Sorry for the absence

3 min read

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KirstyTron's avatar

Hey everybody, I am so sorry for being quite and away but the truth it I am super depressed right now and having a hard time lifting my head.

I have recently finished university and it has left me feeling…empty to say the least. I have a glass that just won’t fill.

I have lost the ability to do anything creative: drawing, cosplay, singing, you name it. I just couldn't give a fucking damn.

I am feeling restless. I want adventure, I want to walk streets I have never seen, new faces and smiles, smells and taste and I just have no idea how to find it. I want to move out of my country and get a job elsewhere for a while but without the correct funding that is not happening.

Now it’s not the waiting that is killing me it’s the decision of what to do. I have a boyfriend you see and it’s not that I don’t love him I just feel really tied down and trapped. How can I leave my life behind with him apart of it? How can I break his heart and tell him I may have to move on without him? There are some other complicated parts that keeps me tied but I won’t go into that.

Along with this I am not eating much due to a loss of appetite and whenever I do eat I feel really sick about half way through and have to bite my lip to stop it. I have been force to leave some of my best friends in the world and independence behind to be plunged into the world of the past.

I feel so lost and don’t know what to do. I can’t stop my mood going up and down and I keep randomly crying and feeling dizzy.

I really hope letting it all out here will help.

Thanks to everyone who made it this far and for listening. 

*~~Journal skin by~~*
The Extraordinary poly-m (art)
& The Uncanny InverseReality-2 (css)
© 2014 - 2022 KirstyTron
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WolfNM's avatar
I'm right there with you for most of this, university gave me a freedom I'd never really had previously. It allowed me to finally get out of the closet and just get out generally too and very soon I'm going to be far away from that and everyone that helped it happen. I'm sure we'll both pull through it though, I bet we've both been through worse 

Also well jealous that you're at Expo right now, hope it gets your creative juices flowing again
Rh1n0x's avatar
Some sunshine and some fresh air. Go and find a park to sit in for a while and just relax. It works for me when I'm feeling stifled.
KirstyTron's avatar
Yeah I really hope I get over this heart break soon, it is killing me honestly, I just can't stop crying :( Thanks for the advice.
Rh1n0x's avatar
It might be time that you seek some professional advice. Getting your thoughts out here on DA is one thing, but it sounds like it needs a little more than that to sort through it all.
KirstyTron's avatar
I am feeling better today thankfully after spending a night at my mums and telling her everything, she gave me a lot of answers and made me feel reasonable for being so upset as I want. 
So I gave myself a kick up the butt and decided to freshen myself up with a new look and plan my next move in life out :)
After the convention this weekend I have promised myself to get art making. 
Thank you again! Your concern means a lot.
Rh1n0x's avatar
Still go for that walk in the park :)
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