The Kevin Chronicles - 001

Chapter 1: Origins of an Unlikely Llama...

Shortly upon arriving on Earth he was bitten by a radioactive gibbon, and from that day on he would be known as the llama with a bad rash on his left leg. While being treated for his injury, he was accidentally given a bad batch of blood belonging to a really pissed off green physicist, who clearly abused steroids. Disgusted with the service he was getting, the llama left, but before he could make it out of the car park, a passing truck accidentally dumped a vat of toxic waste all over him. Once the glowing subsided, he was given a clean bill of health, of which he had to pay within 24 hours. Faced with overwhelming debt, the young llama resorted to a life of crime.

Murder, larceny, armed robbery, horse rustling, the llama read about them all, but nothing really appealed to him. In the end he decided to go with what he knew. Jaywalking. And he was really good at it. 11^th Street, Madison Ave, Rodeo Drive, he crossed them all. Unfortunately, jaywalking wasn’t one of those crimes that proved lucrative, so he retired from crime and moved into tabloid journalism. More of a lateral move, really.

But from this new job came a sense of purpose and meaning. He was finally making a difference. No more would the private lives of famous people go unreported, nor would innocent and gullible housewives leave the grocery store without learning about the latest sighting of ghost Asian Elvis. When a UFO was sighted by a crack pot, gap-toothed hillbilly, he was there. When a sextuplet 3 headed horse-cow was born to a pair of conjoined mixed gender sheep, he was there. And when the Queen of England finally passes on the crown, he would be there too. Because he had a hidden camera, and he wasn’t afraid to lie in print.

So by day he was a relentless pain to the rich and famous, but by night he would harass a different type of scourge, that’s right, criminals. As it turned out, the combination of being from another planet, being bitten by a glowing gibbon, some mutated blood and being doused in radiation eventually caused him to develop super powers. With his astounding abilities to read the thoughts of small rodents; to clear a city sized square block with his heinous farts; to slow dance to dubstep; and the less astounding ability to sneeze with his eyes open, it wasn’t long before the criminals of the city started fearing his name. And from that day forth, that name was, the Amazingly Incredible, Somewhat Dark and Kind of Super, Kevin the Flying Green Alien Knight Llama.