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WARNING TO READERS -  THIS IS A NON-ART RELATED RANT.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Okay, so you're my best friend and I love you to death, but you are fucking pissing me off.  I know that you're used to being spoiled because your dad gave you almost everything you've ever wanted.  And I'm very sorry that he passed away.  But quit blowing through your inheritance or you're going to end up on the street before you know it!  You seriously blew $7000 to have 10 pounds of fat removed?  SEVEN-THOUSAND-FUCKING-DOLLARS for TEN POUNDS OF FAT?!?!?!  THAT'S $700 PER POUND!  And you know you're going to gain it all right back if you don't lay off the beer!  OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!  I've been trying to be supportive and I have defended you and your personality to many people over the years, but tonight I lost it.  I was using that piece-of-shit can opener that you told me to buy (in your typical this is more expensive so it has to be better quality thought process) and I was thinking about how I would like to show you that it was a piece of shit and I lost it.  All I could think about was that you were sitting in your big, newly remodeled house, recovering from liposuction, deciding how to blow your inheritance some more while I was reduced to prying open a can of beans with a screwdriver.  And I know I shouldn't be like this, but I'm pissed off.  You're not even TRYING to save that house.  You're just hanging out there until the bank forecloses on it and then, la di da, you're just going to take $100,000 and buy a new place and forget about the house that belonged to your dad.  The money you spent remodeling that house (the house you're just going to GIVE BACK TO THE BANK) and the money you spent to have fat sucked out of your ass would damn near pay off my house.  And if you think that temporarily removing those pounds is going to land you a guy, you're wrong.  It's not your size.  It's your goddamn loud, rude mouth that turns people off.  I could smack you for being so snotty to my husband.  "Well, maybe if you save up you could buy your wife a new set of dishes."  Or, MAYBE, just fucking MAYBE the dishes I have are FINE and I'm not going to go buy something NEW if what I currently use isn't BROKEN.  Yes, I like the other set, but I don't NEED it.  
I love you like a sister and that's probably why I'm so angry with you.  And that's also why I won't say these things to your face because I don't want to hurt you.  BUT GOD DAMN IT!  STRAIGHTEN UP!!!  Your dad did NOT work his whole life just to have you blow his money on booze, cars, remodeling a house you're intentionally losing, and cosmetic surgery!!!!!!  
And talking about the booze needs to stop.  You know we don't drink in this house.  You know WHY we don't drink in this house.  You know that your dad died because the booze killed him.  So why, why, why, why, WHYYYYY do you spend every weekend in the bar and only talk about drinking?  
That guy you liked?  He liked you too.  Until you sent him a facebook friend request and your entire wall was covered in nothing but comments about which bar you were at and posting things like, "Where my alcoholics at??"  Really?  Come on.  You're a better person than this.
You're pretty!  You didn't need surgery.  You're smart!  You have a bachelor's degree.  You have money!  Quit blowing it.  You're fun to be around!  You don't need the booze to prove it.  People would like you a lot more if you would quit acting like this spoiled, rich little know-it-all and just be the real you.  The girl who is funny and loyal and generous.  Not this rude, nipped'n'tucked, fake-ass small town socialite that you're trying to act like.  What is happening to you?  I'm running out of excuses for you, dear.  And I'm not going to let you run off our other friends with your attitude.  I'm sorry that I've had to lie to you lately about why we can't hang out, but I just don't have the heart to tell you, "Because you're pissing everybody off!"  
I don't know what to do.  I miss my friend, but maybe it would be better if you did move back to that other town where there's more bars and more people like you.  We are at completely different stages in life.  I have the husband and the kids to take care of, you have only yourself to worry about and which party you're going to attend.  We're just not on the same page anymore.  I can't just go hang out with you and go partying.  That's not where I'm at in life.  I've moved past that.  And if that's where you want to stay, that's fine.  But you don't have to talk down to me because of it.  
I don't know what to do, but I feel better about letting out my frustration a little bit now.
I hope you come back to earth and start acting like my friend again.
And I smashed that can opener to pieces.
  • Listening to: The TV
  • Reading: this
  • Eating: Homemade Zuppa Toscana
  • Drinking: Diet Mt. Dew
So, if deviant art thinks they're being cryptic about the "artist of unique and immortal talent" they're not doing such a hot job.  If you read the letters in bold, it clearly spells Tim Burton.  However, I am extremely interested in what they're planning.  Seriously?  Tim Burton?  Holy shit, Batman.  LOOOOOOOOOOVE Tim Burton.  I WANNA KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!!  Anyone have any ideas?  Super excited about this.
  • Listening to: The TV
  • Reading: this
  • Eating: Homemade Zuppa Toscana
  • Drinking: Diet Mt. Dew

I want to go Swimming

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 18, 2011, 11:27 AM
It's the middle of October, it's freezing cold outside and I finally broke down and turned on the heat today.  And all I can think about is how much I want to go swimming.  I want to lounge in clear, cool water with a warm breeze blowing and a bright blue sky overhead.  Is that too much to ask for???  I've only been to the beach once, but I loved it.  I couldn't believe how pretty and soft the white sand was and how beautiful the ocean is.  All we have here is the lake with coarse, hot, brown sand.  I wish I'd brought some of that white sand home with me.  But that was years ago.  I really miss going swimming...  maybe I'll just go sit in the bathtub.

  • Listening to: The Dryer running
  • Reading: this
  • Eating: nothing, now that I'm diabetic. blah.
  • Drinking: Diet Mt. Dew

You're too nice, You're too selfish, You're a cunt

Journal Entry: Sun May 22, 2011, 11:57 AM
People piss me off.  Not just some people.  All people.  Like, everyone I know pisses me off all the fucking time.  And for different reasons.  And I'm tired of being pissed off.  It's exhausting.  So I have to vent it here, even though none of those people will probably ever read this (well, one will, but that's okay.)

W - Get over yourself.  If you don't care about your husband anymore, leave him.  I'm sick of hearing about it.  I don't care about the delivery guy who flirts with you and takes you out back of work to make out in his truck and then refuses to poke you on facebook.  Really?  You're 40 years old.  I love you, you're like a big sister to me, but why do you need a man to make you happy?  Get single and enjoy being that way for awhile.  

Facebook users everywhere - Facebook has to be the dumbest fucking thing invented since pet rocks.  You don't want people knowing your business?  Don't post it for the entire internet to see!  You don't want someone contacting you?  Don't post pictures of yourself all over the internet.  You don't like drama?  Quit posting passive aggressive little snippets all over your wall.  I don't use facebook and I never will again.  It's drama central and everyone over the age of 12 should be banned from participating in that cesspool website.  You're all fucking idiots.

JW - I hope you fall walking down the aisle and your wedding dress catches fire and your fiance realizes what a terrible mistake he's making and he runs away from the altar, screaming like a little bitch.  You knew what your sister was up to and you didn't warn me.  That's why you haven't called, but she called 30 times a day for 3 days straight.  Because you both knew she tried to fuck me.  Well fuck you.

K - I don't know what the fuck got into you, but I sure as shit hope you're fucking miserable wherever you are now.  That shit you tried to pull on me?  It didn't work.  I still have everything I hold near and dear to my heart that you tried to ruin.  Karma is a bitch and it will get you in the end.  We've been friends for over 12 years now and for your jealousy to piss all that away is just sad.  You could have the same exact things I have, if you would work for them.  You want to not have to work and be a stay at home mom like me?  QUIT BLOWING YOUR FUCKING MONEY.  Make your good-for-nothing husband keep a job.  Seriously.  And the other thing, that thing you really want, it would happen if you'd get off your fat ass and lose some weight.  Yeah, I'm fat, too.  But I did what I had to do to get what I wanted.  You're just too fucking lazy and want everything handed to you.  And give me my book back.

I will never forgive you for what you did.  You've fucked me over bad in the past and I've forgiven you.  It will not happen this time.  There is no going back.  There is no making up.  Please forget that you even know my name.  The lowest level of hell is reserved for betrayers - and that is where you will be.  If you ever read this, and I hope one day you do, remember it well because this is the last thing I will ever say to you - Stay away from me and my family.  I know what you did.  I will never forgive you.  Do not EVER contact me again

J - You know I love you and I'm sorry for all the crap you're going through right now.  I wish I could help you, but I can't.  I know that you have to move away and it's beyond your control now.  I will miss you.  But I'm pissed.  I told you and told you to quit being so fucking nice to everyone all the goddamn time because all they do is take advantage of you.  And that fucking pisses me off.  All these lazy asses who won't get a job and just expect you to take care of them make me want to scream.  And now it's THEIR FAULT that you have to move.  And you're going to leave me here alone with the meth heads on one side and the booze-guzzling rednecks on the other.  And I'll probably get some crackheads that move into your house, or college boys who throw wild ass parties, or (shudder) bleach-blonde-moronic-cheerleader type girls who will laugh at me every time my fat ass walks out the door and will think my dogs are "icky."  I love you, J, but fuck you.  (And I say that with the utmost love, dear, I really do.)  I think I'm going to have to dig a basement under my house and then keep you in it because I don't want you to go.  Goddammit, you're the only friend I have left.  When you leave, I'll have NO ONE who will come see me.  You're the only one who can put up with me.......... please don't go...............  I fucking hate them all because it's their fault.  They're taking away the one friend I have left...... the only person who somewhat understands me and who I can ask advice from and who makes me feel a little bit normal (cause, let's face it, you make me look really fucking normal.)  You suck so bad right now.  I love you, but right this minute, I hate you for being so goddamn nice.

Okay, I'm done.  I'm not completely lonely.  My husband is a good man, but he works long hard hours to take care of our family and I miss him during the day.  My kids are wonderful, but there's only so much Dora and Spongebob and Buzz Lightyear a person can take.  So I'm gonna put a roast in the crockpot for supper and then cuddle on the couch with the baby and maybe have a good cry (me, not the baby.)  Don't worry about me.  I'm just extremely tired (you chase two hyperactive boys around the house all day and stay up all night with a 6 week old baby) and I'm losing the only friend I have left.  J - I hatechu so much right now.  Not really.  I luv you.  And that's why I'm sad.

  • Listening to: The Dryer running
  • Reading: this
  • Eating: nothing, now that I'm diabetic. blah.
  • Drinking: Diet Mt. Dew
3:40 in the morning, and I can't sleep.  As usual.  And, of course, I have to be at the doctor's by 8.  Dammit all.  
So, yeah, for my friends on here who I haven't talked to in forever, my husband and I are expecting our third child!  I suppose it's a bit of a late announcement, seeing as how I'm 35 weeks pregnant.  Yes, it's another boy.  :)  And I'm officially in freak-out mode.  Baby is coming soon and there's so much to get done.  But I'm super excited too.  But no one is as excited as my grandma.  My cousin Melissa is expecting her first child (also a boy) in a couple weeks.  My baby is due mid-April.  And my cousin Jessica is expecting her second AND third babies in July (a boy and a girl).  Yes, she's having twins!  So by mid-summer, grandma will have 8 great-grandbabies total.  Ever see a 90-year-old woman do cartwheels?  If she was able, I think she would.  Now everyone is on my cousin Brad and his wife Megan about when they're going to have babies.  My sis is the only one dodging that bullet - but only because she's not married yet.  I swear, my family's nuts.  Ever see the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding?  Yeah.  That's my family, except they're Italian instead of Greek.  
Overall, I'm feeling pretty good, except for being tired all the time.  I'm just wondering how I'm going to survive once the baby gets here.  My 5-year-old and my 3-year-old keep me busy as it is.  OMG, what have I done?!?!  And tonight, my husband said something that about knocked me out.  He mentioned the next baby (not the one I'm currently carrying.)  O__o    I keep joking about trying again for a girl, but I didn't think he was game for that.  He was tired... he must be delusional.... And I'm starting to ramble.  Oh well.  Fuck it.  I'm too tired to care.
Also, they found out I have gestational diabetes.  Which I always thought if someone was diabetic, they had to watch how many sweets they eat.  Ya know, cookies, cake, ice cream, shit like that.  Nope.  Diabetics have to watch their CARBOHYDRATES.  For the record, I have lived my entire 26 years on carbs.  I LOOOOOOVE pasta.  Like, I would eat pasta at every meal.  And now, no more.  :(  I is sad.  But my husband's excited.  We've been eating steak, like, 3 times a week because I don't know what else to cook.  LOL!  The cool thing is, I've been actually losing weight.  Now, don't anyone freak out.  I've been overweight my whole life and because of that, it's safe for me to lose weight while pregnant.  Baby is perfectly healthy and in the 80% for his growth.  So, total so far, I've gained 3 pounds this pregnancy.  And baby weighs more than that right now (5 pounds, 13 ounces).  I'm curious to see what my weight will be tomorrow when I go see my doctor.  She thinks that my diabetes will clear up once the baby is born, but I think I'm going to try to stick to this diet regardless since I've been feeling better and losing some weight.  
We have also decided that this fall, I will start homeschooling our kids.  So I've been researching that a lot and trying to start preparing for the endeavor that will be.  I'm kind of excited about it.  I think we may start some stuff this summer.  I want to try and start a little bit of an urban homestead and plant some fruit trees in the front yard and a garden in the back, which could count as "school projects" for the boys.  I wanted to keep backyard chickens, but the husband pretty much threw that out.  Dammit.  (Side note: through some research I did on our town's ordinances, I think I could legally keep a goat in my yard.  Is that weird?  Who the hell keeps a goat in town?  Oh, yeah, that's right.  I would.  HA!)  I think taking care of a garden would be a fun project for the boys and keep them occupied and teach them a lot about how things grow.  (Science project, anyone?)
I guess that's about it.  Sorry that this is kind'a disorganized and random, I'm just bored and avoiding sleep because I'm afraid that if I go to bed now, I won't wake up on time to make it to my appointment.  But I guess I really do need to get laid down for a minute so I don't fall asleep on the highway.  I'll try to stay more up to date with you all in the future.
  • Listening to: The Dryer running
  • Reading: this
  • Eating: nothing, now that I'm diabetic. blah.
  • Drinking: Diet Mt. Dew
I don't understand people.  But lately, I don't understand myself.  I expect everyone to be open minded and tolerant of one another, yet I am not.  I don't understand why I am so idealistic.  I think things should be a certain way and I get pissed if things don't happen the way I think they should.  Maybe, in some respects, I'm too old-fashioned.  Like, because I keep my word, I expect that everyone else should.  And I am prejudiced.  Prejudice against stupid people.  Unfortunately, it doesn't take much for someone to fall into my definition of stupid.  Now, I'm not talking people like my best friend Jess, who thinks eating chocolate raises her IQ.  (People like that are just cute and you kind'a feel sorry for them.)  I'm talking people who can't even form a single legible sentence.  Ya know, like these dumb fucks who post on craigslist and write something like "ur a dum ass peeple like u r wats rong wit the internet".  Um, no, you stupid shit, it's people like you with your texting-type writing that are what's wrong with EVERYTHING.  It irritates me to no end.  
And another thing that pissed me off - why is it that when someone actually IS intelligent, other people accuse them of being "weird"??  An old old old friend of mine has been posting some very deep, thought-provoking stuff on facebook.  Really philosophical type shit.  And now, his half sister (who I just learned was his half sister, hell I didn't even know they are related) is wanting to block him and saying he's not right in the head.  Uh, no.  Apparently YOU'RE not right in the head, because I'm assuming you're just freaked out because his level of comprehension is so far beyond you.  Fuck you.  And here I thought you were a cool person...  
I'm so sick of the intolerance that I'm becoming intolerant.  Does that even make sense??  FUCK.
  • Listening to: The Fan in the bedroom
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: for new shit to buy
  • Eating: homemade party mix
  • Drinking: water
So the other day, my cell phone became possessed.  Literally.  Like, it started randomly typing out numbers and dialing things and all sorts of crazy shit all by itself.  And then, I accidentally snapped it in half.  Well, my dumb ass forgot to back up my contacts.  So now I lost all of my friends' phone numbers.
So, this is what I need you all to do.  Either send me a note on here with your number, OR call my cell phone and leave me a message so I know it's you.  I won't answer if I don't recognize it, but if you leave a message, I will save your number and call you back.  (I got a new phone now, but the number is still the same).  The main phone number I'm trying to get back is CATIE!!! Besides, I haven't talked to you in forever, girl.  
SOFA.
That is all.
  • Listening to: The TV
  • Eating: Doritos
  • Drinking: Mt Dew

It's Solstice!!

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 21, 2010, 11:47 AM
*happy dance*
It's summer solstice today!  That means it's the longest day of the year (well, longest amount of daylight in the year).  So I'm cooking up a huge BBQ dinner for my family this evening to celebrate.  Burgers, Hotdogs, Corn-on-the-cob, watermelon.  Mmmmmmmmmm.  Yummy.  

Also, my tiny little town had quite the uproar going on over the weekend.  The Girls Gone Wild bus was here.  Apparently, GGW is on a mission to find the hottest girl in America.  Why did they show up here?  Seriously, if they were looking for those mythical hot "farmers' daughters", they missed the mark.  This is Moberly.  There's really not much to work with here.  Although, me and my girlfriends have decided that we're going to buy the DVD when it comes out because we want to see if we recognize anyone.  Blackmail material, anyone?

Jessica and Krista are back from their trip to New York, so now our card party nights can resume.  I'm such a nerd.  I LIVE for card party nights.  We played spoons (Krista's suggestion) on Thursday, but that didn't turn out so hot.  See, I hate to clean.  And I didn't want to wash the spoons afterwards, so I grabbed some of those cheap, throw-away plastic sporks.  Sporks are not the same as spoons, apparently, when attempting to play spoons.  People end up bleeding...  But I've never laughed so hard in my entire fucking life.  Probably because I wasn't the one bleeding...

My husband and I are attempting to plan a vacation for next month.  We want to go to a concert in Wichita, KS.  Twisted Sister will be there.  I just want to see Dee Snider.  He's my new older-celebrity crush.  *drool*  Sorry, but that man is fucking sexy.  I already told my husband that if (by some miracle) Dee Snider ever shows up at my front door, I am instantly single.  "Husband?  What husband?"  However, I don't think my husband is too concerned about that.  LOL.  Anyway, I better stop before I get myself all worked up here... so... concert... yeah... we'll see...

Anyway, I better get to doing something productive.  Everyone have a very happy solstice!  Blessed Be!

  • Listening to: We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
  • Eating: Doritos and Cottage Cheese! Yummmm.
  • Drinking: Water

Thunderstorms and Ebay

Journal Entry: Sat Jun 5, 2010, 10:35 PM
*yawn*  Man, I'm tired.  But it's that good kind of tired, ya know?  Where you know you accomplished a lot and your day wasn't wasted.  :)  Yeah, I'm that kind of tired.
I spent the whole day with my husband taking pictures, organizing, and listing stuff on eBay.  We have 137 things on eBay right now, and it feels good.  I feel like I got something done for a change.  So, the diningroom still has a lot of boxes in it, but now all of those boxes are full of stuff that's listed for sale.  Yay.  
And let me tell you what.  I don't know what it's like where you are, but it is hot as a motherfucker here in the midwest.  And muggy as helllllllll.  And, of course, I'm the redhead that's so pale I glow in the dark, so if I go out in the sun it's like instant sunburn.  I keep thinking if I get enough freckles I'll look tan, but so far, no such luck.  
And then late tonight we had the weirdest little storm that blew through.  Before the rain hit, there was tons of lightning.  I've never seen so much lightning.  It was like someone turned on a huge strobe light.  I took a video of it - maybe I'll post that on youtube or something.
Anyway, between working all day in the heat and the thunderstorm tonight, I'm exhausted.  (storms always make me want to sleep)
I hope everyone had a great day.  I know I did.
:D

  • Drinking: Water

Clean My House For Me

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 3, 2010, 11:40 AM
No, seriously.  Please?  I hate cleaning.  That's why I'm writing this journal.  It's my way of procrastinating.  But I know that if I don't get it done, I'm just going to continue to twist my ankle on the toys that are everywhere, keep bitching that I can't find a fork because they're all in the dishwasher, and I'm pretty sure that the laundry is breeding - no one can have THIS many clothes to fold and put away.  (they're clean, just not put away).
Anyway, on a good note, my house smells like a candle shop.  I've been making soy votive candles like crazy and my house smells uber-super-yummy.  It's fantastic.  And I still have a lot more candles to make.  Maybe that's what I'll do.  I'll whip up a batch of candles and while they're cooling, I'll clean.  And then I'll do another batch and then clean again.  Sounds like a good plan to me.  :D
And I'll probably be posting more journals today just because I can and because I like the new journal skins that we get to use.  So there.
Well, I gotta go.  I need a cigarette and the baby is up from his nap - I can hear him jumping and growling at his TV.  (yes, the baby growls.  He always has.  Try breast-feeding THAT.)
Sorry, you probably didn't want to know that last part.
LOL!!!!

  • Listening to: Everyone's A Little Bit Racist - Avenue Q
  • Watching: the time get away from me
  • Playing: With Candles
  • Eating: Doritos
  • Drinking: Water

On The Subject of Lying

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 1, 2010, 2:41 AM
Why?  Why would you lie?  
I don't like liars.  (unless it's a nice lie, like telling a friend that her ass doesn't look huge in those jeans)
I avoid lying if at all possible.  It's just not fucking worth it.
You (meaning anyone) will always get caught in the end.  You're just prolonging the inevitable.  You may get away with it for a couple days, maybe a couple years.  But it will catch up to you.  Even when I try to lie, I end up ratting myself out.  (Like last summer when Jenni would help me clean, I would totally intend on telling my husband that I'd cleaned the whole house myself.  Then I would feel guilty by the time he got home and tell him the truth before I even had a chance to lie.  LOL.)
Maybe I don't lie because I know I suck at it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I've NEVER lied.  I just try to not lie.  Because I suck at it.  Honestly.
Maybe that's why I'm no good at writing anymore.  I got out of the habit of making shit up on the fly.  (I lied to my mother all the time when I was a kid.)  That's what happened to my creativity.  Now I understand.
I really need to stop writing these things so late at night.
So, there you go.

  • Drinking: Water

I don't understand...

Journal Entry: Sun May 30, 2010, 12:55 AM
How people can use, abuse, and take other's kindness for granted.  They expect to do whatever the fuck they want and just automatically be forgiven like it's no big deal.  I'm tired of being "the bad guy" and tired of watching others treat my friends badly.  From now on, I'm only dealing with people my age or older.  These punk-ass teenage kids are wearing me out with their teeny-bopper bullshit.  And here I thought I was done with high school shit YEARS ago.  
All I'm going to say is this - I'm sick and tired.  I am sick, sick, sick of your shit.  If you want to be treated like an adult, then fucking act like one.  I am not bending over backwards for you anymore.  And I'm sick of watching everyone act like the sun just shines out of your ass.  And this goes for all of you.  This isn't just one person.  There are at least five of you that I'm thinking about right now and I just can't fucking take it anymore.  I'm tired of your shit.  And there are others who are tired of it too.  Grow up or go to hell.  That is all.

  • Drinking: Water

Grateful

Journal Entry: Mon May 17, 2010, 9:24 PM
You know, ya never know how MUCH something means to you until it's gone.  Over the past couple days, my family has lost something that most take for granted.  You don't realize how important something is until you have to do without.  THANK THE GODS that my dad was able to fix the water heater.  

Cold showers SUCK.

Appreciate your water heater.  You never know when it may decide to blow up and you have to do without.  

And I give ten million kudos to the Amish who do without every single day.  

Not that it matters, because I'm pretty sure the Amish will never see that shout-out, but ya know.  :shrug:

Anyway.  BIG BIG THANK YOU TO MY DAD FOR FIXING THE WATER HEATER!!!

I'm going to take a shower now.

  • Reading: Summoning the Fates by Z Budapest
  • Watching: Criminal Minds
  • Eating: Sour Cream and Onion Chips
  • Drinking: Water

You Know Who You Are

Journal Entry: Fri May 14, 2010, 10:31 PM
Stupid bitch.  Leave me for dead because it's more important to you to go suck some guy's cock instead of helping me out when I'm supposed to be one of your "best friends".  Fuck you.  When you needed help, who gave you money to apply to that school?  (yeah, the one that you're not going to even fuck with now.)  When you need smokes, who do you bum them off of (not your "boyfriend").  By the way, he's not your boyfriend.  He doesn't love you.  He never will.  He doesn't even like you.  He thinks you're immature, you're a bitch, and he doesn't like all the biting and scratching and clawing that you do in bed.  That's why he won't fuck you.  GET OVER IT.  He won't marry you.  He won't have kids with you.  He's not that kind of guy.  He only hangs out with you because you buy him food and sodas.  What guy wouldn't take free shit?  Are you really that fucking stupid?
At least he offered to come help me out last night.  But no.  You didn't want him to leave the house because that might take away from your plan to get into his pants.  So you leave me here, crying, screaming, writhing in pain with no way to get to the store for medicine because you think his DICK is more important than your friend's HEALTH.  
FUCK YOU.
You stupid, self-centered, arrogant fucking bitch.  EVERYONE is tired of your shit.  EVERYONE.  
We see through your LIES.  And I am done with you.  You pulled this type of shit before and it bit you in the ass, yet I still gave you a second chance.  Well, second chances are over.  At least now I know who my REAL friends are.  At least Jenni offered to drive me to the ER (yeah, I was in enough pain, they wanted to take me to the ER, but your stupid ass didn't think I was that bad off.  Guess again, shit-for-brains).  At least Mary offered to sit with the kids while I went to get help.
So now I know where I stand.  I am at the bottom of your priority list, while your (you wish he was) boyfriend's cock is at the very top.
Oh, and we all know that the reason you're over there every night is to make sure he's not fucking someone else.  If you can't have it, no one can, right?
You're pathetic.
And you SUCK as a friend.
Lose my number.
Leave me the hell alone.
And stay away from me or you'll have 75 pounds of white German Shepherd chewing on your fat ass.
You're just as crazy as the rest of them.  And you know it.


To anyone else reading this: I'm feeling much better today.  I was too stubborn to go to the ER, but I did get to the store to buy some herbs and vitamins, and I took those and came home and went to sleep.  Natural medicine is the best.  I am feeling much better today, but last night I was ready to cut out my own kidneys.  Ever had a kidney infection?  Not fun.  Excruciating.  But I'm okay now, so don't worry.

Sorry, I know this isn't really the place for bitching like this, but I am so angry, I had to let it out somewhere.  Thanks for listening.

  • Reading: Summoning the Fates by Z Budapest
  • Watching: Criminal Minds
  • Eating: Cheeseburgers and Fries
  • Drinking: Gallons of Water and Cranberry Juice

Crotch Shots???

Journal Entry: Mon May 10, 2010, 3:32 AM
Let me begin by saying that I love artistic nudes.  Really, like you can't tell from my gallery?  But I think there's a fine line between artistic nude and just plain nakedness.  Am I being narrow-minded when I say that, in my opinion, crotch shots lack the artistic value they need to be posted here?  I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes, I'm just sayin'.  To me, it just doesn't seem to show a whole lot of effort or fore-thought.  It's a crotch.  Yay.  
Am I being a bitch here?  If someone can explain it to me a little better, maybe I'll get a better appreciation for this type of artistic nude.  Or maybe I'm just tired and bitchy because I'm stressed out and I just decided to take it out on everyone's crotches.  Sorry guys.
Thoughts?  Comments?  Cake?  Post below!

  • Eating: Yucky Off-Brand Doritos
  • Drinking: Mt Dew

I'm Reduced to Shameless Begging

Journal Entry: Mon May 10, 2010, 3:08 AM
So, I found this link and I figure, "What the hell?"  Perhaps someone will take pity on me and throw me a few points.  Maybe as a late mother's day gift?  *shrug*  Anyway, if you're feeling generous, click here: LadyRavenhawk.deviantart.com/?…
Maybe I'll get uber-lucky and be able to get a subscription.  
No, probably not.
LOL!

  • Eating: Yucky Off-Brand Doritos
  • Drinking: Mt Dew

Help Help Help! I need help! Help Help Help!

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 26, 2010, 9:33 AM
So, I'm trying to create my own website (something I've never done before) and I can't tell if it's visible to anyone else.  Can someone please let me know if you can bring it up?  www.autumnraine.webs.com  It's going to be a site where I can blog and post videos and maybe (if I get really lucky) sell some of my crafts.  But I need someone to tell me if it's even visible or not.  Thanks so much guys!  
(oh, and you should totally join my member's list.  Heeheehee! :D )

  • Eating: Tater Tot Casserole (aka heart attack casserole)
  • Drinking: Water
I love my husband so much.  Today is his birthday and I wanted to get him something that he could really use.  So I bought him a saw (circle saw, I think?).  Anyway, apparently I bought the super-uber saw of all saws.  It has a laser on it, it's 13 amp (whatever the hell that is, I guess it's uber powerful?) and he flipped out.  Seriously, he was like a kid on christmas morning.  So I did good.  YAY ME!!!  He's so happy that he said I can do another photoshoot this weekend.  *happy dance*  So I'll be (hopefully) working with Trish and possibly Tierney, if she can come along.  And Jenni will be my co-photographer (and Mikk may come too, not sure).  Anyway, Tierney has been one of the more popular models in my gallery, so I know you all will love seeing her again, if we do get to work together this weekend.  And NO she's no longer pregnant.  Those pictures were taken a year ago.  If she was still pregnant, I would be very concerned.  I haven't worked with Trish before, but I'm sure you all will love her as well.  
Anyway, so now I just have to work this around my husband's crazy work schedule and it'll be all good!  I can't wait!
  • Watching: NiHao KaiLan (the kids have taken over the TV)
  • Eating: Doritors
  • Drinking: Mt Dew
So, I was browsing some photos here on deviantart looking for inspiration, as I often do.  I came across a great photo and across the bottom in capital letters, it said AS WITH MOST OF MY WORK NO PHOTOSHOP.  Now, I get it that it's awesome to get a shot and not have to do anything to it to enhance it.  However, I'm getting tired of people on here looking down on those who use photoshop.  Photoshop is a TOOL.  Just like your camera is a TOOL.  Your flash, your lens, your setting, your model are all TOOLS used to create art.  And I think it's important to know how to use all the tools available to you.  I'm still learning my camera and I'm still learning photoshop.  So if it takes both of those tools for me to create a great piece of work, so be it.  That doesn't lessen the value of the photos nor does it make my work beneath yours.  I KNOW it's great to get good shots without having to use photoshop.  I'm not advocating lazy photography.  But why take a good picture and leave it a good picture when you could turn it into a SPECTACULAR picture?  
My friend and neighbor Jenni and I had a brief discussion on this the other night.  We were working on a shoot together (which you will all see soon).  The lighting conditions were crap (we were in the middle of nowhere at midnight) and the pictures weren't turning out the best.  I said that I'd just fix it in photoshop, but Jenni said she didn't want to use photoshop.  The conversation didn't go much further than that.  While I agree with Jenni that it's best to get the absolute best photos with your camera, I don't see anything wrong with using photoshop to make corrections.  If you're writing a letter and you spell a word wrong, do you correct it or just leave it as-is?  When drawing a picture, do other artists look down on you for using an eraser?  
My point is, photoshop or not, we're all striving to take great pictures.  We use settings on our cameras to get the affects we want, why can we not do the same in photoshop?  Don't look down on each other for choosing to use or not to use photoshop.  It's no different than the film photographer who edits their work.  Can't we all just get along?!?!?!

Oh, and Jenni, this blog was NOT directed at you, sweetie, in any way, shape, or form.  It's just that we briefly discussed this the other night and then I see people screaming "NO PHOTOSHOP!!!" on here and it was a weird coincidence and I had to say something to the assholes on here who give others shit for using it.  Love you, dear.  :D
  • Watching: Destination Truth
  • Eating: Homemade Cheeseburgers and Fries
  • Drinking: Water
Finally!  I got to do a photoshoot this afternoon with a model who everyone seems to really like.  I was amazed I got ahold of her - she usually never answers her phone.  There was much tromping and splashing in the creek and my feet hurt so fucking bad.  I haven't gone barefoot in a long time (my husband freaks out about being barefoot and I got tired of listening to it a long time ago).  But I wasn't about to get my only pair of tennis shoes wet, so I went bare and now my feet ache.  But it was totally worth it.
Aside from the photoshoot, it was just nice to be out there.  I grew up playing in that creek and I haven't spent much time in that place over the past few years.  Walking into that clearing is like breaking the surface of too-deep water and taking a huge gulp of air.  It is my absolute favorite place on earth.  When you look at the new pictures (which I hopefully will post in the next few hours) please look at the WHOLE picture.  Sure, ogle the naked, drool-worthy model, of course.  But then look at the scenery.  The backdrop.  The whole picture.  I hope that you will get at least a small sense of what this place is like for me.  It's real and it's nature and it's where I feel at home and at peace.  It's sacred to me.  And I hope that through these pictures, you'll get the same enjoyment that I do.
Bright Blessings!
  • Listening to: Solitudes - Walking Through the Forest
  • Reading: Wicca A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner
  • Drinking: Mt Dew