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281 Watchers745 Deviations

Deviation Spotlight

fall keeper by Kuwaizair, visual art

Deviation Spotlight

orange kittens by Kuwaizair, visual art

  • Aug 22
  • United States
  • Deviant for 19 years
  • She / Her
Brush Lover: Early DeviantArt muro brush adopter
Super Albino Llama: Llamas are awesome! (275)
Whiskers: Submitted to the April Fools' Day category

Favourite Movies
Highlander, Finding Nemo, TLK, Beeteljuice, Nightmare before christmas, Mel Brooks films,
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
danny elfman, Ryuji Sasai, Nobuo Uematsu and some other sound track composers
Favourite Games
final fantasy(s), Ecco, Rpgs, suikoden, various SMT titles, LOZ titles
Tools of the Trade
Other Interests
dinosaurs, mythical animals, sleeping, cheese, meats, tea, vidio games
looking back thinking back going back. anxiety and the way this site is set up now. frustrating. hollow. I think i ruined my life.
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a lot of my life, to much of my life, has been drama and internet heavy. and this is just a blog here. I've runined my life, professional life, social life. I need to put every thought down. I need an audiance for the world. and yet I think it can be a secret life. and there is so much loss. the internet is to important to me. and when sites go down or change(why did you change facebook?) i am left with an emptyness. this is torture. and I deserve every bit of it. I've done nothing. rapid cycle rumination. all my names, my real name, myself. condemmed. it's not the same and I can't stop careing and just move on.
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yearly review

3 min read
i don't know if i'll ever really be into this as I was. minus the drama and envy. I'll never get over envy. and I still never think I'll be good enough to be "a thing" here. the networking is to hard. it's not just this site. I had been diagnosed with cancer last year, had a masectomy, almost done with immunotherapy, done with chemotherapy. her2 positive breast cancer. I still don't think I've matured any I'm also unnecessarily grieving my loss of my elfwood account, and the writing part . I never backed up anything, had it on another site, printed on paper. my mom says I was such a good writer, and those writings I did in 1999 or 2000 are now gone. it hurts. and it's not like the wayback machine would show an archive, I don't even know what my username was. one of the characters I had, and names used, back in 1999. the gryphon's guild doesn't wayback to 1999, where I could of found a character name from then. I don't even have my email from then. I wont even't have my log in for
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Profile Comments 1.4K

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How is it you made comments like this yet you are anti-pedo? https://www.deviantart.com/comments/1/282752451/2496906182

Happy new year, 2022!!

Your art maybe nice,but you hurting others is not a nice thing
that is not hurting. telling someone "KYS you feckless wonder" is hurting. or "if you are in love with your dog, you are a sicko"
this all escalated because I asked their friend if they believe they are fma.wikia.com/wiki/Envy or roleplaying. there are people out there who do this. this all went bad because "help help someone thinks I'm fictionkin,(otherkin.wikia.com/wiki/Fictio…) but I'm real right?" which apparently I need to believe because other friends have known the guy for four years
everything Insanity's Envy friend has on line, has what looks like a roleplay bio. not "i'm just a dude form ________ who enjoys ______________________ and Envy is my favorite character, I can't make my own 'sona so I'll just use him"

I ask if they are just roleplaying or believe. After all your friend Insanity (which is a perfectly chosen name with the paranoia and hotheadedness and belief anime characters can be brought to life and become your friend, after all, the "we're friends" is "he brought me back to life and now I'm a good guy" and everyone gets defensive.

"some meanie says my friend is not real, my friend is real. why do you say he is not real?"  kind of things. "because your friend says they are a character from a manga/anime. because you act like you believe it, and I want to know if you do"

what strong person takes that as a personal attack?

so then this skips to my "ah everything Insanity is saying is make believe, I'll play with him"  , with their acting like things are real, I assume now he lies about the miscarried little brother of his.

then it escalates.

then it becomes a game.

then how do I know everything else is not "playing pretend"

it escalates, it's assuming now we're all just "playing pretend" and Insanitys words are just manipulation, roleplaying, floundering for attention.

your adversary here is someone that has "Sailor Pluto" believe they will bring sorcery into this world and hurt people with it, not just that but have some kind of demon army and cause some kind of supernatural final-war-on-earth. I had a friend who believes this and no longer wants anything to do with me, because "a spirit told him his dream was a vison and not a weird dream". Oh and he believed to be Sailor Pluto in a past life

when ever there is talk of meaness or cyber bullies I use asbsurd examples, of things I've seen or got involved in.

feel like dying because people said you are sick because you have a boyfriend and you love your dog like you would love a boyfriend? check
feel like dying because someone told you not to trace? check

and now being stressed out because it all started with your friend being asked if they are a roleplayer or believe they are someone's intellectual property? I'm going to find some way to write anonomsly somewhere where people help you with struggles by "I am hurting because someone told me my friend is not a Delfox that is a member of Slytherin house, and is astral married to ff7's Sephiroth  why do people do these things?"

and a spy? and murderer?
what level of panic is that.  who would of sent me to be a spy?