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    First Rhyme
I speak only truth
But in the times of my youth
I feel only that the proof
Is undeniably hidden from the sleuths
Who search my past lifetimes of uncouth

Sometimes I feel frustrated
With these feelings of mine remaining so complicated
To this day, I wonder who sits afflicted by such hatred
That each day is spent in heavy thwarted determination
Waiting to catch me red-handed

I require only one thing from you bloodthirsty hounds
Leave my life unbound
So that I may still help the drowned
Find what they have lost that may only be called renown
So that they may rebound
Only then will I
willingly lay to rest uncrowned

Until that day
I must lead you astray
So it is with great dismay
That I must say today
… You are not going to be faraway
Nor will you even be halfway
But right in my sauté
My first ever filet
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This is my first time writing a rhyming poem, believe it or not. It was . . . interesting.

I'm guessing the quality is terrible, so this is being submitted to my non-impressive Musing series, vs. my new AmUsing series. I'll let you decide if I should change folders later on.

PLEASE... Advice on rhyming poems is more then welcome, as I've not written one before . . . be as harsh as the situation calls for. I know one side of this world, now let me explore the other . . .

sto67 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
rhyming is good fun in that it forces you to pick your brain for words.
i love writing rhyme but i am not very good at it and it is very restrictive in most cases, so i tend to avoid it.
here are a few pointers

1. endrhyme is only ONE type of rhyme, explore the other types and subtypes of rhyme =) (ie halfrhyme, slant rhyme, internal rhyme, feminine rhyme etc)
2. NEVER compromise syntax with rhyme scheme. rhyme should complement the poem and not define it. if you wouldn't say a line in normal speech then it doesn't belong in the poem.
3. like every other poetic device, overuse and abuse will weaken the technique
4. also like every other poetic device, sometimes it works wonders when it is used subtly and at others it works best when it is most obvious

specifically in this poem, you should not endrhyme 5 lines together using the same rhyme, it gets tedious to read. but i think you did that as an exercise for yourself so it should be good practice for you.

keep it up =]
Kalen-Bloodstone Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. I'll take a look at those . . .
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Submitted on
September 30, 2011
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