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Hello, peeps. Well, hmm, where should I start? I guess I need some input from all of you. I've been a part of this community for almost 10 years. I've gone through so many art phases that I haven't even been keeping track. Last year I decided to begin dedicating some real time to my YouTube channel. I've been making speedpainting videos and some gaming-related content.
Personally, I enjoy both, but I also have this need, wish, or idea of using the platform as something more personal. 
When I was a teen, I used to write everything here, even the most stupid little things. Sometime's I'd write funny entries just because they made people happy. Some other times I talked about my issues as someone under the "trans" term, family violence, economics, and such.
I stopped.
There was a moment, perhaps 5 years ago, where I decided to stop writing journals. I simply said I would not write unless I had good news--- and well, I really did stop writing as I used to.
However, I realized that my need to communicate my experiences to someone translated into a new medium, which is the novel you know as SHC. I'd like to make more videos/content in regards of SHC and also my own stories... the thing is among all the ideas, I find it hard to start. I think I have many things to say, but my lack of ability to choose one over the other often leaves me with no output.
People have asked me for tutorials, and yes, I can make those, but because I have this idea of how they should be, whenever I record I just find myself frustrated because my equipment is poor and I think the learning anyone could gather from it is lost through the poor rendering quality.

I really need to think.
  • Listening to: Nightwish


Hello, everybody. Long time no see.
Sometime ago I had opened a Patreon account, but it became inactive due to poor time.

Newly organized, I've asked my recent patrons if they were interested in some of my behind the scenes work, which includes nudity and other mature content. Of course, they agreed, so now the account is active with those kinds of pieces.

This is a (cropped) sample of BoTW Link and ALBW Link.

As usual, note that my art is mostly androgynous men and said men in gay relationships.
If you're here because of that, but also for Link, well, he's included in this category.

I'm looking forward to improving my art equipment. Your support would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you :heart:
  • Listening to: Nightwish
I figured I can't keep updated with the BOTW gameplay. You know, I'm already in a temple, and on YouTube we're just getting started with the gameplay!
I really want to share my experience with you guys, so I decided to write little on-time updates on Twitter :) I've never used it before, and it only had an auto-update linked to some of my art accounts, so I think it would make a great tool!
Right now, I'm actually kind of stuck in the "temple" I'm in (not a little Shrine, an actual temple), and it'd be nice to have some input from your side.
Thank you!

Reaching to all my watchers:
I'm so excited! The 1st part of the gameplay is currently processing!
However, for this particular episode, I have a little problem--- it's in Spanish (Gomenasai!!! ;A; )  My brother and I got a little carried away, and didn't speak in English. After part 2, that'll stop being a problem.

Once the video is up, would anyone like to help with English subs? I can activate community subs so anyone can try to add a little info. The video is 45 minutes long, so adding subs would take me a little while if I do it alone, and I already have material for about 4 more parts, so i'd like to work on that to not keep everyone waiting :)

Thank you all! :heart:


PS I may have found Link a boyfriend, just sayin'. That's MY main quest :XD:
Some time ago, I made a long journal explaining how I learned to accept the fact my depression would come and go. I reflected upon my  psychological therapy, and mentioned how I now understand that it was meant to teach me how to live well even with this mental condition instead of making it go away, which has proved impossible.

Now, regarding my transgenderi-ism (not the proper word), I have found myself overthinking the situation. Analyzing the pros and cons since I was 18 (now 23), the princing of some things, and the conditions of my country, I am coming down to a new conclusion. No matter how much I've longed for it, I think full transition will not be possible for me, and that's fine.
I recall thinking about this many times before, and seeing it as "giving up".
You see, I have some strong feelings about going back to school and study more. I want to study a Masters, some specialties, and even a Doctors. These, my art, and creations are the things in which a truly wish to invest whichever earnings I make. Surgery was slowly taken off the list for me, due to pricing ( I could study my Masters for the price of a top surgery, for example), and because due to my paranoia and anxiety, being in a situation of surgery is even more unsettling than it is to the average person.
My only goal regarding my transition as of a little ago was to get hormones. However, I realized there is poor help where I live, and on top of that, finding the time to transition is too complicated. I would prefer to go through said process alone, not along my school colleagues or students. This is not possible; if I don't work, naturally, there's no pay, and I, myself, am my only finantial support.

All in all, I think I must accept my reality, accept that this is not the time for me to transition, and perhaps not even close. And even if I do, because of larger issues that exist, it will never happen completely.
So, what will happen then?
I'm working on finding a midground as of now, which is the healthiest path, I believe. I know can can't go all the way to man, and I know I won't be ever completely happy as female, so I decided to start working out, build some muscle, and try to reach the nearest to "masculine features" that a female can :) 
Perhaps in the future, after I study a Masters, become a better artist, write new stories and such, the moment I have longed for will come, and if it doesn't, I'm fine. I know the best way to live is by reaching inner peace, not by longing on the unfeasible.

Being a Buddhist is what has mostly helped me in this journey, as I slowly have understood the meaning behind many of the Buddha's teachings. 
I want to thank everybody who has supported me in this, and I also want to say that now I want things to be more about what I do, and less (although it was already little) about this particular trans topic.



I am aware that some people will believe that this means I'm not trans, and that's fine, because I know what I am and I was in therapy for it :)  I also know that many people will refer to me as "she", and although I've always went with "he" I understand not everyone accepts, understands, or cares about this, nor do I expect people to do something just because I say so.
And finally, I want to add that this doesn't speak for all transgender people. I practice a different life style, being a Buddhist quite relevant in this relization I'm sharing. I also am not looking for a partner in life; I'm a celibate, so the whole sexuality part of this is not important in my life, whereas it is for most of other people.
In regards of Youtube and work
Hello, everybody! I've noticed there are many more watchers lately, and I want to give you a warm welcome :aww:
Now, I want to inform all of you that I'm planning on making a gameplay for BoTW on my Youtube channel. I think I may be very bad with the new fighting sequences being different and such, but I also think it could be a lot of fun, and maybe not as complicated considering I've been playing these games since Ocarina of Time :)
Along with the gameplay, I also have some plans to make more detailed drawing tutorials, both traditional and digital.

All of this is happening because, due to the situation my country is in, all employees at my place got some hours cut off from work, so naturally my income is a bit low right now.
Anyhow, although I was quite annoyed by the situation, I accepted it; there's nothing that can be done to change it, so I decided to start making designs for the Apparel Store and the Print Shop as a second job within the time frame I got laid off work (for the new members in my following, I'm a University teacher :) )

I hope that goes well and that everyone can enjoy a little of it.

About depression and transgender'ism'
One of the things I've struggled with when it comes to making the videos is using my voice. If you've noticed, I used a computed generated -- male-- voice for my drawing videos. This is because I don't feel comfortable with my female voice. I've tried to cast the feeling of anxiety away when it comes to it, just as I do at work, but it has proven to be quite complicated. Would you mind this feature of me?

And finally, some time ago (almost 2 years) I stopped attending my psychological therapy, not because I wanted, but because of work. Now that I have some "spare" time, I'm planning on going back. You see, when I was there my therapist made me feel very good about myself; it is because of his words and support that I didn't quit doing art and life alltogether. Since then, he encouraged me to use my art as my best asset, make some merch of it, make friends through it, and move along. He also concluded that making a YT channel could be a good way for me to cope with personal issues and also make an income for my personal plans (transition and studying a Masters). So, I'm trying as much as I can to listen to the advice he gave me back then.

Regardless, recently, and over the course of all this time, my depression has come and gone one time after another. Thinking, I wondered why this happened if I had gone to therapy and felt so well. I realized days ago -- and questioned-- that maybe depression is just a part of me, it has no cure, and what my therapist taught me was how to overcome it in times of need. After some research and reading, I think I've accepted this as my personal fact, which has allowed me to continue with my plans. Depression is a part of me, but I have the power to let it become me or let it become art.

Being aware this, I can target my real inner monsters, and now that I know them, I can find the help I need and hopefully learn to live well.

Thank you all guys for your support!
Advice and suggestions on the YouTube channel are welcome :)
Hello, everybody.
I'm here to ask for some advice so I can get my YouTube channel moving. I've been posting a lot more videos recently because I'm on --unpaid-- vacation (almost over). We're almost 200 on YouTube; it makes me very happy to see the channel grow.
Now, what help do I need? I was wondering what kind of videos would interest you as a viewer.
I've planned on talking about how I come up with ideas like SHC and other of my stories as a new sort of category, and I really want to do something about gaming. What ideas do you have?

I also want to do a Questions and Answers video soon, so it would be nice if you posted some questions of your interest in the comments for me to reply :)
I hope you can help me!

You don't have to read this.
The story behind the situation:
I've already mentioned many times how bad the situation is in my contry and how I'm not wealthy. I'll try to keep it short. I live in an area where we use both american (USD) and mexican (MX) currency. The price of the dollar has increased from 12 pesos to 22 pesos in the last months.
Allow me to explain how this affects us: here, people like to be paid in dollars when it comes up to rent (and we rent a house, we don't have one). So, for example, rents can go from 200 to 1000 dollars. Imagine you signed contract saying you'll pay 200 a month when the dollar was 12 (200x120= 2400 MX), and then the dollar was magically 22 (200x22=4400 MX). This is what is happening in my area. In perspective, it's as if I'm making less money because things, such as rent and imports cost more (way more). 
The house we live in is affordable, but in terrible condition. Due to the freezing weather we've been having recently, the humidity created by the warmth of our bodies on the inside have generated fungi on some of the walls (kinda creepy). I've bleached them out, of course, but sometimes the whole situation is quite frustrating.
I had a talk with my mother, and I'm afraid that if we can't find an affordable house (which is likely because of the prices in dollars) we'll have to move to her hometown. I don't like the place, as it is a way more lively city, thousands of cars, more polluted, very far from my hometown, and more dangerous (one of the cities associated more with the drug cartels; it's violent), plus, I'd have to start from absolute zero in a new job, the whole system is different and even the weather.
However, if we stayed here and afforded a new home (even if pricy) pretty much all of our earnings would go to rent, and that's not feasible either. (Man, it's almost like I'm having flashbacks from those times where we didn't have food).

Let's just say I'm running out of options, and no matter how good I'm at my job, there's not respect for certified teachers in my country, so I'm trying to use my art as my best tool in this situation.

Thank you all for your support.

Just follow the instructions in this post

Remember to comment there! That's how the winners will be chosen.
The price is a drawing I'll make for each one of the 3 winners.
Deadline is December 30th.

Good luck!

-- Shawn :peace:
Many of you already know I'm a teacher. A little while ago (over a year), I became an English teacher certified by Cambridge. This was something great for my professional career, but not completely for the artistic side of my life. Recently, we had a change in the way we evaluate students in our institution. Before, we needed to deliver a final grade, which meant I could organize my time as needed. Then, we had to follow specific rules to get this grade regadless of level or age of the students, thus reducing time available to rearrange individual teacher schedules. Now, we have to make an evuluation every 4 weeks and then deliver a final grade. In other words, I'm busy all the time. I'm busy at work, and this kind of job is the one that's taken home: those grades don't calculate themselves, you know? and that's not really the only thing to get done home for classes to go swiftly. Added to this, our vacation period was changed, and if I want to get my pay, I have to work regadless of the new and sudden schedule.

I'm trying to make this as short as possible. Before, I used to draw and submit daily. I was also able to update SHC about once every two months. Now, I have too many responsibilities and am barely able to update SHC, so I only manage to do it twice a year. I also can only draw about 3 or 4 times a month. I don't really enjoy this life style, but my job requires it, specially if I want to keep my position as an "amazing teacher" (said by students), and if I want to continue to excel.

I've tried to sustain a Patreon page, thinking that if I was able to make some profit through my art I could lower my current working time and dedicate more of it to my art. This has proven impossible, ironically, because of the lack of time.

I've tried sleeping less to draw more, but I can't really finish my work and the lack of rest makes me feel terrible in classes.

I've always thanked you, but now I also need to ask for more of your patience. I won't quit SHC or any of my other works, but it will take me way longer than anyone anticipated.

I've been avoiding all content about Zelda U (Breath of the Wild) because I don't want to know sh*t until I can get my hands on it.

I had this dream that I was playing the game, and Link was wearing a -- very short-- dress. Then, I climbed the Temple of Time just to stare at his undies. They were white ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


-Shawn :peace:
Hello, everybody. Would you like to learn how to draw?
As of now, I have a growing Youtube channel (we reached over 100 subs, which is great!) where I'm currently uploading time lapse videos of the drawings you see here on my dA page.
But, now I have a larger project, and I need your help. It doesn't require money, nor a lot of your time.

In real life, I'm a former teacher at a local university. I have some years of experience now, and I would like to use this teaching knowledge  to help you guys learn to, or improve your art skills. How? by promoting an online school of arts theough Youtube, giving out tutorials on both traditional and digital art, as well as how to emulate styles or develop your own and more.

This won't be possible until efter July 30th. Some of our neighbors plan on moving out. If I can negotiate with the landlord and move to that department, that is how I'll be able to offer this service to all of you for free.

Do I have to move out to do it? Yes.
Currently, we are 4 people and 1 pet living in a mini deparment for 1 person, and it's chaos. There's no room to film, nor can I make voiceovers for my videos because during the day there's noise (neighbors or family fights) and during the night I can't make noise myself.
Moving out will give me all the space I need to install a whiteboard and give in depth explanations and tips about art and everything I've learned in my almost 12 years as an artist and 7 years as part of the dA community.

What else is in? Well, you know I love my Links, so I do plan on having a gaming section so we can have fun together and talk about Link's butt, because without a section like that, it wouldn't be me, right? ;)

Now, if you have been here long enough, you know I am from Mexico. My job doesn't pay that well (and it's actually a decent job!), so this project will be an absolute investment. There's no money to spare.
By subscribing to the youtube channel and liking the videos, I can start getting a revenue from Ads on my videos, THAT if I can reach 1000 subs and beyond.

So I would really appreciate it if you could subscribe:…

If you do, thanks!

Now, on a more personal note:
Some of you already know I am transgender (don't like the term, just call myself a dude), and by no means, not even working my ass off to get an income will I ever have enough for this personal transition. Hopefully, if everything goes well with this project, on top of having better equipment to teach everybody what I know, I would probably have more hopes of actually doing something about this particular phenomenon I have to live with.
I've had these ideas for a while know, but what made me take it so seriously now was a recent experience.
I had had some pain in my chest for a while, you know, the breast tissue. I thought it was nothing relevant, but it didn't dissapear with time. After a while, I found a little "ball". I went to the doctor, she checked me, and I had some bittersweet news. The good news is that what I had only required a week or so on medication to subside. The bad news is that, in fact, I have a small "ball" that I have to take care of now because, if anything changed in it, I would have to be tested for, we all know, cancer. But we don't need to worry! Like I said, it's only potential, right now my health is perfectly fine, and if anything happened, the diagnose would be very, VERY early, so everything would be in our favor :)
Now, why I this important? Being so close to something so scary made me realize I wanted to do more with my life, stop waiting for better times and give chances a go even if they seem risky. And you know something, I don't want to die knowing I couldn't transition and knowing I didn't do much in regards of the support I know I have the pontential to offer to others.

Right now, I've been taking vitamins, have been on a specialized and healthy as sh*t diet since December last year, and currently I am taking pills for anxiety and irritability. So, I'm good, and that´s how now I actually can reply to many of your comments and all, because I feel better.

So, all in all, I want to say thank you for following me, to the people who have already subscribed, thank you, too.
I hope to see more of you, I hope there are new commissioners, and most importantly, I hope this project turns out well.

See you!

Breath of the Wild

Link's hot. So delicious. 10 outa 10. Would bang.
Much body, such handsome, very hero. 


My accounts are now active again, and I'm in need of your support.


Currently, I've been very busy with work. As many known, I'm a teacher. Recently, I became the only provider for my family (I'm the only one who works). Things are not necesarily the best.

I've been working on SHC and my art every now and then, but it's tough because I need to dedicate 100% of my effort to my work, and I must add that I will extend my schedule to the weekends for the next semester.

However, art is something I love to do and what helps me in time of frustration. I started updating both Patreon and YouTube, one with pieces I don't have here and the other with speedpainting videos. My plans for them also are to include tutorials and explain future plans for Scattered Heart Chain (SHC) as well as Path of Heroes' Past (PHP)
There are two main goals in Patreon, both of which revolve around art improvement and providing the supporter with more art and more tutorials.

The greatest goal of all, if we can reach the ones already established, is to start working on a Demo or Animation segments for SHC, PHP, and some other stories with original characters. However, this one requiring the most money, is not yet listed in Patreon's Milestones.

If you wish to be a direct supporter, you can do this in Patreon, where you can donate as low as 3 dollars for anything I upload. 
On YouTube, subscribing and liking videos is the way. You don't have to do anything else.
And of course, you can also do both.

The Unlisted Goal
This one, involving videogane development and/or animation, is not listed yet because it involves me being able to study an animation course. I already know the school, the process and the price, which alone is 2000 dollars.
As of now, I will continue to make concept art and theorical videos explaining what's the view on these projects.

Thank you :aww:

What would you like to know?

Hey. I just want to thank you all, new and old followers, for being here.
Recently, since I'm done with Uni and working as a teacher, many aspects of my life as an adult have solidified. I discovered and learned to accept many things about myself. 
For the longest  time I knew I was asexual (not attracted to any gender), but believed myself capable of loving; it's not so. So, shortly, I've come to realized I'm a loner : asexual, aromantic and asocial. It's fine, actually. I mean, it would make being a --trans--guy much easier (and I only use labels 'cause that's what seems to work... sadly). 
All in all, I'm okay being me and I'll be working on the things I don't like.

Making that aside, again, what would you like to know? I have not answered any questions in a long time, perhaps years.
There are some aspects people question often, and I would like to know what else makes all of you curious. It can be about anyhing you'd like me to answer, or maybe just something you'd like to get out of your chest. I'm not shy at all, so go ahead!

You know Ravio's personality in my novel (fanfiction) SHC. Lately, I have had time to think about my own identity and what I want to do with my life because, well, I have not been in the best of emotional states. My anxiety has been overboard for over a week due to Postraumatic Stress. I won't go deep about that issue as of now.

My inspiration has been gone and the spare time I've had after work (full-time ESL teacher) has been consumed by my complete apathy towards life. This emptiness is what has lead me to obsessive thinking, and I've been trying to understand the story in SHC with myself as a person.

First I want to address two facts: I'm asexual(not sexually attracted to any person/ gender) and aromantic (not emotionally attracted to any person). With that said, I'll just leave my recent realizations flow in this journal since I have no one to talk to at all:

  1. Ravio: The whole concept about Ravio not having a heart but caring for Link came about due to my own personality and my obsession with Link. The two things that move him are money and Link, which is my current situation. I believe that I desire that which I don't have, and the only thing I'm lacking is money (to achieve my goals, mainly my FTM transition and becoming a writer). Being a teacher,I cannot allow myself to look sad. In front of my students I conduct myself as the happiest being alive, which if you recall is the only feeling Ravio has,happiness. I'm really tired about this, and before saying "do someting about it", I can tell you I am, sadly,I don't have a magic wand to change things in 24 hours.
  2. Rape: The concept of abuse is constant in SHC. Often, I wondered "why?". I don't have a background of sexual abuse, only psychological... However, I know I don't like to be touched. I don't like hugs, I don't like kisses and the idea of any physical interaction with any other human being makes me uncomfortable. I don't need it,I don't want it. This has lead me to believe my anxiety has translated this phobia into an exagerated version of itself when I write, therefore there are a few characters who were abused (Twi, Albi).
  3. Love: The only love I can feel is the one for and from my family, which is my mom's and my brother's, but mostly my mom's. If you've noticed, both Albi and Twi fell in love with the person that took care of them in the most harsh of times. So, the only way I can understand someone cares for me is when they show concern or actually help me /care for me when sick.  In other words, my only definition of love, due to my lack of ability to feel it, is caring. That includes being interested/supportive of what I do.
Moving on.
I've decided to become a youtuber as an outcome of all this situation. When? As soon as I can. I don't have the best equipment nor the best place to film (I live in a house with only 1 room, and we are 4 people plus our cat). I don't mind, but it's just unsuitable. As soon as I finish to arrange everything on my side, I'll get to it. The only thing I want is a virtual family, such as the one i've been given here at dA. You have no idea how much I miss my life here,with all of you.
So,I guess that's it.
Thanks for following and reading SHC, which is a very personal story to me.
It had been about 2 years or so since I last composed a little piece for SHC.
Here you have it:

Rarely do I respond to the concept of transgender to define myself, specially when the topic has recently began to spawn as a trend in the media, sadly with poor or no actual  information about this process, which leads to hate and misconceptions from other people. I, too, prefer to simply be mentioned as a man because being remembered for being trans is not one of the things I want in life. If anything, regardless of gender, I want to be a sucessful writer.

Anyhow, here I am today unveiling some news to all of you, my dear followers and supporters.
For almost a year now I have been working as an ESL teacher in a language institution in Mexico which is part of the most important  University in this state. One of the things that often bothered me about the trans proces was my professional life. Constantly, I was consumed by the thought of discrimination as an employee. However, today this was eased.

I had a small talk with my main Coordinator, you could call her the Director of this language center. In short, I came out to her as transgender. Although she appeared overall confused and mislead, she was supportive of what she referred to as "my personal life". She told me not to worry and that I was welcome to work as a teacher in that institution as much as I desired, for I have become, in so little time, one of the best elements they have, and students agree.

Now, I can continue with my process (which in my individual case will consist only in Testosterone and Top surgery), without the fear of becoming, unfairly, unemployed.

On a related note, she added it would be possible to edit my name in the Teachers' list to the names you guys already may know, Alex Shawn. They will only keep my female names for technical purposes, much in regards of legal procedures.


Hi, guys!
I'm a fulltime ESL teacher as of now. Don't have much spare time.
You can buy my art here, too:
I'm saving up money for a breast reduction surgery :aww: (For the new followers, I'm trans)

I'll try to answer some of your collective questions right now :)

About Scattered Heart Chain:

  1. Thank you for following and your patience. Currently, chapter 15 is written 40% through. If possible, I'll upload a part per week so the wait stops being eternal.
  2. Currently, the story does not contemplate having any more Links. If this changes, it's because I found some important roles for them.
  3. The story revolves around the Auroras (Ravio), the kniL (Dark Link) and Link. Any other characters only appear if they are of use to any of these three categories.
  4. All the Link are in a relationship with another man (except Windy) or alone, but their orientation spectrum does not only fall within the gay label. They all feel differently, having gay, demi, ace and bi as of now.
  5. The idea is for SHC to be a videogame, so sometimes this idea clashes with the book format (because I get carried away), so sorry about that if it is uncomfortable.
  6. The SHC timeline has no splits. It's a continuum where each Link goes after the other.
You may ask any other questions in regards of this.

And about myself:

Umm, I've read some conversations/slash discussions among my followers in regards of my persona. Since I want us all to be a happy family, I'll clear out some details here:

  1. What I do for a living is teaching. I am a full time ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher. My art is just an extra income and the thing I really love doing.
  2. I am transgender (female to male) and yet have not gone through any medical procedures, not even hormones. I don't have the finantial resources, hence why I work so much and also art for an income.
  3. Sexual orientation is different from gender identity. I am asexual, don't like men nor women.
  4. I draw characters in romantic/sexual situations either for storyline or anatomical purposes. The fact I'm ace does not make my characters the same as me.
  5. For the record, I'm not gay, and I also practice celibacy, simply because I enjoy phisycal freedom.
  6. Currently, I'm a loner, I'm single, and I enjoy it.
  7. I meditate often and I am a Buddhist, which is a humanist life philosophy.
I also plan to have a gaming/arting youtube channel and see if it works out. My students find me to be hilarious, and I'm spontaneous, maybe it would be a good idea. So, I'll tell you about it.
I have not started because of many reasons, the most important being my female voice. Please, bear with me.

Thank you.


I won't write anymore.

Just Kidding!!!
Hey! Actually, I did have the longest writer's block ever referring to SHC, and I don't mean I didn't have ideas (because SHC is a story already complete in  my head) BUT I was having a hard time putting all the scenes I imagined into words. Fortunately, chapter 15 is already 20 pages in, and if my mind and wording keep in sync, you'll be able to read it soon!

Expect  conflict regarding the Links' actual mission (with the hearts and--- you know the story!) plus Ravioli, and maybe some drama with Engi, and Twime--- Maybe! 

What else? *thinks* Yes, I'm handling Ravio's death/body swap with Albi in a needed way.
Sadly, or goodly, you'll find out once I'm done perhaps 40 more pages from now.

Also! How have you been liking the new art so far? I plan on making some artbooks (sketchbooks plus "How to----") which would be up for sale--- once I actually build them, of course. One of these books has to be on colored pencils, that's all I know.

Thanks for sticking around!


What happened in my abscence

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 1, 2015, 11:57 PM
I grew up as a person.

Hey, guys! Time ago, I wrote many journal entries talking about my personal struggles, specially due to depression, suicide thoughts, and my overall problems living in a economically unstable, dysfunctional family. 
There was indeed and event which struck a chord, and it was my nearest attempt of suicide, on which I will not elaborate.
Soon after that event, I seeked support from my closest friend in Uni, who gave me some information about free psychological therapy offered by school administration to all students. I checked in for the beginning of a therapy which I never imagined would be of so much importance in my life.

It has been roughly 8 months since I first joined my therapist for a talk, and I had weekly sessions to which I attended and from which I learned. What did I learn? Far too much to note it down in this journal, but in general, this learning had to do with me handling and building my own reality, and accepting the fact that, although I simply prefer to be taken and identify as a man, socially I am transgender.

People don't realize we are biological, emotional and social beings. Biologically, you may be a female, which we cannot know for sure without examinations. And even so, that does not mean you are the same gender or sexuality in the emotional or social aspects of life. If emotionally and socially you identify as a man, it is already 2 against 1. You are who you are (...)
He often made things seem so easy.

Often, people argument feeling like a man or a woman is equal to feeling as a dog or a cat, and they use this as an explanation on why if you are born female or male, you are strictly belonging of that gender, which is not so. In our biological information, there are both male and female hormones regardless of what you look like or act like, but I doubt you have some "cat", "dog" or "whale" in your DNA. People are ignorant. It's easier to ignore and judge than to educate yourself. If you ever read or are given a comment which denies your  identity, don't worry. This is their problem, their issue, not yours, AND DON'T  make it YOURS.
And I will never forget his words.

Added to that, he insisted  in my understanding of my family's situation not being my own, and that I had to rely on my talents (of which I assumed myself lacking), to be an improved version of myself.

I will be greatly thankful to this man, who in the form of a psychologist, became to me an angel. Simply by seeing and pointing out himself my art and my writings as "talent" throughout every session, he made me truly believe in my capabilities.
While this took place, I had also been teaching in different schools and language centers, and taking my time to experience life by students of all ages and needs helped me become even more accepting and caring of other human beings. From kids to mature adults, I've been there as the figure of knowledge, friendship, tolerance, trust, and even life model. How is that even possible? How can I be an inspiration to someone? I can't believe it, but if that helps other people be better, I am glad.

I thank whomever helped me out there that day in which I had decided it was better if I ended everything because if it had not been for that something, I would not be writing this journal today, nor would I have been there for people who needed me, starting by my students.

Today, I am looking forward to making more art, write some more of your favorite novels (as SHC), publishing my personal books, and teaching Spanish since it's not an experience I've had yet (and honestly English is getting a bit on my nerves, hahaha!). I do hope it is as interesting as teaching French, which was something I enjoyed greatly this semester.

It is all looking great. I have been offered a place to work at my Uni's Language Center, and many of my books are either being written or under edition process... Yes, I think things are changing for the better.