*credit for this title must be given to the late, great George Carlin. *
*note: The Kuato is just as profane as usual. If you're bothered by copious usage of "fuck" I don't know what to tell you. You've been warned*
Of the many lies we're told when we're growing up is to work hard, put in your best effort, and good things will come to you. Do well, live well. Chances are you've been told something similar to this when you were younger, and for a time you believed it. How could this bullshit have fooled so many people?
I'll start by admitting that I'm not a perfect employee, but I'm a pretty fucking good one. Is that humble or modest? No. But for the sake of my point, I say fuck modesty. I show up 15 minutes earlier than I'm scheduled to (which is already 15 minutes earlier than our opening time), actually start to do a little work without clocking in (stupid I know, but working 5-10 minutes for free doesn't really bother me. And I don't have to hear my manager bitch about my clocking in that early). I don't miss work unless absolutely necessary. In the 3 years I've been employed there, I've missed a total of 4 days. 2 of which I spent in the hospital because of a cat bite that turned into a clusterfuck of an infection so I had no choice. The other 2 days I missed, they were missed a year apart.
I have an annoyingly high attention to detail (90% of the time. I miss things sometimes. Shit happens). I've caught things other employees would have missed. Like the time one of our patients was handed a medication that wasn't theirs. The dosage was for a dog, and the patient going home was a cat. I caught it at check out, which was a good thing because not only was the dosage too high, but the meds were a controlled substance. Which meant the techs had to find the controlled medication for the cat. And they had to account for it because controlled meds are monitored by the government. Which means they check our books from time to time. And who caught the fuck up? This gal.
I usually catch details like was the amount of medication requested to be refilled the same amount going home? Sometimes there's a miscommunication when filling meds. When charging the patient out, maybe a service wasn't performed, so I usually ask just to double check. Small details that can and do get missed when we're getting mind-fuckingly busy. Which is more often than not now due to all of the transplant techies moving into the area.
I try to finish most, if not all of my work before I go home because I don't want the shift after me to have to do extra work. Especially if it's something I should have taken care of during my shift.
Since I'm not in school like a lot of my coworkers, my schedule is more flexible than other peoples'. If they need me to switch a day with them, I can and I will. Even if it's for something non-serious like a relative's birthday or a wedding or just needing a weekday off to take their car in for maintenance. I don't mind switching. As long as I get paid.
So, after much self-aggrandizing and mentioning the switching shifts (an effective, albeit clunky segue into the point I'm trying to make), I gotta say whoever came up with the idea that working hard and being a good employee/person will net you rewards was full of fucking shit. Parents who tell their kids this are full of fucking shit. Places of employment who put on that façade are definitely full of shit. I love my mother, but unfortunately she raised me to think the way of work hard equals payoff, and she was full of fucking shit (at least when I was younger. When I grew up a little more, she told me that once I started working that the laziest motherfuckers would get everything. She wasn't wrong).
A fellow receptionist asked me to switch a Saturday shift with her a month ago. I agreed. I had no plans that weekend, and she agreed to take my Monday shift. Which was nice because I got a 3 day weekend out of it. She showed up that Monday, so all was supposed to be well. Then, she decides to not only leave early on that Thursday, but then she calls out "sick" on Friday, which is one of her regular workdays. Fridays are terribly busy, and we have 3 receptionists up front working because we get so much volume on the phone and in the office. So, we get hammered by customers that day and she gets a 4 day weekend out of it because Monday is one of her regular days off. And because I worked that Saturday, I got Sunday off and then it was right back to work on Monday. I didn't think anything of it until a couple of weeks later when she asked me to switch again. It was for her boyfriend's sister's baby gender reveal party. And, I should have said... I. Should. Have. Said. NO. But being the weird masochist I am, I agreed to switching again (so yes I'm aware that my upcoming rage at what was to come is completely my fault). Why I didn't snort hysterically at the idea of a gender reveal party and tell her "hell no" is beyond me.
So, we switch, all goes well, and she even finishes out her Thursday shift. Friday rolls around and she calls out "sick" again. Rinse and repeat. So while she's enjoying another 4 day weekend, I give myself a rage headache from ranting in the employee break room during my lunch break that Saturday.
I don't know why I was surprised. This employee has been pulling that kind of shit since she got there. And she's been there 2 years longer than I have. Just last week she called out "sick" on Friday because she said her refrigerator broke. Maybe it did, but she's pulled this shit so many times, that it's hard to believe.
She leaves early whenever the hell she damn well pleases. She springs it on us halfway through a shift, says it was ok with the manager, grabs her shit and just bounces without any thought for the rest of us and how busy it is. A few weeks ago she left at around 10:30 am (she starts at 7:45am) with people on hold on the phone, just because her idiot man-child of a boyfriend showed up. The other receptionist was left to pick up the slack, and our other front desk person had barely walked in and set her stuff down.
She gets to go to the fucking DOLLAR store DURING work hours to get decorations for the lobby during holidays. She does have great flair for decorating, but not during work hours, and certain holidays don't need decorations. Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day don't need decorations. They're bullshit days. Instead of putting up pink hearts, why don't you answer the fucking phone?
She's on her cellphone so much I'm surprised it isn't growing into her head. She just gets up and steps outside telling us that she has to make a phone call, when the actual office phones are ringing off the hook.
Back when I worked Saturdays all the time, she'd sometimes be 2 hours late to her shift. Or, she wouldn't come at all. She was always pretty bad with not showing up, but since she has the idiot man-child now, she's gotten worse.
And now, NOW, she has the audacity to ask me if I can work every other Saturday. My manager had approached me with this schedule idea a few weeks ago. I'd get every other Monday off, so I'd get a 3 day weekend every other weekend. But that idea doesn't appeal to me. I promised myself after the Saturday switch debacle #2 that I wouldn't switch with her anymore. And she has the nerve to tell our manager that she NEEDS every other Saturday off?! Darling, doesn't everyone NEED Saturday off?
What. I mean. I just. I can't. Who the fuck? No. No, no, no. With her possibly getting every other Saturday off, there will really be no incentive to bring her ass to work on Friday. My brain is short circuiting at the thought of that.
One may wonder why she still has a job after over 5 years of pulling this shit. Because she's really, really, really fucking good at her job. It doesn't seem possible, but when she's fully engaged and digs in to do her work, she's amazing and I've seen her make the fewest fuck ups out of anybody there. So I don't know if the manager keeps her because she feels she can't or won't find anybody with that skill level, or if she doesn't want to take the time to do so.
So, she may be getting the shift she wants, and that shaft keeps going deeper and deeper into a place where I don't want it. And why am I the one being asked to uproot my shift for an employee who comes when they feel like it? I'm not the only one with a flexible shift. Does my manager consider me more reliable and she knows I'll show up if my shift is switched? That I'll try to do a good job no matter what? Fuck that bullshit.
I think my fuse is shorter now because I've watched some of my fellow employees get away with murder and they get bolder all the damn time.
One receptionist who used to work there would call out nearly every Monday--one of the busiest days of the week I might add--leaving us to scramble as to how we would accommodate our customers and front desk (surprise. I usually worked by myself. Good times. Good times). She had the nerve to leave in the middle of her shift on a Saturday and lie to me and the other front desk person about our head technician sending her to pick up medication from our other location across town. She left, and when she didn't come back, we asked the technician what he sent her to get and he said he didn't tell her to get anything. She called us about 20 minutes later saying she wasn't coming back for the rest of the shift because she didn't feel well. She lied not only to the head tech, but to us, and bailed on a shift, but she KEPT her job for over 6 months after that.
Another receptionist showed up whenever she felt like it too. In fact, a running joke I had with one of the Saturday doctors was "How long will I be working alone today?" We took bets a couple times.
I don't know. I'm just tired. I know my workplace isn't the only place that has people like this. My mother has some stories. But I'm tired of trying to be a good employee, and having that work ethic instilled in me since childhood, and just watching it shatter and turn into shit time after time. Hell, I missed ONE work meeting because I had a check up on my hand to make sure the infection was gone, and the manager whined about it. Seriously? Employees come whenever the hell they feel like it, leave whenever they want to, decorate when they should be doing real work, but I'm the asshole because I give a bigger shit about my hand than a work meeting? My right index finger still doesn't bend properly because of the cat bite and that incident was almost a year and a half ago. But I'm the asshole.
So, I suggest we change the idiom. We tell kids and students and employees something different: "Don't give a shit. Be lazy. Do what you want. You'll get all the benefits because some asshole will pick up your slack. Go get 'em, you lazy sumbitch you. You'll get all you ever dreamed of."
"Now, you talk about a good bullshit story.... Hol-lee Shit." -George Carlin