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About Digital Art / Hobbyist LottieFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
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[Gift] Someday, we'll find the light in the dark
It's my fault that I'm on my own.
This journey of life has lead me into a dead end, where the thunder storm of frustration looms over my lifeless body. Darkness closes in like a prison, filled with monsters that want to tear me apart. They roach out to me, screaming - You're nothing but a failure, a mistake; no wonder your closest friends ditched you long ago. You're the mute mouse in the classroom, the stereotypical nerd that doesn't meet society's definition of beauty, the invisible ghost that will never be noticed. Who wants to be someone like that?
As much as I want to fight back and defend myself, the energy to do so has already been drained. There's no point anymore. I'm better off living in this world of isolation, where dreams are just dreams, and caring people are nonexistent.
Just as I thought everything was falling apart, I catch sight of someone else in the distance, with a heart shining bright. He gazes over at me, tears painting his face. I find that my h
:iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 4 0
Behind The Mask
Some days, when I look into the mirror, I can't see myself. All I see is a monster, idle and emotionless, staring blankly at me. Her hair sticks out in all directions, dried tears paint her face, her eyes are wide open in shock. This mirror on the wall, reflecting a monster back at me, tells me who's the most worthless of them all - me. It's always me. Everyone else has some worth - my boyfriend has his talented writing skills, my best friend has her caring attitude, that one guy in my maths class has the mind of Einstein. What am I? I'm shit at everything I do, I can sometimes be a selfish bitch that begs for help, my intelligence is mediocre at best.
The world gives me such high expectations, yet they don't realise how hard it is to truly keep that reputation and standard. On dark days like today, I put on the mask of happiness and beauty, which conceals the hideous, dull looks on my face. Everyone can see the cheerful, beautiful girl that they expect on a daily basis.
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Lottie by LeSmollestBean Lottie :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 6 4
Emotions are so easy to hide. You just put on a false smile, pretend everything's fine, and get on with your day. Nobody notices the dried tears on your face, or questions those harsh marks on your arms. No, everything is just fine. It's none of their business anyway.
Yet as much you try and try again to cover up the truth, there's always someone who notices the reality. A person - or group of people - who ask if you're ok, reassure your stupid and messed up mind that it's going to be ok, that you're loved and cared about by at least someone in this world of conflict, all those emotions and thoughts are allowed to pour out from your mouth and your eyes and your mind and-
-and, just like that, you find yourself in a warm, comforting embrace, that speak louder than words. Tears fall like rain. Thoughts fade gradually. Your body starts to relax in relief...
But then you suddenly want to apologise, almost like a chant, because your mind is still conflicted and confused what to think about
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[Slime Rancher] Mosaic Slime by LeSmollestBean [Slime Rancher] Mosaic Slime :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 8 9 Sketchdump of LeSmollestBean by LeSmollestBean Sketchdump of LeSmollestBean :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 5 2 WIP - Patterns by LeSmollestBean WIP - Patterns :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 6 5 [Arty headshot redraw] Before and after meme by LeSmollestBean [Arty headshot redraw] Before and after meme :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 3 4 [Redraw] Arty headshot by LeSmollestBean [Redraw] Arty headshot :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 2 0 [Pixel art] Switch Pro Controller by LeSmollestBean [Pixel art] Switch Pro Controller :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 6 4
Am I good enough?
I'm not good enough.
Walking into school, alone, as usual, trying to hide myself in the crowds. They can't see me like this.
Standing in the corner, I glance over at the people who have found their place.
They've got better grades. More confidence. Not afraid to get things wrong.
But I'm the dumbass. The introvert. The humiliation.
At least that's what my mind says...
I'm not good enough.
I work hard, never expressing that intelligence like a nerd.
I'm focused, the class around me creating bottle of frustration I can't let out.
I'm imaginative, yet my mind is just blank.
What's the point? Who's gonna notice me?
Wait, they're looking at you. Quick, think of an answer.
But what if I get it wrong? Just do it!
Silence fills the room...too late now. You should've made an effort to try.
But does trying ever get me anywhere?
I'm not good enough.
The group of so called "friends" talk as if they've known each other for years.
My "best friend" has found her place now. Better off without me.
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A light in the dark
"Are you ok?" They ask.
"I'm fine..."
I'm not fine. In fact, I'm the complete opposite.
Pressuring myself to keep going, I carry on running with everyone. I try to steady my breathing and stop thinking so negatively. Yes, I tried. I tried and tried again, but to no avail. The thoughts were catching up to me rapidly. The crowds of people were fading away in the distance, I desperately tried to catch up, wanting to prove that I am good enough. But my mind says otherwise. Nothing will ever be good enough. I'm not trying hard enough. I can do better than this. As much as I wanted to give up, I kept going, my breathing is getting faster, my heart pounded out of my chest, my motivation is slipping away, I feel like a complete failure.
And a failure I was.
Now in tears, gasping for air, I had to stop myself. I gave up. It's all over. Nobody will see any worth in me.
There I was, sat in the changing rooms, a waterfall of tears flowing from my eyes, my trembling hands buried into my face, the r
:iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 1 0
[Geometry] Tree by LeSmollestBean [Geometry] Tree :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 3 2 [Geometry] Ideas by LeSmollestBean [Geometry] Ideas :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 5 9 [Sketch] Arty headshot by LeSmollestBean [Sketch] Arty headshot :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 4 5 [Sketch] *Fangirls* by LeSmollestBean [Sketch] *Fangirls* :iconlesmollestbean:LeSmollestBean 1 5

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Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United Kingdom


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Cloudcuckooman Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2018  Student General Artist
Hey, Lottie. How was your Halloween?
(1 Reply)
Keralice Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
(1 Reply)
BushArtist Featured By Owner May 13, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
Hey, Lottie. How's thing going? :)
(1 Reply)
BushArtist Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
Practice makes perfect, Lottie. Keep going, my friend. I'll try to read one of your written piece and give a comment to you one day. Have a good day, my friend. :)
(1 Reply)
FRIEND711 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday!
(1 Reply)
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