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You watched her dance.

One foot, lifted, pointed as if poised for flight. Arms, never falling from their steady curve. Muscles whose tension belied her blank expression.

She danced, and you were trapped in every movement.

You saw the phoenix wings rising from her bare shoulders, and her skin's pallor made sense to you then.
555 challenge! 55 words, subtly speculative, and no dialogue. As I have been a poet for slightly longer than I have been a writer, I like short flashes. I'm also tired and want to go to sleep.

A bit of experimenting with 2nd person past tense, because it seems weird that it would seem weird to use it. (It doesn't help that my students are currently learning time and tenses. Gross.)

Totentanz, "Dance of Death": www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nVmFl…
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:icondoodlertm:
doodlerTM Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I liked this story! :la: very well done!

it reminded me of this: doodlertm.tumblr.com/post/1484…
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016
THOSE ARE WINGS I WANT THOSE

Thanks for the comment
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:iconvigour-mortis:
vigour-mortis Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely lovely.
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016
Thank you!
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:iconintelligentzombie:
IntelligentZombie Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful. :heart: The POV and tense combo work so well here. :D
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016
Thank you for commenting on the POV!! I'm so glad it worked here!
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:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2016   Writer
This is beautiful. I love your use of language throughout this.
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2016
Thank you so much!
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:iconmylovingwife:
MyLovingWife Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Tenses are fascinating... the way they can be used to convey different things.
That was beautiful; poetry indeed. 
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2016
Language in general is quite fascinating!
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:iconnamelessshe:
NamelessShe Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016
Beautifully done!
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2016
Thank you!
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:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016
Teaching tenses to kids is indeed difficult. "But why can't the tenses be all the same???" 
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016
Or, "Why do I have to use polite forms?!"
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:iconmylovingwife:
MyLovingWife Featured By Owner Edited Jul 28, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
polite form eh? you're not teaching English tenses, are you?
If I were to guess on the title (though it's probably unwise) I might say German.
Haben Sie ein Problem meine Frau?
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2016
Nein - meine Mutter sprechen. Not me. :) I teach Japanese! The title is from a song by Liszt, because I'm also a piano teacher.
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:iconmylovingwife:
MyLovingWife Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not familiar with Japanese at all... but I like the writing they look beautiful
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:iconkirihearts:
KiriHearts Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2016
Writing Japanese is a total pain. :XD: But it does look nice once it's all over.
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:iconmylovingwife:
MyLovingWife Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I am sure it is super complicated just like the language... I know when we visited Tokyo I struggled. I always like to have a bit of basic language knowledge but that was so hard.
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July 28, 2016
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