The Fight

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By KurnDerak
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“You were out all night drinking again,”
were the first words I heard him say.
I placed my hand against wall and turned
away from his side of the bed as the room
began to spin.  It was going to be this fight again.

“Why do you do this?  You know you have to go
to work in the morning.”  He wasn’t angry,
but the concern in his voice seemed even worse.

“I just want to have fun, am I not allowed to be happy?”
I said softly, balancing myself carefully as I made
my way to the closet.  Kicking off my shoes I almost fell
backwards before flinging myself forward into the wall.  

“How can this be fun?”  He asked, genuinely unsure.

“It’s called being social.”  I hissed back.  
These few seconds of silence hung heavy
between us before I continued.  
“I have friends, you know.  People who want
to be around me and have me around
and go around and have fun.”

“Are you saying I don’t?”  He was getting defensive now,
exactly as we had played our parts for nearly a year.

“You sure don’t know how to show it if you do.”  
I stepped back into the hall and stumbled into the bathroom
just in time to vomit into the sink.  
This was the only drawback of all the fun I’d had.  
at least the only one I was willing to admit to myself.

“You know I want you around, I’ve just been so busy.”  
His voice carried in from the hall.

“If you wanted me around don’t you think you’d make time?”
There was no response and I knew he had gone back to bed to pout.
I wasn’t in the mood to let him act childish so I called after him.  
“I want the man that I fell for back,
not this kid who can’t follow through worth a damn.”

“Can’t follow through?  Do you forget
why I’ve been so busy, or do you just not care?  
Of course you don’t care;
it isn’t about what you want right now.”  
His words had almost caught in his throat
but were pushed out by indignation.

“How dare you.  You avoid me any chance you get
and whine at me about how I don’t care?”  
I stormed back into the room.

“Avoid you?  Do you think I’m still awake
because I wanted to avoid you?”  He had been right,
but what is a fight when you admit you’re wrong?

“No, you just wanted to lecture me.  
Thanks dad, but I’m a grown up now.”  

“You certainly don’t show it,”
he said under his breath.

“The hell I don’t.  I go to work…“
Was all that I got out before I was cut off.

“You go to work hung over,
and how many jobs has that cost you now?  
Going to work just to get fired
doesn’t really scream responsible adult.”

“And what is it you do?  Play games for a living?  
Or is it you play games off the living I make?”  
I could feel myself losing the uphill battle,
defensively crawling along the wall
to avoid each well aimed word he said.

“I make more than…“  
He started, but it was my turn to cut him off.

“It doesn’t matter how much you make
if you’re never here to enjoy it with me.  
Hell, you don’t enjoy anything with me,
do you?  
You just want to play your games
and live in your own little world.  
Why do you even bother trying
to keep me around
if you won’t do a damn thing right?”  
These were the last words we spoke.

I got into bed and stared at the clock.  
It was 2:57 AM.  
I watched for three more minutes as tears welled up in my eyes.  
It was then that I had heard the gunshot almost a year ago.  
The sound rang in my ears to this day;
it had broken me almost as much as it had him.  
In the morning I would go to the living room
to find the ring just as I had that following morning.  
Until then I would cry until I fell asleep
and begin the cycle of self-destruction again
when I wake up.
An idea I had been toying with for awhile and finally got around to writing.  I did a bit of experimenting with the style and structure.  It ended faster than I had originally wanted but I also didn't want it to simply drag on for too long.  It will require some more work to get to just the right length
© 2014 - 2021 KurnDerak
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