Big questions without suitable answers

4 min read

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LiamRSharp's avatar
By LiamRSharp

Colour me naive.
Colour me an idealist pinko liberal.
Colour me a romantic arty-farty fantasist.
Colour me a hippy pacifist fence-sitter.

Most of my friends are heading for, or past, the big five O.
There's increasingly less time for bullshit.

To my eyes, my mind, my experience
- as an intermittently successful artist and writer, boutique publisher, digital pioneer for storytellers, dreamer (in the most iconoclast way), pessimistic optimist, father of three, husband, failure and champion -
it's all bullshit.

Nothing matters, beyond those we love and who love us
- at least not in any personally meaningful way.

The nature of civilization is to be in perpetual crisis
- and I fear we're in the thick of a bigger existential crisis than we, as a species, are prepared to acknowledge.
We feed on fear and triviality, and are in thrall of our baser instincts
- to duck, to hide, to run.
It's left to those without empathy to guide us.
Those without fear.
Those that will stand on the backs of all humanity to survey their temporary kingdoms, as if it had any worth.

No matter your belief, or lack of;
no matter your own particular chosen apocalypse,
the point is
- we all have one.

There's something very telling in that!

Even if your particular 'end' is some vapid white subjugated eternity of imagined peace,
or a bevy of (presumably willing) virgins
- though the misogynistic fantasy of that seems like a hell of some kind for at least some of the participants -
or oblivion...
Whatever your view, the point is:

it all ends.

We avoid that thought.

It ends, and the world
- this planet -

We either do it ourselves,
or nature,
or if you really insist,
God ends this planet one day soon,
or not so soon.
It really doesn't matter which.

The point is there's no escaping it,
any more than the fact of our own deaths.

We are all people.
Children of this universe, products of this tiny, fragile earth.

What kind of monsters are we?

I will howl this to my dying days!

We are ALL responsible for human life.
We are all part of the quandary.
We can decide,
as a species,
that the lessons of history are valid.

But we won't.

Over 2000 years ago we knew that history repeated itself,
and we wrote it down so we might learn from that.
But we did not, nor will ever, listen.

I'm perpetually angry at our near-sightedness.
Our consumerist, selfish, Money-grubbing bullshit nothing lives.

Love becomes a luxury.
Charity is for sale.

We cannot see far enough.

Our pseudo-empathy extends to a witheringly fragile community of like-minded sailors adrift in a sea of information and misdirection.
There are no stark realities, it's all true and all lies.

If we just let it happen
- because, y' know, there's fuck-all we can really do -
then we deserve our inevitable hellish oblivion, whatever form it takes.

The crush of time will obliterate us regardless.
We don't have to work at it.
Hate or No hate, it will all end.

So WHY the FUCK are we still brutalizing each other?
Why are we so full of enmity?
We are one race on a beautiful spectrum.
We are one species.

We are living on one thinly-crusted ball of magma hurtling through space.

We have only one home.
We have this one shot at life, as a people.

When we are all gone there will be nobody to remember us.

So yes - colour me whatever you like, but I will never understand our inability to see beyond the want/need, petty, selfish and ultimately destructive nature of these cultures we enable to thrive, and to 'lead' us.

I fear for my children.
I fear for humanity.

We should be better than this.

We should be wiser.

Other than that - life is pretty good.

© 2014 - 2021 LiamRSharp
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Meredyth's avatar
Mr. Sharp, I am starting to love your journals even more than your artwork.
introvertedart's avatar
Sadly, I feel very much the same way that you do. I really don't have anything to add to your thought.
SaintOfTheDragons's avatar
Yes, death is inevitable, as well as the destruction of all human institutions we hold dear- so why fear it? More importantly: why did we have the thin, ephemeral need to build ourselves higher than we might ever be, to obtain power and peace? How could we ever know how to go about the process of self-betterment and take the so-called higher roads? Wherever would we have obtained these concepts, inspirations, these wants, needs, dopamine output upon accomplishment, stress hormones upon loss, if not implanted within us inside of our very genetic codes? Not only why such complexity, but how such complexity within a fragile, finite construct that man says built itself?

People say we're accidents, but I'm seriously not convinced of it. If we take that path we most certainly subject ourselves to being proverbial bugs on the windshield of time- but it is a path that we choose. Once we damn ourselves to the so-called realism of our temporary world, then we will be the self-fulfilling prophesy, dying as the world dies.

Don't panic, it'll all be okay. If we are stardust, then let it be so in the end. If dirt, then dirt, if nothingness, then nothingness, if something more, then do what you can now to find out what- because you've just described exactly what so many have grappled with already. When we're gone, we're not keeping anything with us.
Bey-Fenn's avatar
12jack12's avatar
Well said :nod:

Most don't find these things out until they face a possible personal brush with their own death.  Then you see how much most things we though were very important were so much bull shit!  I worked with guys over the years that though the job they were doing was so important that the world would stop spinning if they didn't do it.
Ghost-Notes's avatar
Scaring me, Liam. I just had a rough go with these kind of thoughts last weekend and spent the entire weekend trying to fight my way out of that mindset. It also scares me that we tend to wrestle with the same issues on a frequent basis. Here I was looking to you in the hopes that it gets better :)
icenectar's avatar
Actually I'm already fully aware that my presence/existence doesn't really matter except to maybe the dog and that's negligible.
martianhalo's avatar
There is one appointment none of us will be late for.

It does seem, however, that some have been a tad early.
BringerOfStorms's avatar
Very well said Liam.  Your fluidity is remarkable.

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