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After the Gathering: Iorek|Part Three
Clementine|Issaric
Olive|Panai
Kynzikaa|Skyler-King
Panthaleon|moonlightwalk
Glendower|CallyKitten
Iorek|Kitonika9
Summary: After the events of the Gathering and Kaa's threat towards himself and Glendower, Iorek decides it it time to reveal the darkest secret he had ever kept... A secret built from a lie in order to protect the five kittens he had made fatherless, the five kittens whom he loved and protected as his own flesh and blood. Question is, will the Rookies forgive him?
The cold morning air caressed the dark tabby's long fur as he sat near the entrance of his den, ice-blue eyes travelling across the clearing. As he looked, Iorek's heart couldn't help but beat fast while a lump formed at the back of his throat. Already he was tense when he hadn't even sited Clementine or her five kits yet. But the tom knew that the moment he sees them, the moment they enter his den, the moment they hear the truth all along - he knew - that the five Rookies whom had called him their father would be all but devastated.
Kyn found himself staring down at the floor of the den, eyes wide, shoulders hunched and rigid... He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move, or talk, or cry... It had all been a lie. They lied to him every day of his life. After naming him after the cat he looked like, they somehow had the gall to lie to him. Maybe it would have been a nice lie, one that could have just stayed forever... he would still be able to call Iorek "Daddy," and look at his mother without feeling betrayed, and he could look forward to having little half-siblings in Glendower's litter. It had been such a pretty little lie.
Finally, he spoke, his voice oddly quiet. "You... you liars..." He couldn't lift his gaze, not wanting to look at them. "Y-you..." He was going to cry. He could feel his throat tightening up, making it hard to talk. "Y-you..."
Glendower had listened to Iorek in the past, listened to him talk about the day he would tell his 'kits' the 'Truth'-- oh, The Big Truth. Glendower had wondered if he was actually ever going to do it, and sometimes she forgot that Iorek wasn't even the kit's real father. He certainly loved them like his very own, which made her feel much more comfortable with being pregnant with his real kittens. But, no, these kittens before Iorek and her was not his...in fact, they belonged to a cat much worse. Iorek seemed to speak so slow, so, so slow. "You're torturing yourself." Glendower though to herself as she gazed at the Northern Leader-- she found herself unable to meet the confused looks of the kits. Well, it was hard to. Jack and Jennifer probably didn't even know her, Olive hardly knew her and probably didn't like her, Pan...well, Glendower got the feeling that he didn't like her at all. Kynzi was really the only one she was really there for-- she was there for his support, but that would be when all of his questions were answered by Iorek. But Andromeda knows he would have more for her.
As Iorek spat out the truth, Glendower looked at Iorek with affectionate sympathy...and relief. At last, it was out in the open; the secret was revealed. It felt kind of good not having to hide it anymore. Glendower tore her big lake blue eyes from Iorek and to the kittens, awaiting their reaction, and Olive's reaction made Olive look at her with a serious expression. Glendower had a serious expression. And Glendower also wasn't talking, not yet. But her expression did soften when Kynzi spoke up...and almost broke Glendower's heart. She wasn't a liar though...was she? "No...I'm not the one who made all of this up and told Kynzi this for all of his life. I'm not the bad one...well, I'm not the main bad one. Yes, yes." Glendower told herself in her mind, trying to assure herself that she did no wrong...she hated when cats were mad at her, and feeling guilt certainly wasn't good for the kittens inside of her.
Kynzikaa's words pierced the she-cat's heart, making her amber eyes widen as she looked at her brother, remembering how they had both hid with their mother from the cat who Iorek said was ... their father... 'No. It's still a joke, it's a really bad joke... It's....' she looked at all the cats around her, noticing Glendower who she hadn't even thought to look for when Iorek had called them all in. Her expression was serious, and so was Iorek's. "No..." she murmured, looking down at the ground, the fur on the back of her neck rising as images from the gathering continued to flash before her watering eyes. She wanted to run back to the healer's den, grab her ability stone, and teleport far away, maybe even teleport right into the middle of one of the hotsprings and jut stay there, sinking into the water before Iorek could come and save her... She wanted to say something else but the words just wouldn't come out, and so Olive waited for someone to speak up, for someone to fill the room with laughter and say it was all a joke so that she could storm away from with angerly and go back to sleep! .... But no one was saying anything...
Clementines head bowed a little as she felt Olive lean off of her and she wished that she would just continue to as she had. Instead she didn't, no.. She thought it was a joke. Some cruel sadistic joke. Clementine could feel tears well in her eyes and she lifted her head just a little, enough to see Kyn all hunched over, silent. It was the silence that echoed the room that hurt the most. How endless it seemed, and when someone did break it she felt tears began to fall as the words rung in her head. A liar. She was a liar. Her first instinct was to deny it. To tell herself she wasn't but it was true. She was a liar. the quietness of the room was unbearable and the falling of a feather could easily have been heard. Finally she managed to choke some words out however they were so grief stricken and quiet in any normal situation it would have been inaudible however thanks to the silence it seemed to ring out. "I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry." She said, tears becoming more prominent. "I... I..." The warrior found herself once more at a loss of words. Her gaze hadn't lifted , in fact it lowered more. Her shoulder hunched over her form and she seemed as though the slightest of touches could shatter her like glass. Why couldn't it have lasted longer? Why couldn't their little family have stayed together for longer? Why did this all have to happen... Why did she have to reveal the truth, wouldn't it have been better in this one instance to just let the lie go one? To save every ones feelings? To save her relationship with her kits.. Anything would have been better to the warrior than this.
Panthaleon walked in silently, for once not planning any funny bussiness. He was confused to say the least. Why would their dad call them all together? The expression on the elder tom's face made his stomach flip and made him want to run away. He didn't instead, settling next to Olive and his mother, letting his tail softly touch with his sickly sister. He wanted to be close to her for whatever it was that was going to happen. Glancing over to the others to see how they were doing, he noticed a she-cat that didn't belong to their little family. Well, not really. He tensed. What was she doing here?
He couldn't wonder any longer as Iorek started to speak and the more he spoke, the more unpleasant the feeling in his stomach grew. He was... He was going to trade them in right? He glanced over to Glendower glowering to her stomach. Dropping them for the kits that grew in that females stomach. He was abandoning them! He was having such an internal freak-out that he barely registered the point to this all, but it was not what he had expected it to be.
He blanched. Not...not...? And then really...? He hadn't been there, but he had heard other cats speak about it. They couldn't be. No, not off such a monster. His eyes blurred with tears, but he wouldn't let them fall. He didn't want to feel this and didn't know how to handle this. So when his sister offered up the explanation of it all being a bad joke, he went with that. "Yeah, a very bad joke, Dad. You aren't very good at this." He forced a grin, but his eyes were still shining with tears as he looked at the elder tom, those eyes practically begging to deny this reality, to play it off as a joke.
Silence was expected the moment he dropped the big bomb. Discomfort clouded Iorek's judgement and as he sub-consciously shuffled closer to Glendower's side, he could already see the stunned identical expressions coming from Jack and Jennifer. He forced himself to look at his paws, ashamed to even look at the Rookies at this moment in time. He probably made Clementine feel the same way; he had caused her too much pain already and now that this had happened she might as well end what little friendship she kept with him! All because of me... he thought sadly, the thoughts spinning in his head and causing a migraine to form from the midst of it all. If it wasn't for Olive calling out, he would have remained in the dark of it all.
Snapping (and forcing) himself back into harsh reality, the Ice Elemental looked up to stare at a wary Healer Rookie despite the sarcasm she expressed in her voice just moments before. The grim look on the tabby tom's face grew into one of a deep setted frown as he looked at Clementine with a hopeless expression. She looked so depressed already... That was when he heard Kynzi. The words made the Leader flinch and something like tiny claws pierce into his own beating heart. He included all of them: him, Clementine, and even Glendower. "Kyn... Don't say that..." were the first initial thoughts Iorek thought up from his head, but before he could put them into his own gruff voice, someone else spoke. This time it came from the only pure ginger of the Rookies there.
They all wanted this to be some sick joke her put on to scare them... Iorek felt sick in that moment. Deep down inside he wanted to admit what the five of them were hoping; it to be a simple prank and nothing more. But this was no simple joke. This was the full on truth, and he was not going to shy away from it, not right after he told them. He agreed with their mother privately last night after all - with Kaa still alive, there was no more need to keep lying to their innocent faces and cause more drama with Kaa and himself. After all Iorek had seen the black tom briefly look at Clementine and spot Olive running to the ginger Warrior... That and he also saw how similar he and Kynzi was during that night. He may not have showed it, but the dark tabby knew that Kaa was both shocked and guilty from seeing the truth in-front of him.
Finally he couldn't take it any more and, finding strength from his inner soul, the tom decided to tell the whole story. It was, after all, the only possible way to convince them all that he was indeed not playing around with their heads in a sick way.
"I am not joking" he bluntly replied back before straightening up and looking down at all five Rookies with a stoic look. He had his moment; now it was time to be strong. "If you still don't believe me, then I'll tell you a tale... A tale of two best friends that considered themselves to be "brothers.""
"There was once a small tom kit who spent most of his time in the Nursery alone or with his beloved mother. His father never looked at him and never visited often; he OK with that though because he only ever loved his mother. However, when more kits came to the Nursery and grew up alongside him, the little tom thought he would be happy. But you see, three out of the four kits disliked the large tom and often picked on how big his ears were. All except one. The youngest of that litter was a black and white tom with jade-green eyes, and after another of day of seeing the older be bullied by his own littermates, that tom kit went to see the other. At first it was uncomfortable, but soon enough the black kit had the tabby tom laughing and from then on a friendship bloomed. By now you may have already guessed that that tabby kit was me and the black kit was your real father - Kaa."
"Kaa and I were the best of friends once - it was us against the world back in those days. However, that all changed the moment my father turned... He was a Follower and he wanted me to fight him despite me being a kit. It was my mother who saved me... and it was my mother who died by his claws. He was exiled for this of course, but from that point onwards I wanted nothing more but revenge on him and all who followed Bane. I was a very different cat back then: arrogant, violent, and above all disrespectful. The only reason I became a Warrior was so I could carry out my futile hatred to the one responsible for killing the only cat I loved back then. However, there was one cat that kept me back from doing the worst and that was Kaa - the only reason he trained as a Warrior beside me was because of well... me."
"Eventually I met your mother after I almost caused an... accident if you may say. I felt so guilty for it though, so I did apologise before you ask. Then we became friends after some talk, though the moment I introduced her to your father something seemed to click. We all became good friends since that day; I became a bit calmer despite my second mentor being too harsh - and was revealed to be a Follower scum himself when I graduated to Warrior status. Though the moment I joined the ranks of a full Warrior a little later before your parents, I began to see a difference. They would hang out more with each other - your mother seemed to have lights trailing behind her more and more whenever around Kaa, and Kaa was content. Though he did start to grow jumpy and suspicious. I never thought of it much back then the moment he told me he was alert."
"Of course that bond of theirs was different from their bond with mine. It was pure love. Not the love I knew before now, but the love only two cats can share with a non-relative. Your mother loved him and Kaa loved her in return - no wonder they became mates so soon. Although when my Rookie was murdered, that all changed... One night I saw Kaa sneak off and from there I followed him... only to see him with a group of Followers. After that, anger seeped inside my heart, and once I confronted him, Kaa revealed that he had murdered the she-cat I was training and grew to care for as a father to his daughter. Forgive me please, for I was too naive and full of no control back then when I engaged him head on. I had no mercy on him; soon enough I had sliced at his neck and he seemingly passed away. I "murdered" him and for that I exiled myself. From there I learned wisdom, patience. I returned two moons later... Only to have the consequences of my actions slap me hard across the face when I saw you lot. I had made you fatherless, and thus it was my duty to raise you in turn. Your mother was against the idea first - I murdered her beloved after all. But she knew you couldn't live without a dad. So we formed this agreement and kept at it to make you lot happy."
Iorek hesitated for a moment, watching the young cats in-front of him. He had just admitted to them about the cat he was before his exile; the very cat he was incredibly ashamed of and regretted being now. Finding his confidence again, the Leader spoke in a hard voice. "But now that Kaa has returned and thus proved to me that I never killed him and survived somehow, I knew that I couldn't hold back any more. If I didn't tell you now, he would find a way to tell you. He knows you're his and Clementine's kits for he saw you two at the Gathering" he turned to look at Kynzi and Olive, his eyes wavering from coldness to pain. He hated seeing them like this... It made him feel like a villain. "If I didn't tell you, he would have told you and done worse damage then this. So please; don't go hating or blaming your mother for this, nor Glendower either. She had nothing to do with this other then keeping this information from you at my will - if it weren't for me we would not be having this conversation and you would have known Kaa as your father instead. So go and attack me as you so wish; I deserve such" he concluded sincerely - almost pleadingly - at the cats whom would have once called him"dad."
All he could feel now though, was numbness.
The little dark-furred tom really didn't want to hear it... He ducked his head lower, almost to the floor as he stooped forward, ears quivering. He hardly listened to the story Iorek told, muttering under his breath as the big tabby tried to explain everything. "No... no..." He didn't care about the part where Iorek and Kaa were friends, or how in love his true parents had once been. His father was a murderer, and a Follower, and both Clementine and Iorek lied to him and his litter mates about it. It would have been less painful to know their father was nobody they wanted to know from the start... maybe he could have been prepared to learn more about him, or could have easily dismissed thoughts about the one who looked like him altogether. He could have been happy with just his mother and his littermates. He could have been, right...?
Feeling confused and betrayed, the kit rose to his paws and lifted his eyes just enough to glare at Iorek, tears blurring the bold green irises he had inherited from his father. "You think we'd try to hurt you?" His tone was oddly serious, kept low and quiet, though his voice cracked here and there as he tried not to cry. "Or was that just directed at me?" Anger showed in the multicolored depths of his eyes. All the times Iorek looked at him with that sad, suspicious look... anytime he uttered his full name... when he watched him train in the ways of a warrior... he thought of Kaa. And now he was expecting anger and violence, as if he really was just a smaller version of the one who sired him.
Kyn turned away, sniffling as a little sob came out of his mouth. As angry as he was, the kitten-like need to cry was starting to take over. "I... I'd neverhurt anyone... I-I just want to protect them, f-from bad animals and cats like the Followers..." He started to take a few steps towards the exit, paws clumsy as he sniffled and coughed, tears running down his face.
He raised his voice as he continued, "I'm nothing like him! I'm your son, but I'm not Kaa's, either! I... I don't have father!" He shook his head, refusing to see either the liar or the murderer as such. "And I don't need one! I'll become a strong warrior without your help!" He coughed, sniffling and raising one forepaw to rub at his face. "Y-you'll see... I-I'll do it all b-by myself..."
When his father denied it, Pan took a step back hurt. He looked between Iorek and Clementine, eyes confused, hurt, accusing. They had lied to them. He thought they loved them all, but they had lied to them. And not one of those tiny lies to save your fur, the ones that were for the best. No, this was an elaborate scheme between Iorek, his mother and seemingly even Glendower. They had all known and never told them.
It really hurt and he didn't want to hear it, so when his father started to tell a story, he listened. Pretending it to be a fairy tail. He even let out a watery giggle, trying to be amused by imaging his father with very big ears. It wasn't that bad, but then that fairy tail soon became a horror story and he audibly gasped at the end. Starting to shake his head when he heard of how this Kaa deflected, how his dad killed him, about how his dad went away and came back. How they became part of his self-inflicted punishment. Now he understood why his dad never loved his mother and his mother never loved his dad. Not the way mates would. Why his dad preffered time with another female over them. It made sense now. They were not his, not them, not their mother and he had someone that was and those that would. Knowing, hurt all the more. He kept shaking his head, looking at the ground and soflty repeating. "No."
It was the outburst of his brother, that made his head snap to the side and he pressed closer to Olive both wanting to give comfort as needing to receive it. It broke his heart to see Kyn like this and he glanced over to Iorek. Did he really thought of Kyn like that? He never had noticed it, but then again he hadn't been looking for it. "Kyn.."
It was all getting to much, but there was one thing he wanted to know. He looked between the two adults, he had called his parents. "Mom, D-" he stopped, tears now really tipping over. Dad that was what he had been about to say. He didn't know if he could still call him that or if it would be a privilege to the new kittens; the ones that were really his. The thought burned, but he forced himself to go on. His voice was weak and shaky though. "Would you - would you ever have told us if - if he.. that cat had never come back?" He refused to call that cat their dad or call him by his name. A traitor, a murderer. How could they be related to that? How could his mom have loved him? The thought made him suddenly feel sick. Tilting his head, he kept his eyes shifting between Iorek and Clementine, the ones he once called his parents, trying to push away all emotion as he awaited an answer. His tears would not stop though, steadily rolling down his cheeks, dampening his fur. Any hope of controlling them had been lost, the moment Iorek crushed his only escape from reality.
Olive's mouth hung open as she listened to her fathe- Iorek's words as he explained himself. She wanted to press up against someone, but her mother seemed like the wrong choice. When Olive took a brief glance at the ginger she-cat, seeing the sadness on her face, the healer rookie hardly recognized her. She knew that Clementine loved her, but why would someone who loves you create such a horrible lie? A horrible.... terrible lie...
Unlike her brother, Iorek's story held a meaning in the young healer's mind... her fa- Iorek had been friends with Kaa, and then Iorek had tried to kill Kaa! Iorek exiled himself from the regions, leaving Clementine all alone, all alone with five kits, and then he came back just to pretend to be their dad! It was like he created a game for himself, a game where he could play dad - but now that he was going to be a dad on his own there was no need to love Clementine's kits anymore. Now Olive understood why Iorek called them brats all the time....
Tears streamed down the she-cat's face as her brothers spoke, Kynzi getting angry at Iorek and yelling at him while Pan, who Olive pressed close against, while tom asked if they had ever planned on revealing the truth. Olive could taste the salt of her tears as she held herself up slightly higher, sniffling as her crying made tears run down her face.
"No... No... he wasn't gonna tell us...." She whimpered, casting another glance back at the healer's den where her ability stone was sitting. She was nothing like Kaa, nothing like a dark element, but this proved that she was nothing like Iorek either, and so the rookie rose up, her tail drooping into the floor before she met her father's icy gaze. "You never loved us! And you never loved Mommy either! You did all this just so that you wouldn't seem like a-... a... A scary monster! You tried to kill our dad, and now he's evil too! That's why you call us brats all the time - y-...y-you don't care! You don't care! YOU DON'T CARE!" She shouted, her entire form shaking as she cried, her tears splashing onto the ground. "You're mean and you make us do chores and clean our fur and all along you never even loved us! You just say it so you won't hurt us, but Kynzi is right... w-we... we don't need a dad! ......We don't need a dad..."
She paused, her tail lashing behind her as she turned to look at her siblings for a moment, running her eyes over Jack, Jennifer, Pan, and Kyn before she stepped backwards and pressed against Pan's ginger fur again. "We don't need your region either!" Her mind was spinning, the little she-kit's imagination taking off, as though her dreams were some kind of safety mechanism. "We'll make our own region! I can be the healer, and Kyn can protect us, and Pan can tame the animals, and Jack and Jennifer can search for the things that we need, and maybe do the hunting! S-s-so you can stop pretending to love us!" She cried out, turning away from her dad to try to run out of the den, but sadly she couldn't find a way to slip through wither her whole family sitting in the way.
Glendower's lake blue eyes quickly snapped back to Iorek after he told the kittens the sad, sad story-- sad, but true, story. But after Iorek had said that he deserved to be attacked, and after all of the words of the kittens before her, talking seemly nonsense to her, Glendower bodly decided to step in. Glendower wasn't their mother, no, and she couldn't exactly feel the pain that they were going through, and maybe she was in no place to speak during this very personal family moment...but the kittens seeing Iorek and their mother as the bad cat here made Glendower too mad. Being over emotional, with her heavy stomach of kits and all, she couldn't stop herself. Looking at the kittens and watching Olive try to scramble out of the den, Glendower cried out. "That's enough!" Glendower instructed...her eyes staying away from Pan's gaze and simply dashing around the den and the five kittens. "Iorek didn't have any bad intentions! Iorek isn't the bad cat here, and neither is your mother-- Iorek was just trying to right a wrong, and your mother just wanted you to grow up with a normal family that you deserved. You ought to be grateful! They loved you so much that they were willing to lie for your happiness, and you can't say that you weren't happy!" Glendower told them all, her heart pounding, and her voice sounding like a beg or a cry as she tried to get these kittens back on Iorek's side.
Looking at Olive, Glendower continued. "And how could you say he never cared? Iorek cared since before you all were even born! Iorek did all those things because he cared, Olive!" Glendower told her with a swallow. "I know this is a shock-- but please, believe me, they only lied because they love you." Glendower said, her voice shaking. "The real cat you should be angry at is Kaa. He murdered. That's against the law, it's as simple as that! If Iorek wouldn't have gotten to him, who knows what might have happened. Maybe, he would've killed other cats! Maybe he would've...um, maybe he would've even made you guys into followers yourself!" Glendower went on, trying to think of other reasons as to why Iorek's 'murder' was a good thing. Kind of. She just couldn't stand to see her good mate being battered by the ones he gave his all to make happy. "Everything happens for a reason." Glendower finished, blinking misty lake blue eyes.
With no direct reaction from either parent, his first reaction was to go after Olive. Her words made him feel bad. What if it was true? That it had all been pretend play? The idea was unbearable and it was all getting too much. He wasn't quite going as far as running away and starting a new region, but he did feel like running away from the situation right now and he would go with his sister if he had too. He wanted to run so bad that when a certain she-cat interfered, yelling at them, reprimanding Olive, that his confussion and hurt turned into anger and he yelled right back. "Don't yell to us like that, leave Olive alone!"
"You lied along with them, you knew too! You say we were happy and we were, so this is far worse!" He hiccupped, trying to stop his ragged breathing, adrenaline making him tremble. "Kyn's right. First we had a father and now we don't, cause that cat is anything but our father and da- I-Iorek he isn't anymore!" He turned away his head, calming for a second before, trying to make a dash for it, like his sister had done before. He just wanted to get away from there. He could barely see straight from his crying that didn't cease, even if he wanted too. He repeated to himself. "This is far worse." A nightmare come true.
The moment Kyn broke the silent (but eery) atmosphere surrounding the den was the moment Iorek began to flinch the hardest. That glare from those similar green - but slightly yellow - eyes and the hurt that came from the kitten-like tom's voice was enough to make the tabby tom stare in speechless horror. From the way his own Rookie spoke - it sounded as if he knew and understood now why he would look at him differently from the rest. He knew that he saw Kaa in him now; but not quite for those same reasons Kynzi was accusing him of. Still, the words left the Leader speechless; as if he had just been slapped in the face then and there. Especially when Kyn had cried out that he had no father and he would train without him in order to prove himself different from Kaa himself. He wanted to do anything - anything - to just walk over there and comfort him like he would have usually done when he went into a state like this.
In-fact, Iorek almost did just do that; he took about one pawstep forward and opened his mouth to speak before the next slam came right back at him again. This time he averted his ice-blue eyes over to Panthaleon, who seemed to still be clinging onto some stability despite the weak voice he spoke in. The tom knew that this question was to come soon; would he have told them the truth even if Kaa hadn't returned back from the dead? Yes, I would have, but only when you were old enough to understand was what Iorek had wanted to say (and was about to too) before Olive answered her brother back.
Wallop.
The words stung him more then the last. Olive was just in as much as a state as Kynzikaa was, and when he saw Jack glaring at him with such putrid hatred in his eyes and Jennifer sobbing just as much against her identical brother's shoulder added to Iorek's discomfort. Though as Olive continued, the tabby tom found himself taking a few steps backwards, aghast and terrified of the Healer Rookie's cries of hurt and anger. Did she - sis she just call him what he thought she called him? You were born to be a monster... The supposed last words of Kaa still haunted him to this day. You did all this just so that you wouldn't seem like a-... a... A scary monster! would forever scar him. Iorek had no words now; he was lost in the amount of accusations he had received from three out of five kits with one glaring at him in total resentment.
Pow. Olive's words of him not caring for him made Iorek feel numb on the inside. Slap! Her agreeing with Kyn made the tom's heart ache. Scratch - she had broken his own soul within seconds after fantasising about her dream Region with her siblings. It was now confirmed; they hated him now. They didn't forgive him, and they seemed to also not look at their own mother too. Even when he saw her try to run out of the den was enough to make the tom feel his world tear apart beneath him. They didn't love him any more...
The Leader was practically blind to the rest of the conversation after that: he didn't hear most of Glendower's speech, he was deaf to Pan's outburst and had barely saw him breakdown. All he could think about was how he was their monster... A monster who had tried to murder their real father and lied to them. It all shook him to the core and as they kept swirling in his head a sudden anger burned deep inside the cold tom. This was all Kaa's blasted fault; the very tom he presumed dead for so long! If he weren't dead then why did he not return to the Region to take care of his own kits? But then again... there must have been some sick desire inside that twisted tom's head to not head back...
That... and it wasn't entirely Kaa's fault; from what he saw, the tom himself didn't realise he had kits in the North from Clementine. He saw Kaa's look after all and for a moment Iorek though he saw the old Kaa he had grown up with flicker in that fearful cat for a moment. That and the kits themselves were too young to understand his reasons properly. Before he knew it; however, the emotions spilled over the Ice King's soul and before long he found himself collapsed onto the ground, weeping. Weeping for the first time since, well... since his own Rookie and died at Kaa's treacherous paws those many moons back.
"E-Even if Kaa hadn't returned, I still would have t-t-told you, but only when you we-we-were old enough to underst-st-stand! Do you th-th-think I wanted to tell y-you now? Tell you when I knew s-s-something like this would be enough to b-break you? Y-You think I don't care?" He looked around, his eyes wide and desperate - almost pathetic looking considering how well they knew him. Tears still ran from the tom's eyes as he continued, his breathing shaky as he looked to Olive first. "If I didn't c-care I wouldn't h-h-have taken you under my w-wing in the first p-p-place! I call you brats b-because it was my w-way of being affectionate to you! I-I call all Rookies brats too o-only b-b-because I care. I may seem cold, but it b-broke my heart right now seeing you all l-l-like this..."
The tom then looked to Panthaleon, the tears still running as clear as day down his cheeks. "I know you're jealous b-because Glendower is my mate and she's e-e-e-expecting already, but that doesn't mean I won't l-love you, nor replace you! E-Even if you say I-I am not your father, I will still see you as my son. No-one can ever r-r-replace you Pan; in-fact, no-one shall replace any of you! You are my sons and daughters; the moment I fathered you I loved you and I never cease to, even now you know I lied to you the whole entire time! I-I-I love you so much that doing this, seeing you like this, andhearing like this is k-killing me inside."
Finally Iorek laid his cloudy eyes back on Kyn, his gaze the most sorrowful he had shown that night. "Kyn - I-I only l-looked at you like that because you reminded me of the old K-K-Kaa... The one who was once my brother. Y-You may look similar, b-but you are nothing like him. You're too curious to start with. That and y-you're too sweet and energetic. I took you on because I-I though I cold make you into a cat the old Kaa would be proud of as well as myself, your mother and the Region. I don't care w-whether or not you are his son - to me you are my son and shall forever be my son just like how your siblings will be too. If anything... breaking your hearts is breaking my own... Despite this you can still call me d-d-daddy, dad, or father; whatever really. But if you hate me now, I won't let it go, knowing how this is all my fault. I am a-a-a monster after all..."
And with that Iorek buried his face into his paws and cried pathetically. Finally the stress and weight and verbal beatings had crashed down upon him in one giant swoop, leaving him nothing more then just a saddened wreak at the moment.
Glendower's lake blue eyes squinted at Panthaleon, and though she tried to contain it, she really had that almost identical look of momentary hate in her eyes for such a bitter kit like him. But her glare was short lived, when all her attention was quickly recaptured by Iorek lying on the ground and weeping, weeping sadly. It was a worrisome sight indeed-- Glendower didn't recall ever seeing Iorek cry. It was...strange. An alien sight to her eyes, it made her kind of uncomfortable to see, but the sensation was short lived as it was replaced by protectiveness and the strongest desire to heal than she'd ever felt before. She wanted him to stop so bad, before he made her cry, which she planned not to do in front of her unreasonable Rookie and the other kittens-- but, she believed that, though it looked kind of pathetic, it was good for him. All those bottled up emotions being let out, it would be like a new beginning...well, something sure was different and new here. Glendower listened to Iorek stutter and cry, speaking to his 'kits' who had dared to call him the monster. "Iorek, a monster? Not only is that hypocritical coming from the kittens of a Follower, but a Dark Elemental herself and the ungrateful little crybabies who made my Iorek break!" Glendower thought to herself, having to bite so hard on her tongue to not speak those words out loud that she tasted blood inside her mouth. Her eyes were watered over, but no longer in desperation, but overwhelming emotions and anger at the sight of Iorek looking so weak and defeated by the ones he wasted so much time on. A breeze made it's way into the den as Glendower's eyes glowed ever, ever, ever so faintly, a ghostly white. She would never use a spell on one of the young kittens, or anyone in the den, of course, but she couldn't help raising the wind because of her increased heartbeat. She could feel the gusts in her blood, fighting to contain herself for the sake of the unborn kitten's health.
At Iorek's last words, Glendower pressed against him and put her face next to his with as much affection, sympathy, and comfort than she could ever muster and summon up. "You are not a monster." Glendower said to him firmly but gently in a hushed tone, facing him, but her eyes trailed off to see the kittens. She looked at them with disappointment and great disapproval. Raising her head, she went to say a few more words...but she did it with a very forced calmness, her voice's volume obviously showing strain. "What does it matter that Iorek and you all share no blood? Iorek is more of a father to you all than any related cat could ever be to you. It doesn't matter if he's biologically related to you or not, he is your father, no matter how much you reject that." Glendower said through slightly gritted teeth, waving her tail slowly on the ground. Glendower didn't even care if those words weren't as well put and dramatic as she planned-- they knew what she meant. "So what if Iorek isn't related to you all? Iorek loved you, cared for you, was there for you all this time-- that's what makes a real father, not blood. It's in a cat's actions." Glendower said, more quietly, not expecting the cats to even pay attention to what she was saying anymore. She didn't care. "What does this news change? It doesn't have to change anything." Glendower sighed, shaking her head to herself. That was it. All that mattered was Iorek, now, and Glendower went back to him. "Sh, sh, now, now, Iorek." Glendower said softly, wrapping her tail around him and pressing her cheek against him. "They're the monsters." Glendower thought to herself, mostly directing that thought to Panthaleon and Olive. They dared to say such regretful things to their father-- Glendower knew that they couldn't have meant it, they were just shocked by the news and were upset. Glendower didn't know why, though-- what did this news change, like she said? They made this too big of a deal, Glendower believed...she wasn't in their position, but if she found out her father wasn't her real one, she would be alright. Though not related, she'd know that her father still loved her anyways. She hoped that those kits knew that Iorek still loved them too-- though Glendower thought, it should would be hard to. She would've given up on them, by now, but they were Iorek's family, as much as the kittens would like to deny it now. She knew Iorek wouldn't give up on family. "There, there, let it out now, Iorek." Glendower cooed.
He would have made it, succeeded in his little escape, but the broken call from behind him made him freeze in his steps. That was- He snapped his head back, wide eyed. Though he could see little more, but blurred shapes, he knew all too well what -who- he was hearing, though in a way he had never heard before. Iorek, he was crying. They made him cry. It made his legs finally give out, the adrenaline of stress that previously edged him on, now seeming to suddenly take all his strenght away. He felt bad, really bad for what he -they- were doing to their parents or what were their parents. But in return they had hurt them badly too. Lying, giving them something, only to make their hearts bleed as it was suddenly ripped away. Who was right? Who was wrong? Were they the bad ones? Or him and his sisters for acting like this? His head hurt and he felt dizzy. It took him a moment to realise he was breathing too quickly. He tried stopping, but it resulting in him throwing up. His mind couldn't handle this, so his body rebelled. If he didn't get a hold of his breathing, he'd pass out, so he closed his eyes pressing his head to the ground, trying to calm down. A thousand thoughts harassed his mind, so it was not an easy task. Iorek's last words kept repeating in his mind. 'But if you hate me now, I won't let it go, knowing how this is all my fault. I am a-a-a monster after all...' And he realised one clear thing. One thing he was sure all of this madness aside. He didn't hate him. He didn't hate his mother. He was hurt by them, very upset by them, but hate? He didn't think he couldn't. Even if Iorek would cast them aside for his real kits. If if their mom would continue on with lies and they knew, even then he didn't know if he could truelly make himself hate them. 'Cause the love he cherised? It had been unconditional after all. The question was...was theirs? He never looked up, still gasping for breath as he spoke. "H-how can it be the same? We are not yours. Like mom... is not Glendower. We'- we're not them. W-worse, sons and daughters of a monster, a traitor." He shook his head, eyes still closed, his speech disegrating to mumbling, probably meant to keep himself buzzy. Trying to keep consious as well as orden his muddled thoughts. He wished he was little again. A kit curled up in his mother's or father's furr, blisfully unaware. He wanted to sleep so bad, close his eyes and wake up, this all being a dream. And he'd play with Kyn, laugh with Jeniffer and Jack and go visit Olive. Pull silly pranks, only to be chatisised by his mom or dad. He wished for that as the world seemed to queit down.
The dark-furred she-cat felt as though she were shrinking, growing smaller and smaller inside of her form as she listened to Glendower, her own mentor, lecture her about how Iorek had cared. 'He didn't show it... he made me do chores and so do you! I haven't even been able to learn lately because I've been sick from the snow.... do you just hate me because I'm not a good healer?!' She lowered her head, and when Glendower mentioned that Kaa could have made them into followers the she-cat visibly flinched. Despite the fact that she was unaware that the followers had a law about being healed my others she still knew that she wouldn't fit in with their group, especially after seeing what had happened at the gathering... the lightning bull... the fog... the fighting of cats... it had been scary then but it all seemed so much more frightening now. When her ginger brother stood up for her Olive moved closer to him, pressing herself and her semi-cleaned pelt up against him as she stared at Glendower and Iorek with wide eyes. They both looked foreign, despite the fact that she had seen them nearly every day of her life.
And then Iorek started to cry....
Olive couldn't tear her eyes away as the Ice King, the solid, brave, invincible leader of the North, started to cry. He said he loved them, he said he cared, he said he would have told them, and he said he was proud. He was going to tell them eventually, and he sounded sincere, but that didn't keep Olive's tears from rolling down her face too. She didn't know how to feel - and guilt began to prick up in her chest. Maybe Glendower was right, maybe Kaa would have made his kits followers, and maybe that would have been better... they were mean to Iorek and they even made him cry, but, at the same time, Olive didn't feel like she was in the wrong. She and her littermates had been lied to, deceived, for their whole lives... The rookie felt like she didn't even know who she was anymore.
A sneeze shook her body as she listened as the words in the den swam around her, and then Pan's voice really broke into her mind. "Y-yeah... we..... we can't be here! What if we turn into traitors too! What if I won't-"she broke off after realizing that all of the stress had made her brother throw up, and her mind started spinning, the same adrenaline rushing through her veins as when she had found Aiden, an East Region Rookie, almost drowning. Her heart pounded in her chest, and, although she didn't know what her brother was going through, she felt the need to help. "Pan!" she shouted, pressing close to her brother for a moment before she darted out of her father's den, pushing her way past Jack and Jennifer as racing through the snow to the healers' den, where she immediately began foraging through the herbs, having no idea what she was looking for.
She knew the names of herbs, and she knew what to use to help cats who were feeling sick, what would prepare cats for a journey (and she especially knew about catnip, since she sometimes "borrowed" it from the store) but she couldn't think of what to do to help her brother. The little she-cat was in such a panic herself that all she could do was bat at the different leaves and berried before lowering herself to the ground and crying. 'I shouldn't be a healer... I shouldn't be a healer... my mentor doesn't like me and I'm a dark elemental; light elementals are good healers, not me... no no no....' She just didn't know what to do.
Kyn couldn't think of what to say or do... He tucked his fluffy tail between his legs, head hanging, struggling for a long moment, until Pan started to panic and Iorek broke down. He forced himself to swallow his own hurt, steeling himself and moving over to his brother's side. He gently rested one paw against Pan's back, ducking his head down to murmur gently in his ear, "It's okay, Pan... I'm here... Breathe. It's okay." He protectively shifted closer, tucking his brother's head to his chest and softly purring to try to reassure him. "Deep breaths..." He wanted to go after Olive as well, but he could only be in one place at a time. Best to calm Pan to keep him from passing out, and then go after Olive once the orange-furred kit was well enough to follow.
Throughout his sobs and weeps, Iorek couldn't help but feel a sudden rush of freedom filter through his entire being; as if he had just released a heavy-weight on his shoulders by allowing himself to break this moment. Which, matter-of-factly, was true. All the stress, all the worries, and all the fears he had allowed to clamber on top one of another from day one of Leadership crumbled over to leave nothing but blank, empty space. Yes... He felt like there was no longer a large burden to carry with him any more and as the tears slowed he felt the comfort of his mate's cheek against him and her tail entwining itself around his pathetic form. Her cooing and words to the five Rookies were what filled up the strange gap that had so suddenly left Iorek with something more... positive. Courage.
Blinking the last few tears from his eyes, the tabby tom found himself hardening his composure once more to that of his regular self; the self-imposed, cold, cynical, and overall grumpy Leader of the North and King over Ice. Slowly Iorek raised himself up onto his paws again, his breath still a bit shaky as he inhaled and exhaled in one deep sigh... Only to remember the voices he had heard during his meltdown. However, before he could even reply to them, the tabby tom noticed something was wrong; incredibly wrong with Panthaleon. The tom looked shaky... that and some vomit was close by where he had been standing. Olive had already ran out of the den (probably to get herbs) whilst Kynzi was already trying to calm the ginger Tamer Rookie down. Meanwhile Jennifer seemed to have stopped her silent sobs and went to help aid her brother whilst Jack barely looked at him at all.
Did I...? was the single thought that traced it's way inside the dark tabby's brain as he instinctively made his way over to Pan - he was probably the cause of this sudden panic attack after all! "Like Kyn said, Pan - deep breaths. Control your breathing; sit down if you must in my nest. Everything is alright - well, if you ignore what just transpired. But that's not the point! I acted out immaturely which led to a shock and I'm dreadfully sorry about that!" he meowed in a comforting tone as he decided to lead the Rookie to his nest and sit down. Panic attacks were something Iorek had yet to deal with properly, though he was at least glad to know two she-cat's who knew more about healing then he ever did right now. Although the tabby did remember his "son's" words beforehand; upon settling him on the rather pristine nest of moss and feathers, the Leader took a few steps back to give him air.
"Just because you are the children of Kaa doesn't mean it changes anything; I am still your father no matter what you all may think of me now and probably for the next few stages in your lives - overall I'm prepared for such a case of doubt or anger. Please try to remember though; Kaa was once my own brother and thus a tom of good-will... To be honest I don't even know why he turned. Although whenever in doubt about me, please take Glendower's words into account; a father is someone who takes action, not just the cat who feel for your mother and produced you. I am you father through thoughts, not blood and I will forever hold you deep inside my heart" he whispered softly before turning to Glendower for some report as he waited for Olive to return with the herbs. He clearly had no idea how to deal with these kind of situations at all...
Continuation
Clementine|Issaric Olive|Panai Kynzikaa|Skyler-King Panthaleon|moonlightwalk Glendower|CallyKitten Iorek|Kitonika9Summary: After the events of the Gathering and Kaa's threat towards himself and Glendower, Iorek decides it it time to reveal the darkest secret he had ever kept... A secret built from a lie in order to protect the five kittens he had made fatherless, the five kittens whom he loved and protected as his own flesh and blood. Question is, will the Rookies forgive him?
The cold morning air caressed the dark tabby's long fur as he sat near the entrance of his den, ice-blue eyes travelling across the clearing. As he looked, Iorek's heart couldn't help but beat fast while a lump formed at the back of his throat. Already he was tense when he hadn't even sited Clementine or her five kits yet. But the tom knew that the moment he sees them, the moment they enter his den, the moment they hear the truth all along - he knew - that the five Rookies whom had called him their father would be all but devastated.Sadly, Iorek also knew that this decision was for the best; ever since Kaa returned, the tom knew that the truth would have to come out eventually and he'd rather say it himself rather then Kaa find out and tell them the truth they were denied for so long. Soon enough, the Leader spotted the approaching ginger Warrior with five Rookies accompanying her; one with a slightly more clean grayish pelt, a stark black and white one that was his Rookie, a ginger tabby, and two identical black and ginger twins. For a moment Iorek let sadness cloud his ice-blue eyes as they gained closer to him with each pawstep on the hard, icy white ground. It has to be done - even if it breaks their heart and yours, it's for the greater good they know a voice reminded him inside his head just as the wind howled in silent agreement.
Sighing, the Northern King stood up and entered the den the moment the small family made their way over to him; of course he could already see the confused looks on the Rookies faces and some mutters coming from the two twins Jack and Jennifer as they followed after him. They were so oblivious...
Eventually Iorek turned around and sat down to face them, his gaze steely as he observed each of them. Questions of course emerged from Kynzikaa - the kit that looked so much like his real father and saw witness of his return several nights before. Olive seemed to be sitting quite close to Clementine alongside Panthaleon, both giving each other a questioning look. Meanwhile Jack and Jennifer were staring at him intently, the two Searcher Rookies clearly interested in what he was going to say. The worst part of it? They looked excited, as if he were going to award them some new ability stone.
Iorek gulped down nervously, unsure where to even begin. How in Andromeda am I going to break it to them? They're too convinced in the lie I let them live because of my own actions... Harper give me strength he silently prayed before letting out a sigh. Time to get this over and done with.
"Kits - I have asked your mother to gather you all up here today for a very important reason" he began, and from the corner of his eye he already could see the beginnings of another question forming on Kynzi's lips. However the young Warrior Rookie zipped his mouth shut again and looked away in embarrassment the moment he gave him "the look." Clearing his throat again, the Ice Elemental spoke in a low rough rasp:
"Now I want you all to be aware that I love you very, very, very much. So much that I can't think of a life without you five in it and making me so proud of you all. I want you to know that no matter what happens from now that I will always be happy for you and be there to guide you no matter what. Most importantly, your mother also loves you - she loved you the moment she knew she was expecting you all and she will do anything for you. So... if you want to unleash your anger out on someone, do it to me." Hesitating for a moment, Iorek could easily see a mix of confusion and somewhat dread rush across the five young cats in-front of him, all looking at each other and some huddling closer together.
They knew something wasn't right.
Memories - images - flashed before the Leader's eyes in that moment: he remembered seeing them for the first time, all five fluffy bodies curled up and mewling against Clementine's soft belly. He remembered the fire and how he had saved Olive from the flames along with Iomedae. He remembered all the times he played with them, all the times they curled up into his warm long-fur, all the times he shared wisdom and stories to all five of them. Over and over they taunted him as if wanting him to turn away and let the lie continue until it was too late. However one thing was clear and strong and that was the will of the Northern King.
Gathering enough courage, the tom found himself gazing sorrowfully at the five Rookies who all stared at him fear and discomfort. They had never seen him look like this before; regretful. It stung his heart so much; who knew this would hurt more then he originally expected. Finally, the tom let the words form on his tongue and spill out in a soft, grief-stricken whisper:
"I-I'm not your father... Kaa is."
Clementine could feel dread well within her as she went around gathering her kits, knowing exactly why Iorek wanted to talk to them. The senior warrior watched them all with saddened eyes as they neared Ioreks den and the ginger tabby couldn't help but wonder just how this would go. Would they all hate her? Would they blame her for everything? She almost wanted to run form this entire situation, others coming and attacking her region she could handle, getting in fights she could handle, dealing with moody cats, she could handle that as well. However letting the truth on her kits father... That scared her. She tried to appear confident on the outside however the she-cat knew her facade was breaking slowly. With everything that had happened recently, from seeing Kaa again. Her love reemerging. She wasn't prepared and it had been taken its toll on her.
As the family moved through the camp she caught sight of Iorek and turned her head away just a little, not really able to look at him. She was sure that others were speaking to her, whether it be Kyn's endless questions however she found herself just tuning everything out. As they all entered the den Clementine found herself sitting just a little bit away from the rest, her gaze on the ground. Butterflies swarmed her insides, making her feel dizzy and any words she might have said were lost on her tongue. Her discomfort only grew as Iorek began to speak and her paws shuffled beneath her. When the words came from Io in the grief stricken tone Clementine visibly flinched. She couldn't lift her gaze up to see anyone's reaction. She couldn't add any of her own words. The warrior was a shall of herself for the moment, and she wished that she could just curl up into a small hole and disappear forever.
While waiting for her father to speak the little healer rookie scooted closer to her mother, her eyes wide and wild as she looked around the den - being away from the sunlight made her feel uncomfortable, but the warmth from her mother's fur, and the presnese of Pan, Kynzi, Jack, and Jennifer made her feel safe... until Iorek spoke. Something was wrong.... something was very wrong... her father's words seemed to drag on for ages, many of the words sweet but the tone in which everything was said made Olive shiver. Things had been so tense since the gathering, and the thick air that seemed to cloud the conversation reminded her of all of the dense fog that hat almost prevented her from finding her mother on that dreadful night. She pressed closer to Clementine's fur until Iorek's last words pierced the air.
He wasn't her father.
Kaa was.
Kaa. The cat who had leaped onto the rock with the leaders. Kaa, the cat covered in scars. Kaa, the dark elemental who turned her first gathering into an unforgettable nightmare.... 'No.. No, this is a joke! Dad's been making be do chores all this time, and making me clean my fur, he's just making a joke to lighten the mood after the horrible gathering.... Yeah... that's all...." the little rookie pouted at her father, lifting some of her weight off of Clementine as her sarcasm kicked in. "If that was a joke it wasn't funny...." she retorted, though the emotions that seemed evident in Iorek's tone, and his face, as well as her mother not saying anything to refute his argument made her feel wary, and she took a glance back towards the healers den where her dark ability stone necklace lay, hidden under her mossy nest... Her heart pounded in her chest, explanations running through her mind. 'It's just a joke, a really bad joke, or a nightmare! I'm always taking naps anyway, so come on, Olive, wake up!'
It took all of the self-control he had not to start asking questions after he was given a stern look, but as Iorek carried on, it took less and less effort to remain silent... Kyn didn't understand why he would be angry with either of his parents. What was he...? Then he said it. The words didn't seem to register in the little black kitten's head at first, hanging in the air for a moment, like a hawk circling over its prey... circling, circling... He just stared at Iorek with that wide-eyed look of his, like he just told him a riddle... Until that hawk finally struck after a delayed moment, causing Kyn to visibly flinch as though talons had actually just sank into his little body. He couldn't deny it,,like Olive was trying to right now... The way he looked just like that cat... how their names were similar... how depressed his mother was at the sight of him... the way his "parents" had looked at him throughout his entire life, that sad stare... His sister was even a Dark elemental, something she couldn't have inherited from either Clementine or Iorek. They were the children of a tomcat Iorek said he wished he had killed... an enemy to the one who had helped to raise them.
Clementine could feel dread well within her as she went around gathering her kits, knowing exactly why Iorek wanted to talk to them. The senior warrior watched them all with saddened eyes as they neared Ioreks den and the ginger tabby couldn't help but wonder just how this would go. Would they all hate her? Would they blame her for everything? She almost wanted to run form this entire situation, others coming and attacking her region she could handle, getting in fights she could handle, dealing with moody cats, she could handle that as well. However letting the truth on her kits father... That scared her. She tried to appear confident on the outside however the she-cat knew her facade was breaking slowly. With everything that had happened recently, from seeing Kaa again. Her love reemerging. She wasn't prepared and it had been taken its toll on her.As the family moved through the camp she caught sight of Iorek and turned her head away just a little, not really able to look at him. She was sure that others were speaking to her, whether it be Kyn's endless questions however she found herself just tuning everything out. As they all entered the den Clementine found herself sitting just a little bit away from the rest, her gaze on the ground. Butterflies swarmed her insides, making her feel dizzy and any words she might have said were lost on her tongue. Her discomfort only grew as Iorek began to speak and her paws shuffled beneath her. When the words came from Io in the grief stricken tone Clementine visibly flinched. She couldn't lift her gaze up to see anyone's reaction. She couldn't add any of her own words. The warrior was a shall of herself for the moment, and she wished that she could just curl up into a small hole and disappear forever.
While waiting for her father to speak the little healer rookie scooted closer to her mother, her eyes wide and wild as she looked around the den - being away from the sunlight made her feel uncomfortable, but the warmth from her mother's fur, and the presnese of Pan, Kynzi, Jack, and Jennifer made her feel safe... until Iorek spoke. Something was wrong.... something was very wrong... her father's words seemed to drag on for ages, many of the words sweet but the tone in which everything was said made Olive shiver. Things had been so tense since the gathering, and the thick air that seemed to cloud the conversation reminded her of all of the dense fog that hat almost prevented her from finding her mother on that dreadful night. She pressed closer to Clementine's fur until Iorek's last words pierced the air.He wasn't her father.
Kaa was.
Kaa. The cat who had leaped onto the rock with the leaders. Kaa, the cat covered in scars. Kaa, the dark elemental who turned her first gathering into an unforgettable nightmare.... 'No.. No, this is a joke! Dad's been making be do chores all this time, and making me clean my fur, he's just making a joke to lighten the mood after the horrible gathering.... Yeah... that's all...." the little rookie pouted at her father, lifting some of her weight off of Clementine as her sarcasm kicked in. "If that was a joke it wasn't funny...." she retorted, though the emotions that seemed evident in Iorek's tone, and his face, as well as her mother not saying anything to refute his argument made her feel wary, and she took a glance back towards the healers den where her dark ability stone necklace lay, hidden under her mossy nest... Her heart pounded in her chest, explanations running through her mind. 'It's just a joke, a really bad joke, or a nightmare! I'm always taking naps anyway, so come on, Olive, wake up!'
It took all of the self-control he had not to start asking questions after he was given a stern look, but as Iorek carried on, it took less and less effort to remain silent... Kyn didn't understand why he would be angry with either of his parents. What was he...? Then he said it. The words didn't seem to register in the little black kitten's head at first, hanging in the air for a moment, like a hawk circling over its prey... circling, circling... He just stared at Iorek with that wide-eyed look of his, like he just told him a riddle... Until that hawk finally struck after a delayed moment, causing Kyn to visibly flinch as though talons had actually just sank into his little body. He couldn't deny it,,like Olive was trying to right now... The way he looked just like that cat... how their names were similar... how depressed his mother was at the sight of him... the way his "parents" had looked at him throughout his entire life, that sad stare... His sister was even a Dark elemental, something she couldn't have inherited from either Clementine or Iorek. They were the children of a tomcat Iorek said he wished he had killed... an enemy to the one who had helped to raise them. Kyn found himself staring down at the floor of the den, eyes wide, shoulders hunched and rigid... He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move, or talk, or cry... It had all been a lie. They lied to him every day of his life. After naming him after the cat he looked like, they somehow had the gall to lie to him. Maybe it would have been a nice lie, one that could have just stayed forever... he would still be able to call Iorek "Daddy," and look at his mother without feeling betrayed, and he could look forward to having little half-siblings in Glendower's litter. It had been such a pretty little lie.
Finally, he spoke, his voice oddly quiet. "You... you liars..." He couldn't lift his gaze, not wanting to look at them. "Y-you..." He was going to cry. He could feel his throat tightening up, making it hard to talk. "Y-you..."
Glendower had listened to Iorek in the past, listened to him talk about the day he would tell his 'kits' the 'Truth'-- oh, The Big Truth. Glendower had wondered if he was actually ever going to do it, and sometimes she forgot that Iorek wasn't even the kit's real father. He certainly loved them like his very own, which made her feel much more comfortable with being pregnant with his real kittens. But, no, these kittens before Iorek and her was not his...in fact, they belonged to a cat much worse. Iorek seemed to speak so slow, so, so slow. "You're torturing yourself." Glendower though to herself as she gazed at the Northern Leader-- she found herself unable to meet the confused looks of the kits. Well, it was hard to. Jack and Jennifer probably didn't even know her, Olive hardly knew her and probably didn't like her, Pan...well, Glendower got the feeling that he didn't like her at all. Kynzi was really the only one she was really there for-- she was there for his support, but that would be when all of his questions were answered by Iorek. But Andromeda knows he would have more for her.As Iorek spat out the truth, Glendower looked at Iorek with affectionate sympathy...and relief. At last, it was out in the open; the secret was revealed. It felt kind of good not having to hide it anymore. Glendower tore her big lake blue eyes from Iorek and to the kittens, awaiting their reaction, and Olive's reaction made Olive look at her with a serious expression. Glendower had a serious expression. And Glendower also wasn't talking, not yet. But her expression did soften when Kynzi spoke up...and almost broke Glendower's heart. She wasn't a liar though...was she? "No...I'm not the one who made all of this up and told Kynzi this for all of his life. I'm not the bad one...well, I'm not the main bad one. Yes, yes." Glendower told herself in her mind, trying to assure herself that she did no wrong...she hated when cats were mad at her, and feeling guilt certainly wasn't good for the kittens inside of her.
Kynzikaa's words pierced the she-cat's heart, making her amber eyes widen as she looked at her brother, remembering how they had both hid with their mother from the cat who Iorek said was ... their father... 'No. It's still a joke, it's a really bad joke... It's....' she looked at all the cats around her, noticing Glendower who she hadn't even thought to look for when Iorek had called them all in. Her expression was serious, and so was Iorek's. "No..." she murmured, looking down at the ground, the fur on the back of her neck rising as images from the gathering continued to flash before her watering eyes. She wanted to run back to the healer's den, grab her ability stone, and teleport far away, maybe even teleport right into the middle of one of the hotsprings and jut stay there, sinking into the water before Iorek could come and save her... She wanted to say something else but the words just wouldn't come out, and so Olive waited for someone to speak up, for someone to fill the room with laughter and say it was all a joke so that she could storm away from with angerly and go back to sleep! .... But no one was saying anything... Clementines head bowed a little as she felt Olive lean off of her and she wished that she would just continue to as she had. Instead she didn't, no.. She thought it was a joke. Some cruel sadistic joke. Clementine could feel tears well in her eyes and she lifted her head just a little, enough to see Kyn all hunched over, silent. It was the silence that echoed the room that hurt the most. How endless it seemed, and when someone did break it she felt tears began to fall as the words rung in her head. A liar. She was a liar. Her first instinct was to deny it. To tell herself she wasn't but it was true. She was a liar. the quietness of the room was unbearable and the falling of a feather could easily have been heard. Finally she managed to choke some words out however they were so grief stricken and quiet in any normal situation it would have been inaudible however thanks to the silence it seemed to ring out. "I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry." She said, tears becoming more prominent. "I... I..." The warrior found herself once more at a loss of words. Her gaze hadn't lifted , in fact it lowered more. Her shoulder hunched over her form and she seemed as though the slightest of touches could shatter her like glass. Why couldn't it have lasted longer? Why couldn't their little family have stayed together for longer? Why did this all have to happen... Why did she have to reveal the truth, wouldn't it have been better in this one instance to just let the lie go one? To save every ones feelings? To save her relationship with her kits.. Anything would have been better to the warrior than this. Panthaleon walked in silently, for once not planning any funny bussiness. He was confused to say the least. Why would their dad call them all together? The expression on the elder tom's face made his stomach flip and made him want to run away. He didn't instead, settling next to Olive and his mother, letting his tail softly touch with his sickly sister. He wanted to be close to her for whatever it was that was going to happen. Glancing over to the others to see how they were doing, he noticed a she-cat that didn't belong to their little family. Well, not really. He tensed. What was she doing here?He couldn't wonder any longer as Iorek started to speak and the more he spoke, the more unpleasant the feeling in his stomach grew. He was... He was going to trade them in right? He glanced over to Glendower glowering to her stomach. Dropping them for the kits that grew in that females stomach. He was abandoning them! He was having such an internal freak-out that he barely registered the point to this all, but it was not what he had expected it to be.
He blanched. Not...not...? And then really...? He hadn't been there, but he had heard other cats speak about it. They couldn't be. No, not off such a monster. His eyes blurred with tears, but he wouldn't let them fall. He didn't want to feel this and didn't know how to handle this. So when his sister offered up the explanation of it all being a bad joke, he went with that. "Yeah, a very bad joke, Dad. You aren't very good at this." He forced a grin, but his eyes were still shining with tears as he looked at the elder tom, those eyes practically begging to deny this reality, to play it off as a joke.
Silence was expected the moment he dropped the big bomb. Discomfort clouded Iorek's judgement and as he sub-consciously shuffled closer to Glendower's side, he could already see the stunned identical expressions coming from Jack and Jennifer. He forced himself to look at his paws, ashamed to even look at the Rookies at this moment in time. He probably made Clementine feel the same way; he had caused her too much pain already and now that this had happened she might as well end what little friendship she kept with him! All because of me... he thought sadly, the thoughts spinning in his head and causing a migraine to form from the midst of it all. If it wasn't for Olive calling out, he would have remained in the dark of it all.Snapping (and forcing) himself back into harsh reality, the Ice Elemental looked up to stare at a wary Healer Rookie despite the sarcasm she expressed in her voice just moments before. The grim look on the tabby tom's face grew into one of a deep setted frown as he looked at Clementine with a hopeless expression. She looked so depressed already... That was when he heard Kynzi. The words made the Leader flinch and something like tiny claws pierce into his own beating heart. He included all of them: him, Clementine, and even Glendower. "Kyn... Don't say that..." were the first initial thoughts Iorek thought up from his head, but before he could put them into his own gruff voice, someone else spoke. This time it came from the only pure ginger of the Rookies there.
They all wanted this to be some sick joke her put on to scare them... Iorek felt sick in that moment. Deep down inside he wanted to admit what the five of them were hoping; it to be a simple prank and nothing more. But this was no simple joke. This was the full on truth, and he was not going to shy away from it, not right after he told them. He agreed with their mother privately last night after all - with Kaa still alive, there was no more need to keep lying to their innocent faces and cause more drama with Kaa and himself. After all Iorek had seen the black tom briefly look at Clementine and spot Olive running to the ginger Warrior... That and he also saw how similar he and Kynzi was during that night. He may not have showed it, but the dark tabby knew that Kaa was both shocked and guilty from seeing the truth in-front of him.
Finally he couldn't take it any more and, finding strength from his inner soul, the tom decided to tell the whole story. It was, after all, the only possible way to convince them all that he was indeed not playing around with their heads in a sick way.
"I am not joking" he bluntly replied back before straightening up and looking down at all five Rookies with a stoic look. He had his moment; now it was time to be strong. "If you still don't believe me, then I'll tell you a tale... A tale of two best friends that considered themselves to be "brothers.""
"There was once a small tom kit who spent most of his time in the Nursery alone or with his beloved mother. His father never looked at him and never visited often; he OK with that though because he only ever loved his mother. However, when more kits came to the Nursery and grew up alongside him, the little tom thought he would be happy. But you see, three out of the four kits disliked the large tom and often picked on how big his ears were. All except one. The youngest of that litter was a black and white tom with jade-green eyes, and after another of day of seeing the older be bullied by his own littermates, that tom kit went to see the other. At first it was uncomfortable, but soon enough the black kit had the tabby tom laughing and from then on a friendship bloomed. By now you may have already guessed that that tabby kit was me and the black kit was your real father - Kaa."
"Kaa and I were the best of friends once - it was us against the world back in those days. However, that all changed the moment my father turned... He was a Follower and he wanted me to fight him despite me being a kit. It was my mother who saved me... and it was my mother who died by his claws. He was exiled for this of course, but from that point onwards I wanted nothing more but revenge on him and all who followed Bane. I was a very different cat back then: arrogant, violent, and above all disrespectful. The only reason I became a Warrior was so I could carry out my futile hatred to the one responsible for killing the only cat I loved back then. However, there was one cat that kept me back from doing the worst and that was Kaa - the only reason he trained as a Warrior beside me was because of well... me."
"Eventually I met your mother after I almost caused an... accident if you may say. I felt so guilty for it though, so I did apologise before you ask. Then we became friends after some talk, though the moment I introduced her to your father something seemed to click. We all became good friends since that day; I became a bit calmer despite my second mentor being too harsh - and was revealed to be a Follower scum himself when I graduated to Warrior status. Though the moment I joined the ranks of a full Warrior a little later before your parents, I began to see a difference. They would hang out more with each other - your mother seemed to have lights trailing behind her more and more whenever around Kaa, and Kaa was content. Though he did start to grow jumpy and suspicious. I never thought of it much back then the moment he told me he was alert."
"Of course that bond of theirs was different from their bond with mine. It was pure love. Not the love I knew before now, but the love only two cats can share with a non-relative. Your mother loved him and Kaa loved her in return - no wonder they became mates so soon. Although when my Rookie was murdered, that all changed... One night I saw Kaa sneak off and from there I followed him... only to see him with a group of Followers. After that, anger seeped inside my heart, and once I confronted him, Kaa revealed that he had murdered the she-cat I was training and grew to care for as a father to his daughter. Forgive me please, for I was too naive and full of no control back then when I engaged him head on. I had no mercy on him; soon enough I had sliced at his neck and he seemingly passed away. I "murdered" him and for that I exiled myself. From there I learned wisdom, patience. I returned two moons later... Only to have the consequences of my actions slap me hard across the face when I saw you lot. I had made you fatherless, and thus it was my duty to raise you in turn. Your mother was against the idea first - I murdered her beloved after all. But she knew you couldn't live without a dad. So we formed this agreement and kept at it to make you lot happy."
Iorek hesitated for a moment, watching the young cats in-front of him. He had just admitted to them about the cat he was before his exile; the very cat he was incredibly ashamed of and regretted being now. Finding his confidence again, the Leader spoke in a hard voice. "But now that Kaa has returned and thus proved to me that I never killed him and survived somehow, I knew that I couldn't hold back any more. If I didn't tell you now, he would find a way to tell you. He knows you're his and Clementine's kits for he saw you two at the Gathering" he turned to look at Kynzi and Olive, his eyes wavering from coldness to pain. He hated seeing them like this... It made him feel like a villain. "If I didn't tell you, he would have told you and done worse damage then this. So please; don't go hating or blaming your mother for this, nor Glendower either. She had nothing to do with this other then keeping this information from you at my will - if it weren't for me we would not be having this conversation and you would have known Kaa as your father instead. So go and attack me as you so wish; I deserve such" he concluded sincerely - almost pleadingly - at the cats whom would have once called him"dad."
All he could feel now though, was numbness.
The little dark-furred tom really didn't want to hear it... He ducked his head lower, almost to the floor as he stooped forward, ears quivering. He hardly listened to the story Iorek told, muttering under his breath as the big tabby tried to explain everything. "No... no..." He didn't care about the part where Iorek and Kaa were friends, or how in love his true parents had once been. His father was a murderer, and a Follower, and both Clementine and Iorek lied to him and his litter mates about it. It would have been less painful to know their father was nobody they wanted to know from the start... maybe he could have been prepared to learn more about him, or could have easily dismissed thoughts about the one who looked like him altogether. He could have been happy with just his mother and his littermates. He could have been, right...?Feeling confused and betrayed, the kit rose to his paws and lifted his eyes just enough to glare at Iorek, tears blurring the bold green irises he had inherited from his father. "You think we'd try to hurt you?" His tone was oddly serious, kept low and quiet, though his voice cracked here and there as he tried not to cry. "Or was that just directed at me?" Anger showed in the multicolored depths of his eyes. All the times Iorek looked at him with that sad, suspicious look... anytime he uttered his full name... when he watched him train in the ways of a warrior... he thought of Kaa. And now he was expecting anger and violence, as if he really was just a smaller version of the one who sired him.
Kyn turned away, sniffling as a little sob came out of his mouth. As angry as he was, the kitten-like need to cry was starting to take over. "I... I'd neverhurt anyone... I-I just want to protect them, f-from bad animals and cats like the Followers..." He started to take a few steps towards the exit, paws clumsy as he sniffled and coughed, tears running down his face.
He raised his voice as he continued, "I'm nothing like him! I'm your son, but I'm not Kaa's, either! I... I don't have father!" He shook his head, refusing to see either the liar or the murderer as such. "And I don't need one! I'll become a strong warrior without your help!" He coughed, sniffling and raising one forepaw to rub at his face. "Y-you'll see... I-I'll do it all b-by myself..."
When his father denied it, Pan took a step back hurt. He looked between Iorek and Clementine, eyes confused, hurt, accusing. They had lied to them. He thought they loved them all, but they had lied to them. And not one of those tiny lies to save your fur, the ones that were for the best. No, this was an elaborate scheme between Iorek, his mother and seemingly even Glendower. They had all known and never told them. It really hurt and he didn't want to hear it, so when his father started to tell a story, he listened. Pretending it to be a fairy tail. He even let out a watery giggle, trying to be amused by imaging his father with very big ears. It wasn't that bad, but then that fairy tail soon became a horror story and he audibly gasped at the end. Starting to shake his head when he heard of how this Kaa deflected, how his dad killed him, about how his dad went away and came back. How they became part of his self-inflicted punishment. Now he understood why his dad never loved his mother and his mother never loved his dad. Not the way mates would. Why his dad preffered time with another female over them. It made sense now. They were not his, not them, not their mother and he had someone that was and those that would. Knowing, hurt all the more. He kept shaking his head, looking at the ground and soflty repeating. "No."
It was the outburst of his brother, that made his head snap to the side and he pressed closer to Olive both wanting to give comfort as needing to receive it. It broke his heart to see Kyn like this and he glanced over to Iorek. Did he really thought of Kyn like that? He never had noticed it, but then again he hadn't been looking for it. "Kyn.."
It was all getting to much, but there was one thing he wanted to know. He looked between the two adults, he had called his parents. "Mom, D-" he stopped, tears now really tipping over. Dad that was what he had been about to say. He didn't know if he could still call him that or if it would be a privilege to the new kittens; the ones that were really his. The thought burned, but he forced himself to go on. His voice was weak and shaky though. "Would you - would you ever have told us if - if he.. that cat had never come back?" He refused to call that cat their dad or call him by his name. A traitor, a murderer. How could they be related to that? How could his mom have loved him? The thought made him suddenly feel sick. Tilting his head, he kept his eyes shifting between Iorek and Clementine, the ones he once called his parents, trying to push away all emotion as he awaited an answer. His tears would not stop though, steadily rolling down his cheeks, dampening his fur. Any hope of controlling them had been lost, the moment Iorek crushed his only escape from reality.
Olive's mouth hung open as she listened to her fathe- Iorek's words as he explained himself. She wanted to press up against someone, but her mother seemed like the wrong choice. When Olive took a brief glance at the ginger she-cat, seeing the sadness on her face, the healer rookie hardly recognized her. She knew that Clementine loved her, but why would someone who loves you create such a horrible lie? A horrible.... terrible lie...Unlike her brother, Iorek's story held a meaning in the young healer's mind... her fa- Iorek had been friends with Kaa, and then Iorek had tried to kill Kaa! Iorek exiled himself from the regions, leaving Clementine all alone, all alone with five kits, and then he came back just to pretend to be their dad! It was like he created a game for himself, a game where he could play dad - but now that he was going to be a dad on his own there was no need to love Clementine's kits anymore. Now Olive understood why Iorek called them brats all the time....
Tears streamed down the she-cat's face as her brothers spoke, Kynzi getting angry at Iorek and yelling at him while Pan, who Olive pressed close against, while tom asked if they had ever planned on revealing the truth. Olive could taste the salt of her tears as she held herself up slightly higher, sniffling as her crying made tears run down her face.
"No... No... he wasn't gonna tell us...." She whimpered, casting another glance back at the healer's den where her ability stone was sitting. She was nothing like Kaa, nothing like a dark element, but this proved that she was nothing like Iorek either, and so the rookie rose up, her tail drooping into the floor before she met her father's icy gaze. "You never loved us! And you never loved Mommy either! You did all this just so that you wouldn't seem like a-... a... A scary monster! You tried to kill our dad, and now he's evil too! That's why you call us brats all the time - y-...y-you don't care! You don't care! YOU DON'T CARE!" She shouted, her entire form shaking as she cried, her tears splashing onto the ground. "You're mean and you make us do chores and clean our fur and all along you never even loved us! You just say it so you won't hurt us, but Kynzi is right... w-we... we don't need a dad! ......We don't need a dad..."
She paused, her tail lashing behind her as she turned to look at her siblings for a moment, running her eyes over Jack, Jennifer, Pan, and Kyn before she stepped backwards and pressed against Pan's ginger fur again. "We don't need your region either!" Her mind was spinning, the little she-kit's imagination taking off, as though her dreams were some kind of safety mechanism. "We'll make our own region! I can be the healer, and Kyn can protect us, and Pan can tame the animals, and Jack and Jennifer can search for the things that we need, and maybe do the hunting! S-s-so you can stop pretending to love us!" She cried out, turning away from her dad to try to run out of the den, but sadly she couldn't find a way to slip through wither her whole family sitting in the way.
Glendower's lake blue eyes quickly snapped back to Iorek after he told the kittens the sad, sad story-- sad, but true, story. But after Iorek had said that he deserved to be attacked, and after all of the words of the kittens before her, talking seemly nonsense to her, Glendower bodly decided to step in. Glendower wasn't their mother, no, and she couldn't exactly feel the pain that they were going through, and maybe she was in no place to speak during this very personal family moment...but the kittens seeing Iorek and their mother as the bad cat here made Glendower too mad. Being over emotional, with her heavy stomach of kits and all, she couldn't stop herself. Looking at the kittens and watching Olive try to scramble out of the den, Glendower cried out. "That's enough!" Glendower instructed...her eyes staying away from Pan's gaze and simply dashing around the den and the five kittens. "Iorek didn't have any bad intentions! Iorek isn't the bad cat here, and neither is your mother-- Iorek was just trying to right a wrong, and your mother just wanted you to grow up with a normal family that you deserved. You ought to be grateful! They loved you so much that they were willing to lie for your happiness, and you can't say that you weren't happy!" Glendower told them all, her heart pounding, and her voice sounding like a beg or a cry as she tried to get these kittens back on Iorek's side.Looking at Olive, Glendower continued. "And how could you say he never cared? Iorek cared since before you all were even born! Iorek did all those things because he cared, Olive!" Glendower told her with a swallow. "I know this is a shock-- but please, believe me, they only lied because they love you." Glendower said, her voice shaking. "The real cat you should be angry at is Kaa. He murdered. That's against the law, it's as simple as that! If Iorek wouldn't have gotten to him, who knows what might have happened. Maybe, he would've killed other cats! Maybe he would've...um, maybe he would've even made you guys into followers yourself!" Glendower went on, trying to think of other reasons as to why Iorek's 'murder' was a good thing. Kind of. She just couldn't stand to see her good mate being battered by the ones he gave his all to make happy. "Everything happens for a reason." Glendower finished, blinking misty lake blue eyes.
With no direct reaction from either parent, his first reaction was to go after Olive. Her words made him feel bad. What if it was true? That it had all been pretend play? The idea was unbearable and it was all getting too much. He wasn't quite going as far as running away and starting a new region, but he did feel like running away from the situation right now and he would go with his sister if he had too. He wanted to run so bad that when a certain she-cat interfered, yelling at them, reprimanding Olive, that his confussion and hurt turned into anger and he yelled right back. "Don't yell to us like that, leave Olive alone!""You lied along with them, you knew too! You say we were happy and we were, so this is far worse!" He hiccupped, trying to stop his ragged breathing, adrenaline making him tremble. "Kyn's right. First we had a father and now we don't, cause that cat is anything but our father and da- I-Iorek he isn't anymore!" He turned away his head, calming for a second before, trying to make a dash for it, like his sister had done before. He just wanted to get away from there. He could barely see straight from his crying that didn't cease, even if he wanted too. He repeated to himself. "This is far worse." A nightmare come true.
The moment Kyn broke the silent (but eery) atmosphere surrounding the den was the moment Iorek began to flinch the hardest. That glare from those similar green - but slightly yellow - eyes and the hurt that came from the kitten-like tom's voice was enough to make the tabby tom stare in speechless horror. From the way his own Rookie spoke - it sounded as if he knew and understood now why he would look at him differently from the rest. He knew that he saw Kaa in him now; but not quite for those same reasons Kynzi was accusing him of. Still, the words left the Leader speechless; as if he had just been slapped in the face then and there. Especially when Kyn had cried out that he had no father and he would train without him in order to prove himself different from Kaa himself. He wanted to do anything - anything - to just walk over there and comfort him like he would have usually done when he went into a state like this.In-fact, Iorek almost did just do that; he took about one pawstep forward and opened his mouth to speak before the next slam came right back at him again. This time he averted his ice-blue eyes over to Panthaleon, who seemed to still be clinging onto some stability despite the weak voice he spoke in. The tom knew that this question was to come soon; would he have told them the truth even if Kaa hadn't returned back from the dead? Yes, I would have, but only when you were old enough to understand was what Iorek had wanted to say (and was about to too) before Olive answered her brother back.
Wallop.
The words stung him more then the last. Olive was just in as much as a state as Kynzikaa was, and when he saw Jack glaring at him with such putrid hatred in his eyes and Jennifer sobbing just as much against her identical brother's shoulder added to Iorek's discomfort. Though as Olive continued, the tabby tom found himself taking a few steps backwards, aghast and terrified of the Healer Rookie's cries of hurt and anger. Did she - sis she just call him what he thought she called him? You were born to be a monster... The supposed last words of Kaa still haunted him to this day. You did all this just so that you wouldn't seem like a-... a... A scary monster! would forever scar him. Iorek had no words now; he was lost in the amount of accusations he had received from three out of five kits with one glaring at him in total resentment.
Pow. Olive's words of him not caring for him made Iorek feel numb on the inside. Slap! Her agreeing with Kyn made the tom's heart ache. Scratch - she had broken his own soul within seconds after fantasising about her dream Region with her siblings. It was now confirmed; they hated him now. They didn't forgive him, and they seemed to also not look at their own mother too. Even when he saw her try to run out of the den was enough to make the tom feel his world tear apart beneath him. They didn't love him any more...
The Leader was practically blind to the rest of the conversation after that: he didn't hear most of Glendower's speech, he was deaf to Pan's outburst and had barely saw him breakdown. All he could think about was how he was their monster... A monster who had tried to murder their real father and lied to them. It all shook him to the core and as they kept swirling in his head a sudden anger burned deep inside the cold tom. This was all Kaa's blasted fault; the very tom he presumed dead for so long! If he weren't dead then why did he not return to the Region to take care of his own kits? But then again... there must have been some sick desire inside that twisted tom's head to not head back...
That... and it wasn't entirely Kaa's fault; from what he saw, the tom himself didn't realise he had kits in the North from Clementine. He saw Kaa's look after all and for a moment Iorek though he saw the old Kaa he had grown up with flicker in that fearful cat for a moment. That and the kits themselves were too young to understand his reasons properly. Before he knew it; however, the emotions spilled over the Ice King's soul and before long he found himself collapsed onto the ground, weeping. Weeping for the first time since, well... since his own Rookie and died at Kaa's treacherous paws those many moons back.
"E-Even if Kaa hadn't returned, I still would have t-t-told you, but only when you we-we-were old enough to underst-st-stand! Do you th-th-think I wanted to tell y-you now? Tell you when I knew s-s-something like this would be enough to b-break you? Y-You think I don't care?" He looked around, his eyes wide and desperate - almost pathetic looking considering how well they knew him. Tears still ran from the tom's eyes as he continued, his breathing shaky as he looked to Olive first. "If I didn't c-care I wouldn't h-h-have taken you under my w-wing in the first p-p-place! I call you brats b-because it was my w-way of being affectionate to you! I-I call all Rookies brats too o-only b-b-because I care. I may seem cold, but it b-broke my heart right now seeing you all l-l-like this..."
The tom then looked to Panthaleon, the tears still running as clear as day down his cheeks. "I know you're jealous b-because Glendower is my mate and she's e-e-e-expecting already, but that doesn't mean I won't l-love you, nor replace you! E-Even if you say I-I am not your father, I will still see you as my son. No-one can ever r-r-replace you Pan; in-fact, no-one shall replace any of you! You are my sons and daughters; the moment I fathered you I loved you and I never cease to, even now you know I lied to you the whole entire time! I-I-I love you so much that doing this, seeing you like this, andhearing like this is k-killing me inside."
Finally Iorek laid his cloudy eyes back on Kyn, his gaze the most sorrowful he had shown that night. "Kyn - I-I only l-looked at you like that because you reminded me of the old K-K-Kaa... The one who was once my brother. Y-You may look similar, b-but you are nothing like him. You're too curious to start with. That and y-you're too sweet and energetic. I took you on because I-I though I cold make you into a cat the old Kaa would be proud of as well as myself, your mother and the Region. I don't care w-whether or not you are his son - to me you are my son and shall forever be my son just like how your siblings will be too. If anything... breaking your hearts is breaking my own... Despite this you can still call me d-d-daddy, dad, or father; whatever really. But if you hate me now, I won't let it go, knowing how this is all my fault. I am a-a-a monster after all..."
And with that Iorek buried his face into his paws and cried pathetically. Finally the stress and weight and verbal beatings had crashed down upon him in one giant swoop, leaving him nothing more then just a saddened wreak at the moment.
Glendower's lake blue eyes squinted at Panthaleon, and though she tried to contain it, she really had that almost identical look of momentary hate in her eyes for such a bitter kit like him. But her glare was short lived, when all her attention was quickly recaptured by Iorek lying on the ground and weeping, weeping sadly. It was a worrisome sight indeed-- Glendower didn't recall ever seeing Iorek cry. It was...strange. An alien sight to her eyes, it made her kind of uncomfortable to see, but the sensation was short lived as it was replaced by protectiveness and the strongest desire to heal than she'd ever felt before. She wanted him to stop so bad, before he made her cry, which she planned not to do in front of her unreasonable Rookie and the other kittens-- but, she believed that, though it looked kind of pathetic, it was good for him. All those bottled up emotions being let out, it would be like a new beginning...well, something sure was different and new here. Glendower listened to Iorek stutter and cry, speaking to his 'kits' who had dared to call him the monster. "Iorek, a monster? Not only is that hypocritical coming from the kittens of a Follower, but a Dark Elemental herself and the ungrateful little crybabies who made my Iorek break!" Glendower thought to herself, having to bite so hard on her tongue to not speak those words out loud that she tasted blood inside her mouth. Her eyes were watered over, but no longer in desperation, but overwhelming emotions and anger at the sight of Iorek looking so weak and defeated by the ones he wasted so much time on. A breeze made it's way into the den as Glendower's eyes glowed ever, ever, ever so faintly, a ghostly white. She would never use a spell on one of the young kittens, or anyone in the den, of course, but she couldn't help raising the wind because of her increased heartbeat. She could feel the gusts in her blood, fighting to contain herself for the sake of the unborn kitten's health. At Iorek's last words, Glendower pressed against him and put her face next to his with as much affection, sympathy, and comfort than she could ever muster and summon up. "You are not a monster." Glendower said to him firmly but gently in a hushed tone, facing him, but her eyes trailed off to see the kittens. She looked at them with disappointment and great disapproval. Raising her head, she went to say a few more words...but she did it with a very forced calmness, her voice's volume obviously showing strain. "What does it matter that Iorek and you all share no blood? Iorek is more of a father to you all than any related cat could ever be to you. It doesn't matter if he's biologically related to you or not, he is your father, no matter how much you reject that." Glendower said through slightly gritted teeth, waving her tail slowly on the ground. Glendower didn't even care if those words weren't as well put and dramatic as she planned-- they knew what she meant. "So what if Iorek isn't related to you all? Iorek loved you, cared for you, was there for you all this time-- that's what makes a real father, not blood. It's in a cat's actions." Glendower said, more quietly, not expecting the cats to even pay attention to what she was saying anymore. She didn't care. "What does this news change? It doesn't have to change anything." Glendower sighed, shaking her head to herself. That was it. All that mattered was Iorek, now, and Glendower went back to him. "Sh, sh, now, now, Iorek." Glendower said softly, wrapping her tail around him and pressing her cheek against him. "They're the monsters." Glendower thought to herself, mostly directing that thought to Panthaleon and Olive. They dared to say such regretful things to their father-- Glendower knew that they couldn't have meant it, they were just shocked by the news and were upset. Glendower didn't know why, though-- what did this news change, like she said? They made this too big of a deal, Glendower believed...she wasn't in their position, but if she found out her father wasn't her real one, she would be alright. Though not related, she'd know that her father still loved her anyways. She hoped that those kits knew that Iorek still loved them too-- though Glendower thought, it should would be hard to. She would've given up on them, by now, but they were Iorek's family, as much as the kittens would like to deny it now. She knew Iorek wouldn't give up on family. "There, there, let it out now, Iorek." Glendower cooed.
He would have made it, succeeded in his little escape, but the broken call from behind him made him freeze in his steps. That was- He snapped his head back, wide eyed. Though he could see little more, but blurred shapes, he knew all too well what -who- he was hearing, though in a way he had never heard before. Iorek, he was crying. They made him cry. It made his legs finally give out, the adrenaline of stress that previously edged him on, now seeming to suddenly take all his strenght away. He felt bad, really bad for what he -they- were doing to their parents or what were their parents. But in return they had hurt them badly too. Lying, giving them something, only to make their hearts bleed as it was suddenly ripped away. Who was right? Who was wrong? Were they the bad ones? Or him and his sisters for acting like this? His head hurt and he felt dizzy. It took him a moment to realise he was breathing too quickly. He tried stopping, but it resulting in him throwing up. His mind couldn't handle this, so his body rebelled. If he didn't get a hold of his breathing, he'd pass out, so he closed his eyes pressing his head to the ground, trying to calm down. A thousand thoughts harassed his mind, so it was not an easy task. Iorek's last words kept repeating in his mind. 'But if you hate me now, I won't let it go, knowing how this is all my fault. I am a-a-a monster after all...' And he realised one clear thing. One thing he was sure all of this madness aside. He didn't hate him. He didn't hate his mother. He was hurt by them, very upset by them, but hate? He didn't think he couldn't. Even if Iorek would cast them aside for his real kits. If if their mom would continue on with lies and they knew, even then he didn't know if he could truelly make himself hate them. 'Cause the love he cherised? It had been unconditional after all. The question was...was theirs? He never looked up, still gasping for breath as he spoke. "H-how can it be the same? We are not yours. Like mom... is not Glendower. We'- we're not them. W-worse, sons and daughters of a monster, a traitor." He shook his head, eyes still closed, his speech disegrating to mumbling, probably meant to keep himself buzzy. Trying to keep consious as well as orden his muddled thoughts. He wished he was little again. A kit curled up in his mother's or father's furr, blisfully unaware. He wanted to sleep so bad, close his eyes and wake up, this all being a dream. And he'd play with Kyn, laugh with Jeniffer and Jack and go visit Olive. Pull silly pranks, only to be chatisised by his mom or dad. He wished for that as the world seemed to queit down. The dark-furred she-cat felt as though she were shrinking, growing smaller and smaller inside of her form as she listened to Glendower, her own mentor, lecture her about how Iorek had cared. 'He didn't show it... he made me do chores and so do you! I haven't even been able to learn lately because I've been sick from the snow.... do you just hate me because I'm not a good healer?!' She lowered her head, and when Glendower mentioned that Kaa could have made them into followers the she-cat visibly flinched. Despite the fact that she was unaware that the followers had a law about being healed my others she still knew that she wouldn't fit in with their group, especially after seeing what had happened at the gathering... the lightning bull... the fog... the fighting of cats... it had been scary then but it all seemed so much more frightening now. When her ginger brother stood up for her Olive moved closer to him, pressing herself and her semi-cleaned pelt up against him as she stared at Glendower and Iorek with wide eyes. They both looked foreign, despite the fact that she had seen them nearly every day of her life.And then Iorek started to cry....
Olive couldn't tear her eyes away as the Ice King, the solid, brave, invincible leader of the North, started to cry. He said he loved them, he said he cared, he said he would have told them, and he said he was proud. He was going to tell them eventually, and he sounded sincere, but that didn't keep Olive's tears from rolling down her face too. She didn't know how to feel - and guilt began to prick up in her chest. Maybe Glendower was right, maybe Kaa would have made his kits followers, and maybe that would have been better... they were mean to Iorek and they even made him cry, but, at the same time, Olive didn't feel like she was in the wrong. She and her littermates had been lied to, deceived, for their whole lives... The rookie felt like she didn't even know who she was anymore.
A sneeze shook her body as she listened as the words in the den swam around her, and then Pan's voice really broke into her mind. "Y-yeah... we..... we can't be here! What if we turn into traitors too! What if I won't-"she broke off after realizing that all of the stress had made her brother throw up, and her mind started spinning, the same adrenaline rushing through her veins as when she had found Aiden, an East Region Rookie, almost drowning. Her heart pounded in her chest, and, although she didn't know what her brother was going through, she felt the need to help. "Pan!" she shouted, pressing close to her brother for a moment before she darted out of her father's den, pushing her way past Jack and Jennifer as racing through the snow to the healers' den, where she immediately began foraging through the herbs, having no idea what she was looking for.
She knew the names of herbs, and she knew what to use to help cats who were feeling sick, what would prepare cats for a journey (and she especially knew about catnip, since she sometimes "borrowed" it from the store) but she couldn't think of what to do to help her brother. The little she-cat was in such a panic herself that all she could do was bat at the different leaves and berried before lowering herself to the ground and crying. 'I shouldn't be a healer... I shouldn't be a healer... my mentor doesn't like me and I'm a dark elemental; light elementals are good healers, not me... no no no....' She just didn't know what to do.
Kyn couldn't think of what to say or do... He tucked his fluffy tail between his legs, head hanging, struggling for a long moment, until Pan started to panic and Iorek broke down. He forced himself to swallow his own hurt, steeling himself and moving over to his brother's side. He gently rested one paw against Pan's back, ducking his head down to murmur gently in his ear, "It's okay, Pan... I'm here... Breathe. It's okay." He protectively shifted closer, tucking his brother's head to his chest and softly purring to try to reassure him. "Deep breaths..." He wanted to go after Olive as well, but he could only be in one place at a time. Best to calm Pan to keep him from passing out, and then go after Olive once the orange-furred kit was well enough to follow. Throughout his sobs and weeps, Iorek couldn't help but feel a sudden rush of freedom filter through his entire being; as if he had just released a heavy-weight on his shoulders by allowing himself to break this moment. Which, matter-of-factly, was true. All the stress, all the worries, and all the fears he had allowed to clamber on top one of another from day one of Leadership crumbled over to leave nothing but blank, empty space. Yes... He felt like there was no longer a large burden to carry with him any more and as the tears slowed he felt the comfort of his mate's cheek against him and her tail entwining itself around his pathetic form. Her cooing and words to the five Rookies were what filled up the strange gap that had so suddenly left Iorek with something more... positive. Courage.Blinking the last few tears from his eyes, the tabby tom found himself hardening his composure once more to that of his regular self; the self-imposed, cold, cynical, and overall grumpy Leader of the North and King over Ice. Slowly Iorek raised himself up onto his paws again, his breath still a bit shaky as he inhaled and exhaled in one deep sigh... Only to remember the voices he had heard during his meltdown. However, before he could even reply to them, the tabby tom noticed something was wrong; incredibly wrong with Panthaleon. The tom looked shaky... that and some vomit was close by where he had been standing. Olive had already ran out of the den (probably to get herbs) whilst Kynzi was already trying to calm the ginger Tamer Rookie down. Meanwhile Jennifer seemed to have stopped her silent sobs and went to help aid her brother whilst Jack barely looked at him at all.
Did I...? was the single thought that traced it's way inside the dark tabby's brain as he instinctively made his way over to Pan - he was probably the cause of this sudden panic attack after all! "Like Kyn said, Pan - deep breaths. Control your breathing; sit down if you must in my nest. Everything is alright - well, if you ignore what just transpired. But that's not the point! I acted out immaturely which led to a shock and I'm dreadfully sorry about that!" he meowed in a comforting tone as he decided to lead the Rookie to his nest and sit down. Panic attacks were something Iorek had yet to deal with properly, though he was at least glad to know two she-cat's who knew more about healing then he ever did right now. Although the tabby did remember his "son's" words beforehand; upon settling him on the rather pristine nest of moss and feathers, the Leader took a few steps back to give him air.
"Just because you are the children of Kaa doesn't mean it changes anything; I am still your father no matter what you all may think of me now and probably for the next few stages in your lives - overall I'm prepared for such a case of doubt or anger. Please try to remember though; Kaa was once my own brother and thus a tom of good-will... To be honest I don't even know why he turned. Although whenever in doubt about me, please take Glendower's words into account; a father is someone who takes action, not just the cat who feel for your mother and produced you. I am you father through thoughts, not blood and I will forever hold you deep inside my heart" he whispered softly before turning to Glendower for some report as he waited for Olive to return with the herbs. He clearly had no idea how to deal with these kind of situations at all...
Continuation
I ran outta room so I had to split this into two 
Anyway, I dare you to read the next half if you aren't overwhelmed from the feels from this already eue
Anyway, I dare you to read the next half if you aren't overwhelmed from the feels from this already eue
© 2015 - 2024 Kitonika9
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Pssh, the continuation link just links back to this one