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Fallout Equestria THDC CHPT3 Page 1

By L9OBL
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Previous Issue: [link]
Next Page: Next Week
Downloadable CBR: When this issue is finished

The first page in the long awaited Chapter three of mine and my Co-Artist :iconjellybeenmacsmeg:'s Fallout Equestria Comic

We're trying out some new ways of drawing the comic for speed and consistency, hence the change in style. Though I'm still trying to figure out the gore and grime on little pip. Currently just airbrushing it on, but I don't like how it really turned out, so im open to suggestions.

Art By: :iconl9obl: and :iconjellybeenmacsmeg:
Story By: kKat
Edited By: Wenseph
IMAGE DETAILS
Image size
1275x1650px 1.53 MB
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© 2013 - 2021 L9OBL
Comments6
anonymous's avatar
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windata's avatar
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

Ignore the stars, please. I don't use them. owo

Please note that I have no context about this comic whatsoever. All I know is ponies and post-apocalypse.

I won't really cover the drawings themselves (~King-Girm did that well). Instead I'll critique the comic layout and stuff. And I shall throw in links of comic layouts that are good in-between paragraphs.

I really like the first panel. The warped perspective make the character seem lonely, in a strange location. Nice job! But what would have been more effective would be if that panel too up more space on the page. The first panel looks like an establishing shot, something that gives the reader a sense of what's going on. A breather, in a sense, something to say "oh look this is where the story's set in," and could be used to build up tension or mystery. And the larger a panel, the more the readers' eye lingers on it. It's a really important panel in a narrative comic.

Good establishing shots: [link] [link] [link]

As for the other panels, the similar panel shapes and composition make the page seem like a storyboard, rather than a sequence of action. It's also a bit confusing to follow. The similarities between the third and fifth panel make it seem as though those are consecutive events. When you lay out or sketch your panels, make sure the order is as clear as possible, and the flow is natural.Try to vary your panel shapes and sizes! It makes for a dynamic comic. Experiment!

Creative panelling: [link] [link] [link] [link](okay this really isn't panelling more like being crazy)

Speaking of flow, on this page, the flow is really convoluted. in panels four and five, your character moves their rifle to the left. However, the flow is going to the right. This just seems really unnatural and abrupt. Again, make sure your page layouts are as natural as possible. Try drawing a really small thumbnail of your page, no larger than an inch tall. Sketch in the characters. Can you tell what's going on? As for flow, draw a red line through your comic, following where your eye naturally goes, ignoring what you already know about the sequence of events.

Flow and motion: [link] [link] [link]

The most important thing that you're missing is hierarchy of events. A large panel is more important, while a smaller panel is less important. A large panel gives the reader a pause and room for though, while a smaller one is most likely skipped or omitted. When you're laying out panels, make note of which events or actions are important, and which events are not.

Panel hierarchy: [link] [link]

But overall, you did do a good job with the art itself, especially your colors. I just like picking apart composition and layout. If you want other ways to improve, just read a lot of comics and pay attention to what the artist does and why they do it. You have a well-done comic, and I hope you develop it to its full potential! Thanks for reading my critique and good luck!
King-Girm's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

Although it's obviously MS Paint, it is well done. Littlepip's nose seems a bit too... pointy, and the 'gore and grime' has too much grime, too little gore. This could've resulted from the blood drying, but it should be more of a dark red than a brown. Of course that's not to say she shouldn't have any dirt on her, but a bit of both would look best.

The fourth and fifth panels (with the shotgun) were really well done. The magic around the trigger was a nice touch! Both of those panels were cool because they look like a FPS game like Fallout! Maybe you should consider adding some fallout related things in the first person shots though, (health bar, Eyes-Forward Sparkle, etc) but that's up to you as it would probably be a bit hard.

The window doesn't look so much bad as it does... awkward. Both the panels with the window have fairly similar shattered glass, which is a good touch, but the window is shaped differently both times. It feels a bit strange, but hey, it's just a minor thing.

The light coming through the window from the cloud cover seemed a bit bright, and it barely looked like there were clouds outside at all, but I really liked the shadow coming from the window bars, it was a nice touch.

Last little thing, Littlepip's mouth is disproportionate to her snout in the last panel. That sounds like a stupid gripe, I know, but it looks like her mouth is on the side of her snout.

I really dug deep to find things to say bad about this because the comic is coming along quite well! Sorry if any criticisms came off a tad harsh or stupidly anal, just trying to help make this the best gosh-darn comic it can be.
L9OBL's avatar
I much prefer harsh criticism over sugar coated BS. Especially if I asked for criticism lol. as for the grime, yes the blood is supposed to be dry. (it's from the night before lol) But I will definitely keep in mind to throw some more red into it in the next page. As for the EFS, she doesn't actually activate it until later in the chapter, half way through or something like that. And as for sounding too harsh, in all reality, it's MY art and YOUR opinion. If I don't agree with it, I don't have to pay it any attention. But that defeats the point of asking for criticism lol. Thanks for taking the time to write out a detailed, well thought out criticism. It brought up some really good points and I appreciate it.
King-Girm's avatar
That's right, the EFS gets turned on later, forgot all about that. Glad to come to a mutual understanding. Really excited to see more from this comic series!
L9OBL's avatar
Oh yeah and the comic was drawn on a tablet in GIMP not MS paint lol. But me and my co-artist are a little out of practice aha.
StarFoxFan11's avatar
That sure is a lot of rust....I mean blood on her.
anonymous's avatar
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