I find it very appropriate that you can no longer indicate your mood at the bottom of entries.
It parallels what I'm going to talk about in this entry. As you may have noticed, I haven't updated in 10 months. Initially that was because life kicked me in the butt with a new day job and drama. There were also some really amazing things mixed in, like me co-producing my first burlesque show and going to X Games Aspen AND Austin.
The big change, however, came in the form of a pill. I've been battling anxiety for a really long time now, and the new job revealed that counseling wasn't enough. Therefore, I went to see a psychiatrist, and she immediately put me on a mood stabilizer. Overall, with the exception of spontaneous yelling and altered sleep patterns, it's been great. I don't want to burst into tears at work, and my heart isn't pounding out of my chest when I have to deal with social situations. I still don't like them or driving, but life no longer feels like a big rollercoaster (and I don't like rollercoasters). Another side effect has been lurking beneath the surface though.
Stress has been such a constant in my life that at some point, I learned how to harness it. Now I don't know what to do with myself. Without the extreme emotions and the constant need to rush around, I am not motivated to do much. It's worse with my sleep habits being changed.
Writing has taken the biggest hit. I haven't written an article in a very long time, and I made up my mind to close Hibari-sensei's Classroom
once I finally complete a particular post. I'm a little bummed because I did have some things I still wanted to talk about. However, I feel like the Japan chapter of my life has closed.
That being said, I still would like to contribute to the Resonance Media blogs, but I want to shift my focus to To the Power of X
and my creative works. After coming back from X Games Austin last month, I felt a poem bubbling under the surface, but it's just not coming out.
I'm not giving up though.
My psychiatrist still wants me on these particular meds, and my counselor encouraged me to take responsibility and motivate myself. It's worked somewhat on the burlesque
side of things, but I know I can do better. Especially when it comes to writing (I forgive myself for not working on photos since Paint Shop Pro no longer works with this laptop). Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. I'm focusing on eating and sleeping better in hopes that it will give me more energy to feel like myself again.
Quote of the Day:
"My parents wanted to move me into high school out of sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah blah blah. Now 'blah blah blah' is all I think about." - Veronica Sawyer, Heathers