tracing back the steps of my youth cycling along what was the old tram route and now is a park into the city I grew up in the coffee shop we used to hang out in to pass the time till school was officially over the tree we met at and climbed the stream we lay down next to the street corner we were busted on by cops so long ago and though I arrive in the present at some point - visiting an exhibition, spending too much time in the museum's shop, buying postcards, looking at books - I feel I'm walking with a ghost today
there is so much to remind me here and although I have never really liked this town I get all melancholic and take a little detour to once again see the deserted swimming pool in winter and to my absolute surprise there is an open door! ! but apart from that everything is just like it used to be way back when we weren't ghosts but alive & kicking
But back then you apparently had your "escape", and escapes are always cool and fun and exciting. And now, providing that what you wrote is autobiographical, you feel like a ghost, or at least you felt like that at the time you wrote it. Then what is it you're missing - something to escape from? I'm personally very happy to live RIGHT NOW and not BACK THEN. The only fun I can remember from those days was getting totally WASTED, which I got quite skilled at at an early age. What does make a difference I think is that at some point I decided to leave my old environment, and did so. And I have to say that having to re-visit it, which I tend to successfully avoid in recent years, has an utterly depressing effect on me which lasts for days. Where I live right now there are no memories. And nothing beats an "amnesic" environment!
amnesic environment - i like that! as a title i mean. i'm not sure there is such thing, actually. your brain follows you everywhere. i don't know if i was/am missing something. my writings are just feelings flowing to the outside, making room for new ones. the walking with a ghost refers more to the feeling of memories becoming present in a very concrete way. of course this has to do with environment but can also happen in completely unrelated places.
It all feels so familiar. . . Going back to places where you used to spend so much time many years ago, and, irrationally expecting to see familiar faces. . .
Guess what, Kat? One of my upcoming little photo projects is to photograph the house in Baltimore where I grew up. I can't decide whether to just stand in front of the house and shoot it, or to knock on the door and tell the people who live there what I'm doing, and why. What do you think? What would you do?
How long ago did you write this poem? I really like it!
I wrote it two or three years ago. It's a consequence of growing old(er), I think, the wish to relive some aspects of your past. I also visited the house I grew up in during the first half of my childhood. It was one of a row of apartment blocks with a little playground in the area between them. In my memory there was a huge sculpture of two bears playing. When I stood before it I was amazed at how small it actually is
I think I would decide on knocking on the door after having seen what they made of the house and garden. It is probably a disappointment and you won't find anything you can relate to. But maybe you'll see someone and can start a conversation.
Well, I find your experience very interesting. Yes, especially with a neighborhood from childhood, everything looks smaller as an adult. I remember a hill where I had to build up my courage to ride my bike down it, because it was the biggest hill I had seen (at age 7) looks so tiny now. My old neighborhood isn't as nice ass it was when I was a child, so I think I will photograph the house without knocking on hte door. But if someone comes out of the house, then I'll tell them who I am and why I'm there.