Vehement Longing

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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
July 24, 2021
Vehement Longing by KittySib
Featured by Barosus
KittySib's avatar

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Literature Text

No matter what I say,

sitting here

the music sinks it’s fangs into my heart.

I want you so much-

if I only knew your name,

I’d utter it with such longing

you’d be summoned to my side.

How much longer do I need to wait here in the dark?

If I only knew your face,

I’d search this world,

until you were found.

I hate how lonely I am without you.

What must I do to grab your attention?

Is it even possible for you to need me too?

Or am I alone in this unattainable desire?

I want to seduce your heart,

make your pulse race,

engage your intellect,

and inspire your wildest dreams.

Chase after me-

I’m lost here in this twisted dream.

I locked everyone out,

my walls won’t fall so easily anymore.

Lie to yourself if you want to,

but don’t lie to me.

Please don’t forget me,

even if I do.

A poem I wrote back in April. I originally called it "Wistful" but that name was already taken in my gallery so... What do you think? Which title suits it better? I was listening to music on youtube, and I came across a song that made me want to write so badly I put it on repeat until I could get the words out.
© 2021 KittySib
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somestrangebirds's avatar

Congrats on the Daily Deviation!

I don't know how much you're into poetry, but I'd suggest trying to show rather than tell. What I mean by that, roughly speaking, is trying to rely more on concrete imagery (for example) to convey desires and emotions and so on, rather than abstract statements.

Hope that's at least a bit useful.

KittySib's avatar

Thank you for the congratulations and taking the time to leave feedback! I will see what I can do about imagery in the future.

LindArtz's avatar

Wonderful!!! :clap: Congrats on your DD!!!

For My Personal Use Only
KittySib's avatar

Thank you so much!:D

Barosus's avatar

I love it! ^_^

KittySib's avatar
KittySib's avatar
DragnBoi65's avatar

This is quite deep.

DragnBoi65's avatar

You're welcome.

chemicalvacuum's avatar

Nice! It's kinda similar to some lyrics I also write. Not in terms of how it's written (the form), since it's very, very different from the lyrics I write, but it's similar to some of my lyrics in terms of what is written (the content). Very nice! I love this!

KittySib's avatar
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