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i'm already starting to regret putting that last journal up

i don't really know why but i just feel like such garbage and maybe it's out of jealousy??? i can't say

there's been a lot of fuckery going on in my life and my headspace has been so fuckin wild lately idk

i feel like i just can't get shit done and that i don't really have friends on here idk

i don't have depression or anything, at least not to my knowledge

i'm just so confused i don't know how i should be feeling

it seems like everyone has at least like 5 friends on here to share their work around and stuff and i'm kind of sending my work into the void???
i'm the only one of my friends irl to use mmd and make edits so i don't really have anyone to talk to about it and i'm too shy to reach out to anyone personally online so i make these blanket statements and hope someone responds

maybe i'm insecure



i just want to be a part of something i'm tired of being by my self all the damn time
i was gonna make this a status but i have too much to write

so i've noticed that i'm kind of gaining a bit of a following? or i'm at least starting to get noticed in the mmd community now like holy shit

i honestly never thought i would surpass 50 watchers or see people using my weak ass models thank you guys so much!!!

i'm a little intimidated but i really want to start getting out there so i can make more friends!! i'm a lonely nugget and there's so many cool people in the mmd community!!

so i've been wondering....

would anyone be interested in doing a collab with me? like, making two separate model edits with the same theme and releasing them together??

i've been wanting to do one for a while but a lot of people say it's only for their friends and... idk who considers me a friend lol

i've had a really big art block lately and i want to try something new

i can't come up with a theme or characters right now so i'm open to pretty much anything

except tda
i'm so tired of editing tda models oh my GOD

so i'd prefer to use sour, cham, tumidango, koron, even yyb

just no tda for the love of god

anyway hmu if you're interested PLEASE


uh ye
someone ripped larry butz's spirit of justice model

i'm b e g g i n g

i just need it in my life

i could also commission someone to make his model for me i'm desperate
I've been looking at a lot of Lego Movie stuff, and I wonder if I should make a human Unikitty model???

I love her so much and it would be a ton of fun but I don't know how much attention it would get, especially if I put a lot of time and detail into her...

What do you guys think????
Before I end up on one of those mmd hate blog shitshows:

Most of my models will probably be tda styled. I really like the way they look and I'm really familiar with how they operate in terms of facials and texture editing. I am trying to branch out and try some new model types but it might be difficult since the community is so saturated with tda related material.
I'm working on my Indigo model and for some reason when I load her into MMD she takes like ten minutes to load. She has no physics or joints, and I've eliminated as many extra vertices as I could without messing up the way she looks. Is there anything else I need to do to make her load faster?