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About Digital Art / Hobbyist LottieFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Literature
[Gift] Someday, we'll find the light in the dark
It's my fault that I'm on my own.
This journey of life has lead me into a dead end, where the thunder storm of frustration looms over my lifeless body. Darkness closes in like a prison, filled with monsters that want to tear me apart. They roach out to me, screaming - You're nothing but a failure, a mistake; no wonder your closest friends ditched you long ago. You're the mute mouse in the classroom, the stereotypical nerd that doesn't meet society's definition of beauty, the invisible ghost that will never be noticed. Who wants to be someone like that?
As much as I want to fight back and defend myself, the energy to do so has already been drained. There's no point anymore. I'm better off living in this world of isolation, where dreams are just dreams, and caring people are nonexistent.
Just as I thought everything was falling apart, I catch sight of someone else in the distance, with a heart shining bright. He gazes over at me, tears painting his face. I find that my h
:iconLeSmollestBean:LeSmollestBean
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Literature
Behind The Mask
Some days, when I look into the mirror, I can't see myself. All I see is a monster, idle and emotionless, staring blankly at me. Her hair sticks out in all directions, dried tears paint her face, her eyes are wide open in shock. This mirror on the wall, reflecting a monster back at me, tells me who's the most worthless of them all - me. It's always me. Everyone else has some worth - my boyfriend has his talented writing skills, my best friend has her caring attitude, that one guy in my maths class has the mind of Einstein. What am I? I'm shit at everything I do, I can sometimes be a selfish bitch that begs for help, my intelligence is mediocre at best.
The world gives me such high expectations, yet they don't realise how hard it is to truly keep that reputation and standard. On dark days like today, I put on the mask of happiness and beauty, which conceals the hideous, dull looks on my face. Everyone can see the cheerful, beautiful girl that they expect on a daily basis.
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[Persona?] Lottie by LeSmollestBean [Persona?] Lottie :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 5 2
Literature
Emotions
Emotions are so easy to hide. You just put on a false smile, pretend everything's fine, and get on with your day. Nobody notices the dried tears on your face, or questions those harsh marks on your arms. No, everything is just fine. It's none of their business anyway.
Yet as much you try and try again to cover up the truth, there's always someone who notices the reality. A person - or group of people - who ask if you're ok, reassure your stupid and messed up mind that it's going to be ok, that you're loved and cared about by at least someone in this world of conflict, all those emotions and thoughts are allowed to pour out from your mouth and your eyes and your mind and-
-and, just like that, you find yourself in a warm, comforting embrace, that speak louder than words. Tears fall like rain. Thoughts fade gradually. Your body starts to relax in relief...
But then you suddenly want to apologise, almost like a chant, because your mind is still conflicted and confused what to think about
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[Slime Rancher] Mosaic Slime by LeSmollestBean [Slime Rancher] Mosaic Slime :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 7 9 Sketchdump of LeSmollestBean by LeSmollestBean Sketchdump of LeSmollestBean :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 5 2 WIP - Patterns by LeSmollestBean WIP - Patterns :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 6 5 [Arty headshot redraw] Before and after meme by LeSmollestBean [Arty headshot redraw] Before and after meme :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 3 4 [Redraw] Arty headshot by LeSmollestBean [Redraw] Arty headshot :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 2 0 [Pixel art] Switch Pro Controller by LeSmollestBean [Pixel art] Switch Pro Controller :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 6 4 Secret Santa?? by LeSmollestBean Secret Santa?? :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 3 0
Literature
Am I good enough?
I'm not good enough.
Walking into school, alone, as usual, trying to hide myself in the crowds. They can't see me like this.
Standing in the corner, I glance over at the people who have found their place.
They've got better grades. More confidence. Not afraid to get things wrong.
But I'm the dumbass. The introvert. The humiliation.
At least that's what my mind says...
I'm not good enough.
I work hard, never expressing that intelligence like a nerd.
I'm focused, the class around me creating bottle of frustration I can't let out.
I'm imaginative, yet my mind is just blank.
What's the point? Who's gonna notice me?
Wait, they're looking at you. Quick, think of an answer.
But what if I get it wrong? Just do it!
Silence fills the room...too late now. You should've made an effort to try.
But does trying ever get me anywhere?
I'm not good enough.
The group of so called "friends" talk as if they've known each other for years.
My "best friend" has found her place now. Better off without me.
I'm
:iconLeSmollestBean:LeSmollestBean
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Literature
A light in the dark
"Are you ok?" They ask.
"I'm fine..."
I'm not fine. In fact, I'm the complete opposite.
Pressuring myself to keep going, I carry on running with everyone. I try to steady my breathing and stop thinking so negatively. Yes, I tried. I tried and tried again, but to no avail. The thoughts were catching up to me rapidly. The crowds of people were fading away in the distance, I desperately tried to catch up, wanting to prove that I am good enough. But my mind says otherwise. Nothing will ever be good enough. I'm not trying hard enough. I can do better than this. As much as I wanted to give up, I kept going, my breathing is getting faster, my heart pounded out of my chest, my motivation is slipping away, I feel like a complete failure.
And a failure I was.
Now in tears, gasping for air, I had to stop myself. I gave up. It's all over. Nobody will see any worth in me.
There I was, sat in the changing rooms, a waterfall of tears flowing from my eyes, my trembling hands buried into my face, the r
:iconLeSmollestBean:LeSmollestBean
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You're so adorable~ by LeSmollestBean You're so adorable~ :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 4 0 [Gift] The smol beans~ by LeSmollestBean [Gift] The smol beans~ :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 3 2 [Geometry] Tree by LeSmollestBean [Geometry] Tree :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 3 2

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Misc - Ghosties by Aer0Hail Misc - Ghosties :iconaer0hail:Aer0Hail 177 7 INKTOBER Day 20 - COVER (color) by PrennCooder INKTOBER Day 20 - COVER (color) :iconprenncooder:PrennCooder 31 17 FOX by Terezas474747 FOX :iconterezas474747:Terezas474747 4 0 Ferrals Adoptables Auction - [OPEN 3/3] by UshiSinsNadopts Ferrals Adoptables Auction - [OPEN 3/3] :iconushisinsnadopts:UshiSinsNadopts 15 6 Close Up: Alolan Ninetales by VorpalBeasta Close Up: Alolan Ninetales :iconvorpalbeasta:VorpalBeasta 27 2 Mimikyu Sprite by KingOfThe-X-Roads Mimikyu Sprite :iconkingofthe-x-roads:KingOfThe-X-Roads 37 2 New Pokemon!! Meltan CONFIRMED by KingOfThe-X-Roads New Pokemon!! Meltan CONFIRMED :iconkingofthe-x-roads:KingOfThe-X-Roads 44 6 |AP| .:Let's go!:. |2/2| by WandaKinkay |AP| .:Let's go!:. |2/2| :iconwandakinkay:WandaKinkay 22 1 Comm - Eevee snuggle! by Aer0Hail Comm - Eevee snuggle! :iconaer0hail:Aer0Hail 306 11 Sweet Song by Starmischief Sweet Song :iconstarmischief:Starmischief 84 7 My Sunshine by midnightpremiere My Sunshine :iconmidnightpremiere:midnightpremiere 161 7 War Never Changes by midnightpremiere War Never Changes :iconmidnightpremiere:midnightpremiere 45 6 Comm - Halloween vibes! by Aer0Hail Comm - Halloween vibes! :iconaer0hail:Aer0Hail 333 9 Spike's Fist by Pony-Berserker Spike's Fist :iconpony-berserker:Pony-Berserker 526 73 Drake by Pony-Berserker Drake :iconpony-berserker:Pony-Berserker 639 93

Journal History

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LeSmollestBean
Lottie
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United Kingdom
Pink Welcome by YuikoHeartless

Lottie | She/Her | bisexual flag by DiegoVainilla

7/10/17
:heart: :iconlesmollestbean::iconcin-harrow: :heart:

Stars by IngloriousBunny Stars by IngloriousBunny

Hi, I'm Lottie, aka Smol Bean! I'm a self-taught artist that draws for fun. I mostly do digital art, but I occasionally do traditional art too. I also love to write, practice programming and help others.

Hope you like my artwork and short stories! ^w^

More about me
Interests
***EDIT***


You can check out my current ideas/story development here: docs.google.com/document/d/1x-…


---

Hey guys, it's been a while xD

I've not been too inspired to draw recently and I'm not that happy with my art in general really, so I'm trying to take a break from it at the moment and do some writing instead.

Over the summer I started to think of ideas for a story I might be writing. It's sci-fi/fantasy themed OwO

Here's the story idea at the moment:

  • It’s been 1000 years since a war broke out that divided society.

  • There are 5 crystals that come from somewhere in space, however their origin is unknown.

    • The main characters gain these crystals, which give them powers which they can use in battle.

  • Another war breaks out and the characters must work together to save the world once again.

  • The world is split into 5 nations:
    • Selfless nation - In this nation everyone cares for each other more than themselves. It’s made up of small villages and towns that help each other. They also care for the homeless, with shelters to keep them off the streets.

    • Selfish nation - Made up of large cities and dominating companies with all the power, this nation believes in hard work and creating your own success. Companies are always competing to better than each other and most people are quite selfish. The poor and the homeless are disregarded on the streets, with no shelters to go to. Children at school are taught to work hard to become successful in life and to not help others in their success.

    • Diverse nation - A place where people of all backgrounds are welcomed and made to feel like they can be themselves. It’s made up of many towns, each one different to the next. In the central city of this nation (often called the “City of Pride”) there are celebrations every year for people to be proud of who they are and accept each others differences. This includes race, sexuality, etc. Any sort of harassment or discourse is never tolerated and is usually picked up on fairly quickly.

    • Modern nation - The most technologically advanced out of the 5 nations. They’re always finding ways to improve technology and make people’s lives easier. A.I robots are fairly common and are always learning from humans. Some of the best jobs in this nation include computer scientists and engineers. People are overly dependant on technology in their everyday lives. Despite this nation being so advanced, most are oblivious to the dark truth behind it all...

    • Natural nation - A nation with little technology, but a lot of wildlife. There are towns and villages scattered around the nation, as well as agriculture. Since children don’t grow up with technology, they go out with friends and are quite active outdoors, whether it be playing sports or just walking through parks. However, their lack of technology makes them vulnerable if another war breaks out...


Currently I've been working on the characters and trying to think of ways to develop them, but I'm going to do a bit more world building since I've not gone into a whole lot of detail about that yet.


Hope you like my ideas so far, let me know what you think :D

Comments


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:iconkeralice:
Keralice Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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(1 Reply)
:iconbushartist:
BushArtist Featured By Owner May 13, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
Hey, Lottie. How's thing going? :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconbushartist:
BushArtist Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
Practice makes perfect, Lottie. Keep going, my friend. I'll try to read one of your written piece and give a comment to you one day. Have a good day, my friend. :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconfriend711:
FRIEND711 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday!
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(1 Reply)
:iconsawuscimitar74:
SawuScimitar74 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2018
Happy Birthday! :D
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(1 Reply)
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