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KopaLeo's avatar

Why kill yourself today...

20 27 1K (1 Today)
By KopaLeo   |   
Mature  |  Published:
© 2013 - 2020 KopaLeo
...when you can clop tomorrow?

-- Evan Winter, in Actual Sunlight
www.actualsunlight.com/


I feel so numb... Main reason my art output is so damn low this month.
Pinkamena told me that it's going to be alright. I somewhat hope so.
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Comments27
anonymous's avatar
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IFlySNA94's avatar
IFlySNA94Hobbyist General Artist
that how i feel very often
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
Scientists still debate whether masturbation helps to cope with depression or exacerbates depression. This debate seems to be fuelled by moral considerations.
IFlySNA94's avatar
IFlySNA94Hobbyist General Artist
aint that the truth. it does help, but i read frequent masturbation can cause some aches from use as well as even memory loss
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
Em, these claims are somewhat dubious, and quite possibly dramatized/sensationalized due to moral stances of the authors.
See, for example, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_…
IFlySNA94's avatar
IFlySNA94Hobbyist General Artist
meh, honestly I dont see any harm in doing it really
SandPerv's avatar
SandPervHobbyist
I know im going to sound stupid,but is she going to kill herself or what?
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
I drew this to express an idea: In the game Actual Sunlight, Evan Winter, the depressed, lonely, obese, male corporate drone protagonist with a bleeding sense of humor said (in his head, obviously, since he had no one to talk to anyway) at the opening of the game, "Why kill yourself today, when you can masturbate tomorrow?"

That was my explanation for my intent of drawing this. Now, I still need to explain what goes on in Twilight's perspective. Well, in my art, Twilight is usually very depressed and lonely, so this is her spending another lonely night, feeling purposeless and empty inside. Clopping offers some temporary relief, but she know that after clopping, nothing would change for the better. She is in this state of depression: she isn't planning to kill herself, but she isn't planning to live on either, and is passively making suicide attempts, like, not taking medicine very carefully, secretly hoping that she would accidentally take a lethal dosage.

Explanation of "passive suicide attempt": Sometimes, when finding myself in a potentially lethal situation, I would just do nothing and leave my survival to chance. Say, I'm crossing the road, and if suddenly a truck appears out of nowhere and speeds toward me, I might decide to not get out of its way.
SandPerv's avatar
SandPervHobbyist
that is an rather odd way of doing that,but then again this is twilight we are talking about. 
gexisunderrated's avatar
It's drawings like these that make me become really interested in your artwork.

I'll one day go back and favorite them, but I am in a hurry right now.

Also I'm not trying to be funny or make a joke here, but I have to ask:

Is Twilight trying to rip off one of her legs with her foreleg?
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
No, she was just grabbing her backleg in that position to give more space to her left forehoof, and make herself more comfortable. It was also intended to make the posture more balanced, else it appears that she would somehow flop to the side.

There was also this artistic consideration: that position makes her left forehoof visible, so that the intent of the picture would be more obvious.

BTW, I like to put tiny things in my art to further express some of my other viewpoints. See that box of tissues? It says "NEW!" on a cheerful red exploding shape, which greatly contrasts with the grim theme. It was my little sarcasm about consumerism and advertisement.
gexisunderrated's avatar
Oh I didn't notice that, pretty neat  I suppose.

I understand why you chose that position now.
Dattebayo681's avatar
Dattebayo681Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Wasnt expecting that description. xD

 

I still need to upload the drawing I made for you.

My sister broke my scanner so I cant upload things. :\

 

But drawing it gave me warm fuzzies, so I hope it cheers up your day when I do upload it.

HaterThePony's avatar
HaterThePonyStudent Traditional Artist
I HAVE AN IDEA
You should draw Pinkamena X Cosmia, it'll be so cuuutte. I still have to draw it for ya <3 
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
Good idea. I still have to do an update to tumblr though.

I just remembered that you actually still owe me an art trade! Duh duh duh~ Don't worry about it though, take all your time... 
Michelangelo still regretted some unfinished commission 60 years after he accepted it. oops
HaterThePony's avatar
HaterThePonyStudent Traditional Artist
I know, I forgot until just now D: Ive forgotten the art trade though, like, what it was ^^;
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
haterthepony.deviantart.com/jo…

I just did some dA archaeology, and here it is:

"I'd like to have a depressed/happy/whatever-you-feel-like-to-draw Pinkamena or your ponysona (I really like your ponysona's eyes! So beautiful)."

"Okay, I shall draw you that~ And for me, um... Could you draw Twilight (in some kind of paranoid or depressed form) and Pinkamena comforting eachother? Maybe make it kinda like shipping, because I do like Twinkie ^^;"

And I just realized that our situations were pretty much circling back and forth, like, I'm not feeling much more  hopeful than six months ago (whoa, it has been this long?), and neither are you.
HaterThePony's avatar
HaterThePonyStudent Traditional Artist
Ahh okay, so Pinkamena~ I can draw that, also PinkaMia for you too
Gazeporn's avatar
Stay strong!
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
It's hard

I feel purposeless
Gazeporn's avatar
I do not know why you feel so. but it is obvious that you are important. Everything you do affects others and your actions affect other people's future. You are needed, otherwise you would not have existed."" I know how much it hurts when hope dies, but the ash is the best soil.""
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
I think I lost my hope some time ago. I don't have anything to hope for the future, and I live on a day-to-day existence.

Though, I do plan to try the counselling service in college. It may turn out not as bad as I expect.
Gazeporn's avatar
I feel you.
You have to stay strong.
The counselling service helpt me alot. But it feels like im going downhill.
My medications dsnt help me like it did before. 
And im tierd to have to live with this.
I hope you will give it a try ! It helps. 
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
Hi,

I'm in college now. The psychotherapy has been not too bad, and I think my psychologist is really nice and understanding. I'm also going to visit a psychiatrist for possible medication prescriptions.
Gazeporn's avatar
Hello sugarcube.

OOoh Im happy to hear that :la:
Psychologists have helped me a lot. I was incredibly skeptical at first but once you got started, it feels much better.
I hope they find a medicine that makes you feel a little better and happier., And if you have any type of mental illness, it becomes easier to deal with once you know what you are struggling with.
anonymous's avatar
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