The Kevin Chronicles - Chapter 1 (Revised)

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Literature Text

1-v2-Posted-20-02-16 by KaidokJ

Chapter One: Origins of an Unlikely Llama...

Far, far away, on a planet, many extra-lite years from here, a young llama like creature gruesomely murdered his parents in a dark alleyway, one night after a visit to the theatre. Opera just wasn’t his thing. For this heinous crime, he was forever banished to the butthole of the universe, and forced to slum it on a backwater blue planet called Earth. Also his home planet blew up, and everyone died.

Shortly upon arriving on Earth he was bitten by a radioactive gibbon, and from that day forth he would be known far and wide, as the llama with a bad rash on his left leg. While being treated for his injury, he was accidentally given a bad batch of green blood belonging to a shirtless roid-raging physicist. Disgusted with the service he was getting, the llama stormed out, but before he could even make it past the car park, a passing truck deliberately dumped a vat of toxic waste all over him, as a joke. When he finally awoke and the glowing eventually subsided, he was given a clean bill of health, of which he had 23 minutes to pay. Faced with crippling debt and an ever looming deadline, the young llama took to the streets and embraced a life of crime.

Murder, larceny, armed robbery, horse rustling, the llama read about them all, but nothing really appealed to him. In the end he decided to go with what he knew. Jaywalking. And he was really good at it. 11th Street, Madison Ave, Rodeo Drive, he crossed them all. Unfortunately, jaywalking wasn’t one of those crimes that proved lucrative, so he retired from crime and moved into tabloid journalism. More of a lateral move, really.

But with this new job came a sense of purpose and meaning. He was finally making a difference. No more would the private lives of famous people go unreported. Nor would sweet, gullible housewives suffer the indignity of leaving a grocery store without first learning about the latest sighting of ghost Asian Elvis. When that crack pot, gap-toothed hillbilly lost 3 weeks memory and all feeling in his left testicle, claiming alien abduction, he was there.  When that sextuplet 3 headed horse-cow was born to a pair of conjoined mixed gender sheep, he was there. And when that narcissistic, socialite, insta-fame queen went to the gym without makeup, he was there. Snapping pics and taking names. Because he had a hidden camera, and he wasn’t afraid to lie in print.

But this llama had a secret. By day he was a bad mouthed, hyper aggressive paparazzo, but by night he would harass a different brand of social pond scum. Once a hardened criminal himself, he was perfectly familiar with the seedy underbelly of the city’s criminal element. And as it turned out, the combination of being from another planet, being bitten by a glowing gibbon, some mutated blood and being doused in radiation, eventually caused him to develop extraordinary powers, the likes of which no man could match. With his astounding abilities to read the thoughts of small rodents; to clear a city sized square block with his heinous farts; to slow dance to dubstep; and the less practical but by no means less impressive ability to sneeze with his eyes open, it wasn’t long before the criminals of the city started fearing his name. And from that day forth, that name was, the Amazingly Incredible, Somewhat Dark and Kind of Super, Kevin the Flying Green Alien Knight Llama. 

So here is a revised version of chapter 1. For those who are familiar with TKC (The Kevin Chronicles) from my journal, you might notice some changes, but the content is essentially the same, just some polishing. For those that aren't familiar with TKC, this is the first chapter in an ongoing short chapter series about a llama named Kevin, but prefers to be addressed as Albert. I started writing about Kevin in my llama reply comments and after being asked repeatedly to write longer format, I decided to expand on Kevin's adventures.
I have been posting these chapters over the past month and half in the journal, but I felt that the limitations of the journal format made it difficult to share the stories with other deviants, hence the repost as literature deviations. I will continue to post, hopefully, the previously completed chapters over this week, and then posting the new chapter, 7, at the usually time on the weekend. Chapters usually get posted weekly.
So, I hope people enjoy it. If you've read it before, I hope you are happy with the changes, and to those who haven't, I hope you get a kick out of Kevin and his wacky tails.

P.S. To all those who favorited the journal entries, feel free to fav these as well, but don't feel obliged to. The fav reply message will be the same as the journal entry ones were.

The rest of the series can be found here.
© 2016 - 2021 KaidokJ
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MissRubyTuesday's avatar

my mother is laughing

RougueDraws's avatar

Dude, you have no idea how happy I am that you commented on my profile with that story- I'm hooked, I have to admit it XD now I have to read all of these, I'm now obligated

KaidokJ's avatar

That's great to hear. They are bit short and bit old now. I have plans to star Kevin in his very own comic series, at his insistence, but it still needs some work.

If you want something more recent, in a similar style, check out my inktober series. There is a continuing story attached to each picture. Sir Goober. Twice as enthusiastic, half as intelligent. :D

RougueDraws's avatar

Alrighty, I'll be sure to check them out! ^^

Ravenqueen2246's avatar

I just found this by accident and omg this is amazing. I can't wait to read the other chapters XD

NotSoCrazyTank's avatar

That is so stupid and clever at the same time, as despite being random, this has a cohesive plot. Gg

KaidokJ's avatar

Thanks. These stories are a bit of a prototype for my writing style and Kevin's stories in general. I plan on working them into a more cohesive series of stories in comic format. Need to finish Inktober first... ^^;

SkittleRocket's avatar

My gosh what an entertaining piece of literature - and just one chapter! I had many chuckles over the unfortunate events to occur during my read. I feel teeny bit bad since a lot of those things are relatable to some degree. Crippling debt for sure. Toxic waste purposefully being dumped on someone not so much. On the other hand the llama did start it...

But I thoroughly enjoyed reading the beginning of what I'm sure is going to be quite an adventure.

Thank you for bringing it to my attention. =)

dizzyspot's avatar
Haha. Had a good laugh :D
EPMIX's avatar
Best Hilarious Fanfic Yet Bro #1 
KaidokJ's avatar
Thanks. Not really fan fiction though. Kevin is an original character. The story is a parody of superhero tropes. Still, I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D
EPMIX's avatar

Anytime Bro

Heidi-Celestial's avatar
This is excellent! :D hilarious!! :giggle:

Also, I’d like to be honest here: I literally farted like two seconds before I read the line about the "heinous farts” ability. :blush: No lie! This must be fate! I was meant to read this! Thank you! :dummy:
KaidokJ's avatar
It was absolutely Serendipity at work. :nod:
Although I'd have some concerns if something like this happens when you read Chapter 4. ;)
And thanks. :D  
RainWolf-DarkRaven's avatar
Ghost Asian Elvis. XD I wheezed.
KaidokJ's avatar
He was really big in Macau. Both before and after he died. :nod:
TheObsidionKing's avatar

That was the most hilarious thing that I have read in a while. And the way you just casually dropped in the fact that his planet blew up and everybody died made me laugh so hard! This is great!

KaidokJ's avatar
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :D
Well, as far as Kevin was concerned, it was just a small detail, after all. :p 
SleepyDragonSketches's avatar

omg I laughed so hard i cried reading this. That is *pardon my french* Absolutely Fucking Amazing

KaidokJ's avatar
No need to apologize. French away, I say. Well, actually I've never said that before, but that shouldn't stop you. :nod:
And thanks. :D
Leanndra51's avatar
Okay, no offense in any way but this is not my kind of humor on a regular basis.  Cute here and there and catchy but it doesn't hold my interest.  Being almost 70 years old could be part of it.  :rofl:  You do have a very creative way of thinking and that is never a bad thing!  Some cute phrasing as well. 
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