and i don't want to bore anyone who may get this to death so i am going to keep it short. just felt the need to update. i leave you with the lyrics to a great song by Ray LaMontagne, from the album Till The Sun Turns Black.
hope you are happy, healthy and well... peace love and happiness ;)

'EMPTY'

she lifts her skirt up to her knees
walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
i never learned to count my blessings
i choose instead to dwell in my disasters

walk on down the hill
through the grass grown tall and brown
and still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
on past the busted back
of that old and rusted cadillac
that sinks into this field collecting rain

will i always feel this way
so empty, so estranged

of these cutthroat busted sunsets
these cold and damp white mornings i have grown weary
if through my cracked and dusty dimestore lips
i spoke these words out loud would no one hear me

lay your blouse across the chair
let fall the flowers from your hair
and kiss me with that country mouth so plain
outside the rain is tapping on the leaves
to me it sounds like they're applauding us
the quiet love we make

will i always feel this way
so empty, so estranged

well i looked my demons in the eye
laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
see i've been to hell and back so many times
i must admit you kinda bore me

there's a lot of things that can kill a man
there's a lot of ways to die
yes and some already dead who walk beside me
there's a lot of things i don't understand
why so many people lie
well it's the hurt i hide that fuels the fires inside me

  • Listening to: DOLOREAN, violence in the snowy fields
  • Reading: Michael Ondaatje's Divisadero
  • Watching: the season change
  • Drinking: nothing but i could use a coffee

end result

Sat Jul 26, 2008, 9:18 AM
resident mockery
gives us an hour for magic
we of the purple glove
we of the starling flight
and velvet hour
we of arabic pleasures breed
we of sundome and night.

from an american prayer
by
James Douglas Morrison

i found this written in a 1983 sketch book full of old art assignments from my high school days.
i was always getting in trouble for having too much poetry interspersed between the pages of drawing from my various art teachers but no matter. i found it actually inspired me to write poems and to draw as well as read the works of others.
this has flipped around quite a bit as now i draw far more than i ever write but then again i have never drawn as prolificaly as right now and it feels really good. july has been exceptional in this regard. i really just wanted to change this journal cause the last entry... i was in a sad and low place.
it is my birthday next weekend and i am going to porland, oregon with my best friend for a 3 day music festival called the pick fest. i can hardly wait to see Jolie Holland, Sean Hayes, and Kelly Joe Phelps as well as the musicians i don't know of yet...camping out at night and music all day and sketch books, sounds like the perfect thing to do on your birthday and should be great fun.

talk soon, felicia

  • Listening to: super furry animals/hello sunshine
  • Reading: no, just drawing lately
  • Drinking: nothing but i could use a coffee

reconstruction site

Wed Jul 9, 2008, 8:40 AM
today is better than yesterday. i am not going to talk much. just want to share another favorite band and song in particular that you may not know of yet. they are canadian boys from winnipeg, the weakerthans.i hope i have this right but the lead singer song writer is john k. samson. he is a wonderful poet and story teller.
'reconstruction site' is a really great first get Lp of their's, back to front. that is if you don't already know of them. also their latest one, 'reunion tour' is just stellar.
hope you enjoy :)

the reason

how i don't know how to sing.
i can barely play this thing. but you never seem to mind, and you tell me to fuck off
when i need somebody to.

how you make me laugh so hard.
how whole years refuse to stay where we told
them to, bad dog,locked up whining
in a word or misplaced souvenir.
how the past chews on your shoes, and these memories lick my ear.
how we waste our precious time marching in the
picket lines that surround those striking
hearts.

how the time is never now, and we know who we
should love, but we're never certain how.
i know you might roll your eyes at this,
but i'm so glad that you exist.

  • Listening to: andrew bird and other sad songs
  • Reading: no, just drawing lately
  • Drinking: my morning coffee

armchair apocrypha

Tue Jul 1, 2008, 2:30 PM
armchair apocrypha, is the title of one of andrew birds Lps. it randomly played on the i-pod a few minutes ago and was so lovely, that i felt compeled to google the words. if you don't already know of him, check him out, if you will. his voice is serene and beautiful. the song is called 'cataracts'.
i hope you enjoy it.

'cataracts'
and when our mouths are filled with uninvited tongues of others
and the strays are pining for their
unrequited mothers
milk that sours is promptly spat,
light will fill our eyes like cats


and they shall enter from the back
with spears and scepters and squirming sacks
scribs and tangles between their ears
faceless scrumbled charcoal smears, oh dear

through the coppice and the chaparral
the thickets thick with mold
the bracken and the brier
catch weed into the fold

when our mouths are filled with uninvited tongues of others
and the strays are pining for their
unrequited mothers
milk that sours is promptly spat,
light will fill our eyes like cats,
cataracts.

  • Listening to: tony joe white,take time to love
  • Drinking: french cider

'a pillow of winds'

Wed Jun 25, 2008, 8:46 AM
meddle, was the first Lp i purchased as a kid, excluding 45's and is still up their as one of my most favored floyd albums ever. david gilmore has such an angelic voice... i played it this morning after years of not hearing it...still as beautiful as ever...
enjoy

a pillow of winds, by pink floyd.
  
      a cloud of eider down
draws around me softening the sound
      sleepy time when i lie
     with my love by my side
      and she's breathing low
      and the candle dies.
when night comes down you lock the door
     the boot falls to the floor
   as darkness falls the waves roll by
      the seasons change
      the wind is warm.
now wakes the owl, now sleeps the swan
    behold the dream, the dream is gone
         green fields
   a cold rain is falling
   near the golden dawn.
  and deep beneath the ground
the early morning sounds and i go down
   sleepy time in my life
  with my love by my side
  and she's breathing low
   and i rise like a bird
in the haze as the first rays touch the sky
   and the night winds die.

  • Listening to: pink floyd's "meddle"
  • Watching: the morning come
  • Drinking: coffee
today was so grey and wet but i found myself trying to find the good in it. for one the rain sounds so peaceful and has a way of calming you. it makes things grow and the fresh intesity of  the green leaves, grasses and various plants is at its finest. it cleans everything and gives us water. my hair gets lovely curls when it rains but not too much rain or you look like a drowned animal! then i ran out of possitive thoughts and started to feel envious of those who live in suunny warm climates and dry hot deserts. i was wishing i was back in 29 palms, california, but enough about rain and weather.
i had a fleeting thought about my grade school days and wanted to share it or at least put it to paper.
when i was a young child i wanted to be a peanut butter sandwich when i grew up. i can remember our schools teachers aid, she helped out in the library. on a frequent schedule several other children and i were taken from our regular class to be helped with our reading and comprehention skills by the teachers assistant.
her name was ms jones and she was a fairly wrinkled face woman with chocolate brown hair that she must have set in big curlers each night. i also remember she wore bright red lipstick. i got the impression she thought she was special and better than us. i could never understand why the school board hiered these impatient teachers to deal with the kids that needed help most.
one afternoon after each of us had read aloud for ms. jones she asked each of us what we wanted to be when we grew up. the question must have pertained to the book we had been reading, although i have no recollection of it now. i being quite young, six or seven years old at most, replyed, "i want to be a peanut butter sandwich" not knowing how angered she would become or that the other children would find it so funny. i was left feeling foolish about my responce.
it's funny to me now in retrospect i know i said it because i loved eating peanut butter sandwiches. in fact i had one most every day through out the year in my lunch except when on occasion my mom went to the drive and we had mortadella in our fridge. i think i associated peanut butter with being loved and being accepted... that if i loved peanut butter this much then others must love it as well and in my child like brain i believed if i could be a peanut butter sandwich when i grew up, then i too would be adored.
  
  so my peanut butter rant is over now...however silly it might have been.

kind regards,
  felicia
  • Listening to: danny michel, in the belly of a whale
  • Reading: suite francaise by irene nemirovsky
  • Watching: the rain falling
  • Eating: nothing....i need my dinner.
  • Drinking: a phillips blue buck ale

retrospective

Wed Jun 4, 2008, 8:20 AM
if it ends well it is well

for the past week i have been contemplating updating my journal as i approach my 1000th page view. i was told by a deviant that it is tradition  to post a new entry to celebrate this occasion. i am really excited about this for a few reasons.
part of me can hardly beleive that so many of you kind deviants have wanted to stop by and view my site. i have also been delighted by all the encouragment i have received to date and i feel really thankfull to all of you for this.my personal experience of the deviant community has been one of great support.
i must now admit i joined da reluctantly at first. my son (also a deviant) poodleboy was the one that set up the account, gave me the name linebendergirl, showed me how to submit a deviation and the rest is history!
for most of my adult life i have felt uncomfortable about showing my drawings to anyone outside my imediate family so the fact that i am here now is proof i am overcoming my childish fears.
since decoming devious, i have been producing a large amount of drawing and this feels good. although the prospect frightens me a little i am even considering  doing a collab with a deviant friend!
and lastly i continue to be amazed daily with the extremely talented artists on da.
so enough said for now.
many thanks to those of you that have become friends, for your encouragment, comments and for visiting my site.
keep on drawing, painting, photo taking, and creating

   peace  love  and happiness

  • Listening to: the national the boxer album (love it)
  • Reading: suite francaise by irene nemirovsky
  • Eating: super yummy homemade nuts n' bolts
  • Drinking: mineral water