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1.

dry leaves-
I remember
the perfect spiral
of my worn
pigskin

2.

asking her out
by email
I proofread every word
then-
delete

3.

flipping
to the free space
in my journal-
but how can five lines
hold autumn dusk?

4.

sorority bake sale
the girl I dumped
last year
serves me
a cold brownie

5.

Thanksgiving-
above the
dinner prayer
the howl
of a stray dog

6.

fall carnival
the tarot woman's hand
warm
against my own

7.

even in the cool
of night air
the rose
climbing
her ankle
This is just a short series of some my Tanka style poetry. I will be adding one piece daily for a final total of seven. Enjoy :D By the way, this is not a sequence, just individual works.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2008-03-12
As MSJames says: These simple poems in Tanka Series, by *Laurence55,move like a graceful swan, taking you from one moment to the next, and without you even realizing it's a perfectly-executed Tanka. ( Suggested by MSJames and Featured by GeneratingHype )
:iconsoldierandrew123:
Soldierandrew123 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015
Wait ... Isn't Tanka poem should be like 5/7/5/7/7...
I don't really want to point at every problem like for example for the first one it is just 2/4/5/3/2... It is still good but idk...
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015
Please research contemporary tanka before making such comments on my work. There are many journals online as well as essays. Thank you.
Reply
:iconsoldierandrew123:
Soldierandrew123 Featured By Owner May 13, 2015
Well sorry but I was just confuse on why is the poem is different than the one I usually read
Just showing an example on a website that may explain
www.edu.pe.ca/stjean/playing%2…
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015
That is understandable, but you really should study before making assumptions. There are several excellent haikai journals online. I would be happy to point you to a few.
Reply
:iconhaikukitty:
HaikuKitty Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Did you know....

searching,
I type in "tanka"
and here is this piece,
most popular of all time! :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2009
:blushes: Thanks Loretta! Its been a long time since I've looked at this set :heart:
Reply
:iconorgnyzdk-os:
orgnyzdk-os Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2009
nice work
please do check out mine
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2009
Thank you! I certainly will!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2008
Wow -

just re-reading these - what an amazing set!!!

#3 makes me jealous even - I wish I had of written it!!!

:)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2008
Ah, thanks man! Yeah, lately I have been reading over some of my favorite poets in other styles, such as abstract. I may post a few longer works, but I am definitely a short form poet at heart. :D
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2008
I find longer works really hard to connect with these days - usually because they have an intent I don't enjoy. mostly they are too concerned with expressing themselves, and forget that a good writer must forget themselves in the poem... poets I find have real trouble remembering that people will read the poem.

I do like Bukowski and William Carlos Williams though, so maybe there is some hope for the longer form.

Long live the short form!!!

;)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2008
Yeah, I have some that I enjoy greatly! I may type some up and send them to you. I'm nervous man...Friday is my black belt test...
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2008
wow - good luck with that - that is intense.

I will be sending my thoughts to you!!!

:heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2008
Thanks! :heart:
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2008
:)
Reply
:iconocean--floor:
ocean--floor Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2008   Writer
I know you said these are not a sequence, but they do fit together so well. They flow together like memories, in a way. I think #3 is my favorite, but overall this is an incredible piece.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2008
Thank you, I appreciate that!! :D Yes, tanka (in my opinion) should maintain fluidity and overt emphasis of emotion! :nod:
Reply
:iconocean--floor:
ocean--floor Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2008   Writer
you're very welcome. :)
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:iconsukkigoh:
sukkiGoh Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks ~:star:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2008
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2008
#4 is excellent also!!!

a great person/al-image (rather than natural-image, not that I support an absolute distinction between them). we feel that in one kind of poem there is a person attempting to understand nature, and in the other, a person tries to understand a person (here, the ex-girlfriend).

wonderful image.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2008
Cool, thanks!!! I love the way you have analyzed this!!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2008
:)
Reply
:iconkeraness:
Keraness Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
Congrats on the DD! :party:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
Thanks Kera!! :D
Reply
:icondnangela:
DNAngela Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
I can see the scenes melting into the next...
Seems like some kind of emotive jock's story..

I wanna look into "tanka," but it's like haiku, right?
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
Tanka is actually a style that predates haiku...it usually consiss of five lines, and is (in my opinion) a little more fluid than haiku. i post educational journals about the various eastern styles. Feel free to go to my page and browse my previous journals...try out the style!! Its great :D
Reply
:icondnangela:
DNAngela Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2008
Thanks for the information,
I should have done that earlier.
But I really enjoyed your poem, 'grats on the DD.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2008
thanks!! :D
Reply
:icondavismarie:
DavisMarie Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
but how can five lines
hold autumn dusk?


My favorite part. ^_^ :+fav:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
Thanks! :D It is mine too
Reply
:iconretrozombie:
RetroZombie Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Congrats on the DD, Laurence! :dance:
It's very well deserved!

This is a great set - I know they aren't supposed to be related, but they go well together, and the mind is captivated by a sense of their underlying connections. :)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Ah, thanks dude!! I appreciate that! :D
Reply
:iconiscariot-priest:
Iscariot-Priest Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
My favorite's the 4th one, cheekily funny.

Congrats on your DD ;)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Thanks Dude! :D
Reply
:iconinuyashasgrrl:
inuyashasgrrl Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
love your style and choice of topics. and your tousen avvy of course ^^
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Haha Thanks! So you're an inuyasha fan! So am I...especially inutaisho :D
Reply
:iconciaconna:
ciaconna Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Really gorgeous writing - you say so much in so few words.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
thank you, I appreciate that :D
Reply
:iconciaconna:
ciaconna Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
You're welcome ^^
Reply
:iconamy--louise:
Amy--Louise Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Congrats Laurence! I don't know much about tanka yet- makes me think of buffalo (heh) I am happy for you though :D
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
:D thanks Amy...yeah, that word does stir that image for some reason!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
Jade-Pandora Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
it's like the word "tatanka" - the Souix word for "buffalo", which was heard alot in "Dances With Wolves".
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2008
Thats where i heard it!! Thanks Jade :D
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:iconchiffonsigh:
ChiffonSigh Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008  Student Digital Artist
These are absolutely beautiful :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Thank you :D
Reply
:iconcreightonwrites:
creightonwrites Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
#6 is a real wonder. Congrats!
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Thanks!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
wowowow - really great series Lawrence!!

our favourite is definately number three. one suggestion - is the "but" needed?? We were thinking it reads cleaner as:

flipping
to the free space
in my journal-
how can five lines
hold autumn dusk?

"but" having said that (ha!) we love the poem unconditionally no matter what our "anal" problems are (ha! again).

number 3 is a stunner too - wow. so impressed. you certainly deserved the DD.

:) :) :) :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2008
Thanks team! Actually, with the "but" I was trying to emphasize a sudden wonder (upon seeing the night sky) shifted to a sudden doubt about my ability to properly describe it. That was the purpose of that word. That being said, I also agree with the version you have, as I am always a stickler for streamlining...I may take out the "but" after all. Do you think it would compromise the full meaning? Thanks dude!! You are great!!! :heart: :D
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