I haven't really uploaded anything in quite some time (something I seem to mention in all of my journals, and I am sorry about that
), besides from that one poem, and I think my notifications are at an all time high. I think I'm gonna upload a whole bunch of stuff at once, just for the hell of it. I've studied creative media for a year and a half now and seeing as some of my pictures turn out really well, why haven't I put anything up here yet?
I honestly am pretty mediochre at drawing most of the time, I have a lot of more confidence in writing and, as it turns out, photography. Writing is creating just as much as drawing is, but writing is more like describing a drawing inside of your head, which I find to be a lot easier than getting a drawing out of your mind, through your arm, out to the tip of your fingers, through the pencil and out on a paper. Right now my drawings are more like writings, you can see what they are, but they are only there to be seen for what they are, rather than to look good. I envy all of you artists out there who were born with the ability to make masterpieces, or those of you who have worked really hard to achieve it, because I will most likely never join your ranks, as I simply do not have the dicipline or energy to improve my skills through hard work.
I envy you, and I respect you deeply.
Photography is more like writing than drawing, as you describe a part of the world from an angle, which might be why I feel better at it than drawing. You don't need to create the universe from scratch when you take a picture. I don't mean to make light of photographers, but to me painters are like gods, while I am a chronicler.
This is probably a redundant wall of text, but I love making redundant walls of text. If I could somehow make floors and ceilings of text, I'd have a literal mansion by now. A very redundant mansion...
But I am straying from what I really want to write, that is also a thing that contributes to redundancy. Redundancy doesn't even sound like a word anymore, does it? Re-dun-dan-cy... You're welcome.
<big>Anyway,</big> I'll try and upload a bunch of my chronicles of the world later, I'm just gonna go and have some dinner first. We'll see if I come through or not, because even though I have written twice in this thing already that I am going to upload the photos (make that three times), I tend to often go back on my word. A quality that is not admirable, and that I am not sure if it's entirely my own fault, or how the world has shaped me. It's not my way of the ninja.
My emotions have been a really wild ride the last few months for a bunch of reasons, including (but not limited to) the break-up of my three year long relationship with one of the best persons that I know (we are still friends) and my days vary between 'just above tolerable' to 'why was I ever born?' There are things that I need to take care of and sort out, but every single conflict feels like exposing my neck to a pack of starved wolves, even though that isn't even remotely close to being the case. I talked to a psychiatrist a couple of weeks ago, and found out for sure that I have depression, and also social phobia, which would explain why I'm feeling this way.(Here, I took a break for dinner, so now I can't blame forgetting about it anymore...)
I am probably blowing many of my problems out of proportion, but it can't be helped, I'm just wired this way. Thinking about a certain one makes it feel like a swarm of butterflies with razor sharp teeth, trying to gnaw their way out of my chest. It's not like it's anything new to me, but I don't remember it being this bad before. Hopefully, I'll be able to do something about them once I gather up enough guts to confront what is causing them. It terrifies me, though. I hate these kinds of things, and in the past I've usually just avoided them.
Anyway, yeah, I am probably this abstracted when I speak as well... Time to upload some photos, I guess...