I'm not sure what to do today! It's gorgeous out and I'd love to go for a walk. I'd love to go see the new Spiderman movie. I want to start on a new project related to Frozen. I want to bake! I want to push someone in a river! I want to goof off.
But I can't bring myself to do anything because I hate doing anything by myself u_u
I have a feeling I'll lounge about outside today eating Twizzlers till it gets dark then head over to Charlie's Kitchen and find some familiar faces while we drink the night away. As much as I enjoy this it's becoming "typical".
Just last Sunday at Underbar the bouncers and bartenders asked where I had been(gosh
I had to prematurely submit my last journal because my brother flew down the stairs in a rampage, yelling and screaming about where I was last night hanging out with his ex (we were at a bar/cafe in a group of ten, then went to a friends house). He was inconsolable, as he always gets when he's upset, and wanted me to explain myself.
My explanation wasn't good enough so he darted into my room and promised to destroy it yet again. I had to send it in fear that he would also throw my laptop across the kitchen, and I hate retyping things.
He broke the lock on my door.
Screaming, crying, pleading ensued.
I managed to get halfway through the
State of mind. State of being. And State. by Kitaronicus, journal
State of mind. State of being. And State.
It was more difficult than I could have anticipated, changing my facebook to read "Single".
I hated being in this relationship. I hated trying to be straight. Trying to appease a norm and my family. Being submissive in company. Having hardly any control of my interactions with the rest of the world. Being constantly criticized for my choice in friends, interest, hobbies. Music I like, games I played. Anything and everything I did. I hated it.
But it was still difficult to end the relationship on facebook.
It meant that I would be alone.
I don't know why it terrifies me so much.
So my, now ex, boy