I hear your good praise,
But it comes too late
To erase your ways.
Isn't that just great?
I know that this is good,
And that I should be glad.
But you've misunderstood,
And you've just made me sad.
Your approval is wasted.
It just makes me think,
Of the lies I've tasted.
The two are in sync.
You're worried you'll lose me,
Well I've got some news.
You may not agree,
But you've seen the clues.
Where was this before?
When I needed it.
Was it such a chore?
Even just a bit?
I keep looking for a break,
For these wounds to mend.
It's been keeping me awake,
Will this never end?
kokakoka123
Photographer and WriterJasper looking at the camera
:origin()/pre00/d39f/th/pre/i/2011/015/7/3/jasper_looking_at_the_camera_by_kokakoka123-d3790s6.jpg)
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Newest Deviations
Literature
Will This Never End (It Never Ends Part 5)
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
0
0
Literature
Stay True
She knows this is something new.
She wants to get back on track.
To herself she must stay true.
She knows that things are askew,
That her window has a crack.
She knows this is something new.
Though out of the blue,
She doesn't want to attack,
To herself she must stay true.
It doesn't matter who,
Her kindness has no lack,
She knows this is something new.
It's a lot to chew,
She can't give any slack,
To herself she must stay true.
This is a whole new view,
She won't let it fade to black.
She knows this is something new.
To herself she must stay true.
She wants to get back on track.
To herself she must stay true.
She knows that things are askew,
That her window has a crack.
She knows this is something new.
Though out of the blue,
She doesn't want to attack,
To herself she must stay true.
It doesn't matter who,
Her kindness has no lack,
She knows this is something new.
It's a lot to chew,
She can't give any slack,
To herself she must stay true.
This is a whole new view,
She won't let it fade to black.
She knows this is something new.
To herself she must stay true.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
0
0
Literature
The Disguise
That kindness
That you show.
Their blindness
They don’t know.
What do you want?
Leave me alone.
You only haunt.
Get off your throne.
Call me this or that.
It hurts me today.
But you’re just a brat,
Please stay far away.
You are like the sun,
You must be the core,
Must be number one,
You always want more.
The winner takes it all
But I don’t want that prize,
You’re up against the wall,
People found out your guise.
They may not listen now
But when they do see it,
You should just take your bow.
But you’ll just throw a fit.
That you show.
Their blindness
They don’t know.
What do you want?
Leave me alone.
You only haunt.
Get off your throne.
Call me this or that.
It hurts me today.
But you’re just a brat,
Please stay far away.
You are like the sun,
You must be the core,
Must be number one,
You always want more.
The winner takes it all
But I don’t want that prize,
You’re up against the wall,
People found out your guise.
They may not listen now
But when they do see it,
You should just take your bow.
But you’ll just throw a fit.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
0
Literature
We are the lonely
We are the lonely,
The introverted,
The only.
We have reverted
To our old ways.
Falling down,
Into the maze.
As we drown
In the mess we made.
That is our lives,
But we aren’t paid.
Our legacy survives.
As we fight to
Keep living,
Tough times to get through.
We keep giving,
To catch the breeze.
We won’t stop,
Won’t fall to our knees.
And hope we reach the top.
The introverted,
The only.
We have reverted
To our old ways.
Falling down,
Into the maze.
As we drown
In the mess we made.
That is our lives,
But we aren’t paid.
Our legacy survives.
As we fight to
Keep living,
Tough times to get through.
We keep giving,
To catch the breeze.
We won’t stop,
Won’t fall to our knees.
And hope we reach the top.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
23
Literature
How It Never Ends (It Never Ends Part 4)
That old wine stain,
Still a bright reminder.
That old wine again,
Still a bad binder.
Familiar seas,
I watch the signs.
Familiar pleas,
I watch for lifelines.
Running in the night,
So much pain.
Running from that fright,
So much again.
All that was said.
I must not believe,
All that I dread.
I must not leave.
Boxes piled high.
More and more.
Boxes to the sky,
More than before.
If I could leave I would.
Just want to run away.
If I can leave I should.
Just want to be faraway.
The gradual quiet,
How it never pretends.
The gradual riot,
How it never ends.
Still a bright reminder.
That old wine again,
Still a bad binder.
Familiar seas,
I watch the signs.
Familiar pleas,
I watch for lifelines.
Running in the night,
So much pain.
Running from that fright,
So much again.
All that was said.
I must not believe,
All that I dread.
I must not leave.
Boxes piled high.
More and more.
Boxes to the sky,
More than before.
If I could leave I would.
Just want to run away.
If I can leave I should.
Just want to be faraway.
The gradual quiet,
How it never pretends.
The gradual riot,
How it never ends.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
18
Literature
It Never Really Ends (It Never Ends Part 3)
The ghosts here haunt me.
They echo in the walls.
Only I can see,
The pain that they still cause.
My mind is conflicted.
Memories are so strong.
Pain that was inflicted,
Only I see the wrong.
Why must I come back
To this haunted place?
It's the same old track,
Playing without grace.
The night I had to flee,
After all that you did,
That should have been it for me,
I should have stayed off the grid.
But these strings tie me here,
They loop all around,
I can't disappear,
Can't block out the sound.
This has gone on too long,
Too late to make amends,
This is all the same song,
It never really ends.
They echo in the walls.
Only I can see,
The pain that they still cause.
My mind is conflicted.
Memories are so strong.
Pain that was inflicted,
Only I see the wrong.
Why must I come back
To this haunted place?
It's the same old track,
Playing without grace.
The night I had to flee,
After all that you did,
That should have been it for me,
I should have stayed off the grid.
But these strings tie me here,
They loop all around,
I can't disappear,
Can't block out the sound.
This has gone on too long,
Too late to make amends,
This is all the same song,
It never really ends.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
3
Literature
It Never Ends Part 2
Roll the dice,
Flip the coin.
Pay the price,
Each possibility will meet up and join.
Even if you get the good side,
You toss and flip again still.
You end up going against the tide,
Your losses pile up into a hill.
Screams and curses one day,
Then the coin is flipped.
The clouds fade away,
The anger locked in a crypt.
Hate hangs in the air.
The dice are tossed.
Forgetting the despair,
The hate is lost.
He tries to make it all about him,
She loves him too much.
He tries to make it like he's lost a limb.
She knows he is a useless crutch.
She fears the dark,
And what her child will go through.
The last 20 years a question mark.
Now she does not know what to do.
He craves everyone's pity.
But what happens is the reverse,
His own children know he is not witty,
And he only gets worse.
The wheel keeps on turning,
Back to that one spot,
It will continue returning,
And his lies will keep getting caught.
Flip the coin.
Pay the price,
Each possibility will meet up and join.
Even if you get the good side,
You toss and flip again still.
You end up going against the tide,
Your losses pile up into a hill.
Screams and curses one day,
Then the coin is flipped.
The clouds fade away,
The anger locked in a crypt.
Hate hangs in the air.
The dice are tossed.
Forgetting the despair,
The hate is lost.
He tries to make it all about him,
She loves him too much.
He tries to make it like he's lost a limb.
She knows he is a useless crutch.
She fears the dark,
And what her child will go through.
The last 20 years a question mark.
Now she does not know what to do.
He craves everyone's pity.
But what happens is the reverse,
His own children know he is not witty,
And he only gets worse.
The wheel keeps on turning,
Back to that one spot,
It will continue returning,
And his lies will keep getting caught.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
3
Literature
It Never Ends Part 1
CD stuck on repeat.
Took it out but the music kept playing.
Threw the stereo against the concrete,
It broke in half, and now I’m paying.
Now it's my fault,
That I made a choice because they never got along.
That I chose one over the other by default,
Because I know your changes never last long.
But you hold the cards,
The money, passports, and guns.
Your heart is in so many shards,
And I'm tired of watching reruns.
It doesn't mean I hate you,
I know more about your past than I've let on.
Lost track of the times I've learned something new,
The truths that I keep stumbling upon.
History repeats itself,
And you didn't do a thing,
But make sure it does and cheat yourself,
Again and again, just another sting.
It's no good anyway,
Because every time I try it hurts more.
I know I have to give up to my dismay.
I don't want to go through this with this anymore.
Took it out but the music kept playing.
Threw the stereo against the concrete,
It broke in half, and now I’m paying.
Now it's my fault,
That I made a choice because they never got along.
That I chose one over the other by default,
Because I know your changes never last long.
But you hold the cards,
The money, passports, and guns.
Your heart is in so many shards,
And I'm tired of watching reruns.
It doesn't mean I hate you,
I know more about your past than I've let on.
Lost track of the times I've learned something new,
The truths that I keep stumbling upon.
History repeats itself,
And you didn't do a thing,
But make sure it does and cheat yourself,
Again and again, just another sting.
It's no good anyway,
Because every time I try it hurts more.
I know I have to give up to my dismay.
I don't want to go through this with this anymore.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
2
Literature
Hotel Room
Towels on the floor,
Hate the world more.
Towels on the rack,
You want the dirty ones back.
Free things to take,
From sugar to soap.
Go ahead. You need a break,
Don't listen to your horoscope.
A nice desk that's small,
To feel productive.
But I'll go to the mall,
My time's not constructive.
The lamps for light,
Never seem to be enough.
They are never too bright.
But the sheets aren't too rough.
I'll watch TV,
Pack my bags,
Hope I get stuff for free,
And check the suitcase tags.
Hate the world more.
Towels on the rack,
You want the dirty ones back.
Free things to take,
From sugar to soap.
Go ahead. You need a break,
Don't listen to your horoscope.
A nice desk that's small,
To feel productive.
But I'll go to the mall,
My time's not constructive.
The lamps for light,
Never seem to be enough.
They are never too bright.
But the sheets aren't too rough.
I'll watch TV,
Pack my bags,
Hope I get stuff for free,
And check the suitcase tags.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
0
12
Literature
She Might Have Lost her Way
She might have lost her way,
Though her map is right,
Her future looks so gray.
She feels that she should stay,
And not put up a fight,
She might have lost her way.
She looks out at the bay,
And at the morning light.
Her future looks so gray.
She'll change her path today,
So she will be alright.
She might have lost her way.
She really hates to stray,
But her heart is in flight.
Her future looks so gray.
She knows that she will pay,
But her goal is in sight.
She might have lost her way,
But her future won't be gray.
Though her map is right,
Her future looks so gray.
She feels that she should stay,
And not put up a fight,
She might have lost her way.
She looks out at the bay,
And at the morning light.
Her future looks so gray.
She'll change her path today,
So she will be alright.
She might have lost her way.
She really hates to stray,
But her heart is in flight.
Her future looks so gray.
She knows that she will pay,
But her goal is in sight.
She might have lost her way,
But her future won't be gray.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
0
15
Literature
She'll Leave Everyone Impressed
She'll do more than her best,
So that she can go back,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
Look how far she has progressed,
She has started her attack,
She'll do more than her best.
She knows it's not a contest,
But she has dreams of a plaque,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
She feels the weight on her chest,
She's not ready to back-track,
She'll do more than her best.
Even when she's at rest,
She's working to lead the pack,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
Even if she's depressed,
She will fight through the black.
She'll do more than her best,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
So that she can go back,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
Look how far she has progressed,
She has started her attack,
She'll do more than her best.
She knows it's not a contest,
But she has dreams of a plaque,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
She feels the weight on her chest,
She's not ready to back-track,
She'll do more than her best.
Even when she's at rest,
She's working to lead the pack,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
Even if she's depressed,
She will fight through the black.
She'll do more than her best,
She'll leave everyone impressed.
kokakoka123 kokakoka123
1
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Opening Pine Cone
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Happy Resting Face
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Sharks.
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:origin()/pre00/2d8f/th/pre/i/2015/041/f/e/wolf___by_kokakoka123-d8hjd5h.jpg)
Wolf.
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Yum
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Watchers
deviantID
Is what I've always tried to do.
I've distanced myself from this site and other social sites for a long time mostly because I lost all motivation for anything. As much as I tried to post, keep up with friends, or anything else over the internet, it didn't feel genuine. It felt like I was going through the motions. Even though I wanted to there was nothing I was getting out of it. I eventually figured out this was coming from being in a relationship where I was being belittled, having my confidence that I worked years on torn down to nothing, and generally being emotionally manipulated. The thing is I never even noticed it was that. Once I got out over a year ago I slowly started feeling more like myself. But at the same time I never really got back to where I was.
I don't use my computer a lot. I use my phone, to listen to music, read, and contact close friends. Sometimes to play an app or two to relieve stress. For some reason I just can't stand to stay on a computer for periods more than 30 mins or so most of the time. I'm only on right now and felt that old tug to come to this site because I'm printing some documents for a job I recently got.
I contemplated making a new account and starting from scratch since this all just doesn't feel like me anymore. But part of me knows it will only be a false sense of moving. That it will just become as dusty as this one.
I really don't know what I am going to do. So now just for any updates though I doubt anyone will read this.
I graduated from university in May. I left behind many friends I made, and over the summer discovered all my old friends I had been keeping in contact with out of them only 2 or 3 actually wanted to still really be friends. So I've gone to being very lonely this summer.
I did get a job that will be the rest of my life, but it's not a dead end one it's just I don't know what else I would do, so since it offers me a chance to move up in the future I am very happy and lucky to have gotten it. I still don't know when I start, but that's ok.
I have spent most of my time this summer (aside from an internship I had for a couple of months) outside reading with one of my birds sitting on my shoulder, and honestly this is the first time I've even touched my laptop in at least 2 weeks.
I hope all is well out there for you all.
I've distanced myself from this site and other social sites for a long time mostly because I lost all motivation for anything. As much as I tried to post, keep up with friends, or anything else over the internet, it didn't feel genuine. It felt like I was going through the motions. Even though I wanted to there was nothing I was getting out of it. I eventually figured out this was coming from being in a relationship where I was being belittled, having my confidence that I worked years on torn down to nothing, and generally being emotionally manipulated. The thing is I never even noticed it was that. Once I got out over a year ago I slowly started feeling more like myself. But at the same time I never really got back to where I was.
I don't use my computer a lot. I use my phone, to listen to music, read, and contact close friends. Sometimes to play an app or two to relieve stress. For some reason I just can't stand to stay on a computer for periods more than 30 mins or so most of the time. I'm only on right now and felt that old tug to come to this site because I'm printing some documents for a job I recently got.
I contemplated making a new account and starting from scratch since this all just doesn't feel like me anymore. But part of me knows it will only be a false sense of moving. That it will just become as dusty as this one.
I really don't know what I am going to do. So now just for any updates though I doubt anyone will read this.
I graduated from university in May. I left behind many friends I made, and over the summer discovered all my old friends I had been keeping in contact with out of them only 2 or 3 actually wanted to still really be friends. So I've gone to being very lonely this summer.
I did get a job that will be the rest of my life, but it's not a dead end one it's just I don't know what else I would do, so since it offers me a chance to move up in the future I am very happy and lucky to have gotten it. I still don't know when I start, but that's ok.
I have spent most of my time this summer (aside from an internship I had for a couple of months) outside reading with one of my birds sitting on my shoulder, and honestly this is the first time I've even touched my laptop in at least 2 weeks.
I hope all is well out there for you all.
Comments
!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! It's January 28th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!
Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team
---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW
![little demon left [f2u]](https://orig00.deviantart.net/bfff/f/2017/310/4/f/little_demon_left__f2u__by_parklifes-dbsygo6.gif)
![little demon right [f2u]](https://orig00.deviantart.net/bf45/f/2017/310/4/5/little_demon_right__f2u__by_parklifes-dbsygce.gif)
![little demon 2 left [f2u]](https://orig00.deviantart.net/1d80/f/2017/313/0/a/little_demon_2_left__f2u__by_parklifes-dbt8exs.gif)
![little demon 2 right [f2u]](https://orig00.deviantart.net/1d45/f/2017/313/b/e/little_demon_2_right__f2u__by_parklifes-dbt8etk.gif)
!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! It's January 28th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!
Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team
---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: karey
