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A lot of my longtime followers and friends are well aware of my lifetime battle with illness. Of how lonely it can be when others are thriving and building their lives and I am still here, struggling to survive. Back when I was a teenager, I was desperate for a pet. When you fail at activities of daily living- it's easy to feel hopeless, stupid, and alone. I hoped focusing on caring for a pet could inspire both higher function and hope. I got wind of a local woman who was "moving" and was "getting rid of all of her animals" and "needed people to take them". I traveled to the woman's house- only to find animals who were eating portions so small it should be illegal, in a space so cramped they couldn't possibly be happy.

On a warm spring day, I rescued the cat I'd eventually call Suki. At first, she was scared of me- terrified of anything so new and strange. But to me, she was beautiful represented hope... she was "Beloved"- hence her name. And she grew to love me too. Over the course of the past ten years, even through multiple hospitalizations and needing to move SO many times... she was a constant source of love, patience, and peace for me. She was one of the few consistent things in my life- that single thing I could always rely on to be there with me. She could be sassy and demanding (i.e. "tortie-tude")- but was also selfless in her deep love for everyone she encountered. She was the loud type who'd stomp up to a door when the bell rang- and vocalize a "hello" with a demand for affection and petting. It didn't matter who you were- she wanted to love you. She was also the quiet, soft purr that'd be next to me- calm and constant while I overcame blinding pain or panic attacks. 

A week ago today, I finally said goodbye.
She'd been fully grown when I adopted her- so ragged and worn from her original life that she "couldn't be aged accurately". My newest vet, (the one who cared for her when her body started failing)- estimated her to be between 14 and 17 years old! Riddled with arthritis, cancer, and pain- she was deeply ill. But up until the end, she was still calm and sincerely loving. My vet is an hour away, with is a stressful ride for any animal, let alone an old one. The whole car ride I held her in my arms, crying. Suki never moved from her spot in my arms, calmly purring to comfort me. 

Words can’t express how devastating this is for me. I’m blessed and thankful for every moment I’ve had these past 11 years. If you ever heard me talk about Suki, you knew how loving and sweet she could be- and what a great therapy animal she was. Even now, a week later- I still cry at the mention of her name. I've been a wreck. It's been hard to function, knowing I'll move around the house and expect to see her... but never will again. I miss her more than you can imagine, and I move forward into my new life in my new home- knowing she did this on purpose. She knew that even though I'm still ill- I'm finally surrounded by hopeful, supporting friends. I'm confident even in pain- I'm strong even when I'm weak. I'm not a scared, starving teenage anymore. She held on for SO long- because that's the kind of selfless creature she was. Forever steadfast, being at my side even if it hurt her to walk or jump.

For everyone who's been so patient with me (and my silence) during this crazy month- I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Everything I know is changing- my health is different, my home will soon be different (again), and the companion I've had with me for this long journey... has finally started the most epic journey of all. 

I will forever miss her comfort. But I also smile- because I’m sure that she’ll be of great comfort to the angels as well.

28164470 10156299446758982 2251803754786127412 O by Kennaleecat



:iconvrisky:
Vrisky Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sorry for your loss :'( rest in peace pretty girl;;
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:iconzaira-wolfe:
Zaira-Wolfe Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2018  Student General Artist
awww. i'm so sorry for your loss, but at the same time i'm happy to hear that she was such a great comfort to you. animals are really great for those sorts of things. i know we don't talk much, but if you need a friendly ear you're welcome to drop me a message. i'm hoping you'll feel better soon :hug:
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:iconkennaleecat:
Kennaleecat Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2018
Thank you 💕
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February 26
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