HOW TO CREATE A HAUNTED TREE
1. Marry someone you don't love.
If you are already in a loveless marriage, you can skip this step.
2. Bring up the subject of moving with your spouse.
Prepare a list or reasons you want to move. Pick someplace very far away, ideally in another country. Be firm but not impatient, do not seem over eager. Tie up any loose ends, ship possessions ahead and be ready to leave at a moment's notice. Expect this step to take some time.
3. Create a garden in the backyard.
Mention to your spouse how relaxing gardening is, and point out that it will raise the value of your home. If you do not have a yard, locate a suitable area near your house, such as a disused lot.
4. Purchase sapling, and begin digging a plot.
The hole should be round, large enough for your spouse's body and several feet deep. Purchase a large sapling to avoid suspicion. If someone points out that the hole seems large for the sapling, mention something abou