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Day 1:

Perhaps deciding to study a desert island inhabited by dragons with only a few others wasn’t the smartest decision ever, especially in the middle of summer, but I’m sure we will all survive.

Day 2:

Dragons do not like tsunamis.

Day 5:

Commander Smith’s new rule is that if a dragon comes rampaging into our camp, we are not allowed to propose cooking food to serve the dragon as a distraction, especially if the planned meal involves glazing one of the elves with orange sauce and serving him with summer squash.  

He also did not like the argument that I thought the whole reason we banned 100 year old humans but not elves or dwarves was that 100 year old humans would be gamey, but the others still usable as emergency food/bribery supplies.

Day 8:

The male elf is finally recovered from his injuries sustained during the initial attempt to feed him to the dragon.

He attempted to challenge me to a duel, which I immediately accepted and then tried to burn him to death with the blowtorch. Apparently this is not proper dueling etiquette, and I am also not allowed to show off pictures of Meda as my backup weapon, because now we have a statue of an elf instead of an elf. Commander Smith did not like my shrug when he asked me if this would reverse.

I’m still not sure why we brought a blowtorch to an island that is a barren wilderness due to dragon fire and that still has live dragons who breathe fire.

Am using the elf to track time like a sundial. Have dressed him in sunglasses and flip-flops to be seasonal.

Day 13:

Scientific study means we also need to actually study any buildings we come across, even if they are actually mansion-temples for the Dragon Cult and would likely curse us all to eternal torment in hell if entered.

Female Elf informed me that it doesn’t matter, because the combined heat on a desert island full of dragons in the middle of summer and a burning mansion is already hot as hell.

Day 18:

Commander Smith handcuffed me to the side of our boat after I attempted to sell the female elf to a passing ship. Apparently both because I tried to do it and because I misrepresented her as always naked and already belonging to another creepy guy on the island.

Am hoping he removes the handcuffs before she decides to actually kill me instead of just throwing knives at me.

Am also not allowed to portray female elf as the annual Lothlorien Summer Bikini contest winner, because Lothlorien is fictional and she has never actually entered a bikini contest.

Day 21:

In actual research, have discovered dragons favorite food during the summer is roasted orge.

Orges are not kosher animals,  because they lack cloven hooves, so apparently dragons are not Jewish.

Day 22:

Have been informed previous side note was inappropriate and not scientifically proven to apply to all dragons.

Also have been informed it’s now my job to take care of statue elf and make sure summer storms don’t break him in half.

Day 25:

Sudden summer storm came on and broke statue elf’s hand off.

On the bright side, the broken hand actually reversed him from statue state.

On the downside, he’s now missing a hand.

Day 28:

Sunburn on a desert island in the middle of summer is no joke. It’s 105 degrees out, with no signs of it getting cooler.

The dragons migrated off the island yesterday, so at least we get to leave this island now.

Day 31:

Am home. Taking children to Disney tomorrow.

Hoping elves don’t appear out of nowhere and stab me with a knife again.

Picked blackberries, since they’re having their first crop and we’re no longer on a vegetation free island.

Written for FFM 2016, Day 13, Challenge: Roll the Dice. I got numbers 3-2-7.
 
So I had to include:
3. A desert island
2. A dangerous idea
7. Your piece must take place over the course of one month, and prominently feature summertime (the season sacred to FFM).

My main character is nothing but dangerous ideas. Island is a desert thanks to the dragons. And summer means heat and vegetables to me (seriously, heat! Heat is evil. This is the main thing I associate with summertime, that it is evil and full of heat).

Optional Challenge:

As an extra but non-mandatory challenge for the overachievers out there: choose one thing from the list of "2425 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG" and incorporate it into your story somehow.

So yeah. Since this was optional, I chose more than one thing.

I used (to various degrees):
8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook.
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
72. Not allowed to start a character who is over 100 years old unless he's an elf or dwarf. Humans are right out.
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.
38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
246. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always naked elf chick to nomads every chance I get.
14. Ogres are not kosher.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2016-08-11
Summer Habits of Dragons by LadyBrookeCelebwen is a hilarious recount of one adventurer's time studying dragons in their natural environment. ( Suggested by C-A-Harland and Featured by brennennn )
:iconwindysilver:
WindySilver Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Now this one surely deserved the DD it got! It's hilarious! And that part about orges not being kosher and about that note itself were the best imo! Excellent work! :D
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner May 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry for the late reply, but thank you! I'm glad you think this deserved a DD and that you find it hilarious. :D
Reply
:iconwindysilver:
WindySilver Featured By Owner May 5, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
It's okay! And you're most welcome! :D
Reply
:iconag-cat:
Ag-Cat Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the part when the elf's hand broke off. Also, congrats on the DD! :D
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D I'm glad you liked the part with his hand.
Reply
:iconcrosspadcastle:
CrossPadCastle Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2016  Student Filmographer
Someone should animated this.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
:D I'm glad you think so! Though I doubt anybody with the skills to will anytime soon. :P
Reply
:iconintelligentzombie:
IntelligentZombie Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahahaha, awesome! Congrats on the DD! :love:
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D I'm still shocked by the DD. ;P
Reply
:iconinterminableaj:
InterminableAJ Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016
I love this story! So much happened!
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D I'm glad you love it.
Reply
:iconinterminableaj:
InterminableAJ Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2016
Oh, of course! You're welcome! :) :P
Reply
:icondramos97:
DRamos97 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016  Student General Artist
I can imagine reading this in a video game. XD
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I hadn't thought of that, but it could fit in one. :D
Reply
:iconblagra1679:
blagra1679 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
This was hilarious
I loved how you portrayed the narrator
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! I'm glad you love the narrator's portrayal. :D
Reply
:iconlindartz:
LindArtz Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your much deserved DD!
Congrats on DD By Marphilhearts by LindArtz
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconfractaldragon:
Fractaldragon Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Professional Artisan Crafter
*snerk* *GUFFAH* *CHORTLE* *HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER* Oh well done! Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! I'm glad you found it funny. :D
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Hilarious!
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbomberhead67:
Bomberhead67 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016
All highly professional! :D
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
He's the very model of professionalism. :lol:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD! :DALove: by Ikue
Have a nice day! :love: by CookiemagiK
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :glomp:

Have a nice day too! :D
Reply
:iconlintu47:
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
:hug:
Reply
:iconnamelessshe:
NamelessShe Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016
I loved it! Congrats on the dd!!!!
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D I'm surprised I got another one, really.
Reply
:iconnamelessshe:
NamelessShe Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016
I'm not. Your writing is quite excellent! :D
Reply
:iconc-a-harland:
C-A-Harland Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016  Student Writer
This is wonderful. The narrative voice is excellent and I love the commentary of this character, particularly regarding the elves.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D Sorry for the late reply, but I'm really glad you found it all of that!
Reply
:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2016
I absolutely adore the dark humor in this piece. This was incredibly entertaining to read. And wow, you incorporated so many optional prompts. Bravo. :clap: Way to overachieve, as always. ;p
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! Sorry for the late reply, but I'm glad you liked the humor. :D Overachieving is one of my (bad) habits. ;P
Reply
:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016   Writer
This is hilarious. :XD: Great voice, and I love the narrator's casual racism against elves: it really drives his character home.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D And yeah, his casual racism is what makes him. He's not a member of the fantasy KKK, but he's a problem.
Reply
:iconosterkaktus:
Osterkaktus Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
This was hillarious. Day 25 got me.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D I'm glad you liked it.
Reply
:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2016
I was giggling. I like how anticlimactic the ending is. "Oh I'm done know off to have a life wheee"
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! That is how he lives his entire life. :lol: If it went on longer, he'd probably have to face confusion when he is *gasp* in trouble for causing a guy to lose his hand and trying to sell someone into the sex slave industry.
Reply
:icondragoeniex:
dragoeniex Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2016
Pfff. Someone wasn't thrilled about getting assigned to this mission, I'm guessing. :P The second entry is one of my favorites since it establishes how little the narrator cares about their actual goals.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! And no, he wasn't pleased at all. :lol: He really doesn't care. If he was setting all the goals, maybe, but right now...
Reply
:iconcassidypeterson:
CassidyPeterson Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2016  Hobbyist
:lmao: Excellent use of the Mr Welch list. I love the diary/journal format.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D I'm glad, I like writing journal fic.
Reply
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