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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Kai a.k.a Taiine on some forums36/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 16 Years
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Statistics 245 Deviations 6,480 Comments 61,367 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Pixel Commission Status/Progress Bars by kurisutaru Pixel Commission Status/Progress Bars :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 1 0 Commission: Venus by kurisutaru Commission: Venus :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 21 3 Process of Creation by kurisutaru Process of Creation :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 9 4 Gift: Jewel of Hope by kurisutaru Gift: Jewel of Hope :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 13 7 Mother and Son by kurisutaru Mother and Son :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 27 6 Art Trade: Cherie by kurisutaru Art Trade: Cherie :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 8 4 Character Ref - Tike by kurisutaru Character Ref - Tike :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 8 13 At work lunch break sketches #2 by kurisutaru At work lunch break sketches #2 :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 13 5 At work lunch break sketches #1 by kurisutaru At work lunch break sketches #1 :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 11 3 Commission: Journey Begins by kurisutaru Commission: Journey Begins :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 1 1 Commission: Charciko Reference Sheet by kurisutaru Commission: Charciko Reference Sheet :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 3 2 Dusk Tag by kurisutaru Dusk Tag :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 131 28 The hunt Lineart Version by kurisutaru The hunt Lineart Version :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 2 1 Commission: Jin'ja by kurisutaru Commission: Jin'ja :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 2 3 Commission: Aldrea by kurisutaru
Mature content
Commission: Aldrea :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 21 3
Aurora Character Ref by kurisutaru Aurora Character Ref :iconkurisutaru:kurisutaru 13 9

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Kai a.k.a Taiine on some forums
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United States

A rather long while...

depression has a way of getting it's grips on you and it don't help when you have pea brain doctors that don't want to take anything you tell them seriously. I keep telling them I have depression that I’ve lost interest in doing a lot of things I use to enjoy, like art, writing, some games, etc. Lot of days I feel like just staying in bed and often I do, I wake up, and just end up rolling over to go back to sleep. I try to stay happy and cheerful to those I’m around, I try and start projects but I keep falling back to the same mindset that ‘I’m going to mess something up’ and just stop bothering to continue. I have a project I’m working on right now that I am fighting with myself to keep going, but I end up wasting days on a small part that could take maybe an hour or do to complete. It’s frustrating but I can’t push through it.

Do you think my doctor will send me to see someone about this? Maybe get me on something that may help? No… so I’m stuck with dealing with it all on my own.

Though truthfully? I might not have depression if I can find fucking doctors that know there head from there ass. I mean seriously, I’ve had Psoriatic arthritis sense I was 14 years old… yes 14!…

The concept of psoriatic arthritis (PsA) has evolved considerably over the past decade from that of a relatively obscure, mild joint disease to that of a prevalent, complex, potentially disabling musculoskeletal syndrome. In addition, patients with psoriasis or PsA are now recognized to be at increased risk for a spectrum of comorbidities, including obesity, metabolic syndrome, diabetes mellitus, and cardiovascular disease.

Although PsA is considered a member of the spondyloarthropathies, spine involvement generally is overshadowed by symptoms and signs in the peripheral joints (Figure 1). In fact, a growing body of evidence has demonstrated that PsA is an aggressive disease that often leads to peripheral joint damage, associated functional decline, and impaired quality of life.”

Mmm Hmm… For me it started in my damn knee, but doctors didn’t want to diagnose someone that age with arthritis even through my parents had there suspicions, so it was always “Oh you just pilled this, or sprained that, take over the counter meds and the pain will go away.” Now don’t get me wrong, doctors back then didn’t know the same we do now, even today Psoriatic Arthritis is still very rare in children, and even if they have it the signs of it don’t often start showing until later in life. Everyone is different in when it starts getting bad enough to be noticeable and even then it can be missed. So while it still piss’s me off, I can’t fully falt the doctors back then for not picking up the signs.

But as the years went on it started effecting other joints, by collage I went from running to class’s, jogging upstairs to having to walk the halls and use the elevator as it became harder and more painful to walk and get around. I also had Psoriasis for nearly as long but it started in my scalp so wasn’t noticed until it started forming elsewhere in my late 20's, outside me having a rather itchy head and a lot of ‘dandruff’. Today over 30% of my body is covered, from my head to my hands to my feet and even the crack of my ass (oh how I wish that was a joke x.x).

It was also during collage that I found a rheumatologist that did properly treat me for my PsA, referred by an ER doctor after I had fallen and cracked my elbow on a tile floor (we thought it may have been broken); there X-rays picked up not a break, but dense joint damage. Though the rheumatologist was worried over the damage that my joints already had and was the one that told me the pain I felt starting at age 14 was very likely the first signs. I had full body x-rays done and it showed a good number of joints already effected, some areas worse than others like those on my left side, others had signs but I didn't feel it yet. So with the proper treatment for a time I was doing good… there’s no cure for this, but treatment can slow or even stop the damage being done. 

But due to thing’s I won’t get into again that turned my life upside down causing me to move and that means new doctors it all started going down hill.

Why is it so hard to get a primary doctor to get you referrals to the specialists you need? Even with your medical documents?! Even with your bottles of meds to show you were indeed on this and that?! I mean my last primary doctor was so stupid and clueless, that when I told her I had psoriatic arthritis (PsA), that my not easy at all to hide seeing how it’s also on my FACE Psoriasis should give a damn clue to me having, thought it was wise to run a test for rheumatoid arthritis (RA)… The issue?…

Tests for rheumatoid arthritis will not pick up psoriatic arthritis, and because my doctor was an idiot and tested me for RA when I told her I had PsA the tests came back negative and she bluntly told me that I didn’t have arthritis at all, and that the pain was likely all due to... my... weight...

She blamed my WEIGHT, for the pain in my joints, for my decreasing mobility, for why some of my joints like my left elbow was not able to flex or bend fully anymore, for why my ankles are starting to ‘fuse’. Well I’m SORRY but even if had fucking anorexia I would still be in pain and hardly able to walk as my joints are FUCKING FUCKED.

You think it’s fun struggling for years just to get up from a chair? Or even out of bed? To walk from one room to the other in your home? To wait for a ‘good day’ that you MIGHT be able to go out and do the shit you need like go to the store or even have a damn life?! To need the use of a WALKER if you’re planning to go further than the front yard?! To need to use an ankle brace for one leg that has gotten so bad that any kind of uneven ground can nearly bring you to your knees in tears?!

Now it’s ALL made worse by fucking asshole doctors that can’t look past my WEIGHT! I’ve only been big for the last 8 years! WHAT ABOUT BEFORE THEN HUH? What about all the fucking pain, joint inflammation, and BS sense I was 14 HUH?!

“In addition, patients with psoriasis or PsA are now recognized to be at increased risk for a spectrum of comorbidities, including obesity, metabolic syndrome, diabetes mellitus, and cardiovascular disease.”

Yes, that is right, obesity and metabolic syndrome, aided by the loss of mobility as our bones erode and even fuse together, as ligaments become inflamed and tight causing movement restriction and pain as scar tissue fills the space. So on top of all the other BS, I also have to put up with going out in public and having people stare at me or calling out insults thinking I must be some lazy fat ass that can’t stop eating. And fuck anyone that think's diet is enough to keep one's weight in check.

So thanks to my last primary being a clueless baboon that wanted to blame my weight for all my joint pain because they did the wrong tests, I couldn’t see a specialist (rheumatologist) for my PsA. But they let me go see a dermatologist (specialist in skin, hair and nail diseases) for my Psoriasis! Who THEN after seeing me went over my primary’s head (after I told them what my primary fucked up on) to send in a referral for me to see a rheumatologist that I badly needed only to then have my medical insurance after the first visit they approved say fuck you, you don’t need this after all… WTF?!  All thanks to my primary doing the wrong fucking test to start with!

So I am back at square one. The rheumatologist I was given bless him was stunned when I showed him the denied papers from my insurance and the reason WHY I was denied that he saw me for free after that and treated me with ‘free samples’ to hold me over for the next 5 months as who knows how long it will take to get a new primary (because fuck if I’m staying with such a clueless IDIOT), get the appointment, go through all the tests, and then HOPEFULLY get new referrals.. He also told me he would go over and inform that fucking fool (my words, not his) of the big fuck up (my words, not his) they did.

Oh don’t get me started on how I was born with a hole in my heart, have a family history of heart disease and have a high risk for it myself, and that a possible mermer was detected but I still couldn’t get my doctor to send me to a fucking cardiologist! That’s a WHOLE other rant.


Gee wonder why I’m depressed and have time’s where I couldn’t care less if I woke up the next day or not?

Want to see something scary? Do a google IMAGE search for "Psoriatic Arthritis" and "Psoriasis" just to see what I have had to put up with and what is getting worse thanks to some of the idiot doctors I've had.


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Bandarai Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2018
Thank you for the watch! :)
Taleea Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2018  Professional General Artist
thank you so much for the watch and your support. :thanks: :aww: I really apprechiate this and it means a lot to me.
AzureRat Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday
Nikaleles Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OrkyDorky Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
OrkyDorky Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Such amazing art <3
zenphoenixa Featured By Owner May 2, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav on my lion piccy m'dear. :hug: :w00t:
zenphoenixa Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello again Kurisutaru, it's been a long time! (Understatement ^^; ) I just signed back into my account after a long hiatus and saw your message on my front page, I'm so sorry I'm only getting back to you now! :( I hope you are doing well, and I see you're still creating beautiful dolphin art as always. :) 
kurisutaru Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
HOLY HOW YOU'RE BACK! *tackle huggle cling* That was a long hiatus! Where you been? Why you poof? How you doing now? Plz tell me you're truly back and not vanishing again!
zenphoenixa Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha yeah, I know! Sorry... ^^; The time stacked up before I knew it - I got too comfy relaxing after finishing uni, then work started, and focusing on multiple things at once was too hard so some things went by the wayside, including art. I always felt like I had unfinished business here though, so at the very least I want to close off images I once started and get a few more ideas on paper I've been carrying around for awhile. If it all gets overwhelming, I'll be sure to let you all know this time before I go traipsing around the wilderness! :p

And is it just me, or is it more quiet around here than I remember? It feels like so many people grew up and moved on. :( Or are there other more popular art hosting options than dA these days? (Oh God, I sound so old!) XD 
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