Chapter 2 - Dr. Strange-Llama
Even from a young age, Kevin the llama had always wanted to be a morgue attendant. However that meant that in order to fulfill his life-long dream, he needed to go to med-school. So, armed with a desire to learn, a blood phobia, and an AK47, Kevin enrolled in the cheapest college he could find, Alistair Brown’s College for Air Conditioner Repair. It was a long, hard slog, but after 7 years as an undergrad, 13 years as a travelling salesman, 18 months as a medical cadaver, and 23.4 years in medical school, not accounting for the year off for good behavior, Kevin finally graduated. However, shortly after, Kevin received some terrible news. He had accidentally misread the qualifications for being a morgue attendant. All that was required was a GED, something he had achieved by the time he was 12, and as such was now woefully overqualified. Sadly, he would have to give up his lofty dreams and settle for something more realistic, like brain surgery.
It was with this soul crushing news that he started his residency at Joan Hopping Gave Us Money So We’ll Name a Hospital After Her, Despite Her Horrible Personality, Memorial. The internship program at Hops was murder, literally. Every couple of months the directors would pick off the weaker members to thin out the herd. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Over the course of his residency there were two bomb scares, a terrorist demanding emergency rectal surgery, a deranged gunman who had accidentally swallowed his weapon, an outbreak of necrotising placticitus that ate through the plastic surgery unit, an old man with a cold and an epidemic of dance fever, in which three orderlies contracted terminal rhythm loss. But despite all that craziness Kevin survived, and it was all thanks to his tireless work ethic, great liability cover, and his rocking dance moves. He was finally a surgeon, now all he needed was a brain…to work on.
On a typical day for Kevin Llamason, M.D., we find the good Doctor, in melodramatic conversation with the stereotypical hot nurse whose only purpose for being there is to look attractive, while all the other more able bodied nurses, both male, female and llama, did the fine job of caring for the sick.
Dr Kevin: Nurse, get me another patient. I’m done with this one. The tiny cluster brain tumors are gone. Just file this body under cured by medical miracle.
Nurse Cleo Shay: Well done sir. That’s the third one today. But unfortunately I have no brains, Doctor.
Dr Kevin: What? You must have more brains.
Nurse Cleo Shay: Really Doctor, I don’t. But there are other patients in the waiting room. Perhaps they have some brains for you to poke.
Dr Kevin: Fine. To the waiting room.
A short gurney ride away. The waiting room awaits.
Nurse Cleo Shay: How about this one. He’s been screaming hysterically for six hours. Nobody knows why.
Dr Kevin: Nope. Yellow Belly Fever. Page Ortho, he needs an emergency spine transplant.
Nurse Cleo Shay: This one has the sniffles, surely there is something you can do to help her.
Dr Kevin: I told you before, don’t call me Shirley. And I cannot. Tragically, she’s not going to make it.
Nurse Cleo Shay: But it’s just the sniffles. And she’s so young. And an orphan. And her puppy just died. What could possibly be wrong with her?
Dr Kevin: I have no idea, but use your brain. If it was just the sniffles, she wouldn’t be in a hospital. Next.
Nurse Cleo Shay: Well this man came in with a stubbed toe, but I don’t think–
Dr Kevin: Don’t think. Get me a gurney, stat! This man needs an emergency tracheotomy, stat!
Nurse Cleo Shay: But he’s breathing fine, are you sure?
Dr Kevin: This man is going to die if we don’t operate immediately. I’d stake my career on it. Now somebody get me a scalpel, stat!
So here it is, the long awaited chapter two. I hope you guys liked it. I was a little worried, but in the end I had a lot of fun writing it. It made me laugh, so that is something at least. And by now my surprise should pretty obvious, genre. When I was first considering writing the Kevin Chronicles, I was worried, because unlike the fav replies, I wouldn't have any random inspiration to work with from week to week, and then I had an idea. Why not pick a different genre each week and write one of Kevin's adventure using the tropes, stereotypes and themes from that genre to inspire me, so that is what I did. I have a whole bunch of them already, genres that is, with a fun title to go with them. So yeah, that's my big surprise.
Personally I didn't think I was going to be able to write more than one story per genre without it getting stale anyway, so I think this is probably the best approach. Now I am sure some people might be disappointed that these won't have any linear connection, and chances are none of the questions posed in the fav reply will ever get an answer, but if you are familiar with the radio show/soap opera format of those questions, I'm sure you realize that in most cases those questions are pretty meaningless anyway. So, that's about it for this week. As usual, please let me know what you think, about this or the proposed plan for the series moving forward, in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week.
Oh, and if you have any genres that you think might be worth a try, feel free to post those too. No promises on whether or when they might get used, but I am always open to ideas.
Chapter 1 - The Kevin Chronicles - 001
Chapter 3 - The Kevin Chronicles - 003
Chapter 4 - The Kevin Chronicles - 004
Chapter 5 - The Kevin Chronicles - 005
