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About Varied / Hobbyist Kathryn PattisonFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Mature content
A Day Within The Other [Dark + Wilford Body Swap] :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 5 13
My Inner Desolation by KathrynPattison My Inner Desolation :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 35 14 Dead Colours by KathrynPattison Dead Colours :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 35 2
Literature
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt.14.99
He felt firm in his conclusions and spoke resolutely to Heather,
“Yes. I trust him. It’s my control over these abilities that I fear I cannot rely on”
Something within her expression told Darius she didn’t quite believe him. He took her hand and tried to elaborate,
“I will never risk losing you in exposing myself again…”
His voice trailed away as another reason came forth that he felt it necessary to add,
“It’s not Phillip whom I worry over. It’s his father. He raised him to hate witches with such a devout passion that it’s likely our friendship will be corrupted in his eyes. I do fear that he will not be as understanding as you”
Heather looked up with some shock in her eyes. Darius continued,
“I trust him to keep it secret at the very least. Once we’re gone he won’t hunt me down”
Her shock lessened. Heather nodded and quietly handed Darius his novel. His eyes fell to the old pages and gave
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Mature content
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt.14.66 :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 4 2
Literature
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt.14.33
Dead Heaven
For all the tirades Dark had subjected himself to within this perfect prison, this silent rage was the most potent of them all. For unlike the last red fury, this anger burned away at more than just his sense of calm. The toxic bloom had stopped his enraged battle against his containment where nothing else could. Within that senseless and possibly endless red Dark had mined all that he had suppressed to save himself from further torture.
It gave him the power to stand against that vile sound for a time and perhaps continue his thrashing defiant act for just a little longer despite the damage that would have been done. Though now a suffocating heat traversed his soul with frighteningly rabid fever that was quite unstoppable. For it was known only to the entity as he lay there glowering at the unfeeling white which surrounded him. Too common a sight to think there might be something wrong.
Dark knew of that repugnant shadow and its ways yet not its desir
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Literature
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt. 13.5
A silence filled the room as Darius bowed his head still slightly bashful over discussing this with anyone. But his attention was pulled back to Phillip who hummed and tapped the table with a finger. His smile was thin as he replied,
“I’m happy for you Darius”
He blinked. Phillip’s tone reflected that glint within his eyes but somehow harsher now after being made manifest. This unease now began to whisper to Darius which prompted him to change subject,
“Thank you Phillip. Though I think we’ve discussed me enough! What have you been keeping your time with?”
The former smirked and relaxed his somewhat stiff posture and replied kindly,
“Well alongside those lectures, my father allowed me into his discussions of what changes he wishes to make”
“Oh? Anything you can share?” Darius asked.
“We were discussing possible plans for the town and its safety. Ever since the attack we’ve been devising radical schemes in ord
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:iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 6 10
Mature content
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt. 13 :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 7 12
Mature content
New Perspectives [Markiplier's Egos] (G/T) Part 2 :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 11 11
Literature
New Perspectives [Markiplier's Egos] (G/T) Part 1
Dark awoke to feel his body ache strangely and feel quite stiff. His mind wandered to his troubled dreams of the night before. Though he couldn't recall anything concrete, the entity saw strange shapes and colours that perhaps resembled the forms of his companions and creator but he couldn't be sure. A weakened cough flew from his lips which forced Dark to curl up a little as the uncomfortable sensation burned his throat. He opened his eyes and rubbed one gently to try and banish the dust from his eyes.
A long yawn fell from his lips whilst his arm flopped back to his side as he stared tiredly up at his gloomy ceiling. Dark's thoughts gently questioned why he felt so exhausted so he pushed himself up and sat with his legs over the side of his grand bed. Stars were quick to consume his vision so Dark closed his eyes and groaned as he waited for them to pass before trying to look again. But he found a queasy feeling still lingering within his body as his vision slowly drifted around his
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Markiplier And His Calendars (Pop Team Epic) by KathrynPattison Markiplier And His Calendars (Pop Team Epic) :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 17 0
Literature
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt. 12.5
At that moment there was a knock at the door. Darius was snapped from his ponderings and looked over. He stood up and crossed the room to gently open the door. Heather stood there. Darius stilled as he found his eyes lingering on the bruise he had caused as it looked so much more unbecoming in the afternoon’s light. But he flinched as he noticed Heather look down sadly whilst moving a thick group of hair in front of her face.
Darius blinked and stuttered gently,
“O-oh Heather…please come in…”
He stood aside and Heather nodded and silently moved inside. Darius gulped as his nerves began to build. Though he breathed out softly and gathered that earlier defiant courage then closed the door. He stepped closer to Heather but retained a good metre distance to be polite. He bowed his head and started quietly,
“I hope you’re well”
Heather nodded and replied equally quiet,
“Yes. I’m fine”
Darius winced as he realised this was lik
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Literature
The Unwilling Monster (TOS Sequel) [Dark] Pt.12
Monster
Dark still lay there even after hours had passed. He was unsure of how many but knew he needed this time in order to gain his drained energy reserves back after that raging tirade. His eyes closed intermittently but Dark was unsure if he ever slept during those timeless moments of weakness. Part of him guessed that he did not for simply being too exhausted to do so. That and the fear of reliving the past. Before now Dark had assumed his mind wandered to those memories due to sheer boredom and an awful desire to keep himself from true insanity.
But he knew now that something wasn’t right about those moments. They were inescapable, as though he was living then as he is now. Experiencing all those terrors again without even the smallest recollection of where he really was. This place was forgotten until he was finally snapped from his ensnaring trance. Once released, Dark would wonder why he would remember that time. He had lived long enough to have a pletho
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Literature
My Friend From The Other Side|Dark+Mark+Anti+Jack
Part 3.5
But then, a voice called out in shock,
Dark?!
The entity slowly turned his head in disbelief of hearing any voice. Dark gazed down at the midnight parrot who gazed up at him in turn. The entity gently shifted his body to comfortably look down on the strange creature as his mind wandered listlessly. He wondered briefly why it was in such a large cage and not one like his own. But Dark leaned a little closer as he noticed its vibrant green eyes.
A silly thought wandered through Dark’s weakened mind that joked of Anti dressing up as a pirate and having this creature on his shoulder. But the reminder of his dear friend only hurt Dark more which made him turn away sadly. He completely forgot about the voice and sighed gently. But it suddenly called out rudely,
Answer me Mr. Eyeliner in a cheap suit!
Dark tensed. What had that parrot called him? He turned his head back and looked down at the parrot as its eyes seemed t
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Literature
My Friend From The Other Side|Dark+Mark+Anti+Jack
Part 3- You Lost What You Had
Anti sleepily groaned as he finally woke up. His whole body moaned along with him as it complained of the ache. Feeling was slow to return to his limbs but he was glad of it as he rolled over onto his front and decided to go back to sleep. A silent yawn escaped him as he tried to nestle into the thing he rested on. But the glitch paused as he realised he wasn’t lying on something very comfortable. In fact, it felt cold like glass.
He rolled his eyes under his lids and tried to sit up. But he was suddenly aware of his sapped energy reserves. This began to raise quiet alarm bells within Anti’s mind as he wondered what he could have been doing to tire him out so easily. Various suggestions came forth like the fact he was messing around with a lot of games back at the convention.
Though this didn’t sit right with Anti as the reason for his fatigue. He wasn’t just tired but exhausted, something that he wasn’t very
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An Average Ninja Sex Party Concert by KathrynPattison
Mature content
An Average Ninja Sex Party Concert :iconkathrynpattison:KathrynPattison 7 6

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Dark - My Medieval AU by EthanTheBoo Dark - My Medieval AU :iconethantheboo:EthanTheBoo 30 6 Mark - Medieval AU by EthanTheBoo Mark - Medieval AU :iconethantheboo:EthanTheBoo 26 7 Theres A Darkness Inside Of Me by AnnaPpanda Theres A Darkness Inside Of Me :iconannappanda:AnnaPpanda 34 5 (Pt. 30) Role Reversal AU! by Reneengu (Pt. 30) Role Reversal AU! :iconreneengu:Reneengu 14 3 Tommy by JustaBlink Tommy :iconjustablink:JustaBlink 21 1 Morning Tea by TerritorialRain Morning Tea :iconterritorialrain:TerritorialRain 62 5 Cool we made it. by DanielasDoodles Cool we made it. :icondanielasdoodles:DanielasDoodles 118 13 Marvin the Magnificent by 25thHanabusa Marvin the Magnificent :icon25thhanabusa:25thHanabusa 27 0 Marzia - Tsuki by Quiveringteen Marzia - Tsuki :iconquiveringteen:Quiveringteen 7 1 Dark screen by DoctorLotus Dark screen :icondoctorlotus:DoctorLotus 33 6 Request -KathrynPattison by GGcosplay Request -KathrynPattison :iconggcosplay:GGcosplay 66 10 Danny Sexbang by FourPartFox Danny Sexbang :iconfourpartfox:FourPartFox 21 3 Black Hole by Gem1ny Black Hole :icongem1ny:Gem1ny 114 9 Color Studies by scribblywobbly Color Studies :iconscribblywobbly:scribblywobbly 82 5 Red-crowned Crane- Paper cut birds by NVillustration Red-crowned Crane- Paper cut birds :iconnvillustration:NVillustration 263 16 Ninja Turtles Origin Story by ArtofTu Ninja Turtles Origin Story :iconartoftu:ArtofTu 161 9

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It has been over a week now. I've not risen above the lowest line of happiness once during that time. I have always been either a little low or properly sad. Sometimes over nothing, other times I just wake up like that and the days events aid in lowering my mood further.

This all began after a really good day. I had gotten two great videos recorded and edited and I was feeling really positive about uni, work and things in general. But then I just read something on this site and it just snapped. The good mood died. I don't know how or why. What I read wouldn't upset even the most emotional person yet I still feel like this.

Though initially I wasn't worried as this has happened before but I trusted myself to feel better eventually as per my own words in a happier journal entry, 

'Just ignore past me as she's a miserable sod'

But the problem with that statement as I knew then and definitely know now, 'current' me at the time of that post or at least when I am actually happy, forgets. She forgets what it's like to be here in this position. Whilst I'm happy I forget what this kind of sadness is like. I think I'm so silly when there is plenty of things to bring me back up like books, manga, films, YouTube, my writing e.c.t.

The funny thing is I don't even believe I have real depression. Even right now in some regard. Despite me feeling incredibly low at some points during this week I couldn't even match how I was back in 2016 which was when I was actually taking pills and seeking a form of therapy for it. The feelings I went through then and the month of May, known forever to be my worst month of my life, cast such a shadow that these days couldn't even dream of casting.

Though I suppose that's good. Not having depression is a real asset. Yet I still feel this way. Don't get me wrong I know that this will sound suspiciously like the disease but I still get out of bed. I still find the time to write and make videos. I still do those things. My mother told me depression is feeling so bad you don't want to get out of bed in the morning at all. "Believe me" she said, and I did and still do. She is a nurse after all.

I don't believe I have it. Sometimes I exhibit the qualities on occasions. I stayed in bed nearly all day in December but I still did some Christmas shopping and watched one of Mark's livestreams. I didn't do nothing. I still did something. Even now I'm bothering to fully punctuate this sob piece. You'll know things are truly bad when I start not capitalising any I's or words after full stops. 

Yet now here I am. It's 11.29 as I type this and I don't want to sleep even though I have a 9 a.m start tomorrow. Though I still don't want to do anything else. Before writing this I was watching an old Doctor Who episode that I really enjoyed. But then halfway through my mind wandered to all that had happened and I started to put it into words that I could write and thus were are here.

Last weekend I was extremely nervous over filming a project with my group. I was late to join as the previous groups I was going to help in didn't get their projects picked. The kickstarter was fully funded even beyond our target and the producer is excellent at organising. We made the trailer a few weeks ago and it went well but when the editor looked over the footage she said the audio was really quiet. It wasn't the end of the world as it can just be turned up in the edit but it had already sparked my initial fears even more.

You see in this film course of mine, people don't like to be the sound guy. Your job is just as important as all the others but if you fuck it up then the film is usually un-salvageable. It's a lot harder to fix crackling audio than a badly lit shot. You can easily edit away a flubbed line than magic out dialogue from where none exists. So that's why I was nervous before hand. It's not like first year where we were all having fun making movies. There's expensive and sophisticated equipment involved now. Learn the ropes or be left behind and screw up your whole teams project and lower everyone else's grade. 

I had somewhat used the equipment before so I wasn't fully panicking on that front but it was still fuzzy in some places. It was different to the one I had used on the trailer as it was the producer's own. But the editor told me about the quiet audio and I felt terrible as I had assumed I was doing a good job as it sounded fine to me. Then the first day of shooting came around and I already wasn't feeling great. I was behind on videos and the ones I had recorded weren't my best.

I've been less inclined to bother recording or editing what I've made more and more. Even today I've left two whole videos completely unedited which will only leave more work for me tomorrow with maybe four videos to edit which will only put me further behind schedule as I know I won't have time to render them all in one day as that takes hours. Still it can't be helped. I understand more now where Felix comes from when he doesn't play games unless he knows he'll like them. I don't ever hate a game but some just don't illicit a fun response worthy of a video.

But anyway. That's all my own dumb fault as I'm the only one who expects a minimum three days pre-prepared videos just for occasions such as this. Still, it's slowing down all the more these days. I don't gain but I don't lose all that much either. The comments are still lovely but infrequent. I have so much compared to before. A lot of people would be overjoyed with nearly 300 subs. Not to say that I am not. But when only 10% bother to watch your videos and the ones you spend a long time editing get so little in the first place, it can be hard to completely care. Most of them are deleted accounts now and some that haven't been are suspiciously similar to one another. I honestly don't know anymore. I can't hate it but I'm not sure I love it all that much either. 

Isn't that the delightful thing about depression? It's not just feeling sad as most people think. It's that and trying to cheer yourself up but KNOWING that it won't work and will make you feel even worse because of it. Therefor you avoid doing anything that will make you happy just in case it poisons the activity for you. I've gotten close to losing interest in watching films at home because of trying to use them to make me feel better. So I go to the cinema instead where I know my attention will assuredly be distracted.

On the first angry day that would precursor this solemn week I went to see Coco. I loved it. It was truly a masterful piece of animation. Though I spotted the twist a little too early. I haven't done that in a while. I remember doing it a lot while watching Doctor Who for the first time. It was just easy to see where it was going and I didn't mind it too much back then as I felt really good for being able to spot it. Like I was smart. But now it's just a nuisance. It's like studying films has heightened this ability too much. Though I was warned that this would happen so I shouldn't be surprised.

Though that's another point. On that first day of shooting we had a class in the morning. The tutor went over the basic ideas of framing and camera movement and sound. Unfortunately, whilst the tutor discussed how to get good sound, the editor kept side-glancing me as though to say 'see? It isn't that hard!' But I managed to ignore it as I didn't believe that it was right of me to assume that was what she was doing. Though we moved onto directing next. The tutor split the class in two and had everybody have a go at acting, camera and directing. I was happy to watch the boys at first but then the tutor wanted us females to get involved. So I stood up proudly and got to it. I told the actor what I wanted him to do as was what I thought was the point. But the tutor interrupted and said I should focus on the camera work rather than the acting.

In my theatrical haste I suppose I had neglected that for a minute but I just wanted a set plan to move the camera around later. But in the end I got some useful tips though a terrible feeling lingered.

Doubt.

I forgot about it for a small time as we had to watch some clips from Moonlight and Moonrise Kingdom, the latter being a favourite of mine. But then we had to move onto the part of the day I dreaded. We had to meet up with the tutor and some filmmaking guests she had brought in but we did have to leave early for the train which was already stressing me out a little. One was a sound recorder and designer and the other was a cinematographer. I had proper business with the former. But my dour mood and nerves over the project had already made me feel so bloody terrible. As the guy was talking I could feel the editor's eyes flash towards me whenever he gave a basic tip about recording sound which I already knew from previous experience. I wanted to burst out crying on a couple of occasions as I just felt that fucking bad just over everything in general. But I held myself together as I knew that day wasn't remotely done yet.

After that we went to talk to the camera man who gave our camera person some great advice. I sort of just nodded occasionally as my thoughts became too big to push away. Then we grabbed our equipment for the shoot. We went to Glasgow and filmed along the river. Being the sensible duckling I was I decided to wear my nice long coat that had no sleeves. I didn't realise how cold it would get until we were out there.

Before then we were on the train for 50 minutes. The director and the camera man talked to each other for most of it while I just stared out of the window trying to make myself feel better but it was proving impossible. A part of me was just so desperate to go home and record a video or just lie in bed. Just anything else other than go filming. I was beginning to think I wasn't right to make movies. What if I was better a theatre and I just didn't know it? I was more focused on the acting earlier in the day...maybe it's a sign. Or was it just my misunderstanding of the exercise? I haven't really written anything since first year that has progressed anywhere. Other people have their own businesses and have won awards. They have their films in festivals and are making connections. But I haven't done any of that. No, I waste my time on these fucking stories and stupid YouTube videos which barely get above 10 views!

Even if I did make it. Even IF I did, what would I truly be? I cannot write real scripts or stories. I steal the ideas of others and craft my own lunacy around them. People complement me all the time. I don't bloody deserve it. I did not create Dark nor Wilford or Anti. None of them. I make myself feel better by pretending to write real stories. I have a real character that I could call my own. I see her everyday but I still don't commit myself to getting anything down about her. Nope! It's all Dark or nothing apparently!!

Oh I've started crying. That'll make the screen hard to see. Strange how the fanfiction topic is the one that did it..

I will just be one of those divisive filmmakers. Style over substance and nothing more. Those directors that need a die hard audience to keep their career alive and be defended in the numerous comment sections of those who rightfully call out their lazy filmmaking. Statistically only two of us out of 30 or so will properly make it. Who knows if making it means indie darling for a few years then anonymity or the next Spielberg. Seems a little late to change to theatre doesn't it?

But yet I don't know if that would work either. I like theatre but I like films slightly more. Are both of these just fairy-tale adorations only meant to be hobbies and nothing more? I keep thinking I'm not worthy of this course. But even then it's so shoddily managed that even at this point more people are desperate to leave but they can't due to a lack of having a job in the industry. I still await my results from early December. We all do.

But the camera man noticed I was being quiet and asked of my welfare. I said I was okay. Not a complete lie but still. After getting dinner and meeting up with the actresses we walked to the location. It started to rain. Nothing major league thankfully but still a little more than spitting. But that wasn't the worst thing. It was cold. Not just a bit nippy but ice cold. Due to my idiotic dress sense my arms and fingers quickly were frozen and I began to shiver badly. As the sound person that's not too great but the horrendous wind blasting my eardrums drowned out most of the sound I had recorded anyway. I had worn leggings under my jeans and the coat kept my torso warm. I assumed that those were all I needed to keep warm as my regular coat would weight my arms down which would do no good when holding a boom pole.

The most sound fucking logic you've ever heard right?  

So after the two hours I was feeling so sick that I couldn't breathe. I usually feel sick in that way when I'm in a stuffy place and the air isn't all that fresh but I was outside. I don't think I've felt that cold in a very long time. The wind and the cold rain made for a deadly combination as the camera man remarked the other day that I looked like death at the time. Back then I didn't really believe him but thinking back on it I do now. But we did good and headed home after the wind got too bad to continue. It died down a few times and allowed some half decent recordings at least. I immediately began to feel better after we started walking which should serve me well next time I'm in the cold as I should keep moving rather than facing my back to the wind and curling up. On the train home I could barely keep my fingers still to choose a song to listen to. Luckily the good ol' Game Theorist's and Felix could amuse me for a bit of the journey back. I won't be complaining about my cold flat anytime soon let me tell you that.

I was glad to find out that all the recordings came through which meant I had used the equipment properly. The next day we came in at 9 to start the hospital scenes which went amazingly well despite the production designer being an hour late which meant we were slow to start. We got all the shots done and managed to finish early. Though we did get partially shouted at for filming in a supposed 'working corridor' even though there were barely that many people going by and we had permission. 

Still the day went well and I was happy. The producer did ask me if I was feeling bad over what the editor had done. I didn't lie but I certainly didn't want to cause any drama as that would be too much at such a crucial time in the production such as this. But all the complex relations in my class are getting to be just like secondary school where you would go in thinking some people were cool with each other then the next day one hates the other for X reason. It's exhausting. Still I try to be fine with it as I don't like people in my class for just as varied reasons as everyone else. Though they don't change nearly as often as the others do. 

But that's all in their classes. I'm kind of split from them as they are doing a team writing for TV class whereas I'm working in a studio class downstairs akin to what they do on SNL. I'm enjoying that class so there's that.

Uni isn't actually all that bad now. It's not great at home though. I still think about my sister too much sometimes. I know she's getting better but I just hate that she's even in hospital at all. She was doing so well and it all just suddenly changed again. My older sister has surmised that she just might be like this and there's no way to really fix the situation. I hope that's not true as I fear even more of our good past memories will be tainted and I will become estranged from her. It's a stupid fear I know, but it's a real one I've had for a number of years now. Maybe even since the first day she showed me those marks.

My diet isn't improving. I don't eat at regular times. This week I've had a form of take out food four times. Two pizzas, chips with mayo and mcdonalds. It's disgusting. I haven't gone for a run in at least a month after I said I would start doing it again. I just excuse my self with not having enough time constantly even though I didn't used to. There were times where I would go on runs everyday no matter what. Even at 2.40 a.m I remember one night. I have such plain food so often. Just pasta with cheese or rice and some lettuce. Or the somewhat not plain food like french toast has become plain when which it was not. I promised myself I would but things like meat and be bothered to make real meals not make pasta at 10 p.m as I did tonight. But I just fear wasting food. At least on this 'diet' I don't waste food all that much which means less wasted money.

I don't even worry about money that much. It really doesn't bother me if I have a lot or a little. As long as I have enough to keep renting this flat, going to the cinema and buying food, I'm content. I just worry about getting stuck. I don't want to stay at Dominos for any longer than I have to. I wanted a job at the cinema but I didn't get it as others with more relevant experience applied which I can certainly understand. If I end up in a tiny ceilinged flat with the same job in five years I'll know for sure just what misery is. I can't stand flats or houses with low ceilings. They're like rabbit hutches I remarked when I looked at flats for the first time before I found the place I'm living now. I guess it's only because I've lived in high ceilinged places my entire life.

I've noticed how noisy this place is as well. The neighbour snores. The walls are too thick for wifi but not for noise it seems. His laugh sometimes sounds maniacal and jumpscares me out of nowhere. People come in and out all the time to see the landlord and sometimes the one who helps him out the most leaves at 1 a.m. and keeps me awake. Sometimes I get so irritated by any tiny noise that I wish I was back at home in the middle of nowhere where there was barely a sound at night and the world is peaceful. It's actually gotten to the point where my childhood home doesn't feel like home anymore and it saddens me immensely. I love that old house so much. I miss walking the dogs at night and staring up at the cloudless sky and seeing all the stars imaginable. 

It's actually been two years since our dog Inka passed away. I saw her last last February when I visited with my then flatmates. I was at uni so I didn't see her decline but I was told she wasn't doing well and I could see it in her when I saw her. She was an old dog. Still I talked to her the night before I left and I still miss her even now. Sometimes I think she'll come bounding up to see me whenever I go home. Just for a split second. I remember the words I said at her grave between the crab-apple and plum tree. God I miss having a pet nearby. We've got two cats at home and even though I'm not the biggest fan of cats I still miss the feeling of Kenko sleeping at the end of my bed and her coming over to bother me into patting her. 

Though speaking of those two former flatmates. I forgot one of their birthdays. It passed by a week and a bit ago and I had no idea until yesterday. Before now per the agreement of separate lives I limited my well wishes to that of a simple Facebook message and nothing more. I doubt he even noticed that I didn't say anything but he'll be 20 now I suppose. He seems in good spirits when I saw him the other day. 

I talked of the whole incident again on Friday. I didn't feel good or bad about it. A friend explained it to another friend as apparently there was still one person in the entire collective who still had no idea about what happened. One of them called the recent birthday boy self important. I could somewhat agree that that after seeing how he walks with such a confident swagger. Though I still can't fully hate either of them. They tried their best and my constant barrage simply exhausted them. That was all. 

I did talk to the friend who explained everything about life in secondary school. She opened up to me about some pretty intense bullying and I just realised how different I had become in ten years. Before I wouldn't speak for days on end. I am now not only confident enough to speak to people but likeable enough for others to comfortably confide in. How times change eh? 

I admitted I wrote fanfiction about Darkiplier to her. I use the word admitted to its fullest meaning as I felt to strange revealing such an online thing into the real world. I had a somewhat similar feeling with revealing I made let's plays but not to this extent. She's a fan of Mark as well and knew of his more budget based forays so it's not like I had to explain anything. But still it was so gross I would say. I felt like an obsessive even though what I write isn't really all that bad. You might say I'm trying too hard comparatively which I can agree with. But I don't know. I still didn't go into too much detail for fear of just looking weird. I even mumbled 'Darkiplier' when she asked what character I wrote about as I felt that weird about it. 

What was the point of this again? Ah yes, I suppose I'm becoming suspicious of my really happy times in the future now as it has a habit of crumbling away in due time. Perhaps we can at least hope this won't drag on for much longer so I can promptly forget this kind of lowliness for a while.   

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KathrynPattison
Kathryn Pattison
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United Kingdom
Hi I'm Kathryn!

I can barely draw so I pretend I can write! :D

I've also started a gaming channel like everybody else. But you can find it here if you're interested~

www.youtube.com/c/MissBluePlay…
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PVPPERFECTION1 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2018  Student General Artist
Ummm... as it turns out, your fanfics are drugs, and I have started having withdraws. Help me I'm dieing over here.
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:iconkathrynpattison:
KathrynPattison Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha don't worry your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer is working away to supply some more soon! >:3
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:iconxolixia:
Xolixia Featured By Owner May 16, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for favoriting "Where are they?" Hug 
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:iconkathrynpattison:
KathrynPattison Featured By Owner May 16, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
No promblemo! :D
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:icond-structive:
D-structive Featured By Owner May 7, 2018
Thanks for watch n' favs!
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:icondivadonaadance:
DivadonaaDance Featured By Owner May 1, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for adding my art to your collection! I appreciate it! :D
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:iconkathrynpattison:
KathrynPattison Featured By Owner May 1, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
No problemo! It's an amazing piece ^w^
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:iconleothefox:
leothefox Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2018   General Artist
Wave Thank you for faving

Sailors of Saturn by leothefox  
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:iconkathrynpattison:
KathrynPattison Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
You're most welcome! It's a stunningly colourful piece :D <3
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:iconleothefox:
leothefox Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2018   General Artist
:juggle: revamp 
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