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Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) travel the world (or the select places i wanna go)
2.) visit every state
3.) be happy

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Catto
2.) Midnite
3.) Kitters

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) rainbow_kartoffel
2.) rabid-snake-dog
3.) nightbird.song

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) my hair
2.) my smile
3.) my height

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) not much really
2.) 5 generations in the U.S.
3.) mostly German idk

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Death/Dying
2.) Abandonment
3.) Spiders

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) Phone
2.) Headphones
3.) Keys

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) Jeans
2.) Sports bra
3.) my very own screen printed t-shirt

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Palisades
2.) Hollywood Undead
3.) Post Malone

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Millennia by Crown the Empire
2.) Bloody Nose by Hollywood Undead
3.) I Fall Apart by Post Malone

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) Honesty
2.) Trust
3.) Happiness

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I've never actually swam in an ocean.
2.) I have the same amount of pets as I do siblings.
3.) I'm really good at talking to people

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) Drawing
2.) Videos games
3.) Origami

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) Go home
2.) Eat lunch
3.) Cuddle

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Veterinarian
2.) Meterologist
3.) Graphic Designer

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) I don't really go on vacations
2.) idk
3.) i'm lame i know

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1.) Adelaide
2.) Sebastian
3.) Marlo   

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) Emotional?
2.) I like having my nails painted
3.) Bra???

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I like to play in the dirt
2.) I know how to work on some aspects of my car
3.) I'd rather wear jeans than dresses?
VAMPIRE
   [ ] You'd Rather Be Pale Than Tan
   [ ] You Like To Eat Or Drink Red Things
   [ ] You're Lustful/Sexual
   [x] When You're Kissing Someone, You Tend To Bite Them
   [ ] You're Dark, Mysterious, And Seductive
   [x] You've Tasted Your Own Blood Before And Liked It  
   [x] Being Out In The Sun Too Long Makes You Feel Weak  
   [ ] You're graceful, lithe, and can appear threatening or dangerous to others
   [ ] You have incredible charm and can get people to do nearly anything
   [x] You're more active at night
       Total: 2

INCUBUS / SUCCUBUS
   [ ] You're Incredibly Lustful/Sexual
   [ ] Sex Is Almost Always On Your Mind  
   [ ] You Could Make Someone Completely In Love With You By Merely Kissing Them
   [x] You're Not A Virgin
   [ ] You Burn Through Lovers Quickly
   [ ] You Can Make Love With Someone And Drop Them In The Same Breath
   [ ] If You Don't "Feed" Your Lust, You Go Insane
   [ ] You Have Strong / Long Nails
   [ ] You Could Get Nearly Anyone You Want
       Total: 1

WEREWOLF
   [ ] You have a bad temper
   [ ] You're incredibly physically strong and fast
   [x] You Love The Moon
   [x] You're Very Loyal
   [x] If You Love Someone, You'll Do Whatever You Possibly Can To Protect Them
   [ ] You Would Go On A Devastated Rampage Should Your Loved Ones Be Harmed
   [x] You Like Dogs
   [ ] You're fairly Sturdy in stature
   [x] You're Either A Good Leader Or A Solitary Person
   [ ] You Have A Hard Time Controlling Yourself Half Of The Time
       Total: 5


NEKO / WERECAT
   [x] You Like Cats
   [ ] You're lithe and agile
   [ ] You could fall off of anything and always land on your feet
   [ ] You Like Gymnastics
   [ ] You Love To Eat Seafood
   [x] You're Affectionate And Cozy
   [ ] If Someone Is Able To Sneak Up On You And Startle You, You Jump Up Or Swat At Them
   [x] You Like Yarn
   [x] You Like Chasing Things
   [ ] You're An Excellent Hunter/Fighter
       Total: 4


ZOMBIE
   [x] You're An Outcast
   [/] You Feel As If You're Not Truly Alive
   [ ] You'll Moan When You're Hurt Rather Than Scream Or Cry
   [x] You Tend To Zone Out
   [ ] You Don't Feel Very Smart
   [ ] You Like Worms
   [x] You Like Taking Things Slowly
   [/] You Like Odd Foods
   [x] You Prefer To Suffer In Silence
   [ ] You Don't Get Much Sleep
       Total: 5


SPIRIT/GHOST
   [ ]  You're Invisible
   [ ] You Have An Oddly Eerie Presence
   [ ] You Can Send Chills Down A Person's Spine Just By Looking At Them
   [ ] You Have Messy Hair That Is Partially/Completely In Your Face
   [ ] You're Incredibly Gentle 
   [x] You're Very Shy Around Someone You Find Attractive
   [x] You Tend To Simply Disappear When No One's Looking
   [ ] You Enjoy Scaring People
   [x] You Like The Indoors
   [x] You Are Deeply Connected To The Ones You Love No Matter What Happens
       Total: 4


GHOUL
   [x] You Will Eat Just About Anything
   [ ] You Like To Attack People Verbally Or Physically
   [ ] You Are Thrilled If You Can Make Someone Bleed
   [ ] You Wouldn't Care If You Hurt Someone As Long As You Can Get What You Want From Them 
   [ ] You Like Stalking People
   [ ] You Find It Fun To Crawl Into Tight, Small, Cramped, Dirty Spaces
   [ ] You Get Hungry Easily
   [ ] You Like Torture
   [ ] You live to hurt people
   [ ] You Like The Idea Of Being Insane
       Total: 1


WITCH
   [ ] You're Into Wicca/Paganism
   [ ] You Like Magical Objects
   [/] You Believe In Magic
   [ ] You Perform Odd Rituals On A Daily Basis
   [ ] People Find You Intolerably Cruel
   [ ] You enjoy manipulating people
   [x] You Feel Deeply In Touch With Nature And Hate Industrialization
   [x] You Love Black Cats/Ravens
   [ ] You Practice Voodoo 
   [ ] You Tend To Laugh Hysterically While Picking Up On Someone You Find Attractive
       Total: 2.5

SHAPESHIFTER
   [ ] You Have Different Personalities
   [ ] Your Style Could Change From Goth To Preppy In The Same Second
   [x] You Have More Than One Lover
   [ ] You're Unpredictable
   [ ] You Would Change Yourself Entirely To Fit In
   [x] You Are Fond Of Many Different Things
   [ ] You Can Easily Get Out Of Trouble By Changing Your Demeanor
   [ ] You often say one thing and mean another
   [x] You Like To Leave Your Clothes On The Floor After Taking Them Off
       Total: 3


DEMON
   [ ] You Have A Very Bad Temper
   [ ] You're Usually Angry
   [ ] You Have To Make Other People Miserable With Every Breath That You Take
   [ ] You Worship Satan
   [ ] You like pentagrams
   [ ] You love to mess with people's heads
   [ ] You Could Do Just About Anything Bad To Someone And Feel Proud
   [ ] You Laugh When Other People Are Hurt 
   [ ] Physically Harming Someone Turns You On
   [ ] You Respond To An Insult By Viciously Attacking The Other Person
       Total: 0
          

ANGEL
[/] You're A Very Good Person 
[ ] You Take Care With Everything You Do
[ ] You Can Be Extremely Serious
[x] You're Gentle And Kind To Even Your Worst Enemies
[ ] You Cannot Hold A Grudge Against Anyone
[x] You Would Gladly Endure Anything For The Sake Of The Ones You Love
[ ] You're A Virgin/Lip Virgin
[ ] People See You As Being Very Pure
[ ] You Are Obedient And Follow Rules Without Question
[ ] You Love God 
       Total: 2.5


FAERIE / ELF
   [ ] You Enchant People
   [/] You Like Organic Things
   [ ] You're Almost Always Smiling
   [x] You Love The World Around You
   [x] You Get Attached To Animals Easily
   [ ] You're A Walking-Talking Chick-Flick / Prince-Charming
   [ ] You Fall In Love Easily
   [ ] You Don't HATE Anyone
   [/] You Have A Very Bright / Bubbly / Friendly Personality 
   [x] You like long hair 
Total: 4
200: My crush's name is: don't really have one.

199: I was born in: Texas

198: I am really: hungry rn

197: My cellphone company is: AT&T

196: My eye color is: electric blue

195: My shoe size is: 10 - 10 1/5 depending

194: My ring size is: 10

193: My height is: 5" 8 1/5

192: I am allergic to: plant sex(hayfever), penicillin, kiwis

191: My 1st car was: Saturn s1 station wagon

190: My 1st job was: Subway

189: Last book you read: Be More Cat: Life lessons from our feline friends

188: My bed is: a full sized

187: My pet(s): 2 cattos and a birb

186: My best friend: my ex Fabian and Maggie

185: My favorite shampoo is: Pantene

184: Xbox or ps3: PS4!!

183: Piggy banks are: cool but I use the for decoration

182: In my pockets: lint

181: On my calendar: I have an old calender

180: Marriage is: something I'll never have probably

179: Spongebob can: be PUT ON NETFLIX (or at least Hulu)

178: My mom: is probably at home

177: The last three songs I bought were?: Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahabhahabab

176: Last YouTube video watched: Who's More Likely To ... Pewds, Mark and Jack

175: How many cousins do you have?: Close to at least 20?

174: Do you have any siblings?: 2 full blooded brothers, one half sister

173: Are your parents divorced?: Yeah...

172: Are you taller than your mom?: Yup!

171: Do you play an instrument?: i can't play an instrument to save my life

170: What did you do yesterday?: CONCERT!!

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: nope

168: Luck: ehhh

167: Fate: ehhh

166: Yourself: it depends

165: Aliens: sure yeah

164: Heaven: not really

163: Hell: not really

162: God: no

161: Horoscopes: they're funny to read

160: Soul mates: no

159: Ghosts: you bet your sweet ass I do

158: Gay Marriage: go for it

157: War: it's a necessary evil sometimes

156: Orbs: like... Ghost orbs?

155: Magic: nah

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs from strangers and friends, kisses from a partner

153: Drunk or High: either or. It depends

152: Phone or Online: online on my phone ;3

151: Red heads or Black haired: either, but more towards black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: oranges

143: Curly or Straight hair: either

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Micky D's. The king makes me sick

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet n poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke I guess.

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: cremated like my dad

134: Singing or Dancing: singing definitely but only around a select few people or during concerts

133: Coach or Chanel: no

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town. I hate traffic and people

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Walmart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam

128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure but I've never had one

127: East Coast or West Coast: I don't really care

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: either one sucks so birthday.

125: Chocolate or Flowers: never had flowers but flowers.

124: Disney or Six Flags: didney I guess?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: no

[ Here's What I Think About ]

122: War: it's stupid but I guess needed sometimes

121: George Bush: I dunno.

120: Gay Marriage: let them be happy

119: The presidential election: I hate politics

118: Abortion: pro-choice but it shouldn't be used as a form of birth control like some people use it as

117: MySpace: never had one

116: Reality TV: Catfish or anything with Gordan Ramsey

115: Parents: I have at least one of them.

114: Back stabbers: fuck em

113: Ebay: sketchy

112: Facebook: I look at memes

111: Work: soon

110: My Neighbors: I don't talk to them

109: Gas Prices: I don't like em....

108: Designer Clothes: I'm too fat for most of them plus I'm not about to waste a shit ton of money on clothes

107: College: I graduate next year ;3

106: Sports: I watch football and hockey

105: My family: I love em

104: The future: is a mystery

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: was Fabian a few days ago.

102: Last time you ate: at like 1am

101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: I don't see alot of people

100: Cried in front of someone: few weeks ago. Cried about my dad

99: Went to a movie theater: I watched Slenderman

98: Took a vacation: I guess last October? Went to Chicago for an NF concert

97: Swam in a pool: about a month ago

96: Changed a diaper: years and years

95: Got my nails done: professionally? Never. But I paint my nails at home

94: Went to a wedding: it's been years and years dude.

93: Broke a bone: never

92: Got a piercing: May 2015, got a second set in my ears after my first ex left me

91: Broke the law: last night I guess. I speed alot while driving

90: Texted: 5 minutes ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Maggie

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bed lol

87: The last movie I saw: Hotel Transylvania 3

86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: graduation 2020

85: The thing im not looking forward to: school tomorrow

84: People call me: by my name mostly or catto

83: The most difficult thing to do is: not getting my hopes up or attached to people

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: a guy named Samuel

79: First time you had a crush: before I was 8 idk

78: The one person who i can't hide things from: honestly idk.

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk yo

76: Right now I am talking to: Fabian

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I dunno man.

74: I have/will get a job: i will get a job

73: Tomorrow: classes

72: Today: work on a project that's due tomorrow for my protential internship

71: Next Summer: graduation

70: Next Weekend: drinking?

69: I have these pets: 2 cats and a bird

68: The worst sound in the world: children screaming.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Fabian.

66: People that make you happy: my brothers, Maggie, Fabian

65: Last time I cried: few weeks

64: My friends are: nerdy meme trash

63: My computer is: off and charging

62: My School: Flint Hills Technical College

61: My Car: is a fabulous Caturn :3 (Saturn Vue)

60: I lose all respect for people who: manipulate others

59: The movie I cried at was: Pursuit of Happyness

58: Your hair color is: brunette that is ombre to blonde(it was red)

57: TV shows you watch: I don't watch TV

56: Favorite web site: i dunno man

55: Your dream vacation: never really thought about it

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I got my tonsils removed and the scabs were healing and it HURT SO GOD DAMNED MUCH TO JUST DRINK FUCKING WATER

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well tbh

52: My room is: trashed but it's my safe haven

51: My favorite celebrity is: Johhny Depp!!!!

50: Where would you like to be: nowhere honestly

49: Do you want children: maybe eventually

48: Ever been in love: yeah but love is hard

47: Who's your best friend: again Fabian and Maggie.

46: More guy friends or girl friends: I guess guys? But I don't really have friends.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: this fucking guy ive been talking to for the past 4 fucking months

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hahahahahahaha

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: hahahahhahahah

41: Have you pre-named your children: tbh yeah

40: Last person I got mad at: Maggie

39: I would like to move to: i hate moving

38: I wish I was a professional: artist

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: snickers

36: Vehicle: Volkswagen beetles

35: President: uuuuuuuummmmmm

34: State visited: ummmmmmmm idk Kansas

33: Cellphone provider: idk at&t??

32: Athlete: idk

31: Actor: JOHNNY DEPP

30: Actress: I dunno

29: Singer: omg too many

28: Band: ooof too many

27: Clothing store: nah

26: Grocery store: walmart

25: TV show: it changes

24: Movie: Nightmare Before Christmas

23: Website: deviantart?

22: Animal: cats!

21: Theme park: ehhh

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: football or hockey

18: Sport to play: volleyball

17: Magazine: nah

16: Book: I dunno

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: South Padre Island

13: Concert attended: BMTH, Beartooth, Underoath

12: Thing to cook: spaghetti

11: Food: potatoes

10: Restaurant: taco Bell

9: Radio station: don't listen to the radio

8: Yankee candle scent: I dunno I have a lot

7: Perfume: I have this one that smells like oranges

6: Flower: lilies

5: Color: electric blue

4: Talk show host: nah

3: Comedian: eh

2: Dog breed: corgi!!!

1: did you answer all these truthfully?: Close enough yeah
(x) stayed single for the whole year
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken  
(x) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker (not gonna drop names, but probably)
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
( ) had/have a good relationship with someone
( ) had/have a relationship with someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe

( ) took an advanced class
( ) broke the dress code
( ) sent to the principles office for misbehaviour
( ) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
( ) met one teacher you really hated
( ) failed a class
(x) skipped school (class)
(x) did something you were proud of
(x) discovered a new talent
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) intentionally tripped someone at school
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

(x) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
( ) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
( ) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party  
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) visited a foreign country
( ) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't (depression :D)
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
( ) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you

(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
( ) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
(x) slept next to someone of the opposite sex
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
( ) facetimed someone for over 4 hours
( ) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life (not for good honestly)
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
(x) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
( ) had a relationship past 10 months
( ) found out who your true friends were
(x) stayed up 'til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
( ) had your first kiss  
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
(x) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) driven a car
(x) went to the beach with your best friend
(x) saw a celebrity (bands count?)
(x) gotten sick
(x) been told "I love you"
(x) told someone you love them
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) fell asleep on someone
(x) became closer with a lot of people

( ) Got a new piercing.
(x) Dyed my hair.
( ) Ended a relationship.
( ) Started a new relationship.
(x) Been on a long car/bus journey. (14 hours!)
(x) Passed an exam
(x) Met someone who's now an important part of your life.
(x) Cried on someone's shoulder.
( ) Received flowers.
( ) Had a Valentine
(x) Gone to see a therapist
(x) Been prescribed medication by a doctor.
(x) Read a really good book.
(x) Went to the zoo.
(x) Spent too much money on unnecessary things.
( ) Traveled by train.
( ) Spent the day out in the sun getting a tan.
(x) cried in front of someone you adore
(x) Slammed a door out of frustration.
(x) Had an anxiety attack.
( ) Babysat for a friend's child.
( ) Had a BBQ
( ) Went to the fair.
(x) Went bowling.
( ) Seen a film at the cinema in 3D
( ) Went on a date
How was 2018 for you? 
Shit. For the most part.

-Why?
I lost my father, guy and depression troubles.

What are your best memories from this year?
Going back to school.

Any worst memories?
Many...

What about the biggest surprises you had?
My father.

What's the best gift you received this year? 
The ability to go back to school. And proceeding to kick ass in my first semester

How was your birthday this year?
It existed.

The best month you ever had?
October ish.

Best day you ever had?
I dunno.

----

Did you change in 2018?
Of course

Did you get more mature?
Yes.

Did your music taste change?
Not particularly

Did you dye your hair? 
Yup!

Did you get your haircut? 
Nothing crazy. Just a trim

Did you get good grades? 
Oh hell yes :D

Did you drive?
To a lot of places.

Did you move at all? 
Nope

Drank Starbucks?
Do the coffee things in glass bottles you see in like Walmart count???

Shopped at Hot Topic?
Only every time I go to a mall

Did you travel?
Yes! More than 10,000 miles collectively

-If yes, how many different states / provinces/ countries did you travel to?
Well. 5. But drive though several more

Favorite place you visited this year?
All though I wouldn't live there; Chicago

Did you get a job?
Nope

Best book you read?
I haven't read a book in awhile

Best TV show you watched?
The Ranch

Best movie you saw?
Didn't watch many. Most just old movies

Best song you heard?
Oh god too many

Best game you played?
Spyro Reignited

Most boring day of the year? 
I dunno

Saddest day of the year? 
Friday, April 13. My father's service.

Scariest moments?
Not sure

How many concerts did you see?
A plethora (7+)

Did you have a favorite concert?
NF or Crown the Empire

Did you drink a lot of alcohol?
WHOOPS

Did you do a lot of drugs?
Not a lot

----

Share the best drawing/painting/other artwork you made in 2018: eeehhhh..... Maybe later

Did you create any OCs this year?
I don't believe so.

Did your skills or/and art style get improved?
I think so, yes

----

Did you meet any new friends this year?
Yes I did! :3

Who was your closest friend? 
My best friend Maggie

Did any of your friendships end?
Eh.. not really.

Did you dislike anyone?
Of course

Did you make any new enemies?
I don't think so.

Did you fall in love?
AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH

-If yes, who?

Did you break up?
not really break up, but it killed any hope for me.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2018?
Yes

Did you miss anybody in the past year? 
Oh course.

How many people did you sleep within 2018?
2

---

Did 2018 meet your expectations? 
No

Did it teach you anything? 
Yes

What’re you excited about for 2019?
More school. As weird as that sounds.

Are you entering 2019 single?
Of course.

Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions of 2018?
I didn't make one so sure.

Last question, do you have New Year's Resolution(s) for 2019?
I stopped making resolutions

Requests!

Wed Sep 5, 2018, 8:47 PM



Alrighty kiddos!


Even though I might be in school and busy every now and again because of it, I would still like to open up some requests! I finally have a laptop, tablet, and program that I can actually (and comfortably) draw digitally again. So I figured that I would happily draw some things for you guys. 

I would preferably like them to be animal, feral is easiest for me, but I'm willing to try with anthro. 

If you have an questions, concerns, or would like me to draw something, let me know <3

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Name: Midnite
B-Day: May 23
Gender: Female
Height: 5'8 1/2
Weight: more than people thing
Innie/Outie: Innie
Hair Color: Dark Brown for now
Eye Color: Brown
Occupation: Factory worker
Medical Issues: Does depression and asthma count?

Do You...

Cut yourself: recently started again...
Dance: Not in front of people lll
Like Politics: fuck politics
Know How To Use Chopsticks: yup!
Like Guys: Yup
Like Girls: kinda? Mostly curious
Have Large Breasts: decently sized (D's)
Have Big Hips/Butt: hips yeah, butt soon
Have A Long Penis: lololol
Shave: summer time but even then I get lazy
Shower Everyday: showering everyday is bad for your hair and skin so no
Have A Dirty Mind: FUCK YEAH
Like (Any Kind Of) Sex: yeah sure
Like Cuddling: Yes. God damn I miss being able to cuddle someone.
Coke Or Pepsi: coke
Popcorn Or Pizza: Pizza
Day Or Night: NIGHT
Batman Or Spiderman: neither
Metal Or Screamo: either
Goths Or Emos: yes
Makeup Or Accessories: Accessories?
Black Or White: Black
Heads Or Tails: heads
Mortal Kombat Or Street Fighter: MK bitch!! I love fighting games

Penis Or Vagina: I mean? Penis??
Pads Or Tampons: Pads
Alcohol Or Drugs: Alcohol
Journal Or Diary: neither
Ecchi Or Hentai: hentai
Fast Or Workout: fast....
Greeks Or Romans: either
Shaved Or Unshaven Penis/Vagina: I prefer shaven but I don't really care unless it's like unruly and unkept.

Bed Or Couch: Bed
Cake Or Cookies: Cake
Strawberry Or Cherry: strawberry
Panties Or Thongs: either :3
Cartoons Or Anime: both
Internet Or TV: Internet
Facebook Or Twitter: facebook
Text Or Sext: Text
Pink Or Yellow: Yellow
Smile Or Stoic: Smile
Dominant Or Submissive: Sub
IPhone Or Android: Android!!!
Yuri Or Yaoi: neither
Dive Or Canon-Ball: Dive
Cats Or Dogs: Cats 
Fantasy Or Sci-Fi: fantasy

Would You:
Drink Hot Sauce: No
Eat A Dog: No
Adopt An Orphan: No
Kill Someone: maybe
Have Sex With Your Gf/Bf: Duh
Go Down On A Guy/Girl: duh
Give Someone A Lap Dance: nah
Kiss A Guy: yup
Kiss A Girl: yup
Get High: yup
Get Drunk: yup
Wear A Maid Outfit: nah
Wear Latex: no.

Short Answers

Favorite lines from songs:
"If life ain't just a joke, then why are we laughing?"

"Fuck a foreign whip, man, an Uber's what I rolled in."

"If I could kill you, I would, but it's frowned upon in all 50 states. Having said that, burn in hell."

The list goes on. I love music.

Insults you have been called:
I dunno honestly. Bitch?

Some of your goals:
Basically just be happy with where I'm at and who I am.

Are you gay/bi/trans/pan/etc? If so, how did you become aware of it?
No.

Who do you want to answer these questions?

Anyone if they want

Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.


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April 8th, 2018

My brother found him laying on the living room floor, after just waking up. He'd called the police, then called me.

He sounded serious, more serious than he'd ever been before. Asked if he could take some stuff to my house, and of course I said yes. An hour goes by and I ask him where he could be. No response. I called him. Nothing.

I got a message from a friend saying, "I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm really sorry for you and your brother."

I was confused. She called me and said my father had passed away. I was hurt, scared, and in disbelief. I called my brother again and demanded he call me back and explain what was happening.

My brother said he had been busy talking to the police and coroner for two hours.

My father. Dead before his 50th birthday. Alcohol Poisoning.
1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed!

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
No they stuff. I take lotions though.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Out

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Nah

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?
I guess. I never really use em.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Nope

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bees I guess

8: Do you have freckles?
Yup! And they become more prominent during the summer :3

9: Do you always smile for pictures?
Most the time

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Arrogant people

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Nah

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yeah. Camping man

13: What about pooped in the woods?
Camping

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
Yeah

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Sometimes

16: How many people have you slept with this week?
I guess one

17: What size is your bed?
Full

18: What is your Song of the week?
Exit Ghost - Faderhead

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?sure why not

20: Do you still watch cartoons?
FUCK YEAH

21: Whats your least favorite movie?
Forrest Gump

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
None your damn business lmao

23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size?
40 DD

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget into?
BBQ sauce

25: What is your favorite food?
Burgers

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Pretty much any Disney/Pixar movie

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Not on the lips, but Fabian...

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Nah

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Depends on how much I'm getting paid

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I don't really write letters per se, more like small notes

31: Can you change the oil on a car?
Yup

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Nope

33: Ever ran out of gas?
Yeah :/

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
Turkey

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
I don't really eat breakfast but sausage

36: What is your usual bedtime?
4-6am

37: Are you lazy?
Usually after work yes

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Random things honestly. Sometimes animals, sometimes typical Halloween costumes

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Dog

40: Are you horny?
Not really.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
LEGOS

43: Are you stubborn?
Not usually

44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Neither. Ewww

45: Ever watch soap operas?
Lol some times just because the overacting is terrible

46: Are you afraid of heights?
Yes

47: Do you sing in the car?
Always

48: Do you sing in the shower?
Always

49: Do you dance in the car?
Only if I'm not driving

50: Ever used a gun?
Yup. Dad used to take us out for shooting practice on like cans and shit

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
When I was really fucking little

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Eh. Depends

53: Is Christmas stressful?
Yes

54: Ever eat a pierogi?
Nah

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
Usually berries of some kind

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A vet, or a meteorologist

57: Do you believe in ghosts?
Yep

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Yup

59: Take a vitamin daily?
Nope

60: Wear slippers?
On occasion

61: Wear a bath robe?
I don't own one

62: What do you wear to bed?
Nothing
Shorts or light weight pants, t shirt

63: First concert?
ONE OK ROCK, Neck Deep, Sleeping with Sirens, All Time Low

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
I don't really care, either?

65: Nike or Adidas?
If I had to choose? Adidas. Otherwise just shoes

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos but I can't really eat them cuz of MSG

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Sunflower seeds

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No

69: Ever take dance lessons?
Nope

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Honestly no. As long as they're happy with it, then I'll support that happiness

71: Can you curl your tongue?
Yup

72: Ever won a spelling bee?
Nope

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yeah. When I was asked to be featured on a website

74: Own any record albums?
No

75: Own a record player?
Nope

76: Regularly burn incense?
Nope

77: Ever been in love?
Yeah

78: Who would you like to see in concert?
I See Stars, Starset, Escape the Fate

79: What was the last concert you saw?
Crown the Empire

80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Either

81: Tea or coffee?
Tea!!
 
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
SNICKERDOODLES 

83: Can you swim well?
Yup!!! I even took lessons when I was younger

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes? It's not hard

85: Are you patient?
Yes

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
Either, but a band would be cool

87: Ever won a contest?
No

88: Ever have plastic surgery?
Nope

89: Which are better black or green olives?
Black are better

90: Can you knit or crochet?
Nope

91: Best room for a fireplace?
Don't trust them, but living room I guess

92: Do you want to get married?
Yes

93: If married, how long have you been married?
-

94: Who was your HS crush?
Didn't really have a crush, I was dating all through high school

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Nope

96: Do you have kids?
Do cats count?

97: Do you want kids?
Eventually

98: Whats your favorite color?
Electric blue

99: Do you miss anyone right now?
Oh god yes...
Confession 1: Your biggest fear.
Being alone/abandonment
Death

Confession 2: Worst Nightmare. Don't remember all the detail but it involved a lot of family members falling to their deaths, and my little sister being kidnapped and raped....

Confession 3: Something you wish you could forget.
I dunno honestly

Confession 4: Best dream.
Honestly idk
I really remember the happy dreams. I just remember the weird or terrifying ones

Confession 5: Favorite memory.
Getting my art featured on one of my old professor's websites

Confession 6: Worst experience.
Basically between 2014-2016

Confession 7: Biggest pet peeve.
Liars, cheaters, those who think they are better than everyone else.
And people who respond with "k"

Confession 8: Something you're paranoid about.
Honestly nothing.

Confession 9: What you thought of your current best friend when you met them.
Never really had an opinion. She was nice enough, but busy with her man at the time

Confession 10: Your strongest principle/belief.
Even if you work hard, you're not guaranteed happiness.

Confession 11: What annoys you the most.
People.

Confession 12: Something you want to do before you die
Travel, get married, build my own house in the country

Confession 13: Biggest regret.
I regret a lot... mostly allowing myself to become close to certain people. And not having better ways of coping with my depression

Confession 14: Hidden talent.
yes

Confession 15: Favorite thing about yourself.
physically- my hair and height
personality- my kind heart and compassion

Confession 16: One thing you would change about yourself if you could.
Well I'd say way, but I can change that(and am). But I wish I was a little more cold. I wish I wasn't such an open book to people

Confession 15: Worst habit.
Fidgeting

Confession 16: Most important person in your life at the moment.
Honestly no one.

Confession 19: A skill you wish you had.
Probably being able to fight

Confession 20: Biggest compliment you've ever received.
People always compliment my kindness, intelligence, and humor

Confession 21: What you hate most about society.
Peoples ignorance and lack of loyalty

Confession 22: Something that makes you cry.
Animal deaths in movies, or just really touching movies (The Pursuit it Happyness)

Confession 23: Something that makes you laugh.
Memes, Markiplier/Jacksepticeye videos

Confession 24: Most treasured possession.
Maybe my MP3 player, Nicodemus

Confession 25: Something no-one expected you to like.
Interior decorating lol

Confession 26: Strangest hobby.
I don't really have strange hobbies. I've started making plushes though

Confession 27: Biggest ambition.
Just being happy and being able to support me and a family. Having a happy loving relationship

Confession 28: Something stupid you used to believe in when you were younger.
Tbh I dunno.

Confession 29: A random confession.
I used to suck my thumb till I was 11

Confession 30: A few words to, honestly, describe yourself.
quiet, shy, intelligent, compassionateThese are my confessions by kittycatswagger

Feature thingy :3

Fri Feb 9, 2018, 12:16 AM
---DA RULE---
The first 10 people that comment on this journal will be featured 
below and I'll choose four deviations I like most from your gallery! If 
you comment, you have to do the same in your journal, putting the tagger
(me) and four pieces of my art on the first place.



1. Entin 
Okay honestly, where the hell do I even start? I love your art. Like holy hell, you make me jealous with your ability and I even look up to you as an idol. Keep doing you sweetie! Love you! :3
360 brushed by Entin Sleepy Dez-zy by Entin Thewholeworld by Entin Day 22 Yarn! by Entin


2. 


3.

 
4.

 
5.

 
6.

 
7.

 
8.

 
9




10. 




  • Watching: Markiplier/Jacksepticeye
  • Drinking: Water

Warrior Cats meme

Fri Feb 2, 2018, 6:01 PM
BIRTH SIGN
Aries - ThunderClan
Leo - ThunderClan
Sagittarius - ThunderClan
Cancer - RiverClan
Scorpio - RiverClan
Pisces - RiverClan
Taurus - ShadowClan
Virgo - ShadowClan
Capricorn - ShadowClan
Gemini - WindClan
Libra - WindClan
Aquarius - WindClan

BIRTH MONTH
January - White fur
February - Dark brown tabby fur
March - Mottled brown fur
April - Orange tabby fur
May - Tortoiseshell fur
June - Gray fur
July - Ginger fur
August - Calico fur
September - Cream fur
October - Black fur
November - Brown point fur
December - Blue-gray tabby fur

FIRST LETTER OF FIRST NAME
The first portion of your warrior name.
A - Amber
B - Birch
C - Crow
D - Dawn
E - Ember
F - Feather
G - Gorse
H - Hail
I - Ivy
J - Jay
K - Kestrel
L - Leaf
M - Morning 
N - Night
O - Owl
P - Pebble
Q - Quick
R - Rain
S - Storm
T - Thistle
U - Umber
V - Vine
W - White
X - Xylem
Y - Yellow
Z - Zap

FAVORITE COLOUR
The second part of your warrior name.
RED - Stripe
ORANGE - Wing
YELLOW - Song
GREEN - Whisker
BLUE - Sky
PURPLE - Heart 
WHITE - Pelt
BLACK - Claw
BROWN - Fur
GRAY - Tail
PINK - Shade

CLAN POSITION
First letter of your last name.
A, B, C - Medicine cat apprentice
D, E, F - Medicine cat
G, H, I - Warrior
J, K, L - Clan leader (change name to -star)
M, N, O - Warrior
P, Q, R - Deputy
S, T, U - Elder
V, W, X - Warrior
Y, Z - Warrior


RESULT
Morningstar (sky), WindClan Leader, tortoiseshell with green eyes

Dude i think i would use this character :3

Tagging: nah :3
but i snagged this from BIight 

–   –   –   –   –   –   –   –   –   –   –   –  

EXTRA
You can use your birthstone for eye colour if you want.
Jan - Garnet (dark red or purply red)
Feb - Amethyst (purple) 
Mar - Aquamarine (aqua blue)
Apr - Diamond (silver)
May - Emerald (green) 
Jun - Pearl (pale pink) 
Jul - Ruby (red) 
Aug - Peridot (yellowish-green) 
Sep - Sapphire (deep blue) 
Oct - Opal (multi-coloured or pale) 
Nov - Topaz (dark yellow)
Dec - Turquoise (greenish-blue)


  • Listening to: NF - Therapy Session album
  • Drinking: Sweet tea
I suppose had always dealt with it. Perhaps it had always buried deep within myself, waiting to bloom forth and effect everything that ever would be. Though I guess I never really noticed it until I was about age 12, when hormones started changing and puberty was a thing... 

Triggers were usually my mother yelling at me, but occasionally it just... happened. I would feel sad and down for the most part, but I never really knew why or even inquired about it. The way I handled it was to just lock myself in my room, listen to music, and cry. Or even watch a sad movie to make myself cry. And usually after I'd cried, I'd be okay and go about my days just fine.

Occasionally, I'd sit up on my roof late at night and look at the stars. Sitting out during the fall or winter time was my favorite. Watching my breath billow out into small clouds in the cold night air was sort of comforting to me. Plus if anyone heard me sniffling, I could blame the cold if I was caught crying.

I don't know why the thought of being caught crying bothered me so much, but it did. I have, and always will, hate when people see me cry. Makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Though sometimes, we as humans need that, I never felt like I needed that. I always wanted to keep things to myself, and to this day I do. Maybe that's why people have a hard time trying to stay with me...

Anyway... I kept it all to myself for a few years, until I entered high school as a freshman. I hadn't been there a semester, and then my mom and dad split. I guess when my parents divorced, it hit me harder than I intended. I was a bit shaken up when I went back to school the following day, but I didn't lead on how much it bothered me. But I grew to accept it.

And then close to winter break of my freshman year, I started talking to this guy who was a year older than I was, and at the time I didn't know where went to the same school. His name was Oscar, though he went by Hector online. It was nice though. We talked nearly every day, grew closer to each other. I started to have feelings for him and I would anxiously wait for him to get online so we could chat. When we did eventually put two and two together and found out we went to the same high school, we had a little bet. Who could identify who first. At the time, I didn't think that was a stupid idea, being the young, dumb teenager I was. 

Needless to say, I lost that sort of bet. He told me a couple days after we set up the bet that he'd seen me. I was a little upset, I thought I was sneaky. But honestly, I'll never forget the day he walked up to me and handed me a flyer for a club he was part of. The Creative Writing club. It was for poems, short stories, drawings, and the likes. It was cute.

Eventually, we were kinda pushed to ask each other out, and it was nice. I had my first boyfriend shortly after starting my second semester of freshman year. He was basically my first for everything, because until him, I have never even held a guy's hand before. (Sad, right?)

Things seemed to settle in my brain a little. He helped, though he never knew it at the time (and I doubt he even knows it now). But then sophomore and junior year came around, and then my depression spiked... I was always moody, upset, and sad for no reason. Oscar, though busy with his school and extra curricular activities, would still write me tiny notes between classes, or even slip his gold necklace to me in the hallway. He never understand why I was the way I was, because honestly, I didn't know myself.

I also had friends, and a best friend, who could have helped me, too. But I never knew how to tell them, how to even put it into words that didn't make me seem stupid. But I was fairly good at putting on a facade, a mask of okay.

It wasn't till probably senior year that my mother talked to be about depression and how she had struggled with it. Though the first time I ever remember having suicidal thoughts was during my sophomore/junior year blur. Going from verbally abusive mom's to my alcoholic father's houses, takes a toll. But I finally had a name to put with my unexplained emotions and sadness. It seemed like it carried much more weight now though.

Depression.

I still pushed through my days, keeping things in order with school and work. I hung out with Oscar, I hung out with my friends and my best friend, Jenna. Things were stable, as far as they knew. Even after I learned about my depression, the only one I ever really told was him. And even when I did, he would tell me, "Oh you're fine. Just don't think about it and you'll be alright." But it wasn't that simple. I was NEVER that simple.

So I struggled alone and in silence. I was happy he was there, but not so happy that he didn't take anything seriously. I had tried to tell friends about it, but eventually people just leave without warning.

Graduation 2012, came and went, and college started. It was fine for a while, but then I became more aloof and uninterested, but then again, I had no one to really help push me forward with my school. Not even my mother, who was deal with a newborn at the time. Everyone else was busy with their own life, and I just sort of fell behind and thus into a bit of depression spell.

That next year, Oscar had said he wanted to study aboard in Paraguay for a semester. For awhile he wasn't sure he wanted to, but I helped push him to do it. It was something he wanted to do, so I said, "Why not?" He went, and had a good time. We talked nearly every day, and he even proposed to me via a Skype call. I was ecstatic. But neither of us were really ready to make it public till he could come home and make it official.

He came back June of that next year, and I thought everything was okay. However, in November of that year(2014), he broke up with me. After nearly 6 years of being together and showing no real signs of ending things, it was over. We had even foolishly agreed to not make it public until that Friday. I was crushed and even more upset when we had to go to the same class together in the mornings. I was quiet and kept to myself very uncharacteristically for the next four days after that. Doodling and listening to music while everyone, including Oscar, hang out at the same table during lunches. It was maddening.

After it had been made Facebook official and all that, I still kept thinking, "What the hell did I do so wrong? Why wasn't I good enough?"

Again, my depression spiked, harder this time. I was basically blindsided by it all. I was kicked out of college for the second time. I had stopped eating regularly. I slept way too much and too often. I stayed in bed mostly. Things only got worse when I started suspecting Oscar and Jenna getting together behind my back. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I wouldn't have been so mad if they had just talk to me about it first, but no. They figured I would have been just fine. That I could have handled it.

I didn't

In 2015 alone, I had made seven attempts on my own life because I couldn't possibly figure out how to deal with it. I spent so much time alone, crying in my room. I had started self-harming. My mother insisted, along with a fairly close friend of mine, that I get on antidepressants. And they worked for a little while. But then they really didn't, and I started drinking... Heavily. And if you know one thing about medications and alcohol is that they don't mix well. AT ALL.

I'd remember drinking heavily some nights with friends and having a good time, and then the next being outside in the blistering cold, crying my eyes out with a pocket knife to my wrist. Because the pain of the blade felt better than the painful beating of the heart in my chest.

I then had a few friends later on that summer basically have an intervention for me. They said they cared. They said they'd be there for me. I stopped doing things for awhile, stopped because of them. But then, one by one, they all drifted away from me and left me to my own devices once again. And then I fell back into my old habits. 

I had made the mistake of telling a friend of mine, who is basically like a brother to me, that I had self harmed again and he flipped. He picked me up from my house and took me to this bridge by the river that people like to hang out at and fish from. He yelled at me for three hours. At first out of anger and disgust, then out of fear. It was kind of nice to have someone care that much for me.

Then August of 2015 happened, and that's when my current boyfriend and I got together. I know I didn't mention him much until now, but he'd always been the one to drag me out of the house, to go socialize. And yes, we drank together and he was almost always there when I would inevitably break down and cry. He was unknowingly my rock through the roughest part of my life.

Fast forward to now. Things have been rocky, but I have been... Stable to say in the least. Though life keeps trying to test me what with losing my car, then losing my job, then being turned down for every job you've applied to... I know I have to keep my head up, but there are days I just can't. For the most part, I can just take each day as best as I can... 
  • Listening to: NF - Therapy Session album
  • Drinking: Sweet tea
Here we are yet again with another story from my life. And I know what some people may think, "You're making this up. This couldn't have really happened." Oh, believe me, it all happened, it's all real. It's all depressing. This time, the spotlight gets turned towards my other paternal figure; my mom.



My mother had me six days before her 21st birthday. She had always told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I helped her mature and become more responsible. I can believe that from the stories I'd heard from her teenage years.

I don't particularly remember too much from my childhood though. I was told that my mother almost put me up for adoption when I was little. I had apparently kept her up for three nights with my crying and she called her own mother to ask what to do. Her mother, my grandmother, told her to give it another night and see what would happen. And low and behold, I had slept that next night. And so did my mother.

Now, I was an only child till I turned three years old. Then my first brother was born. And then eleven months later, my youngest brother was born. I was fun honestly. I was basically helping raise them, and getting us all in trouble.

As I mentioned before with my father's little story bit, my mother worked nights trying to help provide for the home and that would leave us kids alone a lot of the time. We didn't like being bored and would get into the cabinets or even sneak out of the trailer we lived in.

But enough about us kids, this is supposed to be about our mother. She was nice enough, though at times real moody, growing up. Probably due to raising three kids almost by herself, despite my father still being in the picture. Or the fact that she was always tired. I never really knew, and I doubt I'd ever know.

We moved from Texas to Kansas just before my 8th birthday, and moved in with my mother's parents. It was kinda cool, but I didn't like sharing rooms with my siblings or aunts. But thankfully, we moved into a rental house not long afterwards. 

Fun fact, my mother home schooled my brothers and I, first due to us living where we were at in Texas and then by our own choice later on. Now I know some people are going to say, "home school? so you basically did nothing at home all day?" Not exactly. There were days my mother would be on the phone for hours and us kiddos were able to put off the days work to just play around and enjoy outside. But most of the time we had work to do. She would write up lesson plans and order special work books and such online. She even had us connected later on to a virtual school by the name of Basehor-Linwood. They helped her out with schooling things and even had standardized tests that I was taken to ever... year? I think? I can't remember it. I hated those tests so much.

But while schooling us, she would get... Irritated with us. Sometimes grades wouldn't be the way she wanted them, or tests weren't a good as they could've been, but there was no real reason to get angry with us. So after a few more years of this annoyance, my brothers and I decided it was time to go to public school. And by this time, we had moved again into a bigger house, more permanent. I was a freshman in high school and my brothers were in 6th and 5th grade.

It was a scary process going into public school, and my mother didn't make it easy either. There was a lot of meetings with teachers and principles. But thankful everything got situated though. School started off okay. Mom was working and the boys were doing good with their classes. Mom yelled a lot. It seemed like every day she got home, she would be bitching about something that us kids did or didn't do. Like no matter what we did, it was never enough.

But then the divorce happened and things got even more... difficult. My grades started slipping and my mother threw a real big fit. I remember multiple times she would make me cry because my grades weren't how she wanted them. C's weren't even justifiably good enough for her. 

There were many times she'd ask us kids difficult questions, questions you really shouldn't make a kid answer. One night in particular was extremely hurtful. She forced us up and out of our beds and held us for hours until we answered. She asked us, "Why do you like your father more than me?" How is a teenage, let alone a child, supposed to answer that?

I wanted to answer her, "Because he never asks us stupid questions like this as we're trying to go to bed." But I have no backbone and can't stand up for myself, especially if someone is yelling at me. We each gave half-assed bullshit answers and that seemed enough to satisfy her, but not enough to quell her anger.

I moved out shortly after I turned 18. Lately things have been okay between the two of us, but I still can't get over all the bullshit she put not only me, but my brothers through as well growing up. Though my youngest brother seems to be on the best terms with her, even living with her while he's going to university.

My mother is now more helpful than she had been in the past, even with raising an almost 6 year old brat of a daughter. But I can't help but believe that her constant yelling and ridicule had contributed to my depression and self-esteem issues.
Alright I told myself I wasn't going to reveal anything but characters about the story, but now I'm think a little feedback would be nice.

Note this happens much later in the plot and it's more of a mellow/intimate point between main characters.

Warning! Explicit language is used!

--------------

Chime stared out into the rainy night. From the balcony of her apartment, she could see most of downtown and would often watch as others went by with their daily lives. Tonight, however, there was hardly anyone out and the few who were, hustled to and from buildings and taxi cabs.

A soft sigh escaped her lips, as she leaned against the railing. Thoughts swam endlessly in her head; calculating the events that happened the passed few weeks and the consequences that could potentially arise from them. Orionar was a big part of those thoughts and how her meeting with him could very much get her killed.

She thought if she'd never met him, that she'd still be doing the same things day in and day out. Going on raids, border patrols or even standing gaurd.

Her thoughts then slowly started to drift to the night she was ambushed and kidnapped waiting for her wolf to show in that alley. The horrors that the canines had put her through...

Shaking her head, she left the rainy scene to escape back into her warm nest of a living room. She had no plans for the night, no missions to go on and basically no one to hang out with. The white furred female remembered a time when she would happily entertain others in the comfort of this room. Laughter could be heard down in the streets below and an inviting aroma of food would lurk folks in the hallways to her door. It would be a wonderful sight and everyone seemed so happy and comfortable.

She could even picture Orionar sitting here with the rest of the group, mingling and joking around...

A cold breeze blew through the room, shattering the illusion before her eyes. Her ears flicked back in disappointment as she turned into the kitchen.

Carefully reaching into different cabinets and drawers, she retrieved a kettle, a tall ceramic mug, and small box of tea. She set the kettle on the stove after filling it with water to boil, and sauntered back over to the living and flopped down rather unlady-like on the couch.

She felt cold again, not from the open window but from loneliness. Oh how she wished this feud was all said and done. She wanted her wolf, needed him with her. But alas, she was to be here alone. At least for the night.

A few moments went by and the kettle started to whistle. As she got up and made her way to pour herself a cup of tea, a noise made her flick her ears in that direction. After getting her tea ready, the white furred female wandered back on to the balcony patio. Chime walked over and looked over the side of the railing, and could not see anything.

Laughing nervously to herself, she turned around to head back inside. There, standing between the doorway and her was a hooded figure.

She jumped, dropping her mug at her paws. Scream formed in her throat but she was cut off before it became anything more than just a distressed squeak. The figure removed his hood and knelt down, shushing her before taking her hand and leading her back inside.

This time she shut the sliding glass door behind her and went from panicked kitten to fierce lioness.

"What the actual fuck, Orionar? You nearly scared me half to death!" She hissed softly, making sure none of her neighbors could hear her. Bright amber eyes burned into his pelt and her arms crossed across her chest. "Well?"

He chuckled and striped off his wet jacket, tossing over the back of one of the bar stools. "Come on... Aren't you at least a little glad to see me?"

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "Stupid! Are you trying to get yourself killed? What if someone saw you?"

"But they didn't, did they?"

Ugh! This wolf had some sort of death wish.

Chime glared at him for a moment more before going and making another cup of tea. She glanced back at him. "Want some?" Though it sounded grumpy, it was a legitimate question.

Then she felt arms wrap around her from behind, and a muzzle press gently against her shoulder and neck. She felt her cheeks flush and her paws shake slightly.

"Smells good. I wouldn't mind some tea." His breath tickled the fur along her neck and made her body shudder.

"Then back up a bit and I'll be -happy to get you a cup." Chime elbowed him in the ribs, trying to steady herself from the sudden wave of embarrassment.

Orionar put his hands up, eyeing her carefully as he backed up to lean again the bar. He watched in silence as she pulled out another mug, put the tea bag in and carefully poured water into it. "Honey?"

He blinked in confusing at her for a moment, before actually realizing what she had meant. "Oh, umm... H-honey is fine. I suppose."

She smiled at him and turned to pull out the little bottle of honey she had and added a little bit to his tea before handing the mug over. "There you are. Enjoy it."

She led the way to the couch, set her mug down, and pulled the curtains on the sliding glass door closed before returning to her seat.

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I dont care if anyone really reads these. I dont care if anyone really takes these to heart, or learns a lesson or whatever.  These are just a collection of my thoughts at the moment, something that I feel like I can share. First story time was about my best friend; this one will be about my father.

Warning, this may get emotional.

When I was young and growing, I was living in a mobile home in the middle of a ghetto area in Fort Worth, Texas. I lived with my mother, Erica, and father, Derek, for the first couple years before I had a brother,  followed shortly after (11 months approximately) another brother.

Things were okay for the most part. Dad worked days and slept at night; mom worked nights and tried to sleep as much as she could during the day in between watching us kiddos.

From my point of view, my dad was pretty cool. Though not always around due to working but he was bringing home a paycheck we could use for fun things like food and other necessities.

I dont necessarily remember much from my childhood but there was one particular memory that stands out among the others, and one that actually chokes me up a little bit.

I was about 6 or so and I had these three little bear plushes. One big one, a medium one, and then a smaller one. I used to pretend they were a family and one of my favorite times to play with them was when my dad was home. He'd usually lay on his back, knees up, and I would sit on his stomach. I'd usually have two bears in my hands; the "mommy bear" and the "baby bear." Dad would have the "daddy bear."

It's honestly one of the sweetest memories I can really remember, and sadly one of the fewest.

My family and I moved to Kansas shortly before my eighth birthday so my mother could be closer to her family. It was all fine and dandy in my books.

First we lived with my mother's parents, then found a rental, then eventually they had bought a house for us. But strangely enough, things started to change with my dad a bit.

Now it could have been that I was getting older or something, but I was aware of the changes.

He seemed to be more distant towards us kids, choosing to spend much of his free time out in the shed we had in the back yard. I never really knew what he did out there besides play loud music in his stereo or watch football games out there, but frequently when I'd go out there, there was always a funny smell. Being the sheltered child I was, I had no idea what drugs where, let alone what pot was. But I grew up to later know what it was.

There were times us kids would try and hang out with him and he'd either reluctantly let us, or yell at us. He didn't yell often but when he did it was terrifying. (My mother was always yelling about something, so we got used to it for the most part.)

Things went on like this for years until my freshman year in high school. That's when my parents got a divorce. Mom kept the house of course, but helped my dad find a place and get him settled in there. My brothers and I lived with our mother but would see our father every other weekend.

That's when things seemed to get better. We would play more video games together, we'd play games in the backyard like badminton or horse shoes. We even played games like night tag or just have a bonfire in the backyard. It was nice. Exempt for the drinking.

It seems he'd picked up drinking heavily after the divorce. And that made me nervous. He was never necessarily violent when he was drunk, but things did get scary at times. He'd throw knifes into the wall, punch doorways, and lose all general concern for his well being.

One terrifying moment was when there was a tornado had touched down near town, sirens were roaring through town, and it was absolutely pouring rain. My father had DEFINITELY been drinking and when the sirens went off, a neighbor had taken my brothers and I into the little shelter they had, and as they tried to get my father to join us, I could just hear him outside screaming and laughing at the sky. He was scared of potentially dying in that storm. He just seemed to egg it on, begging it to do so. My youngest brother and I were bawling our eyes out, while the older brother, the middle child, just sat there in stunned silence.

We were scared we were going to lose our father to some stupid, drunken decision. But thankfully, that wasn't the case.

Years went by, and I turned eighteen and desperately wanted to move away from my mother. But unfortunately I had a shitty job at Subway at the time, and none of my friends wanted to try to live with me, so I asked my father.

We moved in together and things were okay. He was still drinking heavily and smoking weed. But it wasn't that bad.

Until he started going out to bars more often on the weekends, coming home bloodied up from wrecking his bike on the way from the bar.

Things went on like this for a few years till just this last year, then things flipped again. Something happened to make him hate me or something because one day he just stopped talking to me, associating with me. He even stopped looking at me. But being the non-confrontational person that he is, never spoke a word about it to me.

He basically kicked me out of that house last June. And when I left, I didn't talk to him again.

The last time I talked to him was about the middle of August, early September. It was only a "hey how's it going?" sort of thing... I haven't spoken to him since. And he hasn't even tried to contact me.

He'll like things on my Facebook, but that's it... Nothing more, nothing less.
____________________________

Do you even miss us?
Your bottle's your mistress
I need to know, I need to know

"A Trophy Father's Trophy Son" by Sleeping With Sirens

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I dunno it's been kinda nagging at my mind since i got to work and had a conversation with one of my co-workers. I'll tell you now, i have no idea what this really is. It's just my most prominent memory stuck in my head right now.



I had a best friend of almost 6 or so years. We had met through mutual friends back in high school during our freshman year.

Now I had other "best friends" growing up but I never really called them that. They all gave us that title; I just shrugged and went along with it. But with her it was different. Very different.

I mean we started as just friends before really solidifying the best friend status. Tbh I don't even really remember when we really even considered best friend status was. But it was the first time I reciprocated that title with someone and meant it.

Just as senior year was starting, I started a new job working at a local Subway. I told my bestie about it and like a week later, she too, was hired on. It was fun working together and goofing around since we mostly closed together. Until work decided we "talked too much together."

Throughout this friendship, I was dating this guy. Loved him, was with him a long time, blah blah blah. But anyway. As I hung out with my bestie more and more, especially after high school, I guess I felt myself get nervous around her some times. I'd catch myself watching her, not like creepily, just kinda how I would my at the time boyfriend. It was kinda strange to me, I'll admit, but I also kinda liked it.

Now I never really told either of them, my bestie of bf, how i was feeling. I kept it pretty hidden. But there was one time I remember pretty vividly. We had both been at work and the topic of eye color came up. I always hated mine because brown is boring as hell, even if people classified them as the color of melted chocolate. I hated it. I wanted something unique and pretty like blue or green. Hell I would have been cool with like hazel.

I just remember looking into her eyes though, telling her that they looked like little solar eclipses. They were a blue grey color but towards the pupil they turned a sort of golden color? It was really pretty and I dunno. Just really liked looking at them.

And then there were times we'd be hanging out in her room or in mine and I'd just like want to cuddle with her. I know that doesn't sound too weird. Friends cuddle right? But I was always so nervous to even really try it.

I also caught myself wanting to kiss her on multiple occasions. Not just pecks on the cheek and that crap, but full on mouth kisses.

There were some nights even, I'd have sex dreams about her. It was strange but also very exciting. But still I was scared to tell her or even hint her about it for fear of losing the relationship we had.

This went on for a few years; me secretly wanting to try something with her, but not doing anything out of fear. I only really told my bf about it one night when he was aboard in Paraguay. He tried to get me to tell her but I couldn't.

But after he and I broke up, and then my bestie and I had a falling out... I told her after the fact. That fact didn't seem to both her though, much to my relief.

But needless to say, we are no longer close like we once were. We don't even speak to each other anymore. But that's another story I'm not willing to get into.

So...

Thu Mar 24, 2016, 9:08 PM
So I just had an idea. I want to write a story. I dunno if it'll be a short story or something longer, but I really want to do it. It'll be different from the regular warriors stories you always see(though I still very much adore warriors! <3) but it will still be revolved around cats. It starts off a little dark, but it'll brighten up later on. I have the first few sections typed up right now. I'm going to include a snippet in this journal, but it'll be a snippet from a much later section, just because I'm so mean! ;D

I would like feed back from it so I know where I should go ahead and post it, or if I should just keep it a little project to myself. Anyway, I'd love to hear from you all, and as promised, here is a snippet from a section:

I had been running for what seemed like days now. My whole body screamed at me to stop and rest, my heart pounded uncomfortably in my chest, and my head was still spinning from the events that took place in that...

I should my head fiercely. I needed to focus on putting one paw in front of the other, now was not the time to be thinking about that. I needed to get to a safe place, some place the twolegs couldn't get to her. No more tests, no more needles, no more screaming and whimpering from the other animals in those cages.

When I finally stopped running, I was in a small wooded area. The sun had just dipped below the horizon and I could stop and actually take my first breath of fresh air. I was greeted with the scent of prey animals right of the bat, followed closely by the scent of water from a nearby stream. I took a few steps forward, but the adrenaline in my body started to wear out and my vision started to fade to black, leaving me to fall unconscious on the ground.



  • Listening to: Things
  • Reading: Stuff
  • Watching: Markiplier/Jacksepticeye
  • Playing: Nonsense
  • Eating: Jibbish
  • Drinking: Water

Fursona meme thing

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 9:05 PM
What is the name of your fursona?
Chimecho Melody (Chime for short)

Where did the name of your Fursona come from?

When I first created her, her name was just Chime. I had two other fursonas named Echo and Melody, but eventually, I just stopped drawing them. For many years, she was just stuck with Chime as her name, but I just recently decided to tack on "Echo" and "Melody" to her name.

What species is your fursona and why did you choose that species?
She's a pretty little kitty, because..... I LIKE CATS. (and that's mostly all that I draw...) 

What color is your fursona and why? Hair/fur/eye/ect

She's a pure white cat with different, bright color splashes on her pelt. She has orange splashes on her ear tips, green on her back, yellow on her tail tip, blue on her right forepaw and left hind paw, and purple on her left forepaw and right hind paw. She also has three spots (purple, green, yellow) and a blue triangle shape on her cheeks. She had medium to long fur, and has pale orange eyes. She also had scars on her left forepaw and right thigh. Why...? I like colors! (and the scars reflect me IRL)

What is your fursona's personality and how does this compare to your RL personality?
Chime is a real sweetheart; very kind and generally a happy go lucky kitty. She is literally me, but cuter and happier. ^^;

What is one item your fursona owns that is significant to you in RL?
On occasion, she is seen with two necklaces; one with a square shaped pendant and the other a blue marble charm. They are both necklaces that I wear often. Also, she has two sets of piercings in her ears; small grey/silver rings on top, and pink ball studs on bottom.

What is one thing you think you would say to your fursona if you could meet?

"Awww!! Who's a pretty kitty!"

What is one thing your fursona would say to you if you could meet?
"Hello! Are you doing okay?"

How has your fursona changed over the years?
She used to be grey, but progressively became white. She also never had the back splash, the facial markings, or the accessories. Her ears used to be different, too. One was orange, the other green and it depended on her paws (but I can't for the life of me remember just with color went with which side... ^^; )

How long have you had this fursona?

Literally almost ten years.

Would you like to be more like your fursona?
I'm basically her now, but she is actually a bit more confident in herself.

This is her now:
Chimecho Redo!! by kittycatswagger

  • Listening to: Things
  • Reading: Stuff
  • Watching: Markiplier/Jacksepticeye
  • Playing: Nonsense
  • Eating: Jibbish
  • Drinking: Water