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Lost Thoughts - Volume Two: Perfect Pussy
My life had become characteristically lonely, devoid of any real stimulation outside of my usual introverted hours of studying the various topics that I was passionate about. I was a highly educated man who spent hours and hours on end head buried in books, and that was socially numbing. That was probably the reason I did it though. Society was a burden to me. I, however, had never been a burden to society. Eventually though, the loneliness had taken its toll on me and finally decided that my social life needed birthing. The internet seemed to be the place for invigorating my banal days with constant entertainment, new excitements and possibly even spouse searching. I knew that I’d been spending too much time in my studies and not enough on making friends, and much less on finding a wife.
I decided that Interpals and MeetMe would be where I’d focus my cyber-socializing because I was so over the drama on Facebook and fake news on Twitter. In the past I never would have consi
:iconkeepyourgoodheart:KeepYourGoodHeart 4 0
Love Your Neighbour
Anger was something Anna had struggled with all of her life, even after “successfully” completing anger management classes twice. She knew that the best way to hatch despair was to brood over her troubles and it worked every single time. Anna’s anger was often misguided at people who didn’t have anything to do with the problem. That was especially true when it came to the pesky neighbours who lived in her apartment building.
Everybody knew that she didn’t take well to strangers, and when she first moved across the railroad tracks into a rather fancy neighbourhood compared to the kind of environment she’d always lived in previously, Anna arrived with nothing but contempt and defiance towards the neighbours. She arrived with locked into the frame of mine that she didn’t want to have anything to with any of them, not the nice ones, not the weird ones, not any of them. In the past, all of Anna’s relationships with the neighbours had ended up
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Twenty One
This afternoon there are new developments in the recent discovery of some gruesome crimes in recent weeks. Police have now released the names and pictures of four persons of interest. None of them are considered suspects just yet, but the police would like to question the following individuals regarding other crimes that may be linked to the murder of Washington Heights city councillor Dwayne Jackson and the now 52 identified teenage girls found in a mass grave last month. The first person of interest is a man known to police named Damian Welker, here is his mugshot onscreen right now, he is currently wanted for weapons trafficking and extortion. The second person of interest today is a man named Andrew Murdoch, the reason the police want to question him hasn’t been released to us but he has obviously been in trouble with the law before as we have a mugshot from 2002 on file. The two last persons of interest are nineteen-year-old Connor Peterson who is a known associate of Dam
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Twenty
Byron took me by the hand and the two of us checked out of the hotel room. Down in the streets below life went on as usual. People walked passed us with big smiles on their faces and went about their business without a worry in the world. The same couldn’t be said for Byron and I. He was about to walk into his father’s congregation after five years of seemingly having evaporated off the face of the earth. I was about to blow my cover and go to prison for the rest of my days. I took a deep breath and followed Byron’s lead.
“I haven’t been here in an eternity,” he spoke as he racked his brain, “I might have to ask for directions.”
“Damian Welker has a hideout somewhere around here apparently,” I spoke as I looked around the buildings myself, “it seems like both our lives begin and end here.”
“We can worry about him later, for now if I don’t find my folks in the very near future I might as well back out.
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Nineteen
I took the first bus out of Dobbs Ferry at five in the morning. I looked like hell and I felt like the devil himself. The search for pleasure was overrated. There was absolutely nothing to be gained from life. Everything was utterly meaningless. I took public transit all the way down to Trent Woods, another small community near Queens. There was an old French man named Gerard Lacroix who had ties to one of the girls in the gang and who had a couple of properties in other states. I was going to give him my ten thousand dollars and ask him to let me live in one of them just for a little while until I figured out what I wanted to do next. My life’s mission had been accomplished. What else was there left to do in a pitiful young life? I had often contemplated suicide but that was not the answer. I felt like there was still something else I needed to do.
The bus dropped me off in the downtown of Trent Woods just as the sun was climbing up into the sky. I hopped off and went roaming ar
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Mature content
The Distant Factory - Chapter Eighteen :iconkeepyourgoodheart:KeepYourGoodHeart 1 0
Mature content
The Distant Factory - Chapter Seventeen :iconkeepyourgoodheart:KeepYourGoodHeart 1 0
The Distant Factory - Chapter Sixteen
After more than a few hours of aimlessly looking around, we finally found Richard Parker’s house. Finally the man who owed money had a name thanks to a reserve address lookup. Damian knew him simply as Park and considering the type of business deal the two were involved in, I probably wouldn’t have used my full name either. It was a little white house, the second from an intersection in an older neighborhood. The house was old, but it was in good condition. It badly needed a new roof but I would have gladly shacked up in the place any day. Being a homeless drifter, I had checked out my fair share of houses in hopes that one day I would wake up and it would be mine and life on the streets was nothing more than a distant nightmare. So much for that.
“You knock,” Connor ordered, “I’ll be right behind you with my gun in hand for when he opens the door.”
I knocked. And I knocked. And I knocked. And I knocked again. Richard Parker wasn’t home d
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Fifteen
Part of me felt guilty to have scammed a good man like Robin, but I cared more about having Damian kill Dwayne than hurting Robin’s feelings. I didn’t care what I had to go through to get to where I wanted, I was going to do it no matter what the cost. Even if the police shot me after blowing out Dwayne’s brains, it didn’t matter. As long as I knew that he was long gone, I would be able to die satisfied with my life. The only thing that kept me going in the search for half a million dollars was believing that Damian Welker really was going to get the job done for me at the end of the line. I would not be swept aside. I was going to see the day Dwayne Jackson was going to be served with what he deserved. It was nothing more than a matter of time.
“You guys seemed to have brought back some interesting stuff,” Damian commented as he met up with us in the street below when we arrived just before four in the morning, “did anyone follow you here?
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Fourteen
My new .44 caliber handgun was one hell of a sexy thing. The chrome-like color was amazing to look at and the patterns engraved in it were even more impressive. It was a true collector’s item and it was entrusted to me. I could almost see myself in the metal, it was that shiny. Damian had also given me a few magazines full of ammunition and a nice leather pouch to carry the weapon. In exchange I gave him my Glock for him to sell as he distributed a large portion of illegal guns for sale in the entire state of New Jersey and a few parts of New York. The amount of weaponry that came out of a little moldy apartment was incredible. Damian only had a few so-called “employees” but his guns sure got around. That’s how Damian Welker and Connor Peterson rolled. I was part of the team now too, and that’s how I rolled as well. Hell yeah!
“I told you that I can’t pay you until he pays me,” Damian’s tone of voice was boiling with rage as he bera
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Mature content
The Distant Factory - Chapter Thirteen :iconkeepyourgoodheart:KeepYourGoodHeart 1 0
The Distant Factory - Chapter Twelve
My plans had already been made. I had already taken the money under the counter without Cap’n Crunch’s knowledge. I walked the short distance to Dobbs Ferry from Cobalt and took public transit all the way down to Marble Hill and then walked the rest of the way down to Washington Heights. By the time I got there after all the delays and the waiting and the stopping to breathe in the fresh air the city had woken up and business as usual was under way. City Hall was open and in session so it was my chance to get Dwayne Jackson once and for all and just finish what I had spent so much energy on to accomplish. I asked for some directions to City Hall and then barged right in through the front doors.
“Good morning!” I was greeted by the secretary at the reception desk.
“Is councillor Dwayne Jackson in the building this morning?” I asked trying to be as civil and polite as I could.
“No, I’m sorry, he won’t be in office for another week or
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Eleven
I had no idea the kind of burial my brother really had been given until I stumbled into the charity area of the boneyard. His grave was the very first one next to the little paved path about halfway through the cemetery, on the far left side. At first the place looked like an empty field with nobody buried there yet, but that was a far cry from the truth. The place was filled with many unmarked graves. Only little rectangles of concrete were flat over each grave with only a last name and a number. That was all that was left of my brother. Just a last name and a number.
J. Sims
Plot #307
And nothing else. As a matter of fact, how did I know it was even him? How could I know? Anybody could have our last name and have a first name that started with J! Was it even his cardboard box of ashes that they put in that plot? I fell down on my knees over his grave and broke down in an uncontrollable sob.
“Does it hurt when you breathe Jeff?!” I choked out through my tears, “Becau
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Ten
At Jeff’s makeshift funeral nobody had had enough money to buy him a real casket, so they put his body in a cardboard box. Not just some cheap wooden box, a real cardboard box like the ones you get when you buy a fridge. It was taped up with silver duct tape so nobody could see inside where the box had previously been cut up to liberate whatever fancy appliance was once in there. It didn’t even seem real to me that it was my brother in that box, just lying there dead in a cheap box on top of a frame of metal pickets behind a run-down church that had long gone bankrupt because we had nothing else. The preacher man or whoever that man of God was that used to run the place still lived in the area and offered to have Jeff’s body cremated at no cost to us. Randy gave himself permission to speak for my brother and allowed the old white-haired man to take my brother’s body away, not knowing what he was really going to do with it.
“Jeffrey! Jeffrey!” I screa
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Nine
It’s a long and lonely road when you know you have to walk alone. Where are you Jeff? Where did you go? Does your soul even still exist? Is heaven for real? All that stuff Byron tells me about eternal paradise and being repaid according to what you’ve done. Justice will be served here in the physical because I am here and I exist. I exist and my own existence is a mystery even to me. I don’t think the same way others do. They take life at face value but I don’t. I look beyond, I seek the meaning, the soul. Why can’t they be more like me? Why can’t they understand that the struggle alone is just too much?
I look up at the stars at night, they are like satellites watching over me. All my thoughts come out of their den when the shadows fade. Maybe if I could fall asleep somewhere and see you again Jeff, maybe we could meet somewhere in my dreams. You’d be here and I’d be there and together we could go somewhere. I feel like I’m lost
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The Distant Factory - Chapter Eight
“Can’t we just go back to your loft?” I asked Eddie, “Please?”
“You mean my abandoned shack with only one half-decent room?” his voice was emotionless, “Sure, let’s go.”
“Yay! You’re the best!”
“Don’t you ever forget it.”
When the intersection to head towards the boonies came up ahead I made a sharp turn, Eddie muttered some swear words under his breath, but he followed me faithfully. The sun came out through a small patch of clouds and warmed my skin. For a moment I missed my cat. When moments like that struck me I put my hand in my pocket and stroked the handgrip of my newly acquired pistol. Giving up the cat was worth it. It couldn’t be all for nothing. I was a soldier on a mission, and I couldn’t let soft moments get the best of me. All that was left to figure out was how I was going to get to Dwayne Jackson and teach him a lesson about what family meant to me.
“What ar
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Hello everyone! You can still enter my giveaway for a free paperback copy of my recently published book Innermost but if you don't qualify or the giveaway is over by the time you come across this post, I have some good news for you!

Take a roller coaster ride inside of the human heart with this short collection of 15 poems dealing with everything from love and romance to death to anger to friendship and beyond. Written in both free verse and fixed verse format, these poems will not only touch your emotions but they will also motivate you think deeper.

Verses Undone (Book Cover) by KeepYourGoodHeart

Verses Undone: Love of a SoldierI look into his eyes
Before one last goodbye
Another kiss on the lips
And that's it
Now you're leaving
You're leaving
I won't see you for a year
I don't even know if you'll come back here
One year in Iraq
And I'm not sure you'll come back
No matter how many times I wish you luck
I still miss you so much
Everyday I think about you
And I'm sure you think about me too
I fell in love with a travelling soldier
After you go there will be no other
Will I ever see you again?
Will you come home in the end?
Everyday I live in uncertainty
Despite that you tell me not to worry
Will I have to carry your coffin?
To the cemetery, to be buried and forgotten
You'll be one of the many
But you'll always be a part of me
I will always remember you
No matter what the world puts me through
You are my hero
And I will always love you so
Verses Undone: The SecretI have never seen your face
Is it really a piece of such disgrace?
I've only seen you from behind,
What is this secret you try to hide?
But the secrets that you hide seem more like lies being covered up
Such as this
Keeping your mouth shut
Because so many things just don't work out when you're not around
We don't seem to click like we used to and it's driving us further apart
It hurts me in the heart
Roses are red, violets are blue
I did my best at loving you
This filthy little secret
Do you trust me enough to keep it?
Your life is a beautiful denial
On which you shall stand trial
Behind your beautiful eyes
Tell me,
What is this secret you try to hide?
Verses Undone: Once LovedIt makes me sad to see you like this
It angers me that you have to do this to yourself
I'm sick and tired of having to watch you pass in front of the house
Almost unable to walk a straight line
All I seem to see are the scars on your arms
And the marks around your neck
Your discoloured lips
Your pale white skin
It kills me to see you do this
I don't want to attend your funeral
But it seems like I'll be holding your little hand in your coffin soon
Tears come down my cheeks every time I think of you
I've seen the miracles you could make
And now all I can see is all the pain you have to take
It makes me sick to see you like this
Your smile used to tell me that you were doing so well
Now the track marks on your arms have another story to tell
I used to see your eyes shine in the sunlight
Now you never leave the darkness
How could you go back to this?
Destiny was calling your name
You had the whole world at your feet, waiting for you
Now you're back to chasing delusions with fishing nets

Verses Undone: I HateI hate it when you're here
I hate it when you're gone
I hate the way I need you when you're not around
I hate the way I need you when I don't know where you are
I hate it when you say you love me
I hate it because I know you don't really mean it
I hate it when you say you'll always be there for me
I hate it because we both know you're not
I hate that I love you
I hate that I do
I hate that no matter what I can't hate you
I hate the way you comfort me
I hate the way it never lasts
I hate the things you say to me
I hate the way I can't help but believe them
I hate the way you hurt me
I hate the way I hurt myself
I hate the way the blame always ends up on me
I hate the things you do to me
I hate the happiness that comes with them
I hate missing you
I hate it when you ignore me
I hate that I can't tell you how I feel
I hate that you have better things to do
I hate that I'm your last priority
I hate that I feel this way
I hate that I have to live like this
I hate that I'll have to replace y
Verses Undone: From Life To DeathMy bones tremble
My heart beats faster
I cannot breathe
I feel my temperature rise
A crime of fate
The breath of life
Like hands around my neck
There's nothing I can do
Collapse to the floor
Everything you thought you knew
Life is slipping away
You are no more
My heart falls to pieces
I'm out of breath
My eyes fill with water
The struggle is over
Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
From life to death
I will not forget

Mature Content

Verses Undone: Murderous PoemThe only thing that would make today any worst
Would be driving away in a hearse
My anger boils deep inside my veins
How do I get it out without causing pain?
Inside my basement I will hide
To make up this mind of mine
On whether I should put a bullet in my gun
Or just forget about this and run
My inner demons I shall seek
So my mind can have peace
At last you will be gone forever
And I shall sleep much, much better
Beside my bed my shotgun I will keep
So I'm safe at night when I sleep
And if my house, I find you inside
The coroner's van will be your next ride
Verses Undone: InsanityInsanity
Crawling into me
Into my head
I'm wishing I was dead
Thoughts fill my brain
Driving me insane
Ideas of suicide
And ways to die
Corrupting my mind
I'm going insane
I can't set things straight
Verses Undone: Shackles of LoveSo many thoughts keep spinning around my head
The good, the bad and the unknown
This loneliness and this desolation
Is the equivalent of sitting in my head all alone
Sometimes I wish that you could just leave
Just leave and leave me alone
Other times I'd sew our souls together
All that is left of you now are the scars on my heart
I swear I will tear it all apart!
I carved your name into my arm
Promising you that I would never do you any harm
I carved your name into my soul
Promising you that I would never let you go
But you're the one that let go
You were the only good in me
Now living with myself is all I have.
Do you know what its like
To look at yourself, paralyzed?
This soul is just no good
So I can beg you to save me for all that I am.
Or beg you to save me for the fuck of it.
I know my life will end
But I won't give this life away again
You broke my trust, shattered my existence
So lift up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts
My flesh is all I have.
This life is not enough!

Verses Undone: Until the End of TimeI'll be long gone and rotting in hell
Before you say "I love you" to someone else
I promised I'd love you until my death
And even after than I won't be done yet
So if you die before I do
Somebody better tell the coroner he'll have two
Around my neck I'll wear a hangman's noose
Because I never want to be away from you
The moment I saw your pretty face
I knew it was you and no one else
In that same moment we sealed our fate
I promised to never leave you by yourself
So boy you better never tell me goodbye
Because I won't leave you even when I die
I want to have your body buried next to mine
I want to be with you until the end of time
Verses Undone: Promise (Haiku)If It takes forever
I’ll find you no matter what
The ends of the earth
Verses Undone: The Complete UnknownThere's one place that I'll never call my home
And that's the very bottom of your soul
In my life you left an empty hole
I guess there are some things I'll just never know
Who am I to take the blame?
You're the one with all the shame
This is just like a burnt out flame
I guess things will never be the same
I learned the things you never showed me
Became all the things you'd never be
Maybe one day you will see
All this pain and catastrophe
I took the chances you'd have blown
You're the one who left me all alone
So many of our stories will remain untold
And you remain the complete unknown

Verses Undone: Dear FatherI address this letter to my dear father
The complete unknown
I guess it's better that you just don't bother
All your truths will be left alone
I'm the daughter you can't hide
Pray for your life before you pray for mine
I'm just the forgotten child
The one you left behind
So many years have been ignored
You've been gone without a trace
I'm getting to knowing that
You're just a name without a face
A father without a son
Is like a bullet without a gun
But what about a father without his daughter?
I guess you can't spell manslaughter without laughter
You were mean to make it hurt
Make it all disappear into the dirt
All the things I had to go through
And it's all because of you
Do you feel any shame?
Because I feel a lot of pain
Take the time to take my breath
I will end where I began
If you're out there somewhere
I don't know if you care
It seems like you don't
So you remain the complete unknown
All we had, gone forever
Things that you said would never be
Living without you don't bother me
Verses Undone: The RedThere's nothing that's gonna stop me
There's nothing that's gonna stop me
My blood drips on the floor
It's red
Back where I was before
It's all in my head
Thoughts of suicide
Hiding all the tears I keep inside
Crawling into me
Into my head
All I see is red
I just wish I was dead
It's all red
It's all red
All I see is red
It's all in my head
The calm
Before the storm
Of suicide
So many ways to die
Forget about me
You don't mean anything to me
Crawling into me
Into my head
All I see is red
I just wish I was dead
It's all red
It's all red
All I see is red
It's all in my head
Your driving me insane
Your driving me insane
Corrupting my mind
Corrupting my mind
Look inside
It's all red
It's all red
Inside my head
You can't stop me
Look at the red
Coming down my arm
All the scars
All the scars
From when you broke my heart
Crawling into me
Into my head
All I see is red
I just wish I was dead
It's all red
Verses Undone: My Best Friend (Haiku)When I think of you
I have a smile on my face
You are my best friend

You can also download this material and much more from my website as a PDF for a better reading experience. Alternatively, you can also read it from my Wattpad and WordPress pages. If you enjoyed these poems I kindly ask you to please consider supporting my writing career by purchasing one of my paid books.

Please visit my website for more information and to download more books!

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Jamila Mikhail
Artist | Professional | Literature
You might know about me but you don’t know me. My name is Jamila Mikhail (Жамийла Михаил) and I’m a million different things. I’m a polyglot, an intellectual, a lover of 20th century history, cat lady, Shia Muslim convert (or revert if you prefer), law and human rights student, marker of various crafts and most recently I became a published author. It was my lifelong dream to write an publish a book and that came true when Innermost hit the shelves of online bookstores. For the rest you’ll just have to get to know me, visit my website to find all of my links to social media and let's get talking! :D