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Collectively they were dubbed "The Intoxi". Everyone thought it was just short for "intoxicated", as if some internationally organized internet conspiracy had caused them all to pour out into the streets on cue that day, drunk out of their minds. Hell, I thought I had missed out on something, and after seeing the news, even I popped open a bottle of Bud I had in the fridge and roamed the streets for a bit with everyone else. It seemed like the thing to do, and I didn't want to be left out when I'd clearly missed the memo. It had seemed meticulously planned at the time, especially with all those people in all those countries. As I walked the streets that day, sipping my beer in clear defiance of US law, I nodded to my fellow wanderers, waved to some, said hi to others. However, the ones I waved to merely looked at me and frowned even though some of them waved back. The ones who waved back did so with clear trepidation, and they all stopped mid wave to me and became intensely interested by the hand that did the waving. Those ones always wandered off again, frowning, and examining their hands with their eyes as if a laser scanner was going to shoot from them and imprint the data of the shape, feel, and texture of their appendages straight to their brain.

Pretty much all of them looked capable of shooting lasers from their eyes. Yeah, I really missed the memo here.

On the other hand, no pun intended, the three or four whose attention I'd gotten had actually joyfully run up to me and began to shake my hand vigorously, nearly spilling my beer with the motion. They all looked normal enough, but none of them spoke English as they ranted and grinned at me. At least not any English I could understand. I did the whole 'smile and nod' thing and they moved on as quickly as they had run up to me.

There were some that pranced down the street, all joy and happiness, and others, like the laser hand people, who merely stared dazed about themselves, clutching at their heads or their hands or touching things they ran across as if in random fascination- or confusion.

Eventually I got bored after a few hours of this weirdness and went back inside. It was no fun when you weren't in on it, whatever it was. It was a good thing, too, that I'd gone back to my apartment- the news was telling everyone to stay indoors in the midst of all the confusion. Whatever. I'd had my fun.

My unfinished beer had gotten warm. I dumped the last of it down the kitchen sink, threw the bottle in the overflowing glass bin, and pulled a cold one from the fridge before planting myself squarely on the couch to see just how the media was taking in this prank that was clearly epic in proportions. That was when they gave them their name- The Intoxi- and thusly the Intoxi were the center-stage for every news channel on tv. To be honest, I laughed when I first heard it. Were they serious? The "Intoxi"? Ok, sure, I thought they were drunk, too, but even I could've come up with a better name for this than that.

As the hours pressed on, I drank more beer, finished a bag of chips, and pretty soon I was feeling smashed and crazy myself. I don't remember what time it was when I passed out on the couch, but after I woke up and sloshed down some water for the bad case of dry mouth courtesy of all the beer the day before, it seemed this 'prank' had taken a dire turn. They didn't know how, but apparently the Intoxi began to take to the streets after what had been considered a successful run of the Large Hadron Collider particle accelerator stuck somewhere between France and Switzerland. The results of the renewed test, according to the news, hadn't been announced yet, but as soon as a large chunk of the world's population began swarming the streets acting strangely, those in the know began to wonder. Really what they wondered was who had hacked CERN and let the information about the test leak onto the internet for such a thing to be organized, but as day two dragged on they discovered no breaches in protocol and everyone was left scratching their heads.

By day three it became clear that the Intoxi were becoming more organized. Those who had been staring at their hands and the sky and trees and houses in wonder and fearful amazement/confusion were suddenly waking up and grouping together with those that had been more lively- like the few who happily shook my hand- and there was a reported surge in airline tickets being booked. So much so that airlines around the world were suddenly sold out in excess of six months for every day in a row, day and night.

The Intoxi were in transit. To where, no one could say. The airlines reported mass flight figures to everywhere from China to Egypt to even North America. No one stopped them- their money was as good as anyone's. They were going everywhere, without rhyme or reason. If this was a prank, it was a pretty expensive one. The news, on the other hand, had long since abandoned the notion that it had all been planned. They were clamoring at CERN now for answers. Maybe they really had been hacked. If so, what were their results that would cause this many people to travel so? Should the rest of us be traveling? They weren't really going anywhere specific, though- the destinations were as varied as their points of origin. CERN declined to comment.

By day four there was a press conference. Apparently so many people had gone off as Intoxi that their loved ones could do nothing to stop them. Thinking it was a virus or some plague that made them unresponsive, people were calling everyone from the police to 911 to even the military for help but there was nothing anyone could do. Most of them were adults- they could go where they wanted and they weren't bothering anyone. The children that wandered off seemed to do so, and wander far, on the very first day. Only those who had apparently been grounded in some capacity were able to be kept from leaving. Even a few babies had been reported as grasping at strange nothings about them and shaping vowels and sounds that their distraught parents had never heard before in their lives.

The conspiracy theorists were in full swing- they claimed aliens! Especially if it concerned CERN and the Hadron collider. To them, that thing was the Star Gate, and if we weren't careful, Ra was going to fly through it on his pyramid shaped spaceship- half naked boy servants and all. At the press conference, CERN had gone out of their way to emphasize that nothing had come out of the collider and that they weren't holding any aliens or supernatural beings hostage. What had happened, though, was an unusual flash, they said. Recordings showed a strange light folding in on itself and a microsecond of time dilation before the actual micro black hole finally formed to give them their most successful test yet. What the light was they had no idea, and they had even discounted it until the Intoxi appeared. Regardless, they insisted that the mass migration of people had nothing to do with them- it was a coincidence- but since they were being pressed on all sides by the media to inform the public, they were hereby fulfilling their universal obligation to do so. With that, the representative stepped down from the podium, no questions, and the television blew up all over again with the advent of fresh news.

I was sick of staying inside for the past couple of days and decided to screw the news anchors and go to the grocery store. The streets were empty save for a few cars. No one was out walking. Fine for me- it gave me a free avenue as I rode my bike a couple of blocks to the store. Oddly enough the shelves weren't that empty. Apparently the neighborhood had been home to quite a few Intoxi that had already left town, and not even the remaining population could manage to empty every grocery store they ran across in panic.

I picked up a few more bags of potato chips, some frozen peas, and a couple of other random things that managed to catch my interest. The store wasn't huge- it was a locally owned joint- but the selection was still pretty good and gave the big chains a run for their money. The owner was always out wandering the aisles talking to customers perusing his products, making real suggestions, but today he was nowhere to be seen. As I pushed my basket onto the checkout belt I gave a brief smile to the bored looking teenager running the register.

"Slow day today?" I asked. She laughed.

"Ever since those Intoxi ran off to god knows where."

She didn't bother with the button and pulled my basket across the belt and began scanning my items.

"So...where's old mister Williams? Don't tell me he's listening to those talking heads on the tv telling people not to go out," I said with a grin.

"His wife came by two days ago. Said he'd walked out the door with the rest of them and there was nothing she could do to stop him. He just kept walking. Down the street….." she paused mid item scan and stared down at my bag of peas. "He didn't even recognize her, she said."

She came to and started scanning the rest of my items. I frowned slightly. "Well, they don't seem to be hijacking any of the planes they're all flying on. I'm sure they'll all come back once this prank blows over."

She shrugged. "I guess. I don't understand any of it. It's beyond me. Just one less person to bother with here for the same amount of money."

"Yes, it's a miracle the market's not been affected," I added. She shrugged again.

"The way I see it," she continued, "is that if this really is some internet prank, they've really gone overboard this time. I mean, hacking Scientology, sure. Trolling the anti filesharing guys, fine. But this….I've looked everywhere. I've not seen one word of anything like this being planned. There doesn't seem to be a point to any of it. Just a waste of cash."

I arched a brow and smiled slightly. For someone claiming to not understand any of it, she seemed to grasp the situation pretty good. She had put my items in two plastic bags and handed them to me with a smile. "Thanks," I said.

"No problem. Be careful out there," she replied.

"Yeah," and with that, I walked out the automatic doors and back to my bike.

Day five consisted of something I don't think anyone was expecting. Governments around the world, in Thebes, Rome, Istanbul, London, Rennes, Mosul, Anyang- the list goes on- were reporting large masses of Intoxi gathering in their ancient capitols, and they were weeping. Yes, weeping. In huddled masses. Some of them crying and clutching each other- complete strangers, of all races and all ethnic backgrounds. None of it made sense. Were they mourning over the ruins they had gathered at? Conspiracy theorists were talking again. CERN was unavailable for comment. I was left enthralled sitting on my couch, popping chips, and watching as helicopters flew over these hordes as they stood there, sat there- laid there?- and simply wept.

Day six drew more surprises. During the night the Intoxi clans, as they were now being called, were beginning to organize. They were cutting down trees, even quarrying rocks and minerals, digging up dirt and sand. They were building something. But what? The news said it was too early to tell, and from my couch I could agree with that. CERN still wasn't talking, but according to the news once again, an 'insider' was said to have reported that their bosses were looking grim...very grim. I laughed slightly to myself when I heard. So something really did happen at that giant doughnut, I thought. Well, it was only a matter of time until the press won out and they'll have to talk again. I made myself another cup of coffee and prepared to stay up and watch the larger groups of Intoxi they had their helicopters on continue to build.

At some point I fell asleep with the TV on. I mean, that must've been it, because I dreamed. I dreamed something incredible and nightmarish and insane and fantastic that it was too much to even comprehend and put into words. In my dream I walked through rough stone buildings, surrounded on all sides by forest. Men wore cloaks of green and white embroidered with golden thread. They pulled back their hoods, they shook my hands, they smiled and welcomed me back. Back? Outside of a roughcut window I saw ancient arches arranged in a circle. It wasn't complete yet- they had fashioned wooden levers bound with rope and twine, and together with an ingeniously simple pulley contraption tugged on by dozens of men, hoisted the stones above their heads and onto the columns they had already erected.

"When it is finished," a voice in my ear said, "It will be the invyen of æfre lond."

I turned my head to look at the strange voice. 'Invyen'? Don't they mean 'envy'? And isn't 'æfre lond' just 'every land'? How did I even know this? Apparently I had thought every one of my questions out loud, and the blond haired man who had spoken to me merely smiled wider and pointed back at the construction project out the window. But, I was being pulled away and the scene shifted. I was standing between two columns out of a row of columns and in awe of all the green and magnificent colors before me when I knew I was now in the middle of so much sand and barren land. The vines tumbled foot upon foot to the floor and workers tended to this incredible garden and replenished the running water that was so vital for things so delicate to survive in a desert. I gripped my spear tightly as I saw a bearded man in intricately layered purple robes, jewels dripping from the fabric and gently trailing the ground he trod on as he walked through the plantlife. His mouth moved, but I couldn't hear him over the rush of so much running water- I realized suddenly I had never seen so much water in my life. But hadn't I been to the beach plenty of times before? The man below seemed dissatisfied with the scene and snapped orders to other men who were walking with him. They then began dispatching orders themselves, and more blooming plants were rushed into the area, and the man in purple nodded.

"Hey you! Return to your post!"

My head jerked to the left to look for the source of the voice, and at the end of the row of columns I found a very angry looking guard staring directly at me and motioning for me to get against the wall.

"Rrawayah! Have you been drinking?" he shouted again as he stared aghast at a bottle in place of where I was allegedly supposed to be.

"Oloa! It is only water!" I cried as I shuffled back towards the wall. I picked up the flask and held it out to the distant guard. "Come and see!" I said, but he only scowled, his lip curled, and looked me over twice threateningly before going back into the building. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding and put down the flask. I gripped my spear with both hands….when did I get a spear?

How did I even get to this place? Wasn't I in a forest before?

Suddenly the scenery around me began to melt, literally, and the blond haired man from the stone building was at my side again, the forest pulling at me more than the desert scene, and he took me by the hand. I squeezed it and looked at him, utterly confused. "What is going on here? Why am I wretched from one place to the next in such a fashion as this!" I shouted, the words coming from my mouth but not sounding like me at all. This was insane. "How did I come to be this way? How did I go from wet places to dry places to a place both dry and wet with a talking wooden box? What in the hell is going on here?" I raised my free hand to my face and stared at nothing through the spaces of my fingers until I pulled my hand away from my face and stared transfixed at the back of my hand. The flesh clung to muscle which clung to bone which grew out of marrow- it was remarkable! How come nobody had told me just how remarkable it all was? How come no one had said a single word?

I ripped my eyes away from the miracle and stared into the eyes of the blond haired man. The man smiled sadly at me and squeezed my hand as if in encouragement. I mirrored his expression as best I could, emotions seemingly lost to me for a moment. "Something happened at the particle accelerator, didn't it...something happened at that giant doughnut."

The man's smile brightened somewhat, the corners of his mouth twitching ever so slightly higher up than they were before. He looked at me steadily, and said kindly, "Tell me...who do you think you are?"

I frowned. Was he trying to be funny? No, there was no malice in his voice. Who I am- what about who he is! Just as I was about to open my mouth and reply, something hard and invisible hit the length of my body full on, and suddenly my eyes were open. I was staring into a face full of grungy carpet. My carpet.

I propped myself up on my hands and stared at the floor in mild shock. I must've fallen off the couch, I thought rather simply, and it woke me up. I was panting, and feeling at the fibers of the carpet I found them to be wet. Sweat was dripping off my face. The lights were off. The sun was setting. There was nothing on the TV but static. I rose to my feet and dusted the chip crumbs off of my chest and pants. I frowned, staring at the snowy television set, frowned at the grungy couch I'd fallen asleep on, frowned at the collection of coffee cups that has accumulated on my living room table. I looked up, and for an instant I could see the blond haired man pass by my front window. He seemed to pause and glance at me before continuing on with a vague smile, eyes flickering back to look at mine. I frowned at that, too.

I walked to my front door and stood there, just staring at it. I stared at the white paint that clung to the metal like the flesh of my hand to its muscle. I looked to the right and saw the broom I'd left sitting propped next to the door from when I'd emptied the dust tray outside- too lazy to put it back into the closet. Slowly I lifted my hand and grasped the wooden handle, and with my right foot I snapped the head of the broom away, leaving only the stick itself, its end now pointed and splintered from the blow. My fingers moved mechanically to shift the cold metallic lock and opened the door to the dusky air. I stepped into the grass, jabbing the pointed end of my new stick into the ground, making a staff instead of a spear, and looked towards the darker end of the horizon, away from the setting sun. It was at that point I thought, "Time to go home, I guess." I think I said it aloud. Maybe it was only in my head. I'm not even certain either way. But east it was- oddly enough the same direction the one who looked like the blond haired man went. I took one step, and then another, and suddenly I was running. I'll need a boat, I thought, There are no more planes to take me over the ocean or across the English channel! I have to stop and begin to collect wood! And as I thought this, another thought came to me- You don't need those things. There is already a ship waiting. We're all here waiting for you, Cadeyrn.

Huh, I thought. So that's what my name has been. All this time...why did they never tell me?

"Don't blame them," a voice said behind me. "Time fumbled away so many, many peoples' lives."

I stopped and turned around. The blond haired man stood before me.

"Were you always here then?" I asked.

"No, I didn't return as you and the others returned. Your giant metal doughnut...it–," he said, grinning.

"...did things,' I know," I grinned back.

He ambled up to me and clasped me on the shoulder as he walked on. I stared after him, watching the darkness roll in, and, without looking back, I stepped forward.






>>Read this also at: www.fictionpress.com/s/2933250…
A story written for a portfolio. Most of the original readers thought it was scifi because they didn't know CERN actually DID exist and actually WAS generating tiny black holes on earth. I have no idea how 98% missed the memo on those rather dramatic generator tests, but their misinformation caused a lot of hubub over the piece when it was supposed to be 'realist fiction'. I still argued up and down that it was realist fiction...you just had to hold up the pages in mid air and turn it a liiiitle bit to the left.

Dear Readers: Was this piece coherent? Were any of the cultures visited too ambiguous or could you name them? Is the gender of the speaker apparent? Could you pick out the 'punch line' (for lack of a better term)? When this went through the class it was written for, I think only about three or four people out of about 25 seemed to understand what was going on so I'm quite eager to know what you think in order to see if this was too convoluted or not, haha. Thanks very much for reading!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-04-11
Hweol is a quirky and curious short story by ~kalamarizoo. ( Suggested by FlyingGuineaPig and Featured by ikazon )
:iconbrietta-a-m-f:
brietta-a-m-f Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Because I am that much of a geek, hands down my favorite part was the reference to the original Stargate film. However, I will gladly back you up if anyone continues to question the reality of CERN or the particle accelerators.

"Conversations in a Park" remains my favorite, but this one ranks way up there.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Hahaha, thank you! And yeah, I was shocked no one else in the class had heard about CERN. With all the "We're gonna die!" nonsense it stirred, they could have all been dead a few times over and never known what hit them. :dummy: :facepalm: :smoking:

I'm glad you enjoyed this one as well!!
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:iconbrietta-a-m-f:
brietta-a-m-f Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My dad was a science buff. (Science fiction buff, too, for that matter.) We talked for days about the particle accelerators and the possibile consequences of opening black holes on earth. Although we never flowed with the fatalistic crowd. We thought it was neat.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
That's really cool! I personally thought, when I first heard about it, that it would probably be like poking a hornets nest with a baby, but so far so good lolz. The class this was written for was a realist fiction writing class (to satisfy writing-intensive requirements), so most everyone accused me of the piece NOT being realist fiction- all because they thought CERN wasn't real. When they were shocked to discover it was, they then used the rest of the story as an excuse to say it wasn't 'realist', but I certainly tried to spin it like it was because it's just what came out when I sat down to write so tough shit, haha. Thankfully the teacher was flexible. :B
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:iconbrietta-a-m-f:
brietta-a-m-f Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
How is it not 'realist'? It could certainly be classified "sci-fi" because of the science aspects, but isn't 'realist fiction' essentially plots based off plausible events? Messing with some of the most basic building blocks of matter can certainly have unexpected results, and it has done so in the past. Perhaps my mind is simply more open to the possibilities of the universe than your classmates.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Haha! Well, too, and they were pissed because it was so long. I didn't know there had been a page limit. Ah well. It was so long ago that it doesn't matter now, haha. Just a funny story.
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:iconbrietta-a-m-f:
brietta-a-m-f Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol. Some people will never be pleased. All we can do is move on!
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:icondoodelay:
Doodelay Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Student Writer
It was amazing!

It kept my interest the ENTIRE time. Nothing was boring about it. Midway through I said to myself "That would be awesome if he becomes an intoxi at some point" and he DID!

The only real reason I think it was a boy was because of the beer.

Yes the scenes were coherent. You did a superb job and I'm extremely interested.
Man, this was one of those rare stories on DA that sets itself so far ahead of the pack.
If you dont believe me, check my "Favorites" gallery and click "literature"

I have read many stories and poems on DA and this by far is the most intriguing chapter story that I've ever read.

The only other story that is on par with yours is a one off titled "Unmarked" which also received a DD

Great story. I'm sure you'll sell a lot of copies if this type level of curiosity is utilized throughout the story.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012   Writer
Thanks so much for your kind comments!! I'm extremely flattered that you thought it was that fascinating. I'll be sure to check out the other piece you mentioned to see how it stands up against mine. ;) Thanks again, and take care!! :D
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:icondoodelay:
Doodelay Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Student Writer
oh good, tell me how u like it after u finish reading it :XD:
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012   Writer
Hahaha oh wow. Yeah, I'm familiar with the point of view that author was working from and actually Hweol ended up being an attempt to take that kind of abstract point of view and make it a little more understandable by the end of it. I'm not sure if I'm a fan of the story itself as it doesn't really have much of a point other than "they died" and I always feel those types of stories are kind of useless. I tend to like my pieces suggesting some kind of concept in the end, or at least narrate in a way that elicits some overwhelming target feeling. That story was interesting as a sort of neo-macabre abstraction but it was lacking depth I think.

Anyway, that's probably more than you wanted to hear about. xD Thanks for pointing that piece in my direction anyway. ;)
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:icondoodelay:
Doodelay Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Student Writer
no it wasn't at all too long lol
things always take far longer to write than to read so it was fine xD

I read that story quite awhile ago when I was even more of an amateur than I am today so maybe I praised it more than what it deserves.

Either way, yours is brilliant.
Good luck ^^
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner May 2, 2012   Writer
Not at all! You don't have to be a pro at something to enjoy it. I'm just horribly picky with what a I read, haha. Thanks a ton, and good luck to you! :D
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:iconshakrain:
shakrain Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
This gave me goosebumps at the end.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012   Writer
Yay!! I always love that effect! ;D
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:iconshakrain:
shakrain Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
Me too! And I love the way you draw parallels between the LHC and Stonehenge; what is it with us and giant rings?
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012   Writer
Aha! You see, this is why I love hearing everyone's thoughts- I didn't really notice that. This piece really did write itself, so I love reading the things people have picked up on! Brilliantly spotted!
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:icontaihus:
Taihus Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Aaaugh, I feel as if I have an idea about what happened right at the edge of my mind, but it continues to elude me. Reading the comments about cultures and languages has helped some, but...

Gah.

Wait, if people are returning to where they came from, what about those of mixed descent?
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012   Writer
Ahhh, it isn't about physical blood. Move away from genetics, as those are just a byproduct of existence as far as the universe of this story is concerned. ;) What of the things our main character sees? What *did* he see? ;)
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:icontaihus:
Taihus Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think I'll have to let this one digest for a while, come back later.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012   Writer
;)
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:iconvespertillion:
Vespertillion Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very nice piece! Unfortunately, I am unable to think of any deep, thought-provoking questions like in other comments I've read, so I'll answer one of yours. The gender of the speaker was a little hard for me to pick out, but I got the impression that he's male.
I really like it, though. The concept is great. Is there a continuation of it?
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Thanks so much for commenting!! Any thoughts at all are welcome. ;)

He is indeed a he. Although when I first sat down to write it, I had no idea where I was going with anything and it wasn't until a little further along that he became concretely male, but even then it seems to still be a little ambiguous. Thanks so much for letting me know what you thought, though- in my head I've got a small statistics tally going on and these kinds of things will be a great help in the future.

Currently there is no continuation of it. If anything, I would extend the story backwards and not forwards. While I've considered in the past extending and elaborating on it, I've also felt that it might detract from some of the things that have become concentrated in this piece and that have made it what it is. So, currently, there is no sequel, but perhaps one day there could be a prequel, and that prequel could fall anywhere in time prior to the events here.

Thanks so much again for your thoughts, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D
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:iconcluisanna:
Cluisanna Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012
I found the shift from "ok, a different kind of zombie acapolypse" to " suddenly I am a part of this and it all makes sense to me" (except not really to me, the reader) a little jarring. Also... I don't think the ending is thaat closing. I am really unsure what happened. (Something like Babel, but turned around? But why were people flying all over the world and not to the same place? Why where they weeping? Is the blonde guy supposed to be Jesus? But Jesus is brown?)

So... great story in the beginning, slightly abrupt and unexplained change and ending.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Thanks so much for your comments! I could spill the entire rosetta stone to the story (and there is one), but I'm not sure if that ruins the mystique or not, haha. But you're right, it starts out as something disconnected, but the idea is that the main character suddenly has his own experience with the side effects of whatever happened at the hadron collider and understands why and where the people are going- in this case, they're going back to the place they once were. In his case, he's returning to england. The blonde guy isn't jesus, haha- just another soul trapped in time like our main character. ;) Thanks a ton for your thoughts and comments!! I really appreciate it and hoped it wasn't too distracting for your to enjoy. :) Thanks again!
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:iconcluisanna:
Cluisanna Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012
No problem :)
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:iconxosoul:
xoSoul Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This was.... stunning. Entirely coherent (though I did have to do some research!), you've written one of the most interesting stories I've ever read. I really do love the detail and description you've put into it.

Just a question, but: The title, is it another play on words, like invyen and æfre lond? Or is it an actual word, in a different language?
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Thanks for commenting!! I'm so glad you enjoyed the piece, and that it was interesting enough for you to investigate! The title is in fact an actual word- all the words used in the piece are as authentic as I could get them. The title and the first encounter with the blonde haired man uses old english and I do believe the other is ancient sumerian (much harder for me to pinpoint the right words for me)- it's been about a year now since I wrote this piece so I'd have to revisit my notes to make sure, haha. I hoped, though, that the old english would be familiar enough to still be comprehensible in context. Was this the case for you or was it impossible to understand? Thanks so much again for your comments, thoughts, and interest- it really means a great deal. :)
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:iconxosoul:
xoSoul Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I figured the two used in the story were actual words, and I think I've heard that 'Hweol' means 'Wheel'.
I understood the 'invyen' part, but, I wasn't too sure ^^; But it definitely wasn't impossible; if anything, it gave the story more beauty and depth :)
You're very welcome, I'm glad to be of help! :)
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
That is indeed the meaning of the title! 'invyen' has to do with a little envy. ;) I'm so glad, once more, that I was able to interest you with this. Thanks again, and please take care!
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:iconxosoul:
xoSoul Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wheel... Did you entitle it that because the 'Intoxi' traveled?

You're so welcome, I'm looking forward to more of your beautiful work!
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
That is in part why, but mostly because of their motivation for traveling and what that implied. Sorry, that's probably being cryptic all over again, haha, but the aspect of the wheel, I think, is most clearly shown at the very end of the piece as our main character begins to *move*.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I certainly hope I can live up to your expectations. :) Most of my new writing gets done in the summer, so please keep an eye out. :)
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:iconxosoul:
xoSoul Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No, No! It makes perfect sense! thank you for sharing and telling me!

I have no doubt in my heart that you will be able to soar over anything I would have ever thought imaginable!
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
You are undoubtedly too kind! I will do my best to live up to expectations. ;) Thanks so much again, and please take care!!
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:iconarwenjones:
Arwenjones Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Artist
The way you've made this seem completely real, through the real-world technology and civilizations used, but more importantly, through the reactions of the protagonist, is just amazing. I feel almost like this could really happen tomorrow, and that's how you know you've done an amazing job. Congrats!
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:iconarwenjones:
Arwenjones Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Artist
Gah, sorry for the repeat! My computer didn't look like it added the comment correctly, so...
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
It's no problem at all- I'm encouraged by your enthusiasm!! I'm so glad you enjoyed the piece. And yes, since the story was originally supposed to be written to the realist fiction genre, and due to my utter inability to completely do so, it ended up having the flare of sci-fi to it- completely out of my control really haha. But I think the mesh of the two might've helped to give it that feel that you mentioned, and I'm really glad you saw that. :) Thanks so much again for your thoughts and comments, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!
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:iconarwenjones:
Arwenjones Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Artist
The way you've made this seem completely real, through the real-world technology and civilizations used, but more importantly, through the reactions of the protagonist, is just amazing. I feel almost like this could really happen tomorrow, and that's how you know you've done an amazing job. Congrats!
Reply
:iconfalljoydelux:
Falljoydelux Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well worth staying up past my bedtime reading. Congrats, man :clap:
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Hope you weren't too sleepy in the morning. ;) Thanks again!
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:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Oh my. This is lovely. Detailed just enough to know the gist of everything (and a few details) but so many delicious questions for the reader to ponder. Wonderful, amazing job.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Thanks so much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!! These are the comments I love to hear, so thanks again for taking the time out to read it. :)
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:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012
You're welcome. :aww: It really is a lovely piece.
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:iconchiaraphobia:
chiaraphobia Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Student
what was going on??? was it related to the tower of babylon? it was really, really cool @u@
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Thank you!! Yes, there is babylon, but think less of towers and more about botany. ;) I'm so glad you thought it was cool, and thanks so much again for commenting! :D
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:iconnikitadarkstar:
NikitaDarkstar Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have to say I couldn't put my finger on the cultures visited and the dream sequence was a little bit difficult to follow, but it honestly didn't make me enjoy the story any less. The ending however has me a little bit confused. Can he communicated telepathically with the others now? Is the blond haired man supposed to symbolize something/someone? It feels like it, but I can't quite put my finger on it. (Is he supposed to just represent a father figure or a leader? Or possibly a return of gods and magic? OR some "real" reality different from our own?)

I did enjoy it quite a bit the last few lines did leave me with more questions than closure for the story, not necessarily in a bad way but some clarification would be great.

Also is the title supposed to have a deeper meaning? I looked it up, and the only meanings I can find for it is that it's an old word for "going around" and has a few things in common with the Scandinavian languages word for "wheel". The obvious connection is of course the LHC itself, but is there more to it? "What goes around comes around" and such from an historic point of view? (cycles starting over etc.) I could obviously be reading into it far, far, far to much but as I said, I ended up with questions and now I'm looking for answers. :) (Obviously meaning it was good. XD)
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Thank you SO much for your thoughts on this piece!! You've asked the best kinds of questions here! To start at the end (which is probably a little ironic, considering), the title is indeed old english for 'wheel', but all of the implications you've suggested for it are also correct. I had a very hard time finding a title for this story originally but somehow once I did find it, it fit more than perfectly, so very, very good spotting on your part! The ending, perhaps, can make more sense if you look at it in context with the title and then what goes on with his dreams/visions. The blonde haired man is simply just another soul lost in time. ;) Thanks for letting me know, though, that the cultures might've been a little ambiguous. I tried to pick more well-known icons but the piece became too subtle for me to shout it from the rooftops. Hopefully some of the things I've mentioned here might give a few more clues. There *is* something of a rosetta stone idea for this story, but it's no fun anymore if I say it. ;) Thanks SO much for your fantastic thoughts here! And like any good Who fan (love your picture!), you've done this piece very good justice by analyzing it carefully. Thanks again!!
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:iconcluisanna:
Cluisanna Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012
It's an anagram of "whole". I don't know if that's on purpose.
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:iconkalamarizoo:
kalamarizoo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
It isn't on purpose at all, but it is a FANTASTIC coincidence!!! I can't thank you enough for noticing that!! Thanks so much for commenting! :D
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:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Perhaps "wheel" is something like a cycle. From my understanding of the piece, it seems like the Intoxi were on the Earth before and returned in the story.

:shrug: Just a guess though.
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